Is this the way it is now?

Lately my husband and I have had problems with teens speeding on our residental street, throwing things at us when riding, swerving at us and just generally not being good citizens. We try to remember being 16-18 and dismiss it as being kids. Although I must say the worst thing I did was break a park curfew and speed on a highway as a kid.

So last night DH was talking to the neighbors and found out their house had been used for a party by local teens while they were on vacation. They had asked someone to drop by and feed their cats, the lady did but didn't know her son stole their house key and threw a party there! My neighbors had a well stocked liquor cabinet that was emptied, her underwear drawer had been complete ruffled through (ick) and other things were left out of place. Luckily the house was not completely trashed but smelled of smoke inside.

Apparently the parents of the kids found out when the cops were called and had given her $300 in gift cards to replace the underwear. I would have never done anything like that. I didn't have friends that would but maybe we were just not ones to test the limits?

The neighbors also think local police like to turn a blind eye on many of these behaviors because the boys are on the championship team. *Supposedly* the cops that came by didn't confirm the kids partying lived there or issue tickets for MIP? This is all second hand on that and juvenile arrests would not be published. I am assuming this is just a few bad apples, kids not thinking or something. I generally like to believe kids are good and not listen to the doom and gloom media description of them.

Keep calling the cops. Eventually they'll do their job if they get enough pressure from the residents. Write a letter to the paper. Raise a ruckus and get the neighbors to join you.

The "boys will be boys" excuse is unacceptable.

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Originally Posted by tulip

Keep calling the cops. Eventually they'll do their job if they get enough pressure from the residents. Write a letter to the paper. Raise a ruckus and get the neighbors to join you.

The "boys will be boys" excuse is unacceptable.

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Well the party part is not my problem per se. I am assuming the home owner did raise a ruckus but who knows? I have called on the speeding and harrassment. The county sheriff seems uninterested in messing with it but I keep calling anyway.

That's crazy!!!! Makes me think twice about leaving my little neighborhood teenage girl (a former student of mine) in charge of my house when we're away (although if she ever did that- and she's likely not to- her mother would surely kill her).:D

There's a new thing around here called "fishing." Kids will look at neighborhoods on Google maps and find houses that have pools. Then when they know the people are at work, will jump the fence and have a pool party. All fun and games until someone drowns and the homeowner is sued for not having a high enough fence or proper pool security to keep kids out (how stupid- but you know someone would sue for that reason).

I teach, and although I believe most kids are good, it's certainly true that kids now do things that kids 10-20 years ago never would have tried. It's from the culture our society has created of kids feeling "entitled" to things and not respecting the property of others (or the boundaries of others). I've seen a rapid decline in values, respect, and tolerance in the 10 years I've been teaching. It scares me.

That's pretty sad that you trust a friend, but their children would take advantage of the situation. I don't think it's necessarilly turning a blind eye, but I just think the cops don't want to ruin these kids futures. I can't tell you how many times my cousins were at parties that got busted when they were in high school. The cops are there to put a scare in them and hopefully get there before they've had too much to drink and try to drive home. This is a time when they're applying to colleges and getting ready for the future, and an arrest would severly hurt their chances at getting into the school they want. Now once you get to college, it's another story. You're considered an adult, and the cops aren't afraid to arrest you (at least they weren't at my school). Send a message, make sure no one gets hurt, that's the priority, IMHO. Still doesn't help the victims feel any better:(

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Originally Posted by NoNo

I just think the cops don't want to ruin these kids futures. This is a time when they're applying to colleges and getting ready for the future, and an arrest would severly hurt their chances at getting into the school they want.

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I'm not jumping on you, NoNo- don't take it that way. I'm not attacking what you said- just using as a reference for my rant. I do agree with you in part.

