Getting over not wanting to ride alone

Okay, I need some tips.

Since I returned to cycling in '06, I just don't much enjoy riding by myself. I can drag myself out for a rare commute, but I have to have that specific purpose in mind.

It's a long drive to the start of the group rides (and they're either early morning or evening, so riding an extra 90 minutes to the start just isn't an option; even if I had a blazing set of lights, it's just too isolated to ride at night IMO).

Once in a while one or both members of a couple who live about 11 miles from me, will meet me nearby and we'll do a loop together. But other than that, it's the organized group rides, and if it's rainy or I have other commitments (like this week), I could go a week without a ride.

It's not that I'm scared, precisely (during daylight hours anyhow), I just don't really enjoy it. And I need to get over that if I'm going to get the mileage I want.

All suggestions welcome!

I ride about 90% of the time by myself... Same with skiing, maybe 50% of the time I kayak alone.. Finding people that want to participate in expensive time consuming hobbies with me at a similar level can be difficult... I'm not super fast or anything, but I'm more "hardcore" than your average weekend warrior. And I was pretty much finding that if I waited for someone to do it with me, I wasn't doing those activities.

I can't say that I'm thrilled with going to a restaurant alone and eating dinner, but for the most part, I've found that I enjoy hiking, biking, skiing or kayaking whether I do it by myself or with someone else. Part of it was just adjusting to the mindset that if I enjoy doing such activities with someone else, then I should be able to enjoy them on my own. It's fun going wheee all the way down a hill whether or not someone's with you to do it.

So when I started biking... I basically studied the road maps in my area (I'd just moved here) and learned the major roads - I head out with a map in my pack, and a GPS, but usually don't have a specific route in mind, I just ride, and take some road that I've never taken before, explore - so I'm always seeing something new, and eventually I get back to one of the major roads and i can find my way back home from there... Not doing a set ride means there's always a surprise or some discovery. I also take my camera along, and I love taking pictures, so I get to stop whenever I want and take pics. When I'm riding/hiking/whatevering with someone else, I'm invariably feeling like I'm slowing them down because I like to stop and take 20 pics of the pretty mushroom or whatever I've spotted. On my own, I can do all of that I want and not feel bad for interrupting someone else's ride/hike/what not.

I think you have to be comfortable just being with yourself. When I cycled in high school, I was always by myself, so I was always "in my head", enjoying my own company. Thinking, pondering, observing. And also not thinking or observing. I like looking at stuff when I ride by myself, the same way I enjoy driving just to see stuff. I'm not overly social, never the life of the party, so I'm okay with doing stuff alone.

So I'd say eliminate the obvious obstacles, like the safety thing (ride when you feel most comfortable) and change your mindset about it. Find something to enjoy about just being with yourself and go do it.

Karen

Hmmm; I'm not sure exactly what I can say to motivate you, other than to focus on your underlying goals.

I go through phases of wanting to ride alone and wanting to ride in a group. Right now, I'm in an "alone" phase--at least during the week. It's just working better with my schedule. I've also not been riding particularly well, so it's better for me right now to just go my own pace. There are some routes more than others that I like to ride alone. They have less traffic and are more scenic. There're not TOO isolated, however. So, for me, I feel much more motivated when I'm doing a route that I enjoy.

For me, I really have to create a certain mindset with workouts in general--gym, yoga studio or cycling--that I just will not give myself permission to skip them except when I'm sick or have another commitment. The minute I open the door to letting myself off the hook for any other reason, I backslide into inactivity. I have to admit that I haven't been very good this year about staying in that mindset, so it's not easy, but perhaps that's the approach you need to take. Tell yourself that you have to ride on a given day, alone or not, and stick to it. Hopefully, you'll rediscover the joys of riding alone, and it will eventually become less of a chore.

I'm lucky in that I do have any number of cycling buddies to ride with if I so choose. Could you possibly work on finding new riding buddies who might be able to ride with you in addition to the couple you already know? Are there any weekday/evening rides offered by your club and/or local shops?

Oak will you ride motorcycles alone?

I just ask because for me it is a very similar thing - you are just alone in your head for however long the ride is. With the moto I am a bit more "on" than on the bike, as I can let my thoughts wander more on the bicycle and not get into trouble. But it is all the process of balancing the drifting thoughts with what I need to stay safe on whatever 2 wheeled transport I am on at that time.

I'm quite shy and borderline anti-social, so I have the opposite problem. Plus, I can rarely find people willing to do the distances I like to do. I don't like riding alone at night, though, so for brevets, I have to try to build up a partnership to ride with. I passed on a recent 400K and 600k because I didn't want to ride alone all night.

Maybe it's the geek in me, but I find bike data quite motivational when riding on my own... Can I get to a set mileage this week? How fast can I do the same trips? etc Sure it's more fun to ride with other people, but I can still enjoy being out and about because it's helping me to meet my (fairly randomly assigned!) goals.

L ; )

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Originally Posted by woohoo

Maybe it's the geek in me, but I find bike data quite motivational when riding on my own... Can I get to a set mileage this week? How fast can I do the same trips? etc Sure it's more fun to ride with other people, but I can still enjoy being out and about because it's helping me to meet my (fairly randomly assigned!) goals.

L ; )

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You should join Plus3Network! They're always running challenges that keep me motivated - I even get motivated to not only complete their challenges, but to be one of the first to finish!

Interesting thread!

I enjoy riding alone, because I like to be able to go at my own pace, stop when I want to stop, that sort of thing.

I think my enjoyment of riding solo originated in part from the fact that so many of my riding friends are such super-strong riders ( heh, you know who you are :cool: ). I would often feel so bad holding them up, making them wait for me at the top of climbs, that sort of thing.

Now, I want to make it perfectly clear that said friends are all super-cool and have never EVER given me any reason to stress out over my sluggitude. This guilt trip was entirely self-inflicted (as guilt trips can often be :rolleyes: ).

But, that said, at times it was actually a relief for me to go out on a ride by myself and not have to feel guilty about holding others up.

(And one of the many reasons why I had joined the TNT Death Ride team was to become a stronger rider and eliminate that particular little guilt trip. The joke's on me, I guess! :D )

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Originally Posted by Pedal Wench

I'm quite shy and borderline anti-social, so I have the opposite problem. Plus, I can rarely find people willing to do the distances I like to do. I don't like riding alone at night, though, so for brevets, I have to try to build up a partnership to ride with. I passed on a recent 400K and 600k because I didn't want to ride alone all night.

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Maybe next year we can find a brevet to do do together. If all goes well I'm hoping to get up to at least a 300K, and who knows, perhaps even a 400 :)

Do you jog just yourself often? Or some other regular sport activity that you do alone? If yes, maybe that might help abit.

For starters, if I bike at night/when dark (which could be early morning), it truly is because I have a specific purpose in mind...to get to my destination. And usually whenever I've cycled at night, the distance tends to be under 20 kms.

So all the solo riding is primarily during daylight. Since I've been cycling regularily since 1992, I've gone through different phases of motivation. But there are several compelling things that still keep me cycling regularily solo about 40% of the time (since my partner isn't always around and any cycling friends I had, they have other personal schedules which made cycling together infrequent.):

*I have a few stock bike routes that I choose from, depending on weather and time of year. And my motivation. I do tend to prefer routes that have at least 1-2 hills, long quieter road segments and with something interesting/lovely to see along the ride. Even if it's the same old scenery..it changes according to time of year, weather, etc. I feel very lucky where we live now, there are some beautiful regular bike routes that I cobble together.

*allow my body to feel the cycling sensation every day. So that I get my body hooked on frequent cycling to a point, that body yearns to cycle on a lousy weather day when I haven't cycled. So after non-cycling day(s), I'm more motivated to return cycling.

*car-free life. Man, when a person is forced to buy groceries on bike, do other errands, it does keep me on the bike solo more often. I definitely cannot let myself off the hook to get the stuff that I want/need to use.

These past few months I've been cycling daily approx. 32-42 kms. per ride. Over the years, have done few solo rides that were 70-90 kms. each. Just routes I made up. For longer distances, I do tend to stay longer on the bike if I ride with at least 1 other person.


I'm not sure what else new I can offer to comments others have made already. I've always tended to be slightly hermit-like, a friendly one. :) I was the nerd kid who loved spending hrs. by herself on some art project or cycling in the cemetary (because it was a safe place that was relatively car-free to ride).

Not advice but sympathy. I actually have to give up on a lot of riding cause I don't have anyone to go with. I just don't think it is safe to go alone. Hypothetically....what if I AM wearing my Road ID, but fall and roll down the side of the shoulder and no one sees me for awhile...scary thought but also a possibility.
I have spent the last year begging, asking, showing up, to rides with people. My teammates are WAY too good for me, so I go with them when we go ONE way OUT and the same WAY back, so the "pick me up" on their way back. I also have other teammates that I train with on their 'easy' days and I ride like heck to keep up. Keep looking, keep looking, keep looking, the best way is to start up conversations with people ON their bikes, if you see each other around enough, you might strike up a riding relationship. I finally have people to go with TWO days a week!

Good comments all, thanks!

