I'm not a parent, so clue me in

Ok, it's great a sis of mine wants me to stay in her crowded home when I visit family who live in various parts of a city and...who are all 3,000 km. east of me. She has 2 young children under 5 yrs. old. Hubby has job too, etc.

I know they are running frazzled with their schedules and kids. So there is a part of me not understanding completely why she would want me to stay overnight to add to the chaos. Maybe I'm a distraction for her, an extra helping hand? She expressly rearranged her weekend work schedule 'cause I'm visiting.

I think I'll elect to stay for 1 night (and go out to café with her maybe for a nice brunch next morning) and then move over to another sis who has 3 children --all teens.

I have stayed in a hotel for 1 night other visits. It does feel abit weird 'cause I have a big family. But not everyone has enough rm. to accommodate me. I try to balance between a good family guest and just spending some time with family members I rarely see.

maybe she just wants to spend time with you, be around you... chaos and all?

Chaos is a moving definition, depending on the size of one's family roots.

We should know..there are 5 of us siblings ( used to be 6. we lost 1 sister which maybe highlights sibling appreciation even more now..maybe). So we know something about growing up in chaos! Except she is the baby family member and I'm the eldest. I am the one that really remembers younger siblings howling and fighting away.

Ah well.

She might also want you to spend some time with her children, and for them to get to know you a bit.

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Originally Posted by ny biker

She might also want you to spend some time with her children, and for them to get to know you a bit.

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This, and she may also be wanting a little adult conversation that doesn't center around business or some other boring purpose. There are times that this is hard to come by.

What's chaos to you may not be chaos to her. I think you are over analyzing this. It's your sister; she wants you to stay with her.

For me it would be weird to visit family and not stay with them and vice versa.

I am single, and my brother always insists i stay with him, his wife and 2 kids when i visit. THeir house is small, the kids have homework and soccer and dance and birthday parties and on and on and on....chaos as you say! But the kids LOVE having me there and I love to spend time some one on one time with them. I just try to sit back and let the chaos happen around me and help out where i can :)

Now my parents on the other hand, just are not comfortable staying there. They are older and cranky and set in their ways. They stay at a nearby hotel and are happy that way. but the kids always ask why grandma and grandpa don't stay at their house, lol.

I think if your sis didn't want you to stay there, she wouldn't have offered.

I have a feeling there's more to this story -- a single adult guest isn't that much trouble.

In some ways, I'd think hosting company is easier for parents because they have a regular schedule, they must prepare meals, probably have a full fridge, etc. I always have to go out and buy food when I have company because I don't keep much in the house.

Is there literally not enough room for someone to sleep? Can you sleep on the couch? Have there been problems in the past?

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Originally Posted by PamNY

I have a feeling there's more to this story

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+1

There have definitely been times when my family of origin's particular brand of crazy was way more than I could deal with at a time when I felt I needed to be nearby, and so I've tried to be polite about staying in a hotel. Other times I've felt strong enough to stay with them. Same thing on my husband's side of the family. Shootingstar, if you can't deal with your sister's household 24 hours a day for however long you're planning on being in the neighborhood, then tell her so as nicely as you can. But I can't see what it has to do with who's a parent and who isn't, IMO.

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Originally Posted by Crankin

What's chaos to you may not be chaos to her. I think you are over analyzing this. It's your sister; she wants you to stay with her.

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I agree. Why overthink it? It's a nice gesture. Even if you feel that in her shoes you wouldn't be able to handle additional "chaos", to her it might feel like a good way to spend time with you.

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Originally Posted by OakLeaf

+1

There have definitely been times when my family of origin's particular brand of crazy was way more than I could deal with at a time when I felt I needed to be nearby, and so I've tried to be polite about staying in a hotel. Other times I've felt strong enough to stay with them. Same thing on my husband's side of the family. Shootingstar, if you can't deal with your sister's household 24 hours a day for however long you're planning on being in the neighborhood, then tell her so as nicely as you can. But I can't see what it has to do with who's a parent and who isn't, IMO.

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I don't think this is a 'parent of young children' issue but rather a personal/family issue. As a parent of young children--I'd much prefer visiting guests to stay somewhere else so as not to disrupt the already frazzled schedule. But, that is just me. I know others that would be personally offended if a guest chose not to stay in there home. This is all personal boundaries stuff. I have my own personal boundaries--and I tend to stick pretty closely to them. I had a friend that requested to stay at our home for a few days. Again, I prefer that they didn't. But, this was a good friend and she was in need--so I bent my boundaries a bit for her. But that was my decision and I didn't feel in any way bullied or guilted into it. . . . My 2 cents.

When I visit my family with children, I stay in a hotel by choice. I have no desire to engage in family chaos.

Thanks Limewave..and everyone else.

I'm overthinking/worrying too much. "Problem" of not seeing family often when they live far away, there's always good intentions for both parties to make the visit worthwhile/memorable and good for everyone. Like special times for Thxgiving, etc.

I loved having my aunts and uncles visit when I was a child (and I loved visiting them). Granted, the 1950s were a different time -- most mothers didn't work outside the home, and children had fewer obligations after school. Also, although no one had a great deal of money, in my family everyone had enough room for guests.

I've often stayed with friends who had small children -- and I don't recall being bothered by (or even aware of) chaos. If there is abuse or similar, of course, that's a different matter. But normal children and parents are often fun and interesting -- at least most of the time!

Would it help for you to focus on the positives? Getting to know the children, for example?

I don't really understand the problem.
Do you not want to stay there? Or do you not understand why they invited you?

I'm pretty much okay sleeping anywhere with whatever level of chaos or lack of privacy, for a night or two anyway. If you'd rather stay at a hotel, just stay at a hotel.