Trying to get out of my funk...

I feel sad. I felt sad before Tilda passed away, but now it's a bit worse. I think it's normal. It's not like I'm lying in my bed doing nothing. Although that is tempting. We finished the flooring in the office this weekend. It looks good. I know grieving takes time. I know this will pass. I have always disliked December.

I know working out will make me feel better. I don't have the desire to work out. But I know it will make me feel better. I put air in my trainer bike's tires last night, told Thom to make me get on the bike this morning and he did. Making me is him saying, "Hey, weren't you going to work out this morning?" It's more like a nudge.

I did the Ultra Core Full Body DVD. I'm still not using the gearing Coach Troy says. For most of the workout, I'm just keeping it a nice fast spin, cadence between 85 - 90. I varied it a little today to see how my knee would feel - two minutes with the cadence up over 105. That was fun. One minute in big ring and 12, let's hope I don't regret that later today. I've always hated lunges, so I don't mind fast forwarding through those. :p

Do I feel better? I guess.

V.

Ohhhh - hugs to you.

Grieving does take time - and in my experience, more time than most people think it "should." You are being gentle with yourself, which is good.

For me, working out the way you describe is definitely better than nothing, but can you get out of the house? Take a walk, do a gym class, ride outdoors? Sunshine, fresh air, face to face contact with other human beings - any one of those three gives an enormous boost to the mental value of my workouts.

Hey good for you for doing the DVD! I was wondering where you went - you were awfully quiet for a few days there. I was worried.

You should be in a bit of a funk over Tilda and it's good you recognize this and are allowing yourself to be. Small steps, and you're taking them. Doing the DVD, lunges, etc. Who cares what gear you're in if you are trying to protect your knee and base build. Don't let Coach Troy give you any guilt!

Any plans for your birthday??

I hope the weather is nice the weekend before my b- day so we can ride up Tam. I'd really like to do that 70 mile loop again, but I'm not sure it would be much fun for either us right now.

How about you, MP, any plans for the big day?

V.

V, sorry you're feeling blue. I can't offer any advice, since my favorite, self-medicating, is really not a good answer. Take it easy, and enjoy the holidays. And you've got the holiday break coming soon too!

Birthdays. We're apparently going to a motorcycle swap meet on Sunday, because that's what we do now. :rolleyes:

I will probably ride somewhere Sunday. Who knows. If you guys end up doing a Marin ride that day, give me a call. I am pathetically slow and fat right now, though. :rolleyes:

Sounds like birthday greetings are in order for both V & MP? Sounds like "happy birthday" might not be in order...how about..."may it pass better than expected" ?? ;)

Veronica, one thing I learned about myself over the last 2-3 years (and they say this is generally true of most folks) is that grieving and unwanted change not only can make us sad, but actually takes a lot of very real energy to process. For me, there is definitely a balance between making myself do things that will help (gentle exercise, getting out in nature, whatever), and realizing that there is also a legitimate reason for being THAT tired. Healing from injury also takes extra energy. As does living in a home environment undergoing change.

Only you can know, deep down, when it is the right thing to push yourself onto the trainer, and when it might actually be OK (and not a slippery slope), to just GET a good solid nap, take a mental health day, or take some Tylenol PM and get 12 hours of sleep.

Hope this doesn't sound too preachy. Hugs to you. It will get better.

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Originally Posted by Veronica

I feel sad. I felt sad before Tilda passed away, but now it's a bit worse. I think it's normal. It's not like I'm lying in my bed doing nothing. Although that is tempting. We finished the flooring in the office this weekend. It looks good. I know grieving takes time. I know this will pass. I have always disliked December.

I know working out will make me feel better. I don't have the desire to work out. But I know it will make me feel better. I put air in my trainer bike's tires last night, told Thom to make me get on the bike this morning and he did. Making me is him saying, "Hey, weren't you going to work out this morning?" It's more like a nudge.

I did the Ultra Core Full Body DVD. I'm still not using the gearing Coach Troy says. For most of the workout, I'm just keeping it a nice fast spin, cadence between 85 - 90. I varied it a little today to see how my knee would feel - two minutes with the cadence up over 105. That was fun. One minute in big ring and 12, let's hope I don't regret that later today. I've always hated lunges, so I don't mind fast forwarding through those. :p

Do I feel better? I guess.

V.