I prefer to run alone, actually, and that gave me some insight. When I'm running, I think about running. Foot strike, pelvic rotation and leveling, femur alignment, arm swing; if I'm doing speedwork, then concentrating on keeping the pace (and wondering how much freakin' longer until the recovery interval :rolleyes:) etc., etc., etc. Sure, on a longer run my thoughts will drift, and if I'm on the beach where I don't have to pay much attention to my surroundings I may do specific meditations, but mostly I'm thinking about running.

Cycling, I don't want to think so much about my form. Partly because it's half decent already (or so I'm told), partly because the reason it's half decent is because of the race training back in the day, that I totally burned out on and do not want to burn out again. And I especially don't want to do speedwork or set fitness goals on the bike. I'm very wary of getting "too serious" about cycling just because of how hard I burned out the last time (didn't ride at all for 12 years).

Then, just because of the speed and balance involved, I have to be more aware of my surroundings on the bike - no rolling my eyes halfway up in my head as I can do in a running meditation. :cool: Yeah, in that sense it is like motorcycling, but I don't feel like I need to be hyper-aware 100% of the time on the bici as I do on the moto. (Maybe I should. :o) But the difference that I think is most relevant here, between the bici and the moto, is that on the moto, when something hurts I know I'm doing it wrong. :p If all I had to do all day on the bici was scream downhill at 40+ mph I don't think I'd have any trouble with motivation. But there's the little matter of getting up those hills. :rolleyes:

So bottom line is I think I said it myself in my OP, w/r/t commuting: I need a sense of purpose, I need a reason to ride. Living in the country as I do, "seeing nature" ain't the reason, either - I see lots more if I stay quiet at home. This year I do have a goal ride in the fall (Columbus Fall Challenge), so I guess I just have to focus on that and how disappointed in myself I'll be if I don't finish, and how much it'll hurt if I attempt it without being in shape. That's getting perilously close to "too serious." But maybe I just need to do it.

Keep the thoughts coming - thanks! :)

I'm the same way, Oakleaf. Last year I bought a house that is near some wonderful rural riding, even though it's in the city. Within 10 minutes of riding, I'm out in farmland. But for some reason it's SO DARN HARD for me to get motivated to get on my bike, even though once I do and I'm out there riding, I have a wonderful time by myself.

I agree with you about having to have a reason, too. I don't commute anymore since I work from home...so it should be easier just to "go for a bike ride, right? Right??

Three things that I've found that help me are establishing a habit, having a plan, and keeping track of mileage. I have not been very good at any of these recently, but I aim to get back at it.

Maybe we should motivate each other!?

www.bikejournal.com

The thread on hte forum about "quarters" - 25 to 50 mile rides - got me out for a real ride yesterday instead of hte 10K that is the "minimum daily ride to count as consecutive days ridden" that's another thread. (Today likely to be an attempt at 10K because it's *foggy* here - in the city - and I dunno what it'll be like at the mountain destination...

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Originally Posted by jobob

Maybe next year we can find a brevet to do do together. If all goes well I'm hoping to get up to at least a 300K, and who knows, perhaps even a 400 :)

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I would LOVE to do that! Depending on the 300K, we're in darkness, and that's when I'm uncomfortable. Either a 300 or 400K would be fine with me - and I would love the company.

(Plus, what an amazing opportunity to meet ya!)

In the past, in a different city, one of my regular cycling routes 'coursed through some isolated ravine parks, then long swaths of parkland with hardly anyone and by wilder areas by a waterfront. I felt much safer on a bike when alone..compared to the lone joggers I saw, especially early in morning when I started off alot of my daily riding.

How do some solo joggers feel comfortable in certain isolated areas? Yes, cars are dangerous but this is why I try to design regular routes that reduce my daily exposure to heavy/fast car traffic for long stretches of distance.

So when I see lone joggers in such situations, it actually motivates me to keep on moving along. I know, I'm wierd.. :o

First few years I did put on my cyclometer and tracked mileage daily. But gave that up, when I found it demotivated me..ie. days I didn't do as much I flogged myself.

Since I do regular routes solo, I generally do know my mileage each time. (Or if I'm riding with him on an "atypical" route, I know mileage via him). So for the month of May, to my shock last night, I calculated I would have done just abit over 1,000 kms. I have done no bike touring trips this month. So if I continue like this until end of Sept., that's over 5,000 kms. (as I said 40% would be done solo)...but that's assuming I'm still unemployed by that time. I have SUCH mixed feelings about this sort of potential "achievement" under not the greatest time in life. :eek:

Oh well, might as well make the best of it. :)

The main thing I had to get comfortable with in order to ride alone is basic bike maintenance. Just knowing that I don't need someone else's help made a big difference getting me started. If you're already at that point, my best advice is just to make yourself do it on a regular schedule to start, and you'll get used to it. I started regularly riding alone about a year ago and now that I'm in the groove I don't think twice about heading out by myself. I'm in a similar situation where either our local group rides start way later than I'm willing to start (I'm ready to go at 4:30 and they don't start until 6:30? what do I do with myself for two hours in between?) or the starting point is a pain to get to (I'll drive to the start if I must, but I prefer not to).

good luck!

