Better late than never, I say!
Hey Everyone -
Well, I finally got a few minutes to mess around with the photos I took in Maine. I wanted to post a few of them to share with my experiences, but as I need to figure out how to make them smaller, I'll have to add them later.
First though, let me say that going to Maine to see my Dad was one of the most important decisions and experiences of my life. Even though I'm 35, I feel that I did a lot of growing up along this whole process by helping to soothe my "demons", for lack of a better word, regarding my relationship with my father, or lack thereof. All the memories I have of my father before this were in bad circumstances, as my parents were divorced and I only saw him during his court-authorized visitations, which almost always ended badly, with yelling, sometimes police, etc. Long story short, I got a letter notifying me that he had very nearly died earlier this year, that he was still very sick. The fact that I could have lost my father without ever seeing him again affected me deeply, and I knew that I had to see him one more time, at least, before it was too late. It had been 23 years since I had seen him (I was 12), and I so much wanted to just see his face again.
So here goes.....I'm so jazzed to be able to share it with you. I'll try not to get too wordy, but no guarantees. I might grab a tall cup o' joe and get ready for a good long read, if I were you.
Ok, well first of all, this was my first plane trip anywhere, ever! What a doozy, huh? And let me just say, I have found something ELSE I want to do with my life (as if the list isn't long enough)....take flying lessons...I LOVED flying, even the rough flight from Boston to Augusta! I knew I would, as I've always been interested in airplanes. Anyway, the flight from San Francisco was the red-eye (10:45pm), so I didn't see any land except by moonlight, and THAT was neat! The lights of the cities below were like tiny little clusters from 35K feet above the earth, and the Great Lakes looked huge even from that height, with the moonlight reflected off their surface. So cool. My seatmates were perfect - a young couple from the Bay Area. My bad luck got the aisle seat, but after they found out it was my first flight, they insisted on giving me the window seat. Another plus about them -- he used to be on the UCLA Cycling Team a couple years ago....so we had some good conversation about bikes, in between snoozes.
After the plane landed in Boston friday morning, I met up with a high school friend of mine that I had emailed a couple weeks earlier to tell her that I was going to be in Boston, albeit for only a couple hours! Seeing her was one of the high points of my trip -- it was so awesome to see her, and she's still the same beautiful person she was back then. ;)
I took a little propeller commuter plane over from Boston to Augusta, which was really neat. It was completely differently from the big jetliner I had just been on. You could feel every bump of the rough air currents, and I could feel the plane dropping and lifting, and the tail wagging back and forth, as the weather knocked it around a little. I had every confidence in the pilots, though, and totally enjoyed the flight. There was only three of us on board.
As soon as we landed and taxied over, I looked over and saw my aunt and uncle, whom I had never met, over at the gate waiting for me. I knew it was my uncle as soon as I saw him; the tall, lanky, slim body structure definitely runs in the family, as do the blue eyes. I nearly cried before I even got out of the plane, because the realness of what I was doing was suddenly right there in front of me. I went inside and immediately got a hug from my Aunt and a memorable smile from my Uncle. What a moment....I instantly felt loved and welcome. Awesome.
From the airport, we went to eat at a deli nearby as it was lunchtime there (still morning on the West Coast!), which gave us a chance to get to know each other and talk about my dad, since we were going straight over there to see him. What they had to tell me was pretty sobering -- he's a sick man, physically (emphysema and a serious heart condition) and mentally (bi-polar disorder and some mild paranoia). We also talked about the condition of my 93-year-old grandmother, whom I was also going to visit on Saturday.
