So. Here is a question for all of you:
How has your newfound passion for riding affected your relationship with your significant other, if at all?
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So. Here is a question for all of you:
How has your newfound passion for riding affected your relationship with your significant other, if at all?
He's become much more affectionate towards my legs!! :p Just kidding. Actually, my DH spends his summers at the Jersey shore (working on an Ocean rescue patrol), so I'm sort of a warm-weather-bachelorette...riding to my heart's content. He's very supportive of my riding and knows how happy it makes me. But, it is tough when I want to spend time with him, but have a team workout or long weekend ride to do.
i started riding seriously because HE liked the sport. Got him off his butt again
and got me fit.
win-win
I've been carrying a torch for a fellow rider for lo' these many years ;) Fortunately, riding is a great way to channel unrequited passions...
This is why I started - he used to bike years ago and I figured it would help re-motivate him. And so far, it's been working EXCEPT:Quote:
Originally Posted by mimitabby
Yesterday, we went on an 18 mile ride. About half way through, we got passed by a club ride who were, according to DH, "not even trying." Of course, DH wanted to stay with me, and because my upper gears are not working properly, I have to coast on the downhills until I get it fixed (otherwise it's just spinning.) Mind I am on a hybrid, doing pretty well if you ask me (around 14 mph) and he says, "I could have ridden with them..." (if, of course, he didn't have me tagging along.) Then he said, "I'd ride with a club/shop again if I had the time."
What was yesterday, then? Chopped liver? He had the time to ride with me!
I am wondering whether my whole new interest in this - and the accompagnying weight loss since I started exercizing and reducing calories in March - is making him ... JEALOUS???
why don't you ask him to fix your bike? or... take it to the shop and have THEM fix it. why let a mechanical ruin your day/date?
whenever my DH is passed by someone he thinks he could pass, it drives him crazy. Sometimes when he's riding with me, I'll say go ahead.. and he'll take off and do his testosterone thing
and get it out of his system... and then he comes back. (this doesn't happen often, but it DOES happen) so perhaps your DH IS jealous because HE really can't keep up with those dudes anymore!
lol, no offense, but this is the exact reason I can't stand going on men's group rides. they can never stop their testosterone and bravado from getting the best of them and some of us (women or newer riders) are pushed way harder than the ride is supposed to be. it's a stupid pissing contest and it happens almost 80% of the time.... :rolleyes:Quote:
Originally Posted by mimitabby
I think my sweet partner and soon-to-be-husband and I would not have a relationship if not because of cycling. That's what got us started talking together, dating, and eventually riding together!
That doesn't mean it's all blissful and easy though. He is a MUCH MUCH stronger rider than I am, and values fitness more than scenery. So we both have to do compromises. It doesn't always work, but we're getting better at riding together (and knowing when we should NOT ride together).
He loves my tan lines but the muscles even more.
I've noticed that longer harder rides tend to equalize stuff. We rode with some 20 something year old guys on a harder ride. At the end, they figure it out.Quote:
Originally Posted by equus123
but yes, you're right. it can be downright stupid.
I started riding because my husband started riding because our son started riding and racing. It took me about 2-3 years before I "consented" to let my husband set up his old mtb for me and buy me my first pair of shorts and a jersey. My first ride was about 6 miles and he had to push me up a small hill with the back of his hand...
I thought I was fit, after many years of aerobics and gym activities, but i had slacked off a bit and had gained weight. My husband was very patient with me. I got a road bike after 2 years and now we pretty much ride together all of the time. What happened was that I got much faster and confident and he doesn't feel the need to hammer all of the time. Sure, i will never be as strong as he is, but he does his faster rides when he commutes to work. So he'll average around 17-17.5 when he's alone and when we ride together, our average will be anywhere between 14.5 and 16.5, depending on terrain and how we feel. I don't think I would want to be out riding for 2-3 hours at a time and leave my husband at home. Riding is pretty much our whole lifestyle and almost everything we do revolves around it. Some of our friends think we're "over the top" because we're together so much, but this is the way it is...
He went out with a friend one day, then "talked me into" going with them the next time they went out. Little did he know what he was getting himself into!
We ride together a lot, though sometimes it works better for us to ride alone. Like, I can get out in the cool of the morning during the week, and have been working a lot of Saturdays this summer, when he's more free to get out.
It's turned into another "play-like" activity that we are enjoying together now that the nest is pretty well emptied!
Karen in Boise
My husband and I started riding together and we enjoy it. Although, I don't ride with him all the time and actually prefer some alone time on the bike. His pace is faster than mine. When we do ride together it is an easy ride for him and I use the ride to push harder than I would otherwise, so it works out.
We enjoy riding and it gives us something to do. We are planning our 10th anniversary in October as a riding trip to Hawaii. So, our riding makes the relationship easier.
It's made us even busier but that's a good thing :D
I had ridden a lot before I met DH but had been on a hiatus for a while. DH is very active and when we met, we hiked and walked a lot. I had two bikes so he started riding my spare then he got his own shortly thereafter.
We were at a bike shop with a friend yesterday and DH was looking at bike toys and clothes. My friend, who knew me before DH, was surprised that it wasn't ME buying bike things! I know how it feels though, once you get the cycling bug bike shops become very dangerous.
Hubby and I are the classic case of opposites attracting. He's an engineer and I'm an artist and we have few interests in common. Cycling happens to be an area where we can find common ground. He's not into it as much as I am, but it's an activity we can do together that is mutually enjoyable for the most part (as opposed to my dragging him to museums and boring him with art talk and his dragging me to car related events and boring me with mechanical talk).
Mr. East Hill's always been an outdoorsy kind of guy, and likes to get out into the woods. So, it was (relatively) easy to persuade him to get a mountain bike and get him used to that. A bit harder to get him onto the road bike, and he's still not very comfortable with it (mind you, he's got a 1980 Schwinn LeTour, so it has stem friction shifters).
He rides with me at least once a week. He didn't make it for Sunday's ride, but he did go with me around the reservoir today--so we did a bit over 13 miles on the mountain bikes.
He likes riding the mountain bike, and he likes the reservoir (it's a great spot to see deer). It works out pretty well, actually.
East Hill
cycling me and my hubby have quite a long twisty relationship.
I was the instigator. I had done a fair amount of distance riding when I was in middle/high school. He had a hand me down 10 speed that used to be his mom's. It was really small for him. I convinced him to but a new and much bigger bike.
We did some touring and a fair amount of weekend riding together while we were in college, but when we bought our house, home renovations took over for a while. Meanwhile I was working for a hospital and they were sending a team of disabled riders on the STP (Seattle to Portland). We started riding a lot again training to do the ride with them.
Fast forward a few years. After some more touring and another STP the hubby decides he wants to go to the next level and buys a racing bike, starts racing, joins a team. I start having trouble keeping up....
Now its his turn, he convinces me that I need a lighter and better fitting bike. New bike - I stop having trouble keeping up :cool: He convinces me that I should try a race, and I do well, I join a team and start racing!
We're starting to diverge a little bit. I've been doing quite well at road races, he still comes out and does them, but he's been doing track and finding it suits him better. I go and watch his track races, but I've never done it.
We still ride together, but often we are either both racing, or doing team rides, so we probably ride together less than before.
When he was younger, my husband used to ride everywhere -- he was one of those teenagers that didn't have a car. In college, we walked everywhere. Once we left, we got lazy, and a couple of years later bought a couple of cheap mountain bikes to play around on. We ended up biking to work a few times a week. A couple of years ago, I started doing triathlons, and we bought new bikes that were a lot lighter and a lot more road friendly.
Now, we ride together sometimes on the weekends (max 20 miles) and 2-3 times a week to work (12 miles round trip), but my training schedule, speed, and endurance makes non-commute riding together hard. I treat rides with my husband as "quality time" and totally aerobic "bonus" exercise for me, while they are more difficult efforts for him. He pretty much hibernates in the winter and comes out once the weather gets nice to bike to work, but he's improved a lot in the last 2 months. I'm not sure what will happen when we can both go the same speed other than less chit-chat. ;)
When I ride without him on weekends or for non-commutes, he is usually occupied with video games or (software) projects, so it works out okay. I would love to build him up to a cycling or multisport (kayak/bike/hike) vacation, though, I think it'd be fun.
My DH and I used to ride our mtn bikes together alot, but then he was diagnosed with pancerabellum syndrome. This has caused him to slowly loose his coordination, caused some speech impediment and has affected his periphial vision some. Needless to say, we don't ride together much. When he rides these days, his main objective is to stay upright on the bike. He falls quite easily, whether on a bike, walking or just standing and really gets down on himself. There is a ride out to the Great Salt Lake that we enjoyed last year, but there has been construction on the road and he is very hesitant to ride. He will take his bike for a short spin around a park when it is very early and not too many people are about. Riding in a group is out. Hopefully when the weather cools and the construction is completed, we will be able to hit the marina road. I have been trying to get him to consider an adult trike, but he doesn't like the image. Maybe one day... He is very supportive of my biking efforts and encourages me in my riding endeavors.
DP supports my riding and my triathlon training but there's still some friction. She hints that I should cut back after my second triathlon August 22, says my daughter wants to see more of me.
I am no longer married. Before we got married, my BF introduced me to cycling, for which I will be eternally grateful. In hindsight, I can see that the whole cycling experience with him, from bike-buying to how mechanicals got handled, from attitudes toward me and others on training rides to tours, etc, was a little thumbnail sketch reflection of our approaches to people and situations in life.
Hindsight is 20/20. Wish I had known how to pay attention back then to the things that made me uncomfortable in those situations.
As I said, however, we are semi-friends, and I will always be grateful that because of him I got into cycling.
Well, I got back into cycling again after a 4 year hiatus and my hubby enjoyed seeing my enthusiasm for the sport that he just bought a Trek 1600 SLR to ride with me. :) :)
It was our passion for bikes and cycling that got me and my sweetie to meet. Otherwise, I'm sure we'd never have met.
Yep :D I'm sure there are tons of examples of great couples where one rides, the other doesn't.
In fact one of my favorite examples is right here on TE. AG cycles, hubby rides motorcycles and check out how they combine the two :D
http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showt...arrived+flames
But back in the day when I was dating I found it difficult not to have an active lifestyle in common.
Lots of comments like "You do what? You ride how far? You're doing what next weekend?" and the classic "You spend that much on what? :eek: ".
One gal said "You have to have a screw loose to ride that far"
There was no second date or u-haul :rolleyes: :cool:
It's sooooo nice to have this in common as well as other things of course, like love of wool and chocolate. :D
Have you looked at recumbent trikes?Quote:
Originally Posted by sbctwin
East Hill
Or a tandem with you as captain?Quote:
Originally Posted by East Hill
DH & I are happily into different sports. We toyed with the idea of riding together, but I like going fast & feeling the wind on me, he trundles along arrives ages behind me and then asks "Did you see this & that? Oh what a pity you missed it." We were going to train together for a century & it was all looking good. We even got a nanny for Saturday mornings. Then reality set in for DH. If he's going to spend 4 hours out doing sport, he'd rather be on a golf course. I'd love him to ride b/c then someone would change my flats for me, but that wasn't a big enough incentive. Can't work out why not??? So he golfs, I ride and all is well.
I didn't have an SO when I started riding for real last year, and I still don't. But I've learned that cycling is a great way to meet guys! At our first metric, my friend and I looked around and said, "WOW! We've been doing the wrong events!" :D LOL
Cycling is just one more thing we can share.
We met rock climbing, ski/board together, and cycle together. When I met him he had a road bike and I was thinking of getting one. He rarely rode his, maybe once a year or so. I got into it much more, I seem to always go into things gung-ho. I ride alot more than him, but not so much more that our skill level is unequal. He's lucky in that he can ride a bike for the first time in a year and do a century at 17 mph. He doesn't care to push his limits, though, and is perfectly happy keeping at that moderate pace, so we ride well together. Even better, he likes looking at maps and plotting routes, he says it's 'fun'. Hah. I'm so directionally challenged. I love that we can go on rides and he'll plot the whole thing out and all I need to do is enjoy the ride.
Our pattern for hobbies is generally: we're both into it, but Boy doesn't try very hard/have much knowledge of the sport. Met me, I have knowledge but not as much natural skill. I give Boy knowledge. He surpasses me at sport.
At least with triathlon there's a good chance he'll never surpass me on the swim! (and that is one thing he really doesn't care to get into, which is nice for me to have something of my own... i told him some day he can be my jockstrap for when/if I do a HIM or IM!)
k.
