I don't know much about FB. But rarely using it. Never received a message to join, etc
Sorry for sounding ignorant, but how do you do a script blocker?
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I don't know much about FB. But rarely using it. Never received a message to join, etc
Sorry for sounding ignorant, but how do you do a script blocker?
The two I use are NoScript and Ghostery. It's easier to just install them and play with the settings than it is to explain. I'm far from an expert.
It makes the browsing experience ... more interactive, should I say? And these days, it's useful to have a separate browser kept wide open for when you just HAVE to interact with one of those really unsanitary websites, which is getting to be more and more of them lately. The key there is to put it in private browsing mode, enable all the security the particular site permits you, open that window and no others, and quit the browser immediately after you're done.
You could also just install Lightbeam to show you how much you're giving away. Lightbeam doesn't block anything, just illustrates it. Even with my level of security (which I would characterize as moderate, certainly not high), as I said on another forum - every time I look at Lightbeam, it makes me want to throw my computer in a hot shower with bleach and scrub brushes ... which obviously even if I did that, wouldn't clean any of my information off all the OTHER computers that now have it ...
Thanks. I'll look it up this weekend.
I know the big www is crazy. It's amazing how much information I can find on someone. Working in HR I regularly have to dig up info and it is sooooo easy. Some people are truly opened books on the net. :eek:
I'm not as active here as I once was partly because I'm not riding nearly as much this year since we're in Mexico, and yes, Facebook takes a lot of my online time. I also have a couple of people I email pretty regularly, and our blog, though I haven't been posting a lot there either since we've been staying in one place for months now. I still enjoy stopping by here and seeing what people are up to, but I do miss some of the "old timers" who have dropped off completely or mostly.
That's exactly what happened with me, and I will always be grateful for the help, advice and encouragement that I found in this group. Very likely it made the difference in whether I kept cycling.Quote:
Originally Posted by OakLeaf
I love this group, but I just don't have much to say lately, and my cycling goals are fairly modest. I do check in occasionally and hope the group continues.
I don't FB nor twitter. No interest and my personal contacts don't use these tools at all or hardly at all.
So still drop by TE forums here. I sense a lot less women participating in discussion here. Wonder the administrator can tell us if there are a lot more readers vs. participants. It does take a longer period of time to understand forum dynamics and how to communicate in a manner that facilitates useful responses. I just think some folks on social media tend to be more shorthand and prefer it that way.
I use FB all the time, but not so much for fitness activities. My FB friends who ARE active are much higher level liters than I, but most are not interested in hearing about it. Occasionally I post about it anyway but much of it I keep to TE. While there aren't that many posting here right now, I want to do what I can.
Me too, Muirenn. I get hit with that one often; Dad too. You have company.
Hugs, murienn and salsa.
My mom passed away one year ago this week, I miss her so much.
I don't like the fact my mom missed seeing my kids grow up into wonderful adults. She was very close to them, despite the distance. I am glad they spent a lot of time together when they were very young, and we lived in AZ and my parents were in San Diego.
On the other hand, my mom has been gone for almost 20 years. She was way too young to die, but she had been sick for awhile, which kind of prepared me. Sometimes I think there's something wrong with me, in that I don't really "miss" her, in the way most people describe. We had a good relationship and she was a good parent. But, I've been on my own since age 17, with only 3 years living in the same town since then. When I think of my mom, it's always in a good way, like what she would think of a particular thing, or i can hear her laughing about something. It is exactly what she would have wanted; she would not have wanted crying and sadness. I do find myself missing my phone conversations with my dad, who died in September, despite the fact we had never been that close. On a good note, his death has brought me closer with my brother, and I talk to him pretty often now.
Hugs to all of you.
I feel the same way about my dad as you do your mom, they had lived in FL for twenty years and I only saw him a couple of times a year, we talked on the phone and had a wonderful relationship but I don't exactly "miss" him since he wasn't part of my day to day life. The difference with mom is that she was omnipresent after we moved her home when dad died. I think that makes missing her more real for me.Quote:
Originally Posted by Crankin
I totally feel for all of you. I am approaching the 6th anniversary of losing my younger brother, and I miss him every day. Also coming up on three years since I lost my grandma, who was a major influence in my life. There are lots of days when the ache is pretty deep - often for seemingly no reason at all. I am lucky to still have both my parents.
Hugs to all of you.
SheFly
Oh SheFly, that's a tough one about your younger brother.
