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I am sorry, Red. I am 11 years older than my brother, and while it's not that great of a difference, you do have to work at a relationship. We haven't lived in the same city, except for 3 years, since 1971. And during those 3 years he was in 6th, 8th and 9th grade and I was a young teacher, going to grad school at night, dating. But, to keep on the same theme, I've been talking to him a lot lately, as my dad is not doing well. My brother is the "saint" in the family, mostly by virtue of location. My dad lives with him, which while a recent development, maybe a year ago, he's been responsible for him for a long time. My brother never married, and never reached his potential for all sorts of reasons. Anyway, 2 weeks ago, my brother came home from work and my dad said he didn't feel well. They went to the hospital, saw something on his brain, and did an MRI the next day, given the fact he's 89 and has been smoking since age 16, I am assuming there was stuff in his lungs. They went to do a scope of his lungs, he began seizing, and it was off to the ICU. He was on a ventilator, we signed the DNR, when 1.5 days later, he woke up, screaming for a TV to see the "f*n Red Sox game." Oy. They shipped off to a sub acute rehab and he's much better, working on gaining mobility to walk with a cane. He will not be going home and after his rehab, will be going to assisted living. The oncologist says he has 6 months to a year to live and they are not going to do anything interventional at this point. Most likely lung cancer that went to his brain.
My dad was working until up to about 18 months ago, has an active social life, and still makes it clear that I am the "kid." We have plans to see him in August, already, but I am debating whether to go out there for a few days at the end of this month. He told me not to come and that I didn't need to call him every day! He didn't say this in a mean way, but, this is how our relationship is. My brother and I agree about everything, how this will proceed, so I shall see.
I am very good at compartmentalizing things and this is not the same as when my mom was sick. She was only 67. My dad has lived a long life, and while it didn't turn out as he thought it would, it's been good.
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Oh Crankin, I'm sorry. Hugs to you too, and warm thoughts to all your family.
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{{{{Crankin}}}} Hugs and prayers for you and all of your family.
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My deepest sympathies to the loss of your brother.
And Crankin, hugs to you too.
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Thanks. After the initial shock of it, I think my dad is doing ok with what is happening. He's been a denier all of his life, and he can't deny this. My younger son and his wife went to see him Sunday, which was good. They used to live in San Diego, not too far from him, but now they live near LA, so my son just doesn't see him that often anymore.
Frankly, I am more worried that I will never see my brother again, once my dad is gone. We actually have a lot in common, despite the age difference and the fact that his life was vastly different than mine, and he did not get the better side of things. Nothing horrible, but my family's financial circumstances changed greatly while he was growing up. I ignored all of it, since I was already on my own, but it did affect him.
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Yes, I suppose you could call my dad a character. Both of my parents were slightly unconventional for their time, when I think of it. One of my dad's fondest dreams was to visit back in Boston, with a cowboy hat and bolo tie on, when he got off of the plane. He did get to do this one year, when he came to join my mom and brother, who went to the Cape every year with my mom's family, after they moved to Az, and later, California. Unfortunately, when the shoe manufacturing business went south (literally) and then overseas, our familys' business closed. My dad worked for several years in the wholesale food business in Phoenix, which was great fun, in that I often got to go to restaurant openings, at a time when I couldn't afford to eat in any of them! But, once they moved to San Diego, which they loved, things were really bad for them, with a few good years in between. Although it was awesome to have family in San Diego when I lived in AZ, so I could escape the heat, in retrospect, they picked up and moved really quickly, when my dad lost his job in Az. If they had waited a little bit, even, I think things may have been different.
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Thank you all for the support. I really appreciate the kind words.
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Red - so sorry to read about the loss of your brother. Losing brothers is hard, regardless. Thinking of you.
Crankin - sorry to read about your dad. I do hope that you and your brother manage to maintain a relationship. You don't realize how important it is until, one day, it isn't there anymore.
Hugs to all.
SheFly
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Oh my goodness. I just nuked a spammer that had 172 moderated threads on the forum! Have I told you how much Jeff and Susan rock, they added a really cool feature for the Mods called Spam O Matic. It's awesome, and stops sooooo many nasty spams from ever going public.
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{{{{{Red}}}}}}} & {{{{{{Crankin}}}}}}}}
We just spent 10 days with DH's parents, who are, somewhat amazingly, both still alive in their mid-80s and married for 62 years. Dad is on 17 medications but is in remarkably good health, considering. He's frazzled, though, and tired a lot, because he's having to take care of Mom, who has dementia (they think vascular rather than Alzheimer's, but it's still bad). Glad we could be there and help them in their yard, on Dad's computer, and around the house, plus recycling load after load of junk mail and magazines that build up between our visits as Mom throws nothing away, and has no filter on what is important to save vs. not important. We found checks and cash mixed in with sweepstakes entries, charity appeals, and other junk.
Families are tough.
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Hugs to all who are hurting.
Snap - that is a cool thing, I remember dealing with spammers when I admin'd and moderated on different forums, it was exhausting.
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I decided to go out to San Diego in a couple of weeks. Just a short visit, arrive Sat. night, coming back on a Wednesday. This way, my brother will have the days off so I can really get to see him and my dad. Things are moving along. My dad is still in the rehab, doing much better with mobility. His prognosis is about 6 months to a year. He had one day of being really upset, but more with medical staff that weren't being honest with him. My brother is working with Jewish Family Services, to help with hospice placement and he said they are wonderful. In the course of our conversations, I've found out a lot of other stuff (about my brother, not my dad), which is good. Hoping my son can come down for a couple of hours, too, but if it doesn't happen, it's ok, as we will be back in August for my DIL's graduation.
I know a lot of people think I'm way too pragmatic about this, but really, I didn't expect my dad to live forever, although I didn't expect this type of illness. His mom died at age 91, while playing Bingo in Florida. We kind of thought he would be the same. Moral of the story is, don't smoke, and if you do, try to quit!
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Snap - thanks for all that you do for us! You and your fellow administrators are SO efficient at what you do that the rest of us really don't have an idea just how much spam you have to deal with (sadly).
Crankin, sending good thoughts on your upcoming trip, very glad that you are able to go out for a few day. It is hard, regardless of the circumstances, and glad that you and your brother are getting closer - at least it sounds like it.
Red, still thinking about you, hope you are doing well!
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My son is going to be in San Diego Saturday, for his reserves duty, so he is going to pick me up at the airport. Very happy about that.
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The cobblers wife has no shoes syndrome is going on at my place. The DH raided my new Surly ECR as one of our customers needed a 12-36 cassette. Every one of our suppliers is out of stock...
While I like being busy, It isn't fun to not have my trail bike. I may have to lose my grannie gear for a bit and put a different cassette on her. :(