gift buying etiquette

.... feeling old and very cranky here...

In my world, if you're over 8 years old, you wait until someone asks before you tell them what you want for Christmas.

If by chance, they don't ask, and you feel the need to contact them to tell them what you want anyway, you include some pleasantries, and ask them what they want for Christmas too.

If you never ask what someone wants for Christmas, you don't get to gripe about how hard it is to buy presents for them.

If you do ask, you don't get to gripe then either, especially not about how impossible it is to find that single object they wanted. It was a wish, not an order.

In fact you don't EVER get to gripe about how impossible it is to buy presents for someone, because it pretty much negates the entire point of gift-giving.

Ok, people, tell me how I'm just being tense and cranky here. No wonder I would rather just disappear to the tropics every December and magically reappear once it's all over.

LPH, I hear you! I am surprised adults behave that way, but then again I've been solo/single for a VERY long time.

In some ways my life is simpler than most this time of the year since I've no family. No family = no gift buying outside of the occasional close friend. Of course that also means I don't get gifts very often, but that isn't what the season is about ;)

This year, I gave most of my Christmas gifts in November..when I flew to Ontario to visit my family. They were feeding, hosting me anyway.

So that leaves dearie. Gifts all bought for him.

For the past few decades, I don't give gifts to friends. Just a snail mail card and letter.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by lph

.... feeling old and very cranky here...

In my world, if you're over 8 years old, you wait until someone asks before you tell them what you want for Christmas.

If by chance, they don't ask, and you feel the need to contact them to tell them what you want anyway, you include some pleasantries, and ask them what they want for Christmas too.

If you never ask what someone wants for Christmas, you don't get to gripe about how hard it is to buy presents for them.

If you do ask, you don't get to gripe then either, especially not about how impossible it is to find that single object they wanted. It was a wish, not an order.

In fact you don't EVER get to gripe about how impossible it is to buy presents for someone, because it pretty much negates the entire point of gift-giving.

---

This world sounds good to me.

I like the challenge of buying gifts. I try to strike a balance between getting something a person asked for and searching for things that I think the person would like or find useful. That way there's a chance of surprising them (and I hope the surprise is a pleasant one). I try to choose unasked-for gifts based on what I know about a person, their likes and dislikes and the things they do for fun. I like when people give me things I didn't ask for because they saw it and thought I would like it.

My issue is with gift cards. I'm happy to give them when I know the person will really enjoy shopping with it, such as my nieces who love to shop for clothes. I'm happy to give them to contribute to an expensive item that someone is saving up for, or to give gift cards for restaurants or movie theaters to people who will enjoy using them. But I don't like it when they're the "I have no idea and I don't want to try to think of an idea" alternative.

I was really just blowing off some steam after an email turned up containing an unasked-for wishlist and absolutely nothing else, but as I typed I started remembering all the reasons I now as an adult for the most part heartily dislike Christmas.

I didn't use to, and I wish I could just enjoy the parts I like. I love getting presents from, and buying for, my closest family. I love exchanging gifts with close friends, as they're always unexpected and usually low-key but thoughtful. But my shoulders start heading skywards right about now and I get really grouchy about the not-so-good parts.

NYbiker, do you mean that you don't like to give gift cards, or receive them? I prefer not to either, and will usually not give money either. But occasionally it can be fun. A couple of friends of mine who had lived together for years but suddenly decided to get married asked for contributions to their honeymoon to Rome, as they already had every household doodad you could think of, but not a lot of money for a honeymoon. We gave them cash divided into 5 or 6 little envelopes, where one was for a dinner at this restaurant, another was for ice-cream at this stall, another was for a guided bike ride. So we ended up actually giving them specific experiences, which was great fun.

I think sometimes gift cards are great, both to give and to receive. Other times, they're just the lazy way out.

When they're done right, they show that the giver is thinking about what the recipient likes (or what they need, such as a grocery story gift card for a starving-student nephew).

I don't buy for my family (too many sibs, in law's, nieces/nephews) and I only buy something small for my partner. This year it's perfume. For our boys they get cash. One is almost 19 and the other is 21 and they'd much rather buy for themselves than have me pick something they don't want.

If I see something I think someone would like during the year I buy it at that time. I'm not into all the buying at Christmas. I also make it clear that I don't expect anything at Christmas. I'm just happy to hang with the family.

I do not wish to impose on others. I also disdain those who impose upon me. I see Christmas season as a means and as a reminder to extend goodwill to those around us. It isn't about material giving. I always look for thoughtful cards locally and hand made. Unfortunately, sometimes its not all that local. But the artist who thoughtfully created probably appreciated my purchase. I add my personal thoughts for the season and usually attach the card to a gift I think they would appreciate.