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Hi V

Grieving sure does take it out of you............. recently my horse lost her first foal shortly after he was born, i bred this horse for a really good friend who was then killed by a drunk driver 3 weeks later......:(

I know that there will be as many down days as good days and i too fell off the cycle/excerise routine...... then I read in a mag that even when you don't feel like working out/cycling, put your shoes on and try it for 10 mins, if it really desn't feel good after 10 mins then stop and call it a day ( and there will be days like that) but if after 10 mins you still feel like going then aim for 30 and see how you feel after that......i've taken up this motto and so far have kept going :0 and now back excerise with enthusiasm :D


I stll have days where it all seems so wrong, and writing this has set me off, but things are getting better...;)

Veronica - Big Hugs. Baby steps, give yourself time, but I agree wholeheartdly with Oakleaf - can you get outside? I can say "Erin," "kitty," and "died" in the same sentence without getting a lump in my throat, go to the vet's office for other kittie's needs without feeling the same lump. So it will get better. I can't stay too blue too long when my dog does gentle licks on my hand or leg when the sun is at the appropriate angle for WALK! Seeing an old dog still able to go from 0 to 60, happy dance all over the place does lift the spirits. I've always enjoyed a brisk walk and find that does wonders for my spirits.

Hope you get to feeling back to normal. :)

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Originally Posted by bmccasland

I've always enjoyed a brisk walk and find that does wonders for my spirits.

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Brisk walk helps me to feel better too- something about having your feet connected to the earth as you walk...
Hope you feel a bit better tomorrow.

Veronica - you are perfectly normal. Lossing a beloved pet is hard. Your buddy was not just a cat she was your buddy. Her passing left a huge hole in your heart. I've lost several animals in the past few years and it never gets any easier (if it did I would be very concerned). I have found it quite helpful to write a letter to each of buddies after they cross the Rainbow Bridge. I put the letter in their urn with their ashes. I think the writing not only gives me closure but offers me one last opportunity to tell my beloved companion how much they touched my life and soul. I also look for signs from them to let me know they are okay - their sign (a rainbow, a new addition, a full moon, a dream, etc) always brings me comfort. Call me crazy but I do believe those we love never really leave us.

Do take care of yourself and cry your tears they are part of the healing process.

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Originally Posted by aka_kim

... my favorite, self-medicating, is really not a good answer.

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The last couple nights I have had a shot of Bailey's Irish Cream before going to bed. I wasn't sleeping well - waking up between 12 and 2AM and not being able to go back to sleep because I would just keep thinking. It seems to be zonking me out. :D

A better day today, my abs are sore already from the workout. I've been avoiding question/comment time in my classroom. Invariably one of my kids would ask me how she was doing. Today my avoidance strategy was to play a spelling game that the class loves. They actually made me laugh during the game.

I've been a bit terse the last few days with them. It's funny, in a sad way, how some of them just can't "read" other people at all and will ramble on at me about whatever. Then other kids are so aware and are like walking on egg shells. My two repeat girls from my combo last year knew on Thursday something was up and stayed after school to ask.

It's weird how I can write about her on the Internet and it makes me feel better. But I haven't been able to put anything down in my journal. I guess writing it on paper makes it too real.

When we lost our other two pets in 2003, I made a point of writing about Tilda in my journal. I knew I would want to go back and read about silly little things she did. I can't go there yet either.

V.

It does get easier but it takes time. When Kallie was struggling so much, I was selfish and didn't want to face her not being there anymore. When I let Katrina go, I had Tobydog and Kallie Kat, it was easier to let her go. When Toby died, I still had Kallie. But now, Kallie is gone. I haven't been able to get a new fur friend yet. I still 'feel' Kallie wandering the house. I find it so difficult to let them go and I struggle with the pain of making that decision and I know that is one of the reasons I haven't brought a new 4 legged friend into my heart and home. I will, one day. Veronica, I hope one day, you to will be able to open your heart to a fur-friend...

Veronica, give yourself time. When my first corgi, Rikki, died, it took me at least 6 months before I could finish the photo album I had started for her.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Veronica}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Be easy on yourself. Let yourself grieve, rest, find a connection with the earth. It takes time, and you'll get there. It's so okay to be sad right now!

I'm sending you butterflies to help lift your heart. If you'd like to be on my list and get a picture a day in your email (I've heard they help to add a little ray of sunshine to a difficult day), PM me with your email address.