My parents were supercool folks--smart, wise, funny, active, delightful. A year or two ago, I posted this picture of them on FB, and the number of friends and family from around the country who say, "Oh, I LOVED your parents so much!" was just a delight to see. I was lucky to have them as my parents.
I think it's natural to miss and simultaneously enjoy memories of people you loved. Pax, it does get less painful and more enjoyable with time.
Attachment 17579
In 2013, I went to a party celebrating the communal 60th birthday year of the people in my class. Over and over again, friends from my childhood told my DH that my mom was "so beautiful, so sweet, nice." I was kind of getting sick of hearing it! She was beautiful, she looked like Audrey Hepburn. I think a lot of the comments stemmed from the fact that she was very different from the other suburban, Jewish women of her generation. She put on her jeans and rode bikes with me!
More hugs to all. Almost a year since my mom died. We lost dad 10 years ago and I miss him every day.Quote:
Originally Posted by OakLeaf
On another cycling forum today, a guy was wondering when he visits, what to say to his dying brother who just found out he had liver cancer. My response was: Just let go now, of whatever barriers there maybe between the 2 of you....
Like others here, I miss some family members. My sister who we suddenly lost almost 5 years ago, my father just last year... Right now, I'm dealing with lack of sleep (nearly 4 consecutive nights of no sleep except for 3 hrs. in total), because of messed up sleeping cycles due to head injury recovery, thoughts of the past, etc. Prescribed drug is not the greatest thing for me..1 drug caused a heart tightness when withdrawal symptoms occurred.
Hoping for baby sleep soon..
Shootingstar, lack of sleep can be so miserable. Hoping you have some most-loved music and/or books that soothe you.
Still working on the sleep thing --to be drug-free as much as possible.
I did go for my lst slow bike ride almost 3 months since my injury. Went half a km. in the warm sunshine and clear dry pavement. It felt victorious...! The pathway was too crowded with cyclists and walkers at that time of day so I turned around to go home.
Good work, Shoooting Star. You might find that as you get back into riding, the sleep issue may diminish.
Ah, warm sunshine and clear, dry pavement.
SS, sorry to hear you are still experiencing issues from your injury. I know it can be frustrating when these things seem to take so long. But it's great that you are easing back into things. Hope you continue to improve.
My own update -- I will be back in Seattle at the end of the month. Tomorrow begins some back and forth, taking DS to stay with my parents for a couple of weeks while I come back here to sort through things and supervise packing and loading; then back to Seattle to get the house ready for DS (basically re-arrange some furniture) and take care of some administrative things, then will pick DS up from my parents first week of April. And start a new chapter.
Looking forward to seeing old friends, and maybe a ride. This last couple of months have been brutal on my health. My stomach shut down for the first month and it was hard to get enough calories to keep going. I subsisted on candied ginger, soup and smoothies. I lost a lot of weight. I had been trying to lose my last 15 pounds of baby weight, but that is all gone now and then some. I may have lost some muscle too, so I'm trying to be very conscious and deliberate about my nutrition so that I don't get in too big of a hole to get healthy again. It's really hard some days. But I am hoping for some Mick Jagger fries in my future ...
You are ON for those fries! We'll get MM_QFC, and see who else locally wants to join us. Maybe Mimi will be back by then, too. :) We will welcome you back.Quote:
Originally Posted by NbyNW
And I know you don't need me to say this since you already know it, but purely from the friend/well-wishing perspective---please take as good care of yourself as you can. It sounds like things have been so very hard. I am really sorry about that. To paraphrase from the Compleat Sage Dan Savage...it'll get better.
Take good, gentle care, NbyNW. You need energy to deal with DS when he comes back from your parents. Jagger fries sounds decadent. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Quote:
Originally Posted by NbyNW
The loss of muscle is a weird thing...it maybe what I have "lost" some muscle weight counterbalanced by normal meals (which my partner has done 80% of the cooking because I was too dizzy during first 2 months of rehab.) and little activity except for 30 min. daily walks to remap my standing balance. I spent so much time in bed just resting and doing nothing for brain to heal. End result: very little weight gain but more slack muscle I guess. It's actually bewildering.
We take so much for granted the muscle effort to pump along for decent distance and going up even gentle hills. It all takes effort.
After yesterday's ride, I'm certain my (minor) exhaustion was related to ..brain stimulation all over again that I had not experienced since accident. Probably rediscovered, acute sense of moving scenery as one bikes along. Doctor has told me that for some head injured folks they get dizzy just from looking at print wallpaper.
