Bicycle Salmon, How I Despise Thee

Riding across town today, I encountered 3 people salmoning up the wrong way on the bike lane in a 5 block span of a narrow one way st. This isn't anything new, but one of them came at me when I was swerving around a minivan cab that had stopped in the bike lane to let a passenger out. She came around the minivan from the wrong direction on a one way street with cars parked on both sides. I managed to pass without hitting her, but it scared the hell out of me. I stopped, turned, and hollered back that she was going the wrong way, and got a 'whatEVER' in response as she slowly pedaled her way up the street. I shot white hot death rays into her back with my eyes, but sadly, she remained unscathed, and continued on her way to blithely terrorize all who crossed her path.

I really don't have a point I'm trying to make, other than 'this happened and I am angry that it isn't an uncommon experience'. Just wanted to vent. I think cyclists in this city get a lot of grief, but when so many of them behave like this dummy, I understand why.

Anyone have any suggestions for how to convince a salmoner to stop riding upstream? Because apparently near-collisions are just too 'whatEVER' to register as possibly dangerous. :mad:

Act like a total newbie. Steer straight at them, screaming at the top of your lungs, yelling that they're going the wrong way, yelling "what are you DOING!?!?!"

They think they are cool. Someone who is calm has no effect on them. Get hysterical. Make them react in self-defense. They are too selfish, and that's the only way to reach them.

There are plenty of selfish idiots in my neck of the woods. Making them act in self-defense is the only way to get them to pull their self-centered heads out of their self-aggrandizing butts.

what is a bicycle salmon?

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Originally Posted by Irulan

what is a bicycle salmon?

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a per OP: "people salmoning up the wrong way on the bike lane"; like salmon swimming upstream.

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Originally Posted by DMC

I shot white hot death rays into her back with my eyes, but sadly, she remained unscathed, and continued on her way to blithely terrorize all who crossed her path.

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Priceless! :D I hope the rays work better next time.

Dunno how to stop people from salmoning wantonly.

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Originally Posted by KnottedYet

Act like a total newbie. Steer straight at them, screaming at the top of your lungs, yelling that they're going the wrong way, yelling "what are you DOING!?!?!"

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LOLz! Oh, you just made my day!

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Originally Posted by MDHillSlug

a per OP: "people salmoning up the wrong way on the bike lane"; like salmon swimming upstream.

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Yes, sorry. Its a term coined by BikeSnobNYC for people who go the wrong way on a one way street, especially in a bike lane. There are traditional 'bike salmon' and also 'pedi-salmon' is used to describe someone who is not only traveling up the bike lane in the wrong direction, but is in fact, WALKING in the bike lane in the wrong direction. This happens quite a bit in NYC. I don't know which breed I despise more. Probably the bike salmon, because they should know better.

While I'm tempted to stop, swing my bike perpendicular to them blocking the lane and pretend you have to tie laces, tighten velcro on the shoes. :mad: but here in the wilds of the Bay Area I don't wanna start trouble.

A subtle nod of the head towards the other side of the road is about it. Even that if they are truly newbies may make them swerve into me or worse. So I just watch it.

DMC, I know exactly what you mean. Wrong-way bikers scare me more than cars sometimes. What on earth are they thinking in a situation like the one you describe?

Knot, your suggestion is great. I may just do that if I get a chance where it seems safe.

Yah, these are maybe the only cyclist group that will really make my blood boil. I seem to mostly find them moving uphill, they seem to think that because they are moving slowly it doesn't really matter which side they are on. But if I'm coming fast down a hill, using my designated space between cars on one side and the sidewalk on the other side, I have just nowhere to go if one of these dorks turn up. Plus they're totally unpredictable. Which side does a salmon swerve to?

Maybe they're the same people who use the bike lanes to park their cars in, "just for a moment cause I have to pick up something".

How annoying and dangerous!

I saw someone cycling the wrong way up a cycle lane on a two way street, if that makes sense. The cycle lane there is about 60cm wide so really not wide enough to abuse it.

Maybe its because we don't have mandatory bike lanes here, but I encounter very, very few people doing this around here. There's a one way street on my commute that I occasionally see people going the wrong way on - but sometimes I probably see as many cars go the wrong way too!

I do sometimes encounter wrong way joggers on MUPs - I think its because they've been trained to jog on the left when they are using the shoulder of the *road* and they think it translates to the trail too - which is dead wrong. I almost ran into (I think) the same dude several times last winter because he would insist on jogging on the wrong side, with no lights or reflective material on a path with a bunch of blind curves after dark. To add to it, he was always a complete @ss about it - when he was the one on the wrong side doing the stupid stuff.

