Breaking up (with your group) is hard to do...etiquette advice?

How do you handle a situation where you no longer want to ride with the same group because they're too slow? The group I've been riding with several times a month for the past year just doesn't seem to want to get any faster. There is one person in particular who has always been really supportive of me as a new rider, but it just kills me how he wants to stop and take breaks every 12 or so miles and isn't concerned with stepping up the pace. While I consider myself a recreational rider, I still want to get [I]faster[I]. It wouldn't be so awkward if the group didn't expect me to ride along with them and stay together whenever we do charity or club rides. This past weekend, I did my first century and ended up riding with a different (and better) group altogether. It was a great time, although I couldn't get over the feeling that I was "cheating on" my old group by not hanging back with them. Later on, I heard through the grapevine that a couple of them were peeved at how I "flaked out" and left them behind. How do you handle these situations? Although I'd like to stay on good terms with these people, none of them are what I would consider "close friends" outside of cycling.

The story of my life is I'm too slow for the fast group and too fast for the slow group. :rolleyes: Lately, because of all the running, I've mostly been riding with the slow group.

It depends on my mood and how many other rides I've been getting. Sometimes I'll take off on my own and they'll just have to deal with it. Sometimes one or two others will go off the front with me. If it's a recovery day or I just feel slothful or extra social, I might cruise with them the whole time. If I want a little cardio on those days, I can use the opportunity to work on my spin.

Can you ride once a week with your slow group, and your other rides with other people?

If you really like their friendship then just use that as your recovery ride. Go ride with the faster more challenging group to get you workouts in and then go with the slower group to give yourself some nice slow recovery miles. If that still drives you crazy, maybe do half of it with the slower group then take off to do some more intense work on your own? Just a thought.

Why don't you just be honest? You shouldn't be tied to any riders simply b/c you have ridden with them in the past. Tell them and especially the guy who was most helpful that you have enjoyed and appreciated all the help that they have given you, but now you want to go a bit faster than the group; thus, you have decided to try some other rides.

Because you won't miss anyone in the group, why does it matter what they think once you leave the group?

Go. Ride. Faster!:)

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Originally Posted by Big Black Bike

Why don't you just be honest? You shouldn't be tied to any riders simply b/c you have ridden with them in the past. Tell them and especially the guy who was most helpful that you have enjoyed and appreciated all the help that they have given you, but now you want to go a bit faster than the group; thus, you have decided to try some other rides.

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This is what I'm thinking. You could also ask if anyone would like to join you -- there might be one or two others in the group who are interested in taking things up a notch but think no one else feels that way.

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Originally Posted by buffybike

This past weekend, I did my first century and ended up riding with a different (and better) group altogether. It was a great time, although I couldn't get over the feeling that I was "cheating on" my old group by not hanging back with them. Later on, I heard through the grapevine that a couple of them were peeved at how I "flaked out" and left them behind. How do you handle these situations? Although I'd like to stay on good terms with these people, none of them are what I would consider "close friends" outside of cycling.

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I completely empathize with the challenge. I think you're getting some good advice. The only thing I would add is to change this to "a different (and faster) group." The other group might be a "better" match for your goals, but perhaps a change in description would help you explain your rationale to the slower group. I mean, after all, we all like to think we're the best. :)

Finding a group of compatible riders is a lot harder than I thought. I don't know if my expectations are too high or what...it's not ONLY about pace. There are a couple members of my group who are consistently *****y and negative and one who refuses to stop using headphones and aerobars on group rides. An all-female group would be ideal (as my husband tends to get jealous when I'm the only woman riding with a pack of men), but probably unreasonable given the size of my community. Most of the female riders around here are either really into triathlons (and use tri-bikes) or are retired and mostly into touring. I think I had an easier time finding a husband!

the headphones and aerobars on the group ride would be enough for me to stop riding with them.

The stopping every 12 miles would drive me nuts too...hubs and I usually stop every 25 miles or so.

How do you know them? Are they "friends" you had before and started cycling with, or "just" a bike shop group or other cycling group that you met to ride with? Unless they're friends, you don't owe anyone an explanation, but as a group ride leader myself I would want to know "why" to try to fix it if this is an organized group, but would totally understand. One "regular" we had stopped coming all of a sudden, and we missed him. I shot him an email asking how he was and did we offend him or something. Turns out his son just started soccer on Saturday mornings and can't join us then, but wants to ride on other days/times. I wouldn't have known had I not asked.
Other people we either ride too slow or too fast for, and we try to help them find a group more suited to their ability and goals. The slow pace and stops would drive me crazy. My group kind of tease me that I just go and go! We only rest on "social" or coffee rides - otherwise, I'd go the full 30+ miles without stopping (that's what signals are for!) They all know they can tell me to stop or slow down if it's hot or someone is having an "off" day, and we have a good time. In fact the last two weeks we have record ride times on two of our regular routes, even cutting a ride down from 2 1/2 hrs to 2 hours flat - everyone was proud of such an accomplishment and it made us all feel good to be that much faster after riding all summer. It's nice to have a group with similar goals and riding abilities. You deserve it!