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

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Originally Posted by MillieNZ

I stll have days where it all seems so wrong, and writing this has set me off, but things are getting better...;)

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Hugs Millie
We were in contact around this time in PMs... My life has been busy and I have neglected to see how you are faring
Its a long journey, but hopefully you - and Veronica - will begin to have more patches of light in your days more often, than those patches of darkness
Arohanui, Rave

V--

Many words of wisdom in this thread, particularly LTBC's wonderful advice & words of comfort. I won't repeat what others have so beautifully wrote. Just know that I share the same sentiments and am thinking of you.

V, I have some extra yippee in my life right now, so I'm sending some your way. http://smileys.on-my-web.com/reposit...nshine-012.gif

Just don't make her run 50 K ! :eek:

Freak.

I'll ditto what everyone else has said. When I lost my oldest cat, it was the hardest. He had been with me so long and we had been through so much together, I almost couldn't remember a time when he wasn't there.

That weekend, DH (before he was DH) tried to keep me busy. I would just burst out crying for no reason, even if we were in public. I had so many regrets because I had always told G (my cat) that I'd have a house where he could have an area to go outside. When I fell asleep, I would dream that he was in the house. My gym instructor, who just lost her dog, has had the same reaction with the dreams and sadness.

It takes time. Just get out when you can, even if you think everyone can tell you've been crying. It never goes away but it gets better.

You know, I still haven't figured out why we all try so hard to not cry in public. When we lost our Yogi dog - he was our first big loss, and it was a very difficult situation - I went back to work and, if I needed to cry, I just did. I'd just be sitting at my desk working and become overwhelmed by the sadness for a moment. The tears would come, and slide down my cheeks, like little bits of sadness, regret, fear, emptiness falling out of me. Very quickly, there would be fewer tears, they wouldn't be as hard, they didn't happen as often. Everyone at work knew what had happened, so I never had to explain it to anyone, thankfully.

Like everything else, it gets easier with time.

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

Hugs, Veronica. I so feel where you are right now.

The others are right, of course - it will get better. We each have our own way to deal with loss, so I say just go with each moment of grief as it comes and don't fret about it. It's ok to be sad. Someone further up the thread said to make yourself get up, start your workout, and give yourself 10 minutes. I like this advice. Myself, I find the best times to deal with my emotions is when I'm focused during exercise. In fact, I crave exercise more when I'm going through something trying.

Petwise, what helped me through the passing of my beloved dog Roxy from cancer three years ago is to just imagine her there with me. It was a comfort to think that her spirit may be there, if only in my imagination. Yea, I cried often and at strange moments, especially when I would pass the pet cemetary next to the freeway where I had her cremated. I'm sure other motorists thought I was loony. :rolleyes:

Roxy's death left me petless for the first time since I was an infant and with an immense gap in the family unit. So, I knew we would eventually get another pet, but I did not feel ready for about 5 solid months. After that, I started visiting the local shelter in search of the particular breed we had picked out. Being around those dogs helped too.

In time, about 6 months to the day after Roxy's exit, we welcomed home Mayah. She filled that gap and then some! Interestingly, Mayah was about 6 months old when she joined us. So, I figure Mayah was born around the same time Roxy died. Just the thought of that brings me comfort too -- because Mayah is as old as Roxy's death, it's almost like Mayah was literally sent from doggie heaven. She's three now, and just had a birthday. :)

Take care, V. I'll be thinking of ya. :)
~BikeMomma (Kim)

V,

I can't add anything except to let you know that the Silver's know how you feel - particularly this time of year.

Hang in there and know that you're not alone...

It's been a good week so far. I did some yoga Tuesday and Wednesday mornings and I got out for a short ride after work today. It feels good to be moving toward my goals again.

Thom had a job interview today that went well. He's got two other jobs "pending". They are taking FREAKIN'FOREVER to decide. Well I know we are fine for a few more months, I still felt quite relieved when he called to say that he thought this one might result in an offer. Of course so may the other two... but they can't seem to get off the pot!

He started putting in baseboards today. Oh my, someday my house is going to be so pretty! The new baseboards are a really nice white and look so good against the maple flooring. Right now... our office is strewn all over the place. I'm not sure where we will put our Christmas tree.

V.

Hang in there V, things will get better. You have been going through a lot of changes, some big and some not so big, and they all add up. Remember to take time for yourself and do what you enjoy doing because I will help to clear your mind and renew your body. Take care and good luck to Thom.