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Dear Big Cat,

I dislike being bitten in the head more than you like being fed; kindly wrap your fuzzy feline brain around that before trying to pull that trick again. Thank you.

Your Food Source

Dear Big Cat,

I don't know what your new fascination with the piano keys is about, but please stop trying to bite them when I'm doing scales to rehab the hand/arm; sometimes you miss and get me...

Dear Big Cat,

I don't know whether it was you or the tall child Henri le chat noir was channeling, but he's clearly got one or both of you pegged.

The woman who feeds you

Dear Little Cat,

I DO NOT WANT YOUR BUTT THAT CLOSE TO MY FACE! MOVE!!

Thank you,

The woman who feeds you

Dear Little Cat,

You're not allowed on the counters and tables. I don't know why, suddenly, you seem to think you are, but you're not, not now, not ever.

Signed,

The woman who feeds you

Dear Little Cat,

Yours does stink, indeed, and very powerfully at that.

Not breathing,

The woman who feeds you (and is at the moment rethinking that, considering the results)

Dear Little Cat,

I don't know what you did while you were outside, but you stink! I wish you'd chosen to clean yourself somewhere other than my bed.

Also, if I'm on the toilet, I'm going to be...

Gerbils are great pets. They do best with some gerbil company, are fun as heck to watch (especially after their cage/habitat has been cleaned), will respond if you play with them/hand train them, and...

Dear Little Cat,

I really wish you'd stop presenting the southbound end of your northbound body when you jump up on the bed. That's not your best side; whoever might have told you so was wrong.
...

Dear Big Cat,

Thanks for getting off the loveseat before puking up a hairball; that was nice of you.

Appreciatively,

The woman who feeds you

Dear Little Cat,

The toilet does the.same.thing every time I flush it, I promise! You don't need to check!

Pettings,

The woman who feeds you

Dear Cats,

You come in from outside to use the litter box. Why do you do that?

Puzzled,

The woman who feeds you
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Dear Little Cat,