Women & Warmshowers/ couchsurfing

I just completed a 6-week bicycle tour with my Dad. We visited 40 Missouri State Parks. We camped in the state parks and in one private campground.
Next summer I want to add to my collection of state parks and state historic sites by going around the perimeter of Missouri. While the first tour was designed to take advantage of the camping in state parks-- in fact, our tour was hosted by Missouri State Parks and we did not pay campground fees!-- this second tour will pick up 32 state parks & state historic sites most of which do NOT have camping. Therefore, I'll have to find other accommodations.

Also, my dad isn't joining me for this one. He is biking to Atlanta next summer. Plus, I want to do this one more freely, less structured, and he won't be comfortable not knowing where he's going to sleep that night.

My plan is to use warm showers and couch surfing, to ask at churches, fire stations, gas stations, and in a pinch, just ask a family if I can pitch a tent in the yard.
My question is about how I go about this, as a lone woman.
Now, I'm very intrepid and fearless and trusting. Yet I have my limits. On my 40 Missouri State Parks trip, I admit I was very concerned about getting hit by a car. I've taken the bike class, hell, I teach the bike class. I know all about traffic. But rural highways are just more dangerous. And, in 1400 miles of Missouri state highways, we had ZERO incidents.

So, I suspect that my fears about using warm showers, couch surfing, and asking if I can pitch a tent in the yard, will result in ZERO incidents and I will come away from this with an unshakable faith in humanity.

And yet-- my courage can use a little bolstering while I'm planning this trip. That's where you come in!
I would like you to tell me YOUR EXPERIENCES as a lone female using warm showers, couch surfing, and pitching a tent wherever. If there is anyone out there who has ever done such a crazy thing?
I would NOT like you to tell me what you THINK might happen, what you FEAR could happen, what you HEARD happened to some random stranger in a city 3 states away. (Unless those are happy warm feeling stories. Then you can tell me.) Please no fear mongering here! Go start your own thread for that :)

Thank you!

I did two solo tours when I was younger and had no trouble at all. In my thirties I did a couple of solo motorcycle tours. I didn't just pitch a tent wherever, though. I camped in "official" campgrounds, state parks for the most part - there was just once when I wound up in a stranger's living room on a rainy night, and I honestly don't even remember how I got hooked up with them, most likely asking around the fire station as you mention, but it was totally fine. Some friends of mine in Florida are Warm Showers hosts. They've talked about some of the people they've met that way, how interesting it's been for them, and never mentioned hosting anyone who'd had a bad experience elsewhere.

My first solo tour I count as one of the best experiences of my life. It's self-sufficiency and meditation time like no other. I really had no clue what I was doing, so you'll be way ahead of me. Bought my first helmet a week into that trip, after meeting some other cycle tourists who were wearing them. :p

I cannot tell you first hand experience but I can tell you a dear friend from Germany was in the states for a full year during a sabbatical and she traveled across the country by herself (in a car though not by bike). She used couch surfing for the majority of her trip and she had nothing but great experiences. I say GO for it! She is now in the process of writing a novel about her experiences :)

So this isn't what I did, but I hope you won't mind my sharing. It's someone currently traveling by bike and whose story I have been following (can't remember where I picked up her instagram feed). She has been inspiring me lately!

Website

Instagram

Her Instagram photos mostly have little stories attached to them. She has been camping in random places, staying with random people, and seems to have had a fabulous time.

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Originally Posted by Blueberry

So this isn't what I did, but I hope you won't mind my sharing. It's someone currently traveling by bike and whose story I have been following (can't remember where I picked up her instagram feed). She has been inspiring me lately!

Website

Instagram

Her Instagram photos mostly have little stories attached to them. She has been camping in random places, staying with random people, and seems to have had a fabulous time.

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Wow, she's from Emporia, KS-- I was there a few days ago on my Kansas Flint Hills bicycle tour with some friends. Thanks, these are just the things I needed to hear! I'll spend some time this winter reading journals of solo women bicycle tourists.

Here is the solo women category on Crazy Guy on a Bike. Good for many hours of reading. Karen Cook's are good (though I think she planned a little more), as are Heidi Domeisen's (she did 3 major tours without a lot of reserved places). I'm sure there are many, many more! Good winter reading!

Melavai, you should read Denise Goldberg's journals on Crazy Guy on a Bike. She did an almost full cross country trip alone a few years ago... She was an active poster here, but then she got into photography and hiking, although she still rides. I used to ride with her a lot, but I haven't seen her in quite awhile. I occasionally check out her blog.

