Testy People

I was in getting my nails done this morning. The topic of gasoline prices/bills came up and everyone was complaining. Well I pipe up and say my bill was only $28.00 last month. Well did that open a can of worms. :eek: Some of these women were down right hostile. They said, I had a low gas bill because I ride my bike to work, like that's a bad thing? And there were plenty of reasons why no one in the room would consider doing anything like ride a bike. Ah well, I guess a nail salon is the least likely place to find women who would consider sweaty, physical activity a good thing! It was an interesting and suprising reaction. bikerHen

Funny!! They're just being testy because they haven't burned off any stress (or fat) riding their bikes. ;) They should give it a try. When I've had a rough day at work (like today), I'm amazed at how much better I feel when I've gotten home because my ride took it all away (that and riding by the gas station looking at that $3.15 price tag made me giggle).

Yeah, not a lot of fitness buffs at the nail salon I guess. :D

They're jealous. They might not realize it but what else would explain the animosity? I've found that people who don't exercise get defensive when they're around people who do, even though they could do it themselves if they really wanted to!

I'm glad you said something though :D

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Originally Posted by teigyr

They're jealous. They might not realize it but what else would explain the animosity? I've found that people who don't exercise get defensive when they're around people who do, even though they could do it themselves if they really wanted to!

I'm glad you said something though :D

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Oh my, that is sooooo true! Some kind of inner competitor makes some people very nasty around someone who is doing something for their health. For example, certain female family members of mine seem very annoyed that I am exercising and eating right.

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Originally Posted by teigyr

I've found that people who don't exercise get defensive when they're around people who do, even though they could do it themselves if they really wanted to!

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I wonder why that is? I, too, have family that acts like that rij73. Go figure. I think they feel threatened that you're taking actions that they've not been able to commit themselves to. Jealousy. Has to be it.
And I don't know why, but it makes me feel a teensy bit high and mighty when they get defensive (my posture gets better and I hold my head a little higher). That's not very nice, but when they get snippy and defensive it makes me feel better about myself (I know- not nice).

I have avoided for years talking to non-cycling types about exercise, eating healthy, etc., cause it makes those types of people nervous if not defensive. I will give info if asked, but even then, sometimes limit it so as not to seem intimidating to them. It works best for me cause you do not make people want to do what you do by making it sound like too much work.

I don't talk about my exploits to most of my family members too much, suffice it to say, I rode 460 miles in a week on vacation and camped. They think I'm crazy and I leave it at that. My sister is proud of me though, she has pictures of my death ride experience and of tour of colorado cause she thinks its cool!

I do feel some pride when talking about how much I get done by bike. It's just a win-win for me. When people rattle off excuses I mention things like racks and panniers...and then tag on that my bike commute is almost 17 miles when I make it. (I'm currently a once-a-weeker.)

I really don't think most people even consider biking as a transportation option. Until they meet someone like a lot of the ladies here on TE, it doesn't really even cross their minds. So, I do pipe up once about how practical and cheap bike use has been, and I talk about how much fun I have. I try to kind of feel out how receptive the person might be when I decide if I want to engage in any further discussion. Some people get REALLY defensive when you ask them to get off their duffs. I used to be like that! :eek: And I figure, as expensive as gas is going to get, many people will HAVE to make a change sooner or later.

And on the jealousy stuff, it's very real, and really disgusting. I heard my sister in law saying the nastiest things about this day care mom who had lost weight and was running and so proud of herself. It was so catty...gotta wonder what she might be saying about me, since I'm training for a duathlon the end of this summer. Hee hee. I've been insulted for worse things. :cool:

The jealousy is ridiculous. I think people don't want to work for rewards hence all the "quick fix" solutions. If someone gets to where they are by working for it, there is criticism. I also think people subconsciously compete and if someone betters themselves by diet, exercise, education, or a combination thereof, other people see it as magnifying their flaws. If that makes sense!!!

A wee bit off topic but before I met DH, I was going out with a guy who felt threatened when I rode my bike. It finally came to a head when I went back to school and he said "you will probably get an education and leave me". HUH?! I did but it was before school even started :D

While it's two different situations, I think it shows an underlying problem in people.

of course, this was the guy who wanted me to get a boob job because it was "improving" myself while riding my bike or going to school was different, somehow. And no, I didn't do it!

Well,that's almost as good as what my in-laws told my husband when we got engaged: "She has so much more education than you, she will probably leave you..." Then, after he went back to finish his degree, they have spent most of the last 28 years smirking that I turned him into a snob.

I am not sure why people act so vehemently against others who live in a healthy way. It's a jealousy that seems not proportional to the situation. But, I agree. A friend of many years recently told another mutual friend of ours that we are "over the top" with cycling. Now, it's OK for her to brag about her brother and sister and law running marathons or to endlessly tell me about how she USED to hike, etc. When I did aerobics this was "acceptable" to her. But now she is getting fat and always telling me how she can't do anything. And I know she is jealous that I spend so much time with my husband cycling. I haven't called her since my friend told me she said this.