It's only once a year, so I try to be thoughtful and being mindful that it is the season of "goodwill to others". If the recipient isn't happy. well I tried.

This thread makes me glad I don't celebrate Christmas. I do admit it gets on my nerves to see the way some of my clients go all out for the gift giving (to the extent of taking out loans), to make themselves feel better. However, I did have a couple of parents tell me how they were scaling down this year, which was a good decision. Then there's the person who put her tree up sometime after Halloween! My agency used to have us choose 6 of our neediest clients to receive gifts from corporate donations. It was a real hassle and my first year, I didn't sign up in time and I got very bad vibes from the admin when I said, "What's the big deal?" This year, we are no longer participating.
I used to buy stuff for co-workers. That stopped quite awhile ago. We also did a Chanukah exchange with 3 other couples we've known for years. That stopped this year, except for my one friend who doesn't know when to stop. I told her I didn't buy anything for her!
We buy gifts for our sons and DILs and for the couple we are closest friends with.

Brewer and I just bought a grand piano and did some house renovations, so not a lot of shopping going on between the two of us.
As usual I mailed some little funny stuff to my brothers' families, which won't arrive until Thursday at least. At my new job, there was much less of the strange exchange of soap, lotion, and fragranced candles that was so oppressive where I worked before.

I heard Calvin Trillin reading his poem "Christmas in Qatar." Give it a Google if you are feeling over-Christmassed especially by family; I found it delightful!

We're not doing any gifts this year either.

I did get a new helmet and gloves for my birthday. I finally found a pink helmet that fits my head. Nothing wrong with my blue helmet, but I like pink. :p And Thom did just get a new bike.

We are planning some cool trips this summer. We're going to the Galapagos with Thom's parents, so we got them a Galapagos coloring book and some colored pencils. :) And we're going back to Colorado to do some road and mountain biking, so we don't need "stuff".

Veronica

Christmas in Qatar sounds like just my kind of thing! I did manage to convince my closest family to go to Jordan over Christmas a few years ago. It was WONDERFUL. I'm trying hard not to pine for Thailand either. We went there on two long winter vacations when our son was small, and I've wanted to go back ever since. Not compatible with school holidays though - unless you go over Christmas.

I have a sneaky plan for next year.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Veronica

We're not doing any gifts this year either.

I did get a new helmet and gloves for my birthday. I finally found a pink helmet that fits my head. Nothing wrong with my blue helmet, but I like pink. :p And Thom did just get a new bike.

We are planning some cool trips this summer. We're going to the Galapagos with Thom's parents, so we got them a Galapagos coloring book and some colored pencils. :) And we're going back to Colorado to do some road and mountain biking, so we don't need "stuff".

Veronica

---

Jealous! Galapagos is on my top list for bird watching.

When I think about it, we are like Veronica. We buy things all year long, so there doesn't have to be a special holiday. Heck, we didn't even give each other anniversary cards this yr. But, we did go out for a nice dinner.
Our trip to Portugal next fall is 2 months before our 35th anniversary, so that is how we are celebrating, although we would have done the trip without that excuse!

We don't give birthday or anniversary cards either. For our anniversary this past year (27!) we went to Baskin Robbins for ice cream using up gift cards from my students. Then we discovered we could also use them at Dunkin' Donuts. I know not everyone cares for DD, but for us, it's one of the highlights of going back east.

We don't need the big showy stuff; it's the little things that are important. Thom washes out my protein drink thermos every time I use it and the champagne flutes. He's a better dish washer! :D I have a special pull on my winter cycling jacket so I can zip up or down with winter gloves on. He put it on years ago, but every time I wear it, I smile. I do like the big surprises - my Cervelo was a true, out of the blue, surprise. He didn't get it for any occasion. It was on sale, in my size... but you can't really surprise someone on their birthday or Christmas.

Veronica

We have Dunkin' Donuts here now!

Bah, I'm the only New Englander who hates DD.
Their advertising appeals to a certain demographic and insults others (i.e. the one that made fun of those who speak other languages). It's pure townie-ism at its best. Plus, I really don't appreciate the traffic jams of people blocking major roads, because they are waiting to go through the drive through. Of course, after they slam on the brakes and don't signal to let me know they are turning into the lot.

I learned about DD coffee the summer that I made the mistake of being a chaperone for a 6 week summer ballet program in Philly. It was great to get away from all the 'precious' little dancers and get coffee, even if just for a few minutes, and even at Dunkin'.

I'm hardly a fan of donuts at all (or large groups of teenaged ballet students either, for that matter.)