Oy, Catrin, I would get rid of that friend. Anyone who thinks a 50 year old woman is old and shouldn't be doing something alone is nuts.
There.
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Oy, Catrin, I would get rid of that friend. Anyone who thinks a 50 year old woman is old and shouldn't be doing something alone is nuts.
There.
Catrin - you keep ridin' girl! So long as your joints allow you. Riding is fun. Piffle on said "friend".
Dear Coworkers
I know that you are just trying to help, but suggesting that a cyclist riding in the rain
is doing a disservice to his children is a bit much. Every story you can tell me about cyclists getting killed by cars I can match with motorists killing themselves or other motorists with cars.
You're not helping. I'm not impressed. And i'm still going to ride my bike..
Dear Uncle J,
Tonight I received news that you're not going to make it & are in very poor condition in hospital. :( I know you've battled Lupus for 20+yrs as a result of your time weapons testing in the military. You weened yourself off oxygen but then had to go back on a few years ago.
I will always remember your smile & the really bad humour :rolleyes: ;)
Thank you for being such a cool uncle. I'm happy we caught up on our trip to Canada in 08.
Your neice C
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crankin
Sadly, that is pretty much what I have determined. We've been friends for years, but once I started taking my fitness, weight, and health seriously she, and a couple of others, have had this kind of reaction. Who would have thought? I have heard of men sometimes behaving this way to their wife or girlfriend out of insecurity, but this blind-sided me :confused:Quote:
Originally Posted by bmccasland
So, I will continue to have fun - and every day that I work out, or play on my bike, the better and younger I feel, and better friends will be found along the way :D
I am sorry to read this, it is hard news for you and your family...Cool uncles are great and it is good that you will have good memories of him.Quote:
Originally Posted by crazycanuck
Catrin,
This will happen more than you expect. Some women get very angry when they see someone else doing something for themselves. They are really angry at themselves, because they know what you are doing is right. I have a couple of friends who "tolerate" me and what they consider to be my eccentricities (exercising and eating right), but if I hear one more time that "I can't do what you do," I will scream.
You are now a member of a minority group. Seriously, I feel this way more and more. If it wasn't for my cycling friends, it would be awful.
Crankin, do you really find this to be true? I find myself more and more isolated from certain people -- and yet all I'm doing is having fun on my bike! I'm not a super athlete; 40 miles is a big trip for me. The other things I do -- eating right, not drinking or smoking -- are just because I want to feel better and stronger. I'm truly not moralistic about any of this, and I don't like people who try to be the health police. But that doesn't seem to matter.Quote:
Originally Posted by Crankin
Not with biking/fitness but several years ago I made a huge positive change in my life and my "friends" cut me out of the circle. I figure that means they really weren't my friends.Quote:
Originally Posted by PamNY
Pam,
I wouldn't call myself a super athlete, either, in that I don't compete in any of the sports I do and as far as cycling goes, I am too slow to be with a fast group and too fast to be with a slow group...
I do really mean this. I just happen to be very disciplined and I have been since I started exercising in 1978. I don't *ever* talk about my "discipline," but when one of my non-exercising friends asks me what I'm doing/or did on the weekend or on one of my days off, I invariably will tell them, "Oh, I went snow shoeing, or I rode X number of miles." My life really does revolve around cycling and the winter sports I do. They don't want to hear about it. Sure, we go out to eat a lot, have a theatre subscription, watch an occasional movie. I read a lot, too. But, when it comes down to it, outdoor activity is my life. When I was a gym rat,it was "acceptable." That's what woman do; it didn't interfere with getting up early on a Sunday and going to hear a speaker at my synagogue, or doing volunteer work. That all went by the wayside when we both got into riding.
We spend a lot of time with another couple who ride, x country ski, and snow shoe with us. We go on vacation together and do the theatre thing together, too. I am doing what I want to do, also. I hate being socially isolated and I've always had an active social life. It's been a rare Saturday night that my DH and I have stayed home and we've been married 30 years. If people think that I am the "health police" by virtue of my lifestyle, well, I guess they will think it. I've talked about this with others in my cycling group, who are all older than 40 and have lived this lifestyle for many years. I couldn't begin to approximate some of the stuff they do, but I understand it and only give them kudos. But frankly, I have found that people, especially women, view this as being selfish, when it really is self care.
