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I'm just popping in after having read, but I can't contribute much more than what the others have said. Another ((hug)), though, from someone else who knows how dark some places can be, and what psychological abuse can do to a person. Baby steps forward, for this, too, shall pass.
Alexis, how are you doing?
Hey guys, thanks for the help. Crankin, I'll go look up the books, I read kind of obsessively so it'll be good to read something helpful for once. I've been...busy. Its the end of semester at school and there's so much work to do preparing to meet parents and everything.
I might need to look for another therapist since I can't seem to make myself go back to the current therapist's office. In fact, I can't make myself go anywhere that I used to frequent during the last year. Daily functioning is ok, I'm doing better with my job and all. But outside of work, I seem to want to block out everything that has happened with him to the extent that I avoid old training routes, hangouts, friends, the therapist's office, Facebook, you name it. My weekly routine which I'm usually insistent on never deviating from has also changed dramatically. Its not about the person, because I don't feel anything where he's concerned, I just, can't seem to do anything that'd remind me I spent the last year in a relationship. So, needless to say, hunt for a new therapist shall resume...
alexis it sounds like you are more upset about what feels like 'wasted time' on him. It's okay and its not your fault. Things usually happen for a reason and this is one of those things. I'm happy you are figuring it out quicker than I did, it took me 11 years with the same jerk. Keep your head up high. :)
Easy for you to say, have you ever been in a depression so deep that none of the above worked and it required medical treatment to improve? Trust me, if I could have fixed it through improved thinking I would have.Quote:
Originally Posted by Brestin
I smell a troll...Quote:
Originally Posted by Brestin
Depