Fear & Overprotection?????

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10-07-2005, 04:57 AM
bouncybouncy

Fear & Overprotection?????

I experience a pretty bad crash a few months back and am having issues getting back to drafting (I tend to hyperventalate with nerves everytime i am in a group...behind my SO is fine...it is when i am in a large group not knowing the levels of experience in front of me) I walked away with VERY minor scratches and a sore pinky (still recovery :rolleyes: ) but 3 people went away in ambulances...I want to get back on the road but it is MTBike season and i am far more comfy on the trails so at least i am riding, i know i must get out and ride to get over it but this brings me to an issue if any of you have had to deal with...
My SO is more apprehensive than me :confused: :confused: :confused: He wanted to convert my road bike into a commuter cause "I will never be comfortable in a group again!!!" :eek: :eek: :eek:
He does great when we are on the trails, always encouraging me to hop bigger logs, ride the deeper gullies, basically keep improving :) but on the road bike he has given up :confused: He gets upset when i confront him with the fact i need him to let me work through the fear but i think he is afraid i will never enjoy road biking again (it has been EXTREMELY wet here and we are loosing our sun fast so opportunity is few and far between to ride)
I need advice to convince him to just let me ride it out...
(btw...he is coming up with LAME excuses not to ride and unfortunately I am not comfy riding on the road as solo...too dangerous around here *crazy drivers!!!)
10-07-2005, 05:35 AM
JLD

This takes TIME! Maybe--not This season-but Next--to get back in the swing of things. No one can blame you for being skitterish at the moment. I'd be telling the SO--to back off a bit. This person is Not responsible for making Your decisions for you. I would rather hope this person would offer encouragement and support--while you work it through--and get the jangling nerves under control--or resolve the conflict and expectation of having another crash....Just my two cents! :)
10-07-2005, 05:50 AM
Pedal Wench

I ride all the time on my road bike, and very rarely in a group, and even more infrequently in a drafting paceline. For me, riding is so much more than sitting 12 inches from the wheel in front of me. So, get out there and ride! It doesn't always have to be a race!
10-07-2005, 06:22 AM
Grog

I agree that all road riding is not about riding as a group (although I LOVE it - not everyone has to love it and do it).

Remember that you don't have to "convince him" to let you ride! This is your body, your decision, and your bike too! (Don't let him turn it into a commuter! what IS that??? but do get a commuter bike if you don't have one! :D )

Maybe I would make it clear with him that this is about you and your fears (riding with a group of strangers), not him and his fears (your never liking to ride on the road again). I too would be worried if my significant other would hyperventilate when drafting another rider, I guess this crash and its sequels have made a strong impression on him and he's probably afraid that you're going to hurt yourself... But I hope that you stick with your own plan: if you want to go back there, you must be able to decide to go back, and I think he'd have to learn to support you in that decision, or at least to voice his concerns in a delicate manner that doesn't make it look like he's trying to decide for you...

The "lame excuses" part of your message saddens me... but maybe you could learn to go and ride by yourself, cause the drivers won't be more or less dangereous whether your are one or two riding together... What do you think? Or at least find a female riding friend? Anyone from TE living in the same region as you?

Take it easy but stay out there on the road! Good luck!
10-07-2005, 06:55 AM
DeniseGoldberg

Are you riding in a group just to ride? Or are you riding in a group because you are racing?

I am really a solo rider; I stopped riding in a group quite a while ago. Why? Because I am not comfortable riding with people when I don't know their riding skills. I am quite happy riding with a small group of people that I know, but I've stopped doing club rides. (OK, maybe I'm just anti-social...) That said, if group rides fit with your riding style it is well worth getting used to them again.

I agree with Grog - start with a small group of people whose riding style you know, and where that style meshes with yours. Use that as a stepping stone to riding with larger groups again.

Keep cycling, and don't let your SO's attitude discourage you. In fact, he should be encouraging you to ride on the road! On the crazy driver and not feeling safe front, the only way I know of to get over that is to get out and ride on the road.

--- Denise
10-07-2005, 09:01 AM
emily_in_nc

BouncyB ~ Since my accident I am also more nervous riding in a group and especially closely behind others. I have done so, but I am very, very conscious of who is in front of me, what their skill level is, and the road conditions. If there is any doubt in my mind, I won't do it. I have started to feel much more comfortable drafting behind my husband again (which I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to do again, at first). It just takes time. You have to decide your comfort level, and if you just want to ride side-by-side and chat with someone, try to find a riding buddy who is willing to do that with you. All group riding does not have to be in a fast, tight paceline.

Give yourself time to recover from the crash emotionally. Even though you weren't seriously hurt, others were, and that is very traumatic to all involved. Chances are, you'll ride in a paceline again, but it may not be this year (esp. with the weather and opportunities getting worse). Take baby steps, and applaud yourself for even getting out and riding at all!

As for the SO issue, my husband was also VERY nervous about riding (him or me) after my accident. He declared that he was not ever going to ride again other than trails on his mtb, and, in fact, did take a couple of months off the road bike completely. He finally started going out again, first alone, and then with his usual group, and that helped him rebuild his confidence. He's also got confidence in my abilities (which I appreciate!) and doesn't freak out when I ride (I don't ride alone often either, for various reasons). So, give your SO some time too; seeing the one you love does make a strong impression on them, and it can really screw with their minds for awhile too, sometimes even more than our own. I was actually more enthusiastic about getting back out on the road than Barry was, but now he's doing great and looks forward to riding (with a club group or just with me) once again!

Emily
10-07-2005, 09:30 AM
Trekhawk

Quote:

Originally Posted by bouncybouncy

My SO is more apprehensive than me :confused: :confused: :confused: He wanted to convert my road bike into a commuter cause "I will never be comfortable in a group again!!!" :eek: :eek: :eek:
I need advice to convince him to just let me ride it out...
(btw...he is coming up with LAME excuses not to ride and unfortunately I am not comfy riding on the road as solo...too dangerous around here *crazy drivers!!!)

We dont like to see the ones we love get hurt and sometimes its harder to cope with. Be patient with him but firm and explain that you understand his fears but he must understand yours also.

If you really want to get back out on the road but not with a group try a ride on your own. It might be a little scary at first but let your SO know your route and how long you expect to be gone and go. I ride alone all the time and it has its good side, plenty of time to contemplate- well anything really and you can take the ride at whatever pace you decide and stop whenever you like. Its your own private time and I love that about riding on my own. :)
10-07-2005, 09:33 AM
bouncybouncy

Many, Many Thanks!!!

You all are so greatly appreciated!!! I read many threads where people had strength to pedal through a variety of issues and your responses has once again cheer another soul :p

Em...Not that I am glad to hear your hubby went through a similar experience but I am consoled to know it is not just Chris, I have chucked it up to him just being overly protective and scared to watch me go down again (it is a scary thing to watch someone uncontrollable flail around on hot pavement...especially with the risk of running over them yourself...and even more-so especially if it is your loved one) I have to say he has not been afraid to get me back out on the dirt....it is the asphalt that has been a problem.
Denise...finding a small group with the same riding style and speed is a perfect idea..it is hard to find around here but maybe in my new hometown (it seems to be more saturated with cyclist) I do not race but would like to race MTBikes and road riding is great for conditioning (my cardio needs all the help it can get) and I work by myself so the social aspect is a huge plus...I tend to babble (can you tell)

Unfortunately the sun is dissapearing too soon and I am loosing chances to get out there and ride...not to mention the rain we are getting :( I am standing my ground and not allowing my pink beauty to be turned into a commuter (another excuse just to get another bike... ;) ) and I will continue to ride...it is an obsession now!!!! I can't help it :p Heck by the time it is road riding weather in Asheville I will be a permanent residence...look out hills, here I come...now off to find the hill climbing thread....

thanks again gals...you all are Great!!!!
10-07-2005, 09:43 AM
bouncybouncy

Hey Trekhawk...How is CA treating you...sounds like the riding is GREAT!!! Have you had a chance to ride on base? Now that would be my speed...the traffic is so slow and when I was there the roads were smooth as a baby's butt :D When I was in 6th grade we did a fund raiser and rode from the school to the flightline...OK maybe not that far but when you 10 things are a little different (I did miss the bus once and had to walk thru the cow fields from main base to the housing) AAAHHHHH!!! Memories...seeing your name always brings back a new hidden memory from my childhood (whooda thought?)