Explanatory note: NYC has a lot of one-way streets -- in fact, in Manhattan most of the streets are one way. Probably in Brooklyn too.

This doesn't justify anything, but it does explain why we see so much wrong-way biking.

Wrong-way biking is the worst. And the worst of the worst is if you're taking a semi-blind right turn and they're on the wrong side taking a left; a head-on collision is just waiting to happen. Been way too close to this situation before, and it's scary and infuriating!

Generally riding in NJ I don't find designated bike lanes - just the shoulder of the road. And I gotta say, I've lived in Jersey all but 1 year of my life and drivers here are uptight, in a rush and downright arrogant. So, depending on where you're riding there's a lot to pay attention to with traffic being as it is.

And when you throw idiots on bikes into the mix it gets real hairy. I ride around the Jersey shore on weekends. Between all the immigrant workers that commute to work on bikes and all the "kids" on beach cruisers, it's surprising I haven't gotten killed.

I will say the "workers" will always move out of my way usually going up on the sidewalk (not a good idea, either). But, the kids. They ride 2, 3, or 4 abreast on a wide shoulder of a busy street. No helmets, flip-flops on their feet. I put on my "get the eff out of my way" look, don't waiver even an inch and they get the idea that THEY will need to move.

DMC - I give you a lot of credit...when she tossed you that "whatever" you must have wanted to rip her a new one. I often fantasize about carrying a stash of tennis balls with me to wing at inconsiderate drivers and cyclists.

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Originally Posted by nikkoblu2

I often fantasize about carrying a stash of tennis balls with me to wing at inconsiderate drivers and cyclists.

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O yes. But in a fantasy world they'd be a bit softer and filled with ketchup :D

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Originally Posted by lph

O yes. But in a fantasy world they'd be a bit softer and filled with ketchup :D

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Eggs.

(no, I would never do this...but I fantasize about it all the time - sue me)

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Originally Posted by nikkoblu2

Generally riding in NJ I don't find designated bike lanes - just the shoulder of the road. And I gotta say, I've lived in Jersey all but 1 year of my life and drivers here are uptight, in a rush and downright arrogant. So, depending on where you're riding there's a lot to pay attention to with traffic being as it is.

And when you throw idiots on bikes into the mix it gets real hairy. I ride around the Jersey shore on weekends. Between all the immigrant workers that commute to work on bikes and all the "kids" on beach cruisers, it's surprising I haven't gotten killed.

I will say the "workers" will always move out of my way usually going up on the sidewalk (not a good idea, either). But, the kids. They ride 2, 3, or 4 abreast on a wide shoulder of a busy street. No helmets, flip-flops on their feet. I put on my "get the eff out of my way" look, don't waiver even an inch and they get the idea that THEY will need to move.

DMC - I give you a lot of credit...when she tossed you that "whatever" you must have wanted to rip her a new one. I often fantasize about carrying a stash of tennis balls with me to wing at inconsiderate drivers and cyclists.

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I've been trying to figure out what to do with all the used tennis balls in my garage - I think I'll start a business selling them to irate bike riders! :p

Dealing with wrong way cyclists is something that I have to do all summer long. I generally try to hold my line but on Rt 26 where the designated bike lane is but 3' wide that is not a place to play "chicken." But I always ask "Why are you riding on the wrong side of the road? Don't you understand how dangerous it is?" Of course by that time I'm long gone and they haven't heard a word. Our culprits fall into two categories - the international students here for summer beach resort jobs and the retirees on their beach cruisers totally oblivious to their surroundings. I did have one of them yell at me first.... LOL! Occasionally I see someone fully kitted out, complete with helmet, headphones, on expensive bikes going the wrong way - and for the life of me I can't figure that one out.

Last summer I posted pages about the wrong way cyclist on the bulletin boards at the library, post office, and grocery stores but I doubt it had much effect.

Sometimes I feel like the salmon.

Where is the jersey that has the "wrong way" sign printed on the front. :p

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Originally Posted by Muirenn

I was thinking the same, in a way, but it would be pretty hard to convice someone you are a newbie while wearing spandex on a flashy bike. Luckily, or unluckily, there aren't too many cyclists here that aren't experienced riders, except for those on the sidewalks.