Crankin and MDHillSlug, thanks for your thoughts. This is all something new for me. On the bright side, I am lucky to have some true, good friends. The woman who has been my biggest biking support is not active at all, but she "gets" that hello! -- we are not all alike. She has patiently listened to me discuss every fear and frustration, and celebrated with me over every mile and muscle fiber.
Dear Secretary in the Ex Office,
After finding a minor error in 26 letters, which I fixed at your direction, then, you decide that it should be a colon after the Dear So and So instead of a comma, and having me redo all 26 letters fAGAIN, then finding another minor error (spacing between paragraphs is that important?) :mad: and having me do the letters again :mad: , why don't you have me send YOU the electronic files so you can fix them? I have other projects to work on. One trip to the Ex Office you were draped over you desk lounging, another trip you were chatting up a visitor, last little bitty thing you wanted changing, you had someone bring the file folder to me. Do you not realize that these letters have to be signed TODAY, and the documents that go with them have to go out TODAY, by LAW?? Your nit-pickiness is beyond rediculous.
In answer to your question, No I don't have a secretary. Those of us in the trenches have to do our own work. If commas to colons, and spacing between paragraphs, or dashes by the page number is that important, why don't you fix the letters? I've seen that you're terribly over worked. :mad::mad:
Dear Body,
If I promise to try and ease up a bit, will you promise to stop breaking? I'm really getting tired of physical therapy.
Thanks
Beth - Sounds like herself is on a power trip. Be interesting to know if she's as picky with the men. Isn't it her job to fix stuff like that?
Lack of secretarial/admin support for anyone not in a high level mgt job seems to be typical in the USG. Makes sense because most of us have become self-sufficient. What is annoying, however, is thatt some (not all) of the secretaries one encounters are Divas--as in, I'm important because I work for xxxxx.
Aw gee, Beth. There's nothing like working for a micro manager. :rolleyes: :p :eek: :mad:
Thank you so much for a perfect day. I had a great ski with a good friend, perfect snow conditions and great views of Mount Hood. Then a fantastic lunch followed by an excellent recovery ride with amazing views. Then a beer on tap at the local watering hole that was brewed with love just down the road. Finally, a quiet evening with good food and a great roomie. Thank you.
Dear BF--
I'm glad we're as bad at saying goodnight when we're 2000 miles apart as we are when we're in the same room.
I miss you. :(
Owlie - I hear ya. Right now I'm doing the long distance thing too. My BF is still recovering from a quick trip to Scotland for a race and I can't seem to time it so that I can catch him on the phone when he's awake. It sucks to say goodnight on the phone. But I'll take that over not saying goodnight at all.
Dear misinformed person,
As a woman, who has taken time out of her career to stay home with my kids, I find it very obnoxious that you say to me "Oh you don't work?" I do work. I just don't get compensated monetarily for it, and it is a darn hard job.
Dear Australia Day Revellers,
First off, those Australian Flag car window things aren't cool. They make me cringe because most of the people who have them also have a " F Off We're full" Sticker...:mad: Just not funny folks...
Next..Should you wish to get pissed at the beach & leave your bottles behind...:mad:
Do you mind not ruining it for the rest of the normal individuals! IE-People that don't have to be off thier trees to enjoy the day.
Thank you...I'm staying far away from the roads today!
+infinity, Crazycanuck. Yesterday's news was full of dummies on the p!ss, screaming at the TV cameras. Yep, folks, that's what being an Australian is all about. :rolleyes:
Max
Dear head and neck,
Couldn't you wait 24 more hours before you had your temper tantrum? I know these past couple of weeks have been somewhat tense, and I know you've been storing up the migraine, plotting your attack. But I really really didn't need it TODAY :( I have a meeting to go to, another panic project. It never stops. :eek: Saturday we'll sleep in, if I can bribe Bonnie cat. And on Sunday, it's death by chocolate.