Meeeeowww!!! :p

Where the heck do you guys find these people? I have never had anyone meet my biking addiction with anything but a smile and a "Man, I should do that". Or people I don't know at the Post Office volunteer that it's a great idea with these gas prices! My friends think I'm a little nuts to spend more on a saddle than they do on an entire bike, but I make fun of them for attending "purse" parties, so we just laugh about it. Not one person has told me to ride on the sidewalks. People just wave and force me to go first at intersections. This is a blue collar community. Lots of big trucks with big wheels, too, and 9 times out of 10 those trucks stop and offer me a ride when it's raining. Saturday I had a flat by the library. Like a dork, I had put the wrong tube in my pack, so I couldn't change it. It took me less than 30 seconds to find a ride home, and before I discovered my tube mistake, the librarian was insisting I bring my bike inside, and did I need a table?

Sometimes I hate small town life, no Starbucks, and everone knowing my business, but when I look at your stories, I realize I may not WANT to move back to St. Louis like I thought. Now if only I had more than 8 miles of pavement in any direction. sigh. (But it's all good, we have awesome gravel roads and I'm in touch with my mountain biking side, too).

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've found that people who don't exercise get defensive when they're around people who do, even though they could do it themselves if they really wanted to!

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I once asked that question of an acquaintance of mine who was taking on that kind of defensive stance around me whenever the topic of my lifting or rowing came up, and the answer I got was pretty interesting. In hindsight, it made total sense, though.

She told me that anytime she sees, or hears about, people who are really into some kind of exercise or sport, she gets defensive because she feels like she's being judged for not doing those things. It wasn't jealousy really, it was insecurity and the fear of judgement that immediately threw up those walls of attitude around her.

I'd love it if she decided to come outside and play in the sunshine and fresh air every once in awhile, but she says she's happier staying inside reading, cooking, or watching movies. *shrug*

And for me, all of the stories of riding and fitness and achievement alternate between jealousy and reminiscing, usually followed by the thought that this situation is temporary - once I figure out what my body needs to keep this disease in check, then I can get back on the path to fitness.

*sigh*

:) But I am so happy I was there once, so I know that I can do it...

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

I haven't had vehement reactions to my cycling; it's just this one person who definitely has "issues" of her own. It's just that she WAS a very close friend. Everyone at work thinks it's cool that I commute. Most people don't understand how I can do all this cycling, but they don't get mean! There are tons of cyclists in my area, so it is not unusual.

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Originally Posted by Dianyla

Meeeeowww!!! :p

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That is EXACTLY what I thought pft..pft....reeeeeerr...You know how "catty" some women can get!:rolleyes:

It's human nature to get defensive when a spotlight is shown on something we really, truly, *know* we shoudl be doing better with. If you get mad you don't have to look at yourself.

I don't face a lot of people who become jealous when I mention my cycling or eating habits. Actually, recently, the people I've talked with express how they want to become more healthy and I try to give them positive feedback on that decision. Hey any exercise, whether it be cycling, swimming, running, etc. is better than none and couple that with eating right, your health should improve.
The only people that give me any grief are my parents. My mom just starting riding with my grandfather, a couple of miles, pretty slow, everyday, which I think is great and she just started weight watchers. My father doesn't do anything because "he has no time"and eats and drinks whatever is the "best" also known as the rich fatty foods and alcohol. Whenever I see them and they ask about my cycling, of course I respond with my most recent adventures and what I plan on doing. They then compare me to one of their friends who supposedly competed at the top level and had a $10,000 bike that he just sold and all of this other crap. I've had enough of it. I'm not this guy (who by the way, have never met at any of the group rides or anywhere for that matter), I don't have a $1,000 bike and I don't compete (as of yet, but very soon I hope) and I'm not a pro; don't compare me to him. It's like they don't even listen to me, even though they asked about my cycling; they just want to look better. What the F!

Yes I think is was mostly jealousy and envy. I have the time and desire to get out and make myself and the world a little better. When I was leaving the salon, trying to get myself and my bike out the door without dinging my wet nails an older lady was coming in and held open the door. As I thanked her, she said to me in passing, "Good for you getting out and doing something!" It made my day much better.

My Mom passed away about the time I started to ride again. One thing she said to me literally on her death bed, was how much she regretted not keeping up her physical strength. Her weakened state did contribute to her death. She was so glad I was getting back into something I enjoyed and could continue doing as I got older. I will always carry that conversation in my heart and stay physically active as long as I can, for me and my Mom. bikerHen

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Originally Posted by missymaya

It's like they don't even listen to me, even though they asked about my cycling... What the F!

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Just be strong in yourself.
It is hard when we don't get positive acknowledgment from family or friends.
We believe in you MissMaya... if thats any consolation.

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Originally Posted by uforgot

Sometimes I hate small town life, no Starbucks, and everone knowing my business, but when I look at your stories, I realize I may not WANT to move back to St. Louis like I thought. Now if only I had more than 8 miles of pavement in any direction. sigh. (But it's all good, we have awesome gravel roads and I'm in touch with my mountain biking side, too).