Hugs to you, NbyNW.
Shootingstar, I think people tend to overlook the amount of energy that visual attention takes. When I had my concussion I was young and dumb (and in my defense there wasn't near as much publicity about TBIs as there is now) - but believe it or not, I had a similar experience returning from a hand injury. My first few motorcycle rides after it healed, left me completely mentally exhausted. When you're on two wheels you have to be 100% on, and when you've been away from that for a while it can be very tiring even if your brain is only "out of shape." So with your injury, I think it's completely natural that you're so worn out by it. Take it slow and easy, keep being gentle with yourself as frustrating as it probably gets sometimes. Hugs your way too.
Nby, I hope things go smoothly in your transition. It's good you have your parents as support. It sounds like that french fry reunion will be fun.
Shooting Star, I echo what Oakleaf said. When I slammed my car door into my head 2 years ago, I know I had a concussion, despite not going to the hospital. I was not OK for about 2 months. Your accident was much worse; be kind to yourself. Healing overall, takes a lot more energy than we think.
I will be attending a cousin's wedding in a couple of weeks, several hundred miles from where I live. I was not invited to the shower, though my mother and sister (who don't live as far away from the bride) were invited.
We get along with this part of the family but we're not especially close. For the most part I think this is due to location. When I was growing up we often spent time with my aunt and uncle (grandparents to the bride) and their kids/my cousins (one of whom is the bride's father). The bride's grandmother has passed away, but I still see my uncle and other cousins (bride's grandfather and her aunts and uncles) at most holidays -- they all live closer to my parents.
So, last month, after the shower but before the wedding, I looked up the couple's registry online, purchased something from their list and had it sent to them as a wedding present. On the card I included a general message along the lines of "wishing you love and happiness." The other day I received a thank you card, saying they were sorry I wasn't at the shower but thank you so much for the generous shower gift.
But, um, that wasn't a shower gift, that was the wedding gift. I'm not sending another gift.
Not that I want to be stingy, but I really don't know this couple very well. And I'm just not rolling in disposable income right now, for a variety of reasons. And I have to pay for a hotel room and use a vacation day in order to attend this wedding. I mean, I'm happy to attend and I do wish them well, I just don't plan to buy any more gifts.
I just hope no one at the wedding mentions "my generous shower gift," because I really don't want to have to tell them that it was the wedding gift, not the shower gift.
I supposed I've learned a lesson from this. I was following Miss Manners' advice to send wedding gifts to the couple's home sometime between one year before and one year after the wedding. From now on, I'll wait and send the gift after the wedding.
Probably wise to let it go.Quote:
Originally Posted by ny biker
If it were me, I would have simply indicated (in the card) that it was my wedding gift. Wedding preparation is a lot of details and this couple might have genuinely misunderstood or not remembered their wedding guest attendance list. One thing for certain giving wedding gifts at the wedding reception is a pain in the butt 'cause it can become a security issue or just remembering who is going to pick up the gifts after the big night.
Yes back in college I attended a wedding where the bride and groom had to ask me and a few other friends to help them take care of the gifts that were brought to the reception, and it really was a hassle finding room in people's cars and keeping track of everything to make sure nothing was lost (or stolen). This is why I usually send the gift after the wedding. It never occurred to me that it would be confusing to send it a few weeks early.Quote:
Originally Posted by shootingstar
If you watch TV shows and movies like Downton Abbey, they always show wedding gifts being sent to the bride's family's house before the wedding. But I have no idea what current etiquette books (or websites) say about the issue, or if they address it at all.
I find it very odd that anyone would assume that a gift received from someone not even INVITED to the shower was a shower gift, especially when said person is invited to the wedding.
Just very strange to me. Someone is either scatter-brained or feeling very entitled, IMO. I would just go to the wedding and not say another word about the gift. Either they'll figure it out later or never think of it again!
Hotel, definitely!! I won't stay with people anymore, really need my privacy.
When I was 18-25 or so it was fun staying with friends and family, but as I've aged, no way!Quote:
Originally Posted by Muirenn
Glad he's doing better, anyway. I'm trying to develop some tolerance for the inevitable "someone else is sick, poor me," but I don't have a lot of patience for that attitude. That's one of the reasons for some of my own health care decisions.
Yep ... hotel when we can get away with it, which isn't always.
I don't mind staying with my kids or my brother, as their homes are kind of like mine... my brother does take some work to deal with, but he has a pretty significant mood disorder. I can joke him out of his funks, so outside of that, we are strangely similar, despite a 10 year age difference and totally different lives. We do stay at hotels, or mostly B and Bs when we visit though.