Dear husband,
I love you desperately. But if each of us caring for our parents means we're unable to be there for each other, I think maybe we should just separate now, so that I don't have to deal with that loss on top of anything else I may need in the future.
Oh, sad. :(
How about just a marriage sabbatical until things are better?
Karen
It is the hardest job I have ever done. (and I worked in an ED for 22 years!) Give the stare (the "I can't believe you said that" one), a half-knowing smile (the "you have no idea" one) and raise an eyebrow..(the "you are a dumb a**" one)...then walk away.Quote:
Originally Posted by greenbeanvw
*taking notes*Quote:
Originally Posted by spindizzy
(((OakLeaf))) ! :(
thanks... I feel some better now that we're both HOME and I've been able to tell him what's been upsetting me for the past three weeks...
but the bottom line is we need to define where the boundaries are with our parents, which is not easy when they're in poor health and honestly may not live that much longer. :( I don't know what the solution is.
How do you balance your marriages with the needs of your extended families - especially when there's a long physical distance? Anyone have any tips?
To be honest, I don't. I don't have parents who are that poorly yet, but the bottom line is that I have a much closer relationship with my dh than with either of my parents, and I just don't feel the need to be there much for them. At some point I will have to, since I'm my mother's only living child, but she lives abroad half of the year and chooses not to see us much even when she is in the country, so we're fairly distant and I don't feel obliged to be a very "good" daughter.
It sounds like a tough situation, my sympathies!
Oakleaf, I would have to be on LPH's side. I know it's not the common opinion, but I really believe your marriage *comes first.* Before parents, before kids, before anything else, in terms of relationships. An elderly parent should not be the breaking point for your marriage. You have the right idea in sitting down and discussing the boundaries with your DH. I would suggest also, getting some outside feedback. I don't know if you have siblings, but having a discussion with a social worker/counselor/therapist who deals in elder issues would be warranted. Your DH should be included and vice-versa. Sometimes, we are not aware of services that are available. I am going through this with my dad now. He is fairly healthy, but there are other issues. My brother lives in the same city as him and has always been the caretaker, but he is sick of it. I hooked him up with the Jewish Family Services Elder Resources program, which is quite comprehensive. I am sure other family service agencies have similar programs. My DH had an emergency type of situation, where both of his parents became incapacitated and had to be hospitalized and moved into assisted care within a 3 day window. He flew to Phx and the 4 siblings found a social worker who dealt with just these issues. They had the apartment cleaned out, stuff put in storage, and the parents' medical situation under control in 3 days.
I feel for you, but I would not even consider harming my marriage for a parent. You can help, but you should not stop your life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OakLeaf
I've recently been through this with my grandparents, mother, and aunts. As the oldest granddaughter, I'm sometimes called on to "sub" for the primary care provider when I can get back home (I live on the opposite side of the continent, but last year I visited five times, including six full weeks during the summer).
About two years ago, my grandparents were forced to move in with my mother (their oldest) because they could no longer care for themselves. They'd tried - they have a small condo of their own - but my mother and my aunt who live nearby were getting worn out carrying meals to them several times per week, and being called on every time they had a doctor visit or whatever. Granddaddy wasn't driving anymore, and it wasn't safe for Grandma, either. Granddaddy started falling a lot, so they moved in with my mother, a former nurse, and her elderly husband. So she had three elderly people to care for, and she wasn't in the best health herself.
That lasted a few months before she just couldn't handle all three of them anymore, so they moved to my aunt's house with her husband. Now, they both work full time from home, and have to travel frequently, and they had a lot of blame for my mother for not being able to manage the parents since she doesn't work at all. They did their best to care for both of them, but it began to be a huge strain on their marriage, so much so that my uncle became mean to my grandparents (although he didn't see it that way, but my grandmother did - Granddaddy was too out of it by then to notice anything). I said to my mother that caretaker aunt should not have to choose between her parents and her husband.
It was getting really, really ugly between my aunt and my mother, and my other aunt, who lives on the other side of the state and had kind of relinquished any decision making or physical contributions to the care of her parents, although she did come to visit and give my caretaking aunt and her husband a break every now and then, but there was so much bad blood between them at that point, she didn't feel welcome in their house at all.
