How to tell someone how yucky their bathroom was....

Soooo my husband and I got this sand sculpture job out at this air force base called Vandenburg this past week. Really neat job. Saw where some major rockets of our time have been launched from. And got to go where no civies have ever been. But it was going to be a 120 mile round trip from our house.
So we have some friends who live close to the base so we called them up and asked if we could stay a few nights. They would never know we were there.My friend has been so happy to have a guest bedroom since her kids have finally left the house.
Well one night we got back to their place and they had made us dinner. It was so nice then we all went in the hot tub. Since we had worked a 13 hour day it wasn't long that my hubby and I were ready to say good night. But before hand we both wanted to rinse off in the shower. I naturally went first. OMG!!!!! There was black mold all over! The shower head was solid black mold!! all the grout was solid black mold. It was soooooo gross. And weird.
This friend is so clean (I thought) but this shower......and she had just had guest the weekend before. Her dad stayed with them over the winter (he is from Detroit and elderly). 2 of her kids are living back home right now too. All these people have or use this shower. WTH?
I am trying to think of a way to tell my friend without sounding like I am trying to tell her she is a not paying attention . And why aren't these grown kids cleaning this? All you would need is spray bleach and that would be enough. How to tell her?
After all they let us stay with them. Made us dinner. sigh! But someone else will see this.I need to save them!

Can you sneak in a bottle of cleaner and do a job on the tub/shower?

I've been known to do that.

Think of it as a way of saying "thank you" as opposed to a criticism.

"Thank you so much for letting us stay, I thought I'd clean up after ourselves to save you the trouble."

I would but they are now 60 miles from me. I even looked under the counter for cleaning stuff with no luck!

Well, if you've already left and won't be going back anytime soon, you may just have to let it go.

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Originally Posted by Muirenn

There might not be a way to bring it up and remain friends.

I like Knot's idea.

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I know! I don't want to ruin our friendship. I was thinking of telling her daughter on the sly maybe.

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Originally Posted by Brandi

I know! I don't want to ruin our friendship. I was thinking of telling her daughter on the sly maybe.

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I'm not so sure that's a good idea. I think I'd just let it go.

Let it go.

Yea letting it go is probably the way to go. If I stay again I will have to bring a bottle of cleaner.
You think you know a person. My husband was shocked.

Yuck-o! I've had that experience, but luckily there was cleaner in the bathroom, so I just cleaned it. It was a rarely used bathroom so I think the host just didn't know.

Does your friend use that shower? Maybe she just doesn't know because she expects her grown kids to take on that responsibility and they are not doing it but she assumes they are. Maybe you could talk to the daughter and say something like, "you're old enough to clean your own shower. Surely you don't expect your mom to clean it for you. It was not acceptable and I thought you should know because that's a responsibility that you will need to take when you get your own place." Could get back to mom, though.

Maybe there's some parent-kid power struggle and mom's on strike and the kids are bozos. It happens.

Maybe your friend is having vision problems. I suspected as much about my own mother when I saw her shower, and it turned out to be true. Her tiles are earth-toned and she could not see the mold because her vision was getting bad.

EDIT: While I was writing this tome, a bunch of people said to just let it go. Sounds like maybe it's the best plan, unless you think something bigger is amiss.

EDIT2: Not sure I'd want to be sitting in her hot tub...

She does have to use reading glasses. Maybe there is an issue with that?

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Originally Posted by Brandi

She does have to use reading glasses. Maybe there is an issue with that?

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Probably not. I wear reading glasses - they only help clarify things close up. My guess is that she doesn't enter the bathroom very often. But I vote with the "let it go group." But if your friend brings up having respiratory problems, headaches, you might mention that you did see a bit of a mold problem in the bathroom and this could be contributing to her (or the family's) health issues. Mold is bad to breathe in.

My grandmother was an extremely fastidious housekeeper. My mother and I were surprised to notice her housekeeping skills went downhill when her vision got worse. She couldn't see it. It was when she still had lots of energy and interest in life, so I know it was her eyes.
I agree with the others. Don't say anything (ESPECIALLY to kids that were RAISED that way) but next time (if there is one) Just clean it!

I have bad allergies to mold. Maybe that is why it freaked me out. I didn't want to wash my face in the shower. I was afraid. I had a friend once who got a bad fungus from her razor. Had to take anitibiotics for it. And she is has VERY bad eye's and can't see a thing without them so I could see that happening to her.

My MIL never cleans house. Usually when we stay there we find a way to send her to the store so I can scrub out part of the kitchen, her bathroom or vacuum at least. She just doesn't care. I've been doing this for 13 years. I've never said anything, I sure don't want to hurt her feelings EVER - she's one of the most wonderful people I've ever known.