It's this attitude (kids are kids) that has gotten us in trouble as a society, tho. When does accountability for your actions start? College? It's far too late, then.
I don't want a kid's future to be ruined for some minor mistake, but when kids break and enter or trespass (clearly illegal acts), they need to be held accountable. Youth shouldn't be an excuse to do what you want. Kids (and 16-17 year olds are kids- but they know better) are sometimes "excluded" from laws because they're young, but when they suddenly become "adults" by law- they're supposed to follow the rules and be accountable all of a sudden?
When kids don't learn there are consequences young, they're not likely to learn when they're on their own in college. They were always rescued before, so they'll depend on that as an adult. Most of this has to do with their upbringing, tho. If you're taught there are consequences at home early on- you're likely to not be breaking the law at 16. But... I know kids make bad choices too because of ignorance/stupidity/immaturity, and while their future shouldn't be ruined- they should still face consequences. Fines (that mommy and daddy don't pay for them), community service, whatever. I see far too often kids getting into trouble for serious matters at school, but then going home and getting to play or receiving no punishment at all (especially suspensions- it's like a vacation for a lot of those kids because there are no consequences at home).


I'm sorry I get fired up about this. As a teacher, and someone who tries to hold students accountable for their actions and teach them responsibility, it drives me nuts how this society is so sue-happy and blames everyone for their mistakes. It just gets me all in wad... didn't mean to jump on anyone. I just can't keep my mouth shut sometimes. Personal accountability and responsibility have become things of the past. It's always someone else's fault (and it's not just kids I'm talking about here).

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Originally Posted by Tri Girl

There's a new thing around here called "fishing." Kids will look at neighborhoods on Google maps and find houses that have pools. Then when they know the people are at work, will jump the fence and have a pool party. All fun and games until someone drowns and the homeowner is sued for not having a high enough fence or proper pool security to keep kids out (how stupid- but you know someone would sue for that reason).

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Unfortunately, that's not new. My dad is almost 70, and he and his friends used to do that as kids. (Well, not with the help of Google:D)

I'm sorry to admit that I did it a few times too. It seemed like a harmless thrill when I was 17.

Keep calling the police. If they get enough calls, they will patrol on occasion. If you have children who play outside, mention that when you call. The safety of young children seems to get the attention of the local police fairly quickly.

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Originally Posted by Iris616

Unfortunately, that's not new. My dad is almost 70, and he and his friends used to do that as kids. (Well, not with the help of Google:D)

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Heh- I guess we're a little slow here in Oklahoma. It's just getting around to us. :rolleyes:

We hopped the fence on the community pool all the time when I was a teenager (at midnight). Neighbor kids tried to sneak in our pool at home when I was a preteen. Around 1987 when I worked for a water utility, some kids in the affluent neighborhood near the water treatment plant broke into a giant underground storage tank and swam around in the treated water. Not only was it incredibly dangerous, but they contaminated hundreds of thousands of gallons of drinking water. They're parents were fined $10,000 each, but the kids got off with a stern "no-no".

My brother climbed the water tower and painted something on it when he was a teenager. When I was a senior, we all got drunk and planted a giant rock on the front lawn of the high school, with the help of a front-end loader, walkie-talkies and lookouts. Then we painted Seniors 1980! on it. We never got caught.

In the meantime, my other brother was breaking into schools and riffling through the cafeteria and going to jail for it. It just depends on who gets caught and who does the catching, I'm afraid.

That said, at the house behind mine, two young people were having sex in the bedroom and no one told the girl that the boy's friend was hiding in the closet with a video camera. Bummer that this guy was 18--now he's being charged as an adult with child pornography or something, because the couple was under age. My son thinks he saw the two teens who live there smoking pot between their garage and the fence (why else would they be sitting in that small space?). They're rich and snobby, and have treated Will badly in the past, even though he's much younger than them.

I knew my kids would get into mischief, like I did. I tried to help them see that some actions have long-term consequences that will haunt you the rest of your life (like the sexual offender registry?), and so to make wise choices. I had a wonderful bed example in my jail-house brother, too. I didn't expect them to be perfect. I tried to make sure there were no consequences to telling me all the things they did (consequences for the actions is another thing). As a result, I know where both my older sons first had sex, and with whom! I'm not sure I cared to know, but I'm glad they felt comfortable with telling me.