Have you gotten your SantaCruz yet? what color? SuperLight?

**look at me...highjacking my own thread hahaha

Thanks again for the advice ladies...I think this is just being drawn out cause of the lack of riding...I think I just might take up canoeing. :p (if you don't know what i am talking about just look at the east coast radar...that big green blob...that's rain...ALOT of rain...Tammy is her name...*she must not like cycling...go away already!!!! 3 more weeks and hurricane season is over ***knock on wood ;)
10-07-2005, 10:05 AM
Trekhawk

Quote:

Originally Posted by bouncybouncy

Hey Trekhawk...How is CA treating you...sounds like the riding is GREAT!!! Have you had a chance to ride on base? Now that would be my speed...the traffic is so slow and when I was there the roads were smooth as a baby's butt :D When I was in 6th grade we did a fund raiser and rode from the school to the flightline...OK maybe not that far but when you 10 things are a little different (I did miss the bus once and had to walk thru the cow fields from main base to the housing) AAAHHHHH!!! Memories...seeing your name always brings back a new hidden memory from my childhood (whooda thought?)
Have you gotten your SantaCruz yet? what color? SuperLight?
**look at me...highjacking my own thread hahaha

Hi bouncy - Im loving it here. I still havent gotten down to the base yet but Im going to make the effort when my husband gets back from a trip away. He rides down there in his lunch break sometimes and says the roads are great supper smooth so who knows maybe even I can pick up some speed. :D
I havent gotten my bike yet and Im hoping it wont take as long as Adventure girls (thats the right person right) to arrive. I ordered the Juliana SL R (loved the Blur but bank balance says no). Im still waiting for them to tell me what colour they can deliver the fastest. I really want it to ride in place of my road bike when things get a bit icy and then maybe next year off road. I need it to be here before winter. They keep saying yeah yeah they will know soon with the bike show in Vegas etc things have been a bit hectic at Santa Cruz.

They will be sick of me soon but hey Im a mum with three little boys Im use to being a nag. :D If they havent worked that out yet they soon will. :D
10-07-2005, 10:21 AM
bouncybouncy

Quote:

Originally Posted by Trekhawk

I havent gotten my bike yet and Im hoping it wont take as long as Adventure girls (thats the right person right) to arrive. I ordered the Juliana SL R (loved the Blur but bank balance says no). Im still waiting for them to tell me what colour they can deliver the fastest. I really want it to ride in place of my road bike when things get a bit icy and then maybe next year off road. I need it to be here before winter. They keep saying yeah yeah they will know soon with the bike show in Vegas etc things have been a bit hectic at Santa Cruz.

They will be sick of me soon but hey Im a mum with three little boys Im use to being a nag. :D If they havent worked that out yet they soon will. :D

I am sooo excited for you...you will LOVE it!!!!! count some blessings about the Blur...everyone I have talked to has had issues of somesort...Juliana is made to be ridden by a girl :D Don't hold your breath...I don't know if you know anything about SantaCruz but it is a small company with a big order list...worth every second of waiting though!!!!!! and for the roads on the base....they will spoil you :p

Can't wait to hear stories of you and your boys out there on the dirt...what a great way for a Mum to relate to her male children...gettin' dirty MTBing!!!!!
10-07-2005, 10:29 AM
Trekhawk

Quote:

Originally Posted by bouncybouncy

Can't wait to hear stories of you and your boys out there on the dirt...what a great way for a Mum to relate to her male children...gettin' dirty MTBing!!!!!

Thanks bouncy I will be sure to post a picture when it arrives. I will let you know what I get up to on it also.