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Yeah, I'm fully roadie'd out, so unfortunately that gives me a few disadvantages. One being I look like I know what I'm doing, the other being (in the words of my husband) 'once you put on those bike shorts and cycling shoes, you instantly look like an a$$hole'. (I think I look like a sexy superhero. ;) )

I try to smile and be as friendly as I can, because the cycling community are usually immediately turned off by the roadie/tri contingent. A lot of roadies here are pretty aggressive and it doesn't make people want to listen to me if I throw out too much 'tude. So I try to smile a lot. Even an 'On your left' can get a hostile reaction from the cycling clueless, but if I sound cheery when I say it, it helps.

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Originally Posted by nikkoblu2

DMC - I give you a lot of credit...when she tossed you that "whatever" you must have wanted to rip her a new one. I often fantasize about carrying a stash of tennis balls with me to wing at inconsiderate drivers and cyclists.

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I always imagine stone cold, knocking someone OUT whenever they are rude enough to say 'whatever'. It is the MOST passive aggressive way to say 'F You'. It is a way of escalating a confrontation under the guise of backing off. Gah, I HATE 'whatever'.

If dudes said 'whatever' to each other the way chicks do, and with the frequency chicks use it...I think a lot of dudes would be getting punched in the mouth.

Here, we don't have bike lanes but we do have bike salmons. Unfortunately, they're usually migrant workers or old folks riding their bikes (sometimes with grandkids on them) on the road. In the wrong direction. Scary as hell but its not nice to freak out at an old person.

The one salmon that really took the cake was this dude, who was riding against traffic on a five lane road absolutely PACKED with cars, weaving back and forth across the lanes (and get this) while sniffing glue.

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Originally Posted by alexis_the_tiny

The one salmon that really took the cake was this dude, who was riding against traffic on a five lane road absolutely PACKED with cars, weaving back and forth across the lanes (and get this) while sniffing glue.

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Well, at least he had a good excuse to be clueless. (If not glueless). *snork* I need to go home... :D

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Originally Posted by DMC

It is the MOST passive aggressive way to say 'F You'. It is a way of escalating a confrontation under the guise of backing off. Gah, I HATE 'whatever'.

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Incredibly well put...maybe that's why I want to knock the living crap out of someone when I hear it. Ya think we NY/NJ girls need to learn to chill a little? Sometimes I wonder, but then I think how polite I am to people when they show courtesy and how apologetic I am if I inconvenience someone else with my faux pas.

Yeah...it's not us...it's them;)

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Originally Posted by alexis_the_tiny

The one salmon that really took the cake was this dude, who was riding against traffic on a five lane road absolutely PACKED with cars, weaving back and forth across the lanes (and get this) while sniffing glue.

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Okay, you win the salmon story contest. Sniffing glue? I want a "don't sniff glue" jersey.

Well, I didn't see this cyclist actually partaking of any intoxicants.

But he was up against the narrow concrete divider in the center of the Interstate highway in my town. Riding against traffic, not that that really mattered much in that situation. In an area with heavy traffic and several short on- and off- ramps set close together.

I don't even know how he was able to get there without getting flattened. I called 911 and never heard what happened, but it would've been in the news if he'd been hit.

We had one going the wrong way on a 6 lane road right across the top of the off-ramp onto the interstate the other morning. At the peak of rush hour. Without a helmet. While drivers were turning right all around him to get onto the ramp. :eek:

He did not seem to be sniffing glue, at least.

I literally had to keep blinking to verify that I was actually seeing what I was seeing.

I just encountered 2 salmon today on my ride 1 wasn't wearing a helmet the other one almost hit me when I wouldn't move over, kid(20 ish)thought I wasn't serious. I got mad, I yelled, I got over it, I wished a bad case of jock itch on him.

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Originally Posted by jelee1311

I just encountered 2 salmon today on my ride 1 wasn't wearing a helmet the other one almost hit me when I wouldn't move over, kid(20 ish)thought I wasn't serious. I got mad, I yelled, I got over it, I wished a bad case of jock itch on him.

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They are almost always NOT wearing helmets, aren't they? Some people just have a death wish.

I am seeing more and more salmon. First, it was just immigrants who are used to riding that way. But now, I see a lot of older people doing this. Well, older as in older than me :). My drive home from my internship parallels a bike path for about half of the way. I see a lot of horrible stuff when these riders are getting on/off the path, crossing a main road, to get into their neighborhoods. On Monday I seriously considered stopping and helping a couple who were riding the wrong way down Rt. 27 to make a left.
What gets me is when I see a parent riding the wrong way, with their kid following. Of course, the kid is wearing a helmet (usually on incorrectly) and the parent is not.