Seeing my dad for the first time in so many years was...I don't know...strange. He looked sortof the same, but the years have taken a toll on him, and he looked so much older than I was prepared for. I can't count the number of times I welled up with tears while looking at him. He's able to get around and walk, but always with an oxygen tank, and he has a bad knee, so it's slow going. We had a good visit, though, and it went well despite both mine and my uncle's concerns about how he would react to me. He enjoyed the pictures I brought of my three kids - his grandkids - and laughed very hard at a couple of them (my kids are crazy, especially in front of the camera :D ). That laugh I'll remember forever. ;) I also brought a few of my two brothers, and he was amazed at how much we've all changed over the years. In fact, he didn't even recognize me when I came in. My uncle asked him if he knew who I was and he replied grumpily "Well I dunno, the new nurse???!" Ha! It was toooo funny. Then when he realized who he WAS looking at, he was nearly speechless and somewhat embarrassed/sheepish at the state he was in. I assured him, though, that I knew what had happened to him, and was only there to see him and let him know I cared. It was a great visit, although I was a little guarded through it, and I left feeling good, filled with emotion, but strangely free, like a huge weight had been lifted. I had felt every emotion one could feel, all at the same time - dread, timidness, fear, deep sadness, happiness, elation, regret, pity, humor, relief, wariness....the list could go on.
After we left, we drove through Saco, where my dad grew up, to Kennebunkport where the Cape Able bike shop is and met my new friend, a lovely blue Cannondale, Ultegra-equipped (I'll call him Mr. Blue, for lack of a better name). They put my Speedplay Zero pedals on for me, put on a longer stem, and made sure it would work out for me, and I took the little guy with me (I say little, 'cause it was a 54cm frame, when my usual size is a 56cm). Nice shop! And it was cute -- out in the middle of seemingly nowhere, in the woods of the Maine coast. Very nice, beautiful locale and perfect for cyclists.
From there, bike loaded, we drove back up to Scarborough where my aunt and uncle live, they let me get settled in to my neat little room upstairs, take a shower, and get cleaned up before we went out to dinner (pasta!!). We looked at some pictures they have of my dad when he was little and they had some of my mom and dad's wedding. As she's taken all of hers out of the photo albums, I had never seen any before....they looked so happy.
With all of the activity and emotion of the day, I was completely exhausted. I went to up to bed, and used my cell phone to check my email, intending to set the alarm to wake up by afterwards. Well.....I was sooo tired I fell asleep with the phone still connected to the network and never set my alarm. I woke up at 6:55, when I meant to get up nearly an hour earlier, and started groggily putting on my cycling stuff and looking out the window at the weather (yukky!!). Just then my cell phone rang - I didn't hear it at first, since I hadn't even adjusted the volume from the flights and the hospital visit. It was Mainerider calling to see if I was going on the 8:00 ride back at the shop. I called her right back, and together, I do believe we let the reeeally WET weather chicken us out. But, she said she hadn't had anything planned, so we agreed to wait for a break in the weather. Guess what I did....went back to sleep! By the time I finally got up and fed, though, the "break in the weather" had been very small and pretty much had passed us by. The forecast called for heavy rains in the afternoon, so I called up Mainerider to see if she wanted to chance it, and lo and behold....she was already getting that heavy rain. So...alas, she and I never met up. That was a downer...I was looking forward to meeting up with another TE member! Next time, Mainerider...as I'm thinking of going back....I met lots of family that I'd love to see again, and who knows, my dad might hang on for a couple more years. He's stubborn enough. :D
As I'm my stubborn dad's daughter :rolleyes: , I wasn't about to let a good rental bike go to waste, so I went out for a ride anyway, knowing I was in for a wet one. My uncle told me of a pretty simple route through Old Orchard Beach (deserted because of the off-season), past an old beachside amusement park, and through marsh and wooded areas. They said I'd eventually come to a spot where I could go no further -- no chance of getting lost, just rained on! Well, it was sprinkling lightly as I left, but I didn't care. The scenery was beautiful, and I relished the experience of riding in Maine. What a beautiful state! As I rode though, it started raining harder...still didn't care about getting wet, but becoming more concerned about drivers being able to see me through the heavy rain. So, although I wasn't ready to stop riding, my better judgement stopped me from going any further, and I turned back. The roads were already starting to get flooded, too. I found my way back to the house and rode up and down their quiet street for a few minutes, still not ready to get off the bike, and realizing how good it felt to blow off some of that stress. But, looking at the time, I had to get the bike back to the shop by closing time, so my relationship with Mr. Blue had to come to an end as quick as it started.