Why are you riding? Are you riding to make other people feel good, to be social, to make yourself feel good, or for some other reason? Once you acknowledge the "why," then the "what to do" is simple.

Personally, I would keep my distance from anyone who rides in a group with aero bars and/or with earphones.

Aero bars would be a deal breaker for me, too. At one of the charity rides I did there was a guy riding in a pack with aero bars and that for me is dangerous. If you don't know who you are riding with, it can be even MORE dangerous.

*head desk*

If you want to move up, do it. I know it will probably be uncomfortable, but it is their problem if they make it that way.

Beyond the safety issues (headphones and aerobars are dealbreakers IMO), I think you should aim to be tactful and kind about the "breakup," as these people's only other "sin" is being too slow for your current goals. Try not to burn too many bridges if you can avoid it. Your current goal is to get faster and stronger, but you never know when that might change. I spent several years trying to get faster when I first started riding. Now I'm just content to ride.

Even when I was training hard, I tried to keep a good mix. Riding hard with the same group can get old.

Great thoughts and advice here!

I think it is obvious that this slow group is holding you back and it's time to move on, at least a few rides a week. I am on the tail end of the A groups here and faster than the B's. I have friends in both and they would never think of giving me a hard time for being with the other group. Well, maybe a little teasing. :) If I want a recovery type ride, I hang back and if I am feeling good I go out with the big dogs.

One gal is a very consistent B rider who is great for me to pace myself with on long charity/ event rides. She keeps me from blowing myself out!

So, it's a slow group and some clown insists on riding on aerobars? Clown is right. This alone (fast or slow) would be enough for me to stop riding with them. Aerobars are dangerous in groups and you shouldn't have to put up with it.

I'd just be honest. A woman from the group local to me has started some drama becasue of a situation like this which would never have happened if she'd been honest in the first place.

I was once banned from a group ride of women because I had aerobars on my bike and refused to remove them each week after the two weeks of "introductory ride." This in spite of the fact that I never have nor ever will ride in aerobars unless I am completely solo on a training ride. I don't even ride in aero bars if I am doing a charity ride and find myself in a solo situation. Heck, Idon't even ride in my drops much in any group situation.

I was made to promise not to ride in the aeros on the first ride and reminded of that promise on the second ride. On the third ride they said that if I showed up with aerobars on my bike for the next ride, they would not let me ride with them. I pointed out to them that I had kept my word, and that I was an adult and a woman of my word. And that I trained four or five days solo for every ride I did with them and I wasn't about to spend that much time messing with my aeros for the questionable privilege of doing a polite 20-40 miles with them for social time.

Sigh.......

so what's the deal with no aerobars on a group ride? I don't understand.

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Originally Posted by Irulan

so what's the deal with no aerobars on a group ride? I don't understand.

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As I've always understood it, if you're in a paceline, you need to be able to react quickly and/or signal with your hands to prevent an accident. That, and some (though not all) people aren't as steady in holding a line when they're in their aerobars. I have some friends I don't mind riding with when they're using their bars. They're really steady, and I keep a little extra distance. Other people, not so much. At group training rides (where the paceline is pretty big and pretty fast), I strongly prefer that people not use them. It's the club's policy that people don't. Plus, you shouldn't need them. That's the whole point of a paceline.

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Originally Posted by Irulan

so what's the deal with no aerobars on a group ride? I don't understand.

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Aerobars are scary and anyone who rides with them is just plain dangerous. Insert tongue in cheek icon.

Personally, I prefer to evaluate the person's abilities before judging them to be dangerous. I did a double century once almost entirely behind a guy riding in his aerobars. I never worried about his skills.

BTW I almost never go on big group rides because I can't stand how the groups around here disobey traffic laws. What do you mean I have to stop at the stop sign? All my rides now are solo or with friends.

Veronica

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Originally Posted by Veronica

Aerobars are scary and anyone who rides with them is just plain dangerous. Insert tongue in cheek icon.

Personally, I prefer to evaluate the person's abilities before judging them to be dangerous. I did a double century once almost entirely behind a guy riding in his aerobars. I never worried about his skills.

BTW I almost never go on big group rides because I can't stand how the groups around here disobey traffic laws. What do you mean I have to stop at the stop sign? All my rides now are solo or with friends.

Veronica

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I've gotten away from big group rides myself, in part for the same reason. At least at the training rides I once frequented, there were always a lot of stupid manuevers in an effort to keep up. I finally had enough one day and never went back. I have a group of friends who have ridden together for years. They're about the only people I enjoy riding with now. Several of them use their aerobars when they're leading the group without issue. But the grou isn't huge, and generally isn't going really fast.

My issue with people using them at open-invitation group rides is that you don't necessarily have an opportunity to judge how skilled they are at using them before the ride starts. Add in a bunch of squirrely riders in general, and it's better to just have an enforce a strict policy against them IMO.