I'd just... travel with cleaning supplies. I find they really do come in handy. I'm also pretty sensitive to mold. Sorry you had that experience, that would have been really freaky. But i wouldn't tell your friend about it. :(

confession time: this was my shower for a couple years.
I clean that shower twice a week (with lots of different kinds of cleaners) and that dang black mold- on the caulking only- NEVER goes away. I finally had to scratch out all the caulking around the tub (at the base where the surround and tub meet) and put new caulking in. I have to do that every other year. For some reason, even tho I clean it, it will NOT stay clean. We have terrible water, tho, and I believe that's the reason for the rusty looking tub, too. Plus, the tub is 55 years old and probably needs too be replaced- but we just can't afford a remodel now.

Although nobody EVER uses our shower, the one time we had company that I knew was going to use it was the time I put new caulking in- I would have been MORTIFIED for anyone to see that.

I'll confess that my shower looks pretty gross. Or tub area, rather. But I don't have tile, so no caulking, so no mold in the caulking. The tub is just an old cast-iron clawfoot tub and it is in desperate need of refinishing. But to refinish it, it needs to be taken out through the bathroom window (door is too small!) and it weighs a few hundred pounds...so it's just going to keep looking gross.

But it's clean! Honest!

I remember my aunt freaking out when her mother, my grandmother had ants marching across the kitchen. Of course, granny couldn't see them.

When my brother moved to Honolulu, I battled the mold on my annual visits.

But, unless you are very close, I agree with everyone who says "fagedaboudit"!

The bathroom in my apartment looked pretty gross. A non-zero portion of that was just because of the amount of stuff in the water. The other major contributor was the finish on the tub--it was scratched in a few places, and dirt would get into those and was next to impossible to get out through normal cleaning methods. I had to go in every so often with baking soda and dish soap and scrub them out.

The one time my sister visited me, I only had enough warning to clean the kitchen (white tile, so it showed dirt like nothing else). She has rather higher standards of cleanliness than DBF and I do, so I think she pitched a fit about it to our mom. :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by Brandi

I have bad allergies to mold. Maybe that is why it freaked me out.

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This is understandable. My dearie is that sensitive to indoor molds too. We cannot have potted plants much at all because of the natural molds in soils, etc. He cannot go into a plant conservatory/greenhouse --molds.

It partially explains why he might be more of neat freak than I am. He gets mad at me over my less diligent habits.

Well, the only saving grace of living out in the prairies, is the air is dry enough that bathroom molds don't grow much or any at all. No kidding....

As a guest, I would at least appreciate a clean bathroom sink and toilet in someone's home. That's good enough for me....unless I'm staying overnight to use their shower.

Mould. Ok, for busy sisters who have their own children to look after when I stay over, it's more like bits of hair from hair brushing. Oh well. This continues to be a perpetual annoyance..but thank god for vaccum cleaner.

I know I have a somewhat laissez-faire approach but...look I grew up sharing a bathroom with 7 other people (which included 5 siblings). So I know what types of messiness I can tolerate.

Yes, alot of mold is yuck.

By all means, let it go.

If you happen to go back and it's still there, ask if she needs some help as maybe there's a logical reason it's not done.

I hurt my back last year and doing any housework was hard, but I was too proud/embarrassed to ask for help. My kids did what they could, but I was so touched when my mom came over and cleaned my bathroom and parts of the house that needed some help. I sat and sobbed out of gratitude when she left. Some bathrooms are just mold magnets and within a few days it looks like you never cleaned it.

As long as you are sensitive about the issue, she'll probably understand.

In defense of the mold, it may just happen, like Bethany and others have said. My good friends lived in a mold-infested place and it made their house stink and their shower was always gross. They had mold on the windows and when we moved them out, I had to be careful to avoid it because I am really allergic to mold. Their landlord refused to do anything with it. They sprayed bleach in the shower and around the windows all the time and it wouldn't touch the stuff. So, maybe that is it.

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Originally Posted by colorisnt

In defense of the mold, it may just happen, like Bethany and others have said. My good friends lived in a mold-infested place and it made their house stink and their shower was always gross. They had mold on the windows and when we moved them out, I had to be careful to avoid it because I am really allergic to mold. Their landlord refused to do anything with it. They sprayed bleach in the shower and around the windows all the time and it wouldn't touch the stuff. So, maybe that is it.

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My apartment was a little like that. It was a basement, and damp because someone decided that the bathroom didn't need ventilation.:rolleyes: There were mold spots growing on some of the walls, and we couldn't persuade it to leave.

Ok so I am letting it go. And to answer a few of the questions....we didn't want to spend the money for a hotel because they had said many times that we should stay with them if ever we had a job in the area. And times are tight so money being saved is good.
They do not live in a moist area. It is very dry where they live. I think this is more she expects her adult kids to take care of it and they are not. Both kids are back home right now due to it hard to be in your early 20's and make it on min wage. It is brother and sister. I can just see the sister going "I am not the maid he should clean it" and him saying " huh, the shower is dirty"?
Oh well I am passed it now. Thanks for all the insight ladies that was fun!