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Originally Posted by Crankin

Melavai, you should read Denise Goldberg's journals on Crazy Guy on a Bike. She did an almost full cross country trip alone a few years ago... She was an active poster here, but then she got into photography and hiking, although she still rides. I used to ride with her a lot, but I haven't seen her in quite awhile. I occasionally check out her blog.

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Oh yeah! Another good recommendation! I think she might have pulled her journals off CGOAB though - I seem to recall she had a licensing issue with them. Not 100% sure though....

She has her own blog, too.

Melalvei, you may not find this relevant since I've never traveled in the US, but here are some of my experiences of travelling alone as a woman, hiking and camping in a tent.
Norway: in the woods and in mountain areas, I feel safer than in my own bed. Never met anyone frightening in any way.
France and Spain: rural and mountain areas, people were almost all extremely friendly, anxious to help, surprised I was alone. One strange encounter with a lonely shepherd who suggested I join him in his hut for a romantic encounter, but when I politely declined he just sighed and shook his head. I'm not making this up. A bit more staring and catcalling in the cities than I liked, but nothing scary.
Romania and Bulgaria: rural and mountain areas, plenty of strange looks, but no unpleasant situations. I was pretty much left alone as an obvious outsider (blonde, wearing western gear). One creepy guy in a village campground who hid in a hedge and started making kissy noises at me, but when I marched up to his plot later and yelled at him in front of his wife he completely ignored me.
In general my experience is that people are nice. And a lot more worried about you than you are. You stick out as a lone woman, and may find it hard to just blend in. Confidence and a lowkey 'boring' manner helps.

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Confidence and a lowkey 'boring' manner helps.

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Great advice. I haven't yet cycled solo and overnight camped myself but in general have travelled solo and stayed in hotels, etc.

We have hosted around the world cycling tourer from the Netherlands. (This was over 20 yrs. ago!) I had corresponded with her on an open cycling forum for several months before she asked..

Interesting to hear about people's experiences. I was talking with a potential bike touring buddy yesterday and we were discussing ideas for doing some trips next year, and Warmshowers came up in the conversation. I think the concept is cool, but it's hard to make the leap of trusting total strangers...especially when thinking about hosting as a single woman. I think that would have to be limited to having someone camp in the yard rather than letting them into my house. The good thing as a guest is that you always have the option of saying "thanks but no thanks" if you feel uncomfortable for any reason. Personally, I think that if I were traveling with a buddy I would be more open to using Warmshowers than if I were solo.

Probably much more than safety from potential "bad guys," I'd worry about water and bodily functions when camping in random places. How much water will you be able to carry with you? How far between places you can refill? How much do you think you'll need for dishwashing, and how long can you go between sponge baths? (Two days is about my limit before my skin starts walking away without me, but I'm soft. :p) Is the soil and privacy situation always going to be conducive to digging latrine holes? Cornfields are great for #1, but you don't want to disturb the roots of someone's crops, and I have no idea how often you'll be going through woods that are deep enough for privacy but sparse enough that roots won't prevent your digging.

I’d recommend SPOT— it beams your location via text, email or emergency notification to people you choose. Long rides alone on desert and mountain roads and solo hiking made me get it. It will also let friends know your okay and where you are on your adventure especially when you don't have cell service.

National and State Parks are usually patrolled but I’d have the phone number of whoever is on call at night and program it into my phone for a quick call.

I also usually have an Anne Mustoe, Josie Dew etc. book to keep me company. :)

You also might find women on wheels interesting

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Originally Posted by OakLeaf

I'd worry about water and bodily functions when camping in random places. How much water will you be able to carry with you? How far between places you can refill? How much do you think you'll need for dishwashing, and how long can you go between sponge baths? (Two days is about my limit before my skin starts walking away without me, but I'm soft. :p) Is the soil and privacy situation always going to be conducive to digging latrine holes? Cornfields are great for #1, but you don't want to disturb the roots of someone's crops, and I have no idea how often you'll be going through woods that are deep enough for privacy but sparse enough that roots won't prevent your digging.

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That's much more hard core than I'm willing to do! I've heard places to try are churches, schools, fire stations, gas stations, and people's yards. I don't plan on stealth camping. In Missouri, you can camp in Conservation Areas although there are no facilities. But those tend to be well off the beaten path and I'd be bringing all my own water. I'm not bringing a water filter and hoping to find a pond. (ew.)

If you are going to camp in someone's field, be sure you have permission. I've had the pleasure of waking up to a really pissed off farmer before. He was just cranky and asked us to leave. Thank goodness hubby and I were camping, not just me.