Teenagers are going to do stuff. Everyone thought I was a "good girl", but my mother can never be told about a lot of things. I'm kind of like Dr. Laura on this kind of thing--You'll always be my child and I will always love you, and that's why I will send you cookies in jail! But if you deserve to go to jail, you're GOING.

Karen

Seems to me, that if I knew the owners of a house (the adults) were out of town, and there was a party going on - I'd call the cops. Let the cops do their job - either bust the kids, or break up the party and send everyone home, or call everyone's parents to come get their juvenile delinquents.

But then again, I'm a middle aged cranky woman.

I'm not saying I never did anything stupid as a teenager. I'm no angel, either. Went across the border to drink in Mexico many times (although I was always the designated goody two-shoes...er...driver because I was too scared to drink and drive). One time I went down a one-way street the wrong way because I can't read Spanish, and thank goodness a friend was fluent and talked the policia out of sending us to Mexican jail. If I'd been caught it would've meant hell to pay at home. The one time I got in trouble in high school was because I was 15 min. late for curfew. I was grounded for two months (for that one little thing). I made sure all things I did from that point on were not illegal, and I never missed curfew again.
I think because my immediate older sister was such a trouble-maker and was always grounded or in yelling matches with my parents that I made better choices than I might have otherwise. I didn't want the wrath of Mom and Dad coming my way. :eek:

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Originally Posted by Tri Girl

I'm not jumping on you, NoNo- don't take it that way. I'm not attacking what you said- just using as a reference for my rant. I do agree with you in part.

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No offence taken, I also agree with you. It's a tough situation. Obviously in this case it wasn't a matter of someone's parents being away and the kid invited people over. This was more serious, and yes, something should be done. I also agree that kids (and I'm only 27) today have a sense of entitlement, and half the time I'd like to just give them a good smack. But do you punish every kid at the party, or the ones that threw it, or the ones that maybe brought booze? What good will community service do if there's no enforcement from home? Even then, sometimes the best, most open and involved parents in the world don't know what their kids are up to. I really don't know if there is an answer.

No, it's not the way it is.

At least not for all teens. I have two teen boys, and we've been able to leave for a WEEK or more without parties and rampages. The neighbors will attest to this. The worst I've come home to is a week of dirty dishes and the trash not taken out. My sons have friends over for quiet entertainment ( movies, dungeons and dragons) while we are gone all the time. We live in a typical suburban neighborhood, so the neighbors would know if there's anything going on. Shoot, they can hear my kids practicing their music, they'd know about a party. I know a lot of really nice, great teens that make good choices, don't party and are accountable for their decisions.

If the cops down there are like ours, the force is thin and parties aren't on the priority list. If they are choosing not to enforce, well, that's really sad. Kids need to learn to be accountable, and that ultimately comes from parents and other adults in their lives.

I was going to say, the fishing thing is only new in the methodology. :) My ex and his friends used to do this all the time, often sans clothing. Best part, he is now a cop and I cracked up the first time he was called to a house to bust some kids doing the exact same thing.

Not that I'm condoning it. I would add it to the list of reasons I'd be afraid to own a pool. That and all the work and expense. And being too fat for my bathing suit. :)

Here in Hillbillyville we just went up into the mountains and swam in the fire ponds. It never occurred to us to swim in a pool.
Yee-ha!

Yes, it's not just kids today; but the same rules apply.
My mother and her brother got into all sorts of mischief.
my father used his dead brother's birth certificate and got married when he was 17.

I agree kids should be made accountable, but let the punishment fit the crime.

I think the punishment for breaking into someone's house should be pretty stiff. I mean just because they obtained the key they still broke in. It is up to the home owners but I wouldn't take this lightly.