One would think with several siblings who each have their own home and they all live in 1 big large city...that I would have choice for overnight stays.
There are 2 siblings that I have each stayed 1-2 nights and then do the remaining days in hotel. Sadly, I would not be happy to stay with my mother who now lives in a big enough house...she would be very picky on my messiness...in her eyes. She has always been quite controlling..
It shouldn't be like this but unfortunately some parents don't know how to see their adult children without lecturing/ordering them to do stuff. I hear enough stories from my siblings since my father has died last yr.
I know some others like me, who are unable to stay overnight with aging parent for visits. It becomes difficult when one only sees the parent once a year or less. Often, there are huge expectations on both sides on how the visit outcomes should be like. I'd rather hear stories from my mother, for she will no longer be alive, instead of instructions on how to look after her kitchen. (As if I don't know.) I suppose the positive thing about all this, is a mother is generally quite organized in doing stuff, an asset as she grows older in her 80's.
Wow, that sounds stressful, Shooting Star. Hotels are a better option than a controlling parent! We always stayed with my parents when we went to San Diego, especially when we lived in Phoenix, and we couldn't afford any other vacations to get out of the hellish weather. We always got a long, because we went off and did our own thing, and my parents often would, too, as well as taking the kids out places when they were little. After we moved, we did 3-4 visits staying there, and my mom used to come here in the summer, as her parents and sister were here. That was stressful, because my aunt is a controlling b***** and treated my mom terribly. My mom used to split her time between my house and my aunt's, and there was a lot of driving back and forth, about a 40 minute drive at that time. I went to San Diego once with the kids when my mom was sick (they were in middle school) and once alone, right before she died. After that, we didn't go to San Diego. My dad met us in Phoenix twice, which was fun. Of course, we did this without telling DH's parents. They thought we were arriving days later. When my son moved to California, he lived in San Diego for 5 years, so we visited everyone, but stayed in B and Bs. Now my son lives outside of LA (Claremont), so next time we go there, we'll probably stay with him.
As you can see, I'm very careful how I inquire how things are now with siblings who live in same city as mother. They are looking after needs/demands.
It's very presumptuous for me to offer harmless advice when I'm not there. But I am able to give this leads on their city's community resources....which comes from my volunteer work in Toronto ..prior to cycling advocacy: it was social support services for Chinese-speaking Canadians like my mother.
One day I should blog how 1 type of advocacy actually later has some parallels....marginalization due to non-English speaking Canadians, compared marginalization of cyclists and pedestrians in the big world of transportation infrastructure...there ARE some similarities.
This can be a sign of an abusive, manipulative relationship. Which could also explain why your brother still lives there. Obviously I don't know them well enough to know for sure, just saying there are possible red flags.Quote:
Originally Posted by Muirenn
I stay at my parents' house all the time I when I go up to NY, in fact will be there Friday night. One sibling's family also stays there when they visit, while another stays in a hotel, mostly because the house is small and the bedrooms are small and there are not enough bathrooms when lots of people are staying there.
If I visit the siblings who live out west, I stay at their houses. My parents stay will all of us when they visit, including me -- I have no guest room so I sleep on an air mattress in the living room while they take my room. There can be issues of not enough space and having to coordinate morning routines given limited bathroom availability, but in general we get along well enough. I think the key is that no one expects us to all be together all the time -- the hosts typically have to go to work, school or other activities they're committed to, and the guests understand there will be times they are on their own. And it's just temporary, which makes it easier to overlook the little annoyances.
I have stayed with sibling(s) longer than 1-2 days, but for those who have several children, it's complicated for them to have a guest, even if I'm a sibling.. I see my sister rushing around cleaning up certain areas within a busy schedule..for me. That's nice, but I certainly don't want to over-extend her energy and even when I'm out of the house most of the day. Hubby is busy too with kids.
I get along with my siblings..thankfully. (I'm always sorry to hear stories of horrible blow-outs / very fractious sibling relationship stories.) We always enjoy visiting each other/socializing over meals collectively. I miss them.
Yes I'm also lucky to have a good relationship with my family.
No one rushes around cleaning up for me while I visit them. In fact one sister used to put me to work when I stayed with her at the vacation house she used to have in Colorado. ;) But you're right that it's extra work to have guests and in my family it means someone gives up their bedroom for visitors. But it's worth it to spend time together.