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I'm with uforgot. I also live in a tiny place and not many cyclists and no women. Even the lbs partner said once to another customer "There are 2 women riders round here - me and her"
But people love to see me on my bike. They know I love it and they know what I have been through. Everybody loves a fighter. Everybody wants to see you beat the odds (in whatever way eg illness, injury, misfortune).
That said, they don't necessarily want to do it their actual selves. I think it *does* provoke them to see what is possible if you really set yourself to achieve something and that frightens them at a deep level. Because it means they have no excuse for their own lack of achievement. So they say "Ah, yeah margo is weird/different/special. The normal universal laws of physics and energy don't apply to her for some reason."

Interesting discussion...
$0.02 payable to margo49 Swiss bank account number available by PM

That bit about margo and her unique energies is of course true at the level of quantumn physics and her frequent interactions with the Fabric of the Space-Time Continuum, but only Kits and I know the Whole Story. It is also Off Topic but I don't want to leave Kits a loop-hole to jump on me through

Thanks roadraoven and I do appreciate the support that this forum provides for me and all of the other people who ride for sport, work, exercise, or just good ole' fun:D .

I'm really glad this thread exists, because I thought it was only my family that acted this way. :D

I try very hard not to sound like I'm gloating or putting anyone else down. But, I guess it's hard for some people not to feel bad when I walk in the room just looking thinner and healthier, and they know it's cause I work hard at it and have made it a priority. It probably does make them insecure even though it's the last thing I want. I try to make it look like no big deal so they will feel like maybe trying it too. I definitely don't even brag or harp on anything, but it seems hopeless. Granted in my case it probably has more to do with the way I eat than the exercising, but they go hand in hand as far as I'm concerned.

So far I haven't encountered any hostility. What I have found though is most people are interested or curious. One of my (overweight) work colleagues who is only 26 years old is now thinking on digging his bike out from the back of the shed. Others start looking dreamy (reminiscing of the days of their youth when they used to fly around on two wheels).

I also think a lot of them are now contemplating cheaper ways of getting from A to B. The price of fuel here is nearly £4 per gallon ($8), insurance is sky-high as is road tax. That's not counting the cost of putting the car through it's yearly MOT test and repairs, plus the cost of parking.

Since I started commuting to and from work I've saved well over £100 which has gone towards the cost of my new bike.

Then of course, there's the all-important health benefits. I'm very slim anyway but my leg muscles are toning up quite nicely, I sleep sooooo much better and awaken refreshed instead of like something nasty out of Night of the Living Dead:eek: I'm better tempered too (I tend to be very fiery).

Perhaps some people are jealous - and a bit frightened. Some are just plain lazy.

I'm lucky. My co-workers pretty much accept the fact that I ride my bike, in much the same way that they accept that so-and-do drives that white car. No drama there.

My family just doesn't understand, but do accept. Mother, for example, called me a Ding Dong for planning to ride RAGBRAI this year, but there was love in her voice. My brothers want me to pack a gun along at all times. I just smile and tell them that I love them, too.

As I said, I'm lucky - and probably non-threatening. It's hard to take a fat old woman on a recumbent as a threat to anything.

People *do* tend to assume taht I am somehow physiologically different. (They already *know* I'm psychologically different ;)) Some of my longtime friends knkwo I did spend many years as a regular old fashioned couch potato, and I love that I don't really *look* like an athlete - love handles persist- ... but most people are sure that they just don't have "it" in them. You don't have it until you make the time to build it. Once you have it, oh my, you don't want to lose it!

I totally agree, Python! I am so happy at not having to use my car as much, and I LOVE how commuting makes me feel. I am SO much calmer, and I feel fantastic all day long.

As for me, I really want to get rid of my beer gut (having a significant other that I homebrew with for the past 4 years, plus a kegerator, has NOT helped), and keep getting healthier--stronger, faster, better! Plus, I already have awesome legs, and I want them to get more awesome. :)

And can I get an "amen" on the sleep bit! I agree, nothin' but sweet, sweet sleep.

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Originally Posted by Python

Since I started commuting to and from work I've saved well over £100 which has gone towards the cost of my new bike.

Then of course, there's the all-important health benefits. I'm very slim anyway but my leg muscles are toning up quite nicely, I sleep sooooo much better and awaken refreshed instead of like something nasty out of Night of the Living Dead:eek: I'm better tempered too (I tend to be very fiery).

Perhaps some people are jealous - and a bit frightened. Some are just plain lazy.

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Originally Posted by kellichou

And can I get an "amen" on the sleep bit! I agree, nothin' but sweet, sweet sleep.

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Amen!

I am thinking, after an interesting thread on bikejournal, that I want to infuse my comments about biking on the roads to include that it's not just "hopping on the bike," because riding in traffic - even the relatively light stuff we have - is 'way different from tooling around as a kid. Lots of people think riding is so very scary - and sometimes it is, but often it isn't *because* I've learned how to do it and how to "read" traffic and ride as a vehicle.