Granddaddy was falling more, so Grandma finally relented and allowed the daughters to put him into a nursing home. She'd fought it up to then because she felt like she was failing in her marriage vows - love, honor, cherish 'til death and all that.
Grandma moved back in with my mother immediately after that, and then started the weekly commute to visit him in the nursing home, which was about 45 minutes away.
This went on for five months, until he succumbed to pneumonia and was moved to the hospital where they discovered that he had cancer and was moved to hospice. He passed away a week ago Wednesday.
Caretaker aunt still had so much anger in her that she wouldn't speak to faraway aunt without seething, and finally exploded at her in front of me.
I've always been the mediator type, but I couldn't calm her down. I tried. Faraway aunt left caretaker aunt's house upset, and I stood there and let her and her husband vent. And boy, did they need to vent.
I listened. I heard them. I took some of what they had to say back to the other family members, and faraway aunt saw how much it upset me to have them all fighting so much, and she made the effort to go see caretaker aunt and try to talk things out. They were able to start working through years of bad feelings on the part of caretaker aunt. Faraway aunt is much more zen about everything, doesn't hold grudges or anger or get upset about much.
Of course, there's a lot more to the story, but I share this because I've seen how caring for elderly parents can tear at a marriage, and how not dealing with the stresses of it can tear at an extended family. I don't know if my aunts will ever really care about each other again.
You should not have to choose between your parents at your husband. They are your family by birth. He is your family by choice. You chose him. He chose you.
It would have been better if my grandparents had gone to a nursing home where they could live together from the beginning, in the care of trained professionals, as soon as they could not care for themselves. As heartless as that may sound, as uncaring, it would have been better for all of my family if they had made that choice instead of trying to live with their daughters and their husbands. Unless you're trained in geriatric care, having your parents at home when they need more than just having meals prepared or a ride now and then is just too much of a hardship, especially if you have your own children who need you and your own careers to think about.
Not all families may go through what mine did, but Oakleaf, if there's any question at all of losing the man you love, and who loves you, I can't imagine your parents would want that. find the best situation for both sets of parents that you can, then choose love.
Good luck to you all.
Roxy
Roxy
Dear Universe,
Can you ensure Mr Blah (and the rest of his battalion) returns safely after his (yet another) tour to Afghanistan? He left yesterday :(
Thanks
Dear flipped-your-wig co-worker,
So you're still too sick to come to work, but well enough to party? I supposed that's part of your problem. You can party with the best of them but can't deal with being a responsible adult, and earning your keep in life. What was with the taking all the pictures? At least you didn't have people taking pictures of you. I understand you're a social bird, and need positive energy around you, completely dependant on it in fact. But the positive flow must come from the inside - haven't you learned that yet during your stay in the psych ward?
Meanwhile do me one little favor, decide if you're coming back to work, or just quit. We're tired of picking up your load while you're out. Don't be surprised if you meet hositility when/if you come back. We're all tired, overworked, and to be down two people, one of which is in limbo (you) doesn't help matters.
Dear So and So,
That was quite the Freudian slip.
Me too.
Dear Friend at Work,
There is absolutely nothing funny about the horrid cold I caught from you, I've missed four days work so far.
snap "coughing up her lungs" dragen
Dear Snap,
Try black elderberry extract.
Regardless, feel better soon!
Really? Ok, I'll check it out. I've been up close and personal with my neti pot, and I've been drinking lots of juice (cranberry/blueberry...mmmm), water and Echinacea Complete Care tea. I don't know if the tea helps any, but it tastes good to my stuffy headed self. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by OakLeaf
Dear university's cycling club/company making the things:
I would rather like my jersey BEFORE I graduate...
Dear Doctor,
You could have been more humane when I asked "how soon until I can ride my bike?". Replying "you can't ride a bike anymore, it would be the worst thing in the world for your knee" and then seeing the crestfallen look on my face, maybe you could have shown a smidgen of compassion...you butthead.
Pax
((((((((Pax))))))))