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Originally Posted by OakLeaf

Good comments all, thanks!

So bottom line is I think I said it myself in my OP, w/r/t commuting: I need a sense of purpose, I need a reason to ride. Living in the country as I do, "seeing nature" ain't the reason, either - I see lots more if I stay quiet at home. This year I do have a goal ride in the fall (Columbus Fall Challenge), so I guess I just have to focus on that and how disappointed in myself I'll be if I don't finish, and how much it'll hurt if I attempt it without being in shape. That's getting perilously close to "too serious." But maybe I just need to do it.

Keep the thoughts coming - thanks! :)

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I think I first started riding alone with the purpose of being able to keep up with DH on group rides. That was really my sole purpose, to build strength and endurance. I now enjoy going out by myself and pushing as hard as I can for as long as I can. That challenges me enough to want to improve each time I go out. I guess I see it as more of a workout/training session (not necessarily training for anything other than improving my fitness level). The fact is, if weather is nice, I would rather be outside than putting in hours on my indoor trainer or at spinning class.

When I started riding, I hated riding by myself. I hate doing anything by myself, actually. I had to have someone to chat at, etc.. However, I was forced to ride alone because there was just no one to ride with around here except DH, and he can't ride with me all the time. After a few weeks of getting out there and riding, I found that I *wanted* to ride by myself, and actually riding with DH is mostly annoying :lol: Plus, my average speed goes *way* down when I ride with someone.

Maybe you just have to do it and you will find yourself eventually enjoying it.

Well since just freakin' doing it is so much more interesting than sitting around on the internets talking about it, I got out for 51 miles/4000 feet of climbing today at a sightseeing pace. Which is actually the longest I've ridden solo since I came back to cycling. I didn't set out that way, I'd actually only planned for about 43, but had to backtrack a little bit for some road construction, and then at the end I turned left instead of right to get just one more hill and an extra 4 miles or so. :D

It didn't kill me. :cool: I didn't get lost (thanks, Garmin). It was kinda fun just poking along - probably not much actual exercise, but I think the objective right now is to get myself to want to do it, and then I can think about training.

I so wish I could ride alone... but I'm such a newbie and really have no confidence most of the time unless DH is with me. I've only been riding a little over a year and I just recently got enough confidence to allow DH to pull away from me from time to time and actually get out of my line of sight. That used to freak me out, but now I know I can catch him eventually (actually he slows down and waits for me, which is totally humiliating).

In June, I'm taking a Carmichael Women's Training camp and I'm hoping to take away some basic maintenance knowledge on the bike so that I might feel confident enough to go out alone.

I'm not a hopeless case, but definitely a work in progress :D

Thanks for the tip further up, Pedal - sounds brilliant! :D

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Originally Posted by OakLeaf

Well since just freakin' doing it is so much more interesting than sitting around on the internets talking about it, I got out for 51 miles/4000 feet of climbing today at a sightseeing pace. Which is actually the longest I've ridden solo since I came back to cycling. I didn't set out that way, I'd actually only planned for about 43, but had to backtrack a little bit for some road construction, and then at the end I turned left instead of right to get just one more hill and an extra 4 miles or so. :D

It didn't kill me. :cool: I didn't get lost (thanks, Garmin). It was kinda fun just poking along - probably not much actual exercise, but I think the objective right now is to get myself to want to do it, and then I can think about training.

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Great, Oakleaf.

Each person has a different definition of "training". I'm probably slower compared to many folks here. However if I did overly focus on that weakness, the enjoyment of cycling would have been sucked out of me years ago. I wouldn't have stuck to cycling for this many years so far and for long stretches of time where I have and still do cycling solo when no one is immediately available to cycle with me at certain times.

Meantime during this time period of just cycling abit longer distances nearly daily..I've lost abit of weight despite eating about 10% more food.

The only goals I have in mind when I cycle solo is to do certain distances within really vague time frames. To help myself when I go on long touring loaded rides with my partner. And I don't get obsessed about those daily time benchmarks. Half of the time, I forget to check my watch at the end of the ride.

At this time in my life, I'm a pretty absent-minded cyclist in terms of technical details of what I achieve annually...except I do have a vague idea of total cumulative mileage, I do want to control my weight and I know what type of terrain, weather and maximum ride distance, I find easy vs. very difficult.

I am hopelessly slack compared to many people here. :)