Oh yes, I remember this thread on the advantages of cycling single:Quote:
Originally Posted by quint41
http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showt...=praise+single
My club even has a Single Cyclists ride, I don't know the successful date results ratio but it is fun.
sbctwin - I have this recumbent: http://www.kk.org/cooltools/archives/001013.php I got it shortly after I was dxed with MS. I was having some balance issues and now had an excuse to buy a recumbent. It's super fun to tool around on.. but this model is also super heavy! 65 lbs. When I got better, I bough a road bike and never looked back at the recumbent. I'm trying to sell it.. But what I wanted to tell you is that there are a whole lot of people on the trails around here who ride recumbents (men and women). They do make lighter ones - I rode one that was 25 lbs and it was speedy! It also cost $1300----I would suggest that he just go rent one for a day (if you have any shops who do that) and see how he likes it. There are lots of different models and he might be able to find one he likes.
Quote:
I have been trying to get him to consider an adult trike, but he doesn't like the image.
DH was into mountain biking before we hooked up, biking together has just made us closer :)
I've talked on another thread about the friction in my marriage caused by my bicycling...and the riding buddy.
We are both trying. He is trying to be less jealous. I am trying to cut back on the recreational riding. Although I find it easy to categorize a ride as non-recreational!
The other point of friction is that I am a much stronger rider than he is. That is a hard pill for a guy to swallow! He is slowly getting more involved and more in shape, which thrills me to no end.
In the end, I am confident that we will work through all this, there is no fear in my mind that bicycling will ruin our marriage, and our relationship will be all the stronger for it. It already is.
SBCTWIN, one of the women who rides with our club was diagnosed with PS about 6 years ago. She can't ride an upright bike anymore, but got an awesome recumbent trike and swears that it stops the progression of the disease. Maybe that would be an option for your husband? Because of her strength loss, she's not quite as fast as the upright bikes, but she does great and has fun doing something she loves!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by sbctwin
gosh, aren't forums amazing? I have never heard of this disease, and here are two people hooking up sharing knowledge, and maybe this guy is going to start riding again because of it!!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by velogirl
That's exactly it. I never expected anyone to do my activities as much as I was doing them but I did want someone who could keep up with me in general. DH did take up cycling but before that he hiked and kayaked so he was in decent shape. Imagine being active and being with someone who gets winded going for a walk?!Quote:
Originally Posted by Trek420
This has been my frustration since I re-took up cycling about three years ago now.Quote:
Originally Posted by teigyr
When I met my husband in 1989, I was still really young at not-quite 19 years of age. I was full-bore into cycling -- racing, riding 200mi/week, the whole nine yards. I was in a somewhat rebellious stage with my mother and she disagreed with my relationship with him (he's African-American). He was really into basketball and working out, and so he was in pretty decent shape, etc., and it was this that I was attracted to, besides the personality. Nearly all my previous boyfriends were non-athletes, and I thought it was really cool to be finally dating someone who cared about me and enjoyed playing sports, too. I stubbornly kept seeing him, things escalated with my mom, she kicked me out of the house, his parents took me in until we were able to find an apartment together, and the rest is history. Not once did I look back and really stop to think about the future. It was all about the present. That was 17 years ago.
Fast forward to three years ago, three kids richer: Although I never really gained much weight just because I was active, I had completely dropped cycling because I felt the duty to stay home to be a wife and mother. He completely let himself go, was now over 325lbs, and I was growing increasingly and completely turned off. I turned to my bike for comfort and started riding again. Felt awesome and as I got more and more fit, my thoughts turned to racing, which I started again also.
But.......as teigyr said above, my husband couldn't walk around the corner without breathing hard. I had hoped that perhaps he would follow my lead and get himself motivated to get back in shape, but I was continually disappointed by his unfulfilled promises to do so. Our relationship was seriously deteriorating. We were SO disconnected, and I dispaired because it was partly the cycling that was to blame. But it had woken me up out of my huge mistake of trying to be someone I'm not --- a couch potato companion -- and I wasn't about to give it up again. And it was NOT the unhealthy example I wanted to set for my children.