I was raised to respect others property, appreciate what I was given and try to stay out of trouble. The respect and appreciation came from having a father who was shuffled through the foster system until he was finally adopted at 7 and a mother who came from a family of limited means. I had a charmed life (nice house, good schools, plenty of toys) and I knew I should be thankful. We always volunteered, picked out a Blue Santa toy at Christmas and would have been spanked for treating anyone the way teens treat me. I can still remember the stinging butt from telling my Nanny I didn't need to pick up some trash I dropped because there was a lady sweeping and she was paid to do that. I am only 27 and appalled by what I see lately. I try to focus on the polite, kind teenagers I meet so I don't get too cynical about the state of humanity! :p

I'm a public defender and I've been representing juveniles for awhile now. I think there are many excellent kids out there and a lot of them make really stupid (and often dangerous) decisions. There are also some very bad kids out there, too. This is likely the way it has always been- but now, where I work (Los Angeles), there is also the whole issue of gangs and gang-violence- now that's a whole different bad. Most of us never had to deal with anything like that as a kid.

The whole juvenile justice system is out of whack. Kids are often treated too harshly, their lives are marked and opportunities go away, others need so much more than they get. Often it seems the parent(s) are the kids main problem, oftentimes it is the lack of parenting. Many times, it's just the kid's inability to think things through. Brains don't work the same for teenagers- really, it's science.

Things that many kids did when I was young, are charged as felonies now. Shoplifting- a felony, a fight at school- a felony, and so on. Many studies have been conducted that basically show that the juvi system doesn't really make much of a difference. If the kid is going to straighten up, they'll probably do it on their own. If they're destined to live a "life of crime", it'll probably happen no matter what steps the court system takes. Of course, there are exceptions. I think I'm a little tired of my line of work...

At least out here, it's up to the police and the DA to file charges. The "victim" or complaining witness can urge action, but they don't "file" charges, contrary to what most people believe. They also can't "drop" charges once they're filed.

I'm glad the parents are willing to try to do what they can to make up for the kid's actions, but I wonder how the parents are dealing with their child.

Yesterday at my son's state tournament, we sat near some teenage girls, who attracted various teenage boys to their picnic table. We shook our heads a lot at the shenanigans, but I didn't speak until one of the girls unwrapped a piece of candy, decided she didn't want it, and went out of her way to toss it onto the paved walking path 20 feet from her.

I had to look directly through her to see the field from where I was sitting, so I could see that she just was trying to get rid of it and it made sense to her to put it on the pavement instead of in the grass (??).

It looked like a piece of Bazooka gum. Flat, rectangular and pink. So I spoke up across the 10 yards that separated us, and said, "Are you just going to leave that there, on the pavement?" She said, "It's just a piece of candy."
So I said, "You're just going to leave it there to melt on the pavement so someone can step on it and get it stuck on their shoe? The trash can is over there." and I pointed.

She got up and put it in the trash can, finally. She was so nonchalant about it, and non-giggly about putting it on the pavement, I'm inclined to think she really did just think it was a good idea to leave it there on the pavement instead of putting it in the trash. Even the grass would have been better.

But now I'm thinking, since I've slept, that maybe she's melted gum on the sidewalk so many times before, intentionally, that she just gets the satisfaction of doing it, and seeing someone step in it, and she doesn't have to get so giggly about it beforehand and show off for her friends. Maybe one of the boys dared her to do it. Maybe she's just evil. :confused:

Nah.

Karen

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Originally Posted by Aggie_Ama

I think the punishment for breaking into someone's house should be pretty stiff. I mean just because they obtained the key they still broke in. It is up to the home owners but I wouldn't take this lightly.

I was raised to respect others property, appreciate what I was given and try to stay out of trouble. The respect and appreciation came from having a father who was shuffled through the foster system until he was finally adopted at 7 and a mother who came from a family of limited means. I had a charmed life (nice house, good schools, plenty of toys) and I knew I should be thankful. We always volunteered, picked out a Blue Santa toy at Christmas and would have been spanked for treating anyone the way teens treat me. I can still remember the stinging butt from telling my Nanny I didn't need to pick up some trash I dropped because there was a lady sweeping and she was paid to do that. I am only 27 and appalled by what I see lately. I try to focus on the polite, kind teenagers I meet so I don't get too cynical about the state of humanity! :p

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