Midlife is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down. This gives us
plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
In midlife, women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are
no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
Midlife is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see
your rear without turning around.
Midlife is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the
only time someone will ask you to appear topless.
Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top
and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will
too."
Midlife brings wisdom to know that life throws us curves and we're
sitting on our biggest ones.
Midlife is when you look at your-know-it-all, beeper-wearing teenager
and think: "For this I have stretch marks?"
In midlife your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can
retain is water.
Midlife means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand
McNally--more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of
Wisconsin.
Midlife means that you become more reflective...You start pondering the
"big" questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much Healthy Choice
ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