We took the bike back to Kennebunkport, took some pics of ol' Mr. Blue and the shop, and then went for a little drive before going to see my grandmother. About four years ago, she began to get very ill, and now due to her heart not supplying enough oxygen to her brain, does not have much of a short-term memory, and is "in and out" on the long-term things. She knew who I was at first after being told it was me, but there was a few moments where she was trying to figure out again who she was looking at, and then she needed reminding of my brothers' names. So sad....my uncle cried when we left. He says he never has cried like that. I only regret not getting to see her while she was strong. The last and only time I saw her, I believe I was maybe five years old.
During the course of the day, I had made a huge mistake. I hadn't eaten after my ride, and had only had a bowl of oatmeal in the morning, so as we drove around seeing the sights (Walker's Point where Prez Bush goes for time off, family sites of interest), the lack of food combined with probably the stress of the trip, I developed the mother of all migraines. Too late, we stopped for something to eat, and I knew after eating about half of it that I was in for it. We got back to the house, and I was quietly sick. I managed to make it back out to see my grandmother, though, and one of my cousins had come over to meet me. We went out to a restaurant for a New England-style lobster dinner, and I just couldn't eat, much less sit there for more than ten minutes without having to visit the porcelain facilities. This was one of worst migraines I had had in probably years, and I felt so bad to do it, but I excused myself to go lay down (as much as I could) in the car outside. As soon as we got back to the house, I got into bed, and didn't get up (except to be sick again) until about 2am. Finally, I felt well enough to keep something down. So, comically, there I was in the middle of the night, groggily nibbling on leftover mashed potatoes from my uneaten lobster dinner. :D
Sunday, I saw my dad again, and this visit was much more emotional than the first, because I knew that it might be the very last time I saw him. Again, the visit was good, which almost compounded the emotion. It was so hard leaving him, but I had to catch the plane. He told me he loved me, that he was sorry, and hugged me many times. I had told myself before I left home that what I wanted were those things that he just said and did, so even though I was a sobbing mess upon leaving, I was gratified at the same time. I felt that the whole visit was completely right, and that he felt the same. I could see that he meant everything he said and that it meant alot that I had come all that way just to see him.
I met another cousin and his family (I have 2nd cousins too!! :D ) at the airport in Augusta, where I found out that my flight was delayed due to maintenance issues...and then cancelled due to the weather. Another night in Maine! But it gave me a chance to get to know my cousin and his family better over an early dinner, so it was a blessing in disguise.
I got up at 3:30am (12:30am on the West Coast!) to be able to catch a bus in Portland to go to the Boston airport. I didn't see much of Boston since it was dark, but saw plenty of the airport. :D The flight back was awesome, and I was like a little kid looking out the window at all the sights below. Way cool. I had another good seat companion - this time, a really sweet English woman, and we had lots to talk about, as my mother is English (that's the next flight I need to take). I snapped pics of the Boston skyline and harbor as we banked away from the city (tea, anyone??) and the Great Lakes, saw the farmlands of the Midwest, the peaks of the Rockies, the flats of Utah, and as a plus, flew right over Yosemite Nat'l Park. Of course, that was my last picture. And it turned out!
Back in California, it was back to a different reality. I had a paper due in philosophy that night (I was making revisions to it during the flight...never ever thought I'd be doing homework in an airplane!), so I hit the ground almost literally running. I got home after driving back from SF at about 3:30pm, made the changes to my report, and then scurried to class. I was awake almost 24 hours that day (remember, I had gotten up at 12:30am Pacific time!). I slept well!
I know this was long, and most of you may have only been interested in the part about the bike and the ride, but to me, the trip was so much more than that. It's unbelievable how I struggled with the decision of going, and then I actually did it, and now....now I feel like I have a family over there in Maine, I feel like I have a father, and I have the reassurance that he loves me, my family loves me, and that they all think about me as often as I think about them. This was the best and the biggest thing I think I've arguably done all my life, and it turned out wonderfully.
Thanks for reading, everyone. ;)