I am a WarmShowers host, as both a single woman and now as part of a couple. I try to be especially welcoming to solo women travelers! I don't get a lot, but those that have stayed have had many positive experiences. WarmShowers provides the ability to leave feedback (both for guests and hosts) so pay attention to the feedback. Contact hosts several days in advance by enpmail, and try to have at least one phone conversation. Trust your instincts. And have a great time!

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Originally Posted by Jaclyn

I am a WarmShowers host, as both a single woman and now as part of a couple. I try to be especially welcoming to solo women travelers! I don't get a lot, but those that have stayed have had many positive experiences. WarmShowers provides the ability to leave feedback (both for guests and hosts) so pay attention to the feedback. Contact hosts several days in advance by enpmail, and try to have at least one phone conversation. Trust your instincts. And have a great time!

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I am curious to find out how you managed things security-wise when you hosted by yourself. Did you have guests stay in the house, or did they just camp in the backyard? Is there any provision on Warmshowers to specify what kinds of groups you would be comfortable hosting (women solo or in small groups, couples, etc. as opposed to a strange guy by himself)?

It occurred to me on my run today that at that moment I was really no less vulnerable than the situations you're thinking about getting into. It's not that I run anywhere remote or terribly far from home as miles go, but most of the roads I run on have very little traffic (like, once I get off the county roads, I usually don't see any cars at all), half a mile or more between houses, cover of woods, etc. When I travel, I often run in industrial parks adjacent to the hotel, after hours and pretty deserted. If someone wanted to do me harm, no one would ever find me. But I've never had an issue and it really isn't something I worry about. I leave my route up on my computer where DH could find it if there was a problem, and let him know roughly how long I expect to be out, but that's it. So if it's safe experiences from solo women you're looking for, I think that counts. :)


ETA: I get that when you're naked in the shower in a stranger's house, it feels way more vulnerable psychologically than when you're outside fully clothed. But in terms of actual ability to alert someone within earshot, or escape from the situation, not so much. That's what I was getting at, just pointing out that if you've gone somewhere that has neighbors and an address and texted that address to your loved ones, you're already way ahead of "well by this time she was probably on one of these four township roads," or any number of situations you are regularly on while day-riding, too.

But +1 on the SPOT, more for crashes on the road really than for eleven o'clock news kind of things. I insist DH take his when he's riding his moto long distance alone, and he's on a maillist where stories of people having been found via their SPOT trackers are fairly common. I keep thinking I should bring it on my runs, again not so much for intentional situations but just in case I'd be hit by a car, or just fall the wrong way into a ditch. But so far I haven't been carrying it - it's kind of heavy for running (though honestly it would just be one more thing along with the two liters of water, several gels, phone, Epi-Pen and the pepper spray I started carrying after I was bitten by two dogs within ten days earlier this summer).

cool topic

Oak, I'm curious, how do you comfortably carry that much while running? I use a small hipbelt when running to work, but can hardly stash more than the bare essentials before it feels irritating. And I don't even carry water (runs sub one hour usually).

Vest!

All that stuff literally rides lighter in a vest than 24 oz of water in a three-bottle waist belt. My first one is/was a Nathan Intensity, which I wore out but got Irulan to refurbish (she does great work BTW) - now I also have an Ultimate Direction Jenny. No bounce, very little slosh in either one; they fit a bit different, but both hug the ribcage and stay put. It does obviously change the balance of my upper body and I have to work harder not to lean forward at the waist, but I'm too far out in the country to run long without bringing water.

For bare essentials on runs too short to carry water, and also for gels while racing, I have a Nathan Gel Pak. The pouch part is well structured without being stiff, the belt part has just a tiny bit of stretch, so it sits snug and flat on the small of my back without any bounce at all. I tried like five different belts before I found that one.

Some anecdotes from others here:

http://narrative.ly/couch-surfing-ca...?src=longreads

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Originally Posted by shootingstar

Some anecdotes from others here:

http://narrative.ly/couch-surfing-ca...?src=longreads

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Yuck...I am officially creeped out by that story! Fortunately nothing bad actually happened, but the guy seems pretty sleazy (particularly since he was being deceptive by pretending on the site to be a woman, presumably to gain trust--how despicable). I am also disturbed by the fact that there seem to be a significant number of people who are on couchsurfing in order to find people to hook up with. I'm sure these kinds of incidents are not THAT common, but it's enough to make me not want to take the risk of staying with a complete stranger (it'd be different if it were a "friend of a friend" kind of situation where someone I know and trust could vouch for them).