Please keep posting about your riding I love to hear how you are getting on.
:)
10-07-2005, 12:38 PM
Selkie

Bouncy---Don't worry, you'll work through it on your own time. Don't let anyone push you (what's up w/this converting your road bike to commuter bike anyway....). I'm a lone wolf rider and I don't like riding with anyone, even my husband. Anyway, I think you're a brave lady. To be honest, I'd be more afraid of wiping out on a mountain bike than riding on a paved surface!
10-09-2005, 04:05 PM
KSH

I ride in groups... but I don't draft.

I'm out there to have fun... and get better.

I will have fun if I don't wreck because someone goes down in front of me... and I will get better if I am not drafting. Plus, I do triathlons, and we can't draft when we compete... so I need to learn to NOT to.

Here's how I see it... I'm not getting paid to race.... so why take risks I don't have to? It's just silly to race "like Lance"... when it's not my "job".

OH... and you can ride in a group... stay in the back... and not draft. That is what I do. Or I get into the empty spots in the line.
10-10-2005, 10:24 AM
DirtDiva

Quote:

Originally Posted by mickchick

To be honest, I'd be more afraid of wiping out on a mountain bike than riding on a paved surface!

Lol. I'm totally the opposite. I mean, the pavement is always hard, but if you come off the mtb there's that bit of a chance that you might land on a nice tussock or leafy bush or thick bed of pine needles or good deep patch of sand or, well, something less ouchy than asphalt. But, of course, I'm not a roadie in the slightest.
10-10-2005, 11:55 AM
bouncybouncy

Update

After a'many long cloudy and extremely rainy days we finally had a pretty weekend and I was insistant on riding!!! Well Saturday was a lazy day (SO fighting a cold) but we managed to saddle up and have an exhillerating ride through a couple neighborhoods and the local park that has a crit track and a velodrome (speed skate night so no cyclists to watch :( ) SO felt good so I set the alarm to do a Sun morn ride with a local group that was having a New Riders gathering...when we got there I told a ride leader we were experienced but my love was sick so we wanted to take it easy (I did not want to startle anyone by telling them I was having "issues") I figured I would just drop and we could ride on back to the car if I had to... :rolleyes:

Well, off we were through sprinkler puddles and past the same spot (twice) that caused all of this craziness! (I did not mention I was pulling at that time so drafting was not an issue... ;) ) BUT...I was drafting the rest of the time ...a little nervous here and there but NOTHING like before!!! The ride was a slower pace and a smaller group...which I think helped. Anyway...all is good and Chris is definitely feeling better about my road riding!!! He realizes it just takes time... :) It was nice to get back in a paceline and not let it go too long...Boy did it feel good!!!!

SIDENOTE *** Did meet another TE gal before the ride...she and I rode in different group so we did not have a chance to chat :( Maybe next time!!!
10-10-2005, 12:44 PM
DirtDiva

Yay!

Good news bouncy! Glad to hear it!
10-10-2005, 01:19 PM
Trekhawk

Quote:

Originally Posted by bouncybouncy

Well, off we were through sprinkler puddles and past the same spot (twice) that caused all of this craziness! (I did not mention I was pulling at that time so drafting was not an issue... ;) ) BUT...I was drafting the rest of the time ...a little nervous here and there but NOTHING like before!!! The ride was a slower pace and a smaller group...which I think helped. Anyway...all is good and Chris is definitely feeling better about my road riding!!! He realizes it just takes time... :) It was nice to get back in a paceline and not let it go too long...Boy did it feel good!!!!
SIDENOTE *** Did meet another TE gal before the ride...she and I rode in different group so we did not have a chance to chat :( Maybe next time!!!

Bouncy - YOU GO GIRL. (Im saying that with my best American Accent) :D
10-10-2005, 01:19 PM
Blueberry

Congratulations!

Congratulations Bouncy! Glad to hear you'll be ready to tackle all the pretty road rides in Asheville!

Way to go! Sounds like it's all downhill (at least figuratively speaking) from here :p