Fast forward to now: About three months ago now, after biting my lip hard and praying for not yet another disappointment, I agreed to buy my husband a Bowflex home fitness machine, and I dare to state here that we're on the comeback because of it. He's taking his weight loss serious now, and in his first 6-week diet plan cycle, he lost 24lbs (4lbs a week). He's been working out on the Bowflex, and is obviously enjoying the feeling of strength he's getting from the workouts, the sore muscles, the euphoria of a good workout....all the things we all know about here at TE. ;)
Best of all, his attitude has changed. He hasn't been sulking and withdrawn, he's talkative, self-motivated, alot more lively, and I now feel that I'm not married to so much of a zombie. We still have lots to improve on, but it's a great start, and I definitely don't want to be a single parent. We both realize that we have to fight for this marriage if it's going to work and provide a stable home for our kids.
However, this might sound very bad, but I have to say that IF I had stopped to reeeeally consider what I was doing all those years ago, I should have listened to my mother --- NOT on the racial thing, but when she told me that I was too young and naive to be making major life decisions at that age. I now believe that I should have waited to figure out who I was and what I wanted before plunging into living together, marriage, etc. But I've made the decisions I have, I'm making the best of it, and I feel good about that part. Plus, my kids are awesome and I wouldn't have them if I'd done things differently. ;)
Sorry this is so lengthy -- but my answer is hard to condense into a short one. Teigyr's comment sort of hit home, though, and I felt I had to respond.
~BikeMomma
And then you meet some nutcase who not only knows what ALC is, knows what the AIDS rides BEFORE that were, and wishes she could've done them.Quote:
Originally Posted by Trek420
AND who eggs your cute lil' heine on to buy yet *another* bike! And who used to own the same bike you did. (Trek 420)
Scary.
I'd run away if I were you...;)
Isn't that a line in the Wizard of Oz?? Nah, not runin'. You know my knees are shot :) I can't run :pQuote:
Originally Posted by KnottedYet
I have a theory that we're different somehow, we few we happy few who like endurance sports :)
I've never been sure how to explain it, maybe it's genetic.
But there's something about we like things that are painfull to others (and not in a kinky way ;) ).
Climbing's hard and I'll have to get off and walk but I like it and feel good after. Not just the endorfin rush, the view or the downhill run or recovery meal.
I know it's making me stronger, and of course there's food after :) I can veg and watch TV or TE, but only if I got an hour of excersise or more that day. Otherwise stand back.
So when we have this in common with our SO it's nice. Doesn't whether we ride together, wait for the other at the top or one is at home making the recovery meal, hats off to our them and to single TE'ers future SO's.
My totally unfounded theory is when you have that in your DNA so to speak it makes processes like Bikeomoma's DH journey back to fitness easier and maybe even dealing with injuries, illness. He's felt this before, likes feeling fit and working out. Hopefully it'll be like old home week "oh, yeah, I like that".
Sure it'll take a while but he knows the route.
All my family all do something active. There may be something to this but I don't care, just like cycling.
Wow, I have never heard of anyone else having this condition. I have been trying over a year now to convince my DH to try a trike, because I know he loves to ride, but so far no-go. He has to decide it is important enough for him to try it, but I keep bugging him. A year or so ago, when he went in to get re-assessed, the docs told us that they thought he would be in a wheel chair within 2 yrs of original diagnosis. That was about about 8 yrs ago. He walks to work and we think this has helped him immensely. I truly believe he would love to ride a trike and I will keep at it....Thanks Velogirl for letting me know there ARE others out there. I will show this thread to DH and maybe that will inspire him to look into it.Quote:
Originally Posted by velogirl
BikeMomma, I just wanted to say that I thought your post was very well-written and I wish you and your husband the best of luck with his journey back to health... has he expressed any interest in cycling?
Very interesting question and responses! DH and I ride together sometimes, but he is a stronger rider than me but I love riding more, which causes some tension (mostly my issue). We ride together only for a "few miles to an ice cream stand or breakfast spot, and then home", kind of rides- recreational rides, not fitness.
When riding with him, I ride my roadyish hybrid and put him on my mountain bike to give him a handicap, so to speak. After him saying bike speed and power are all about the rider not the bike, we did some trials of my hybrid against his super nice roadie, and he had to back WAY down on that statement!
I love mountain biking, though I don't get out as often as I like. He has NO interest in it and finds it very hard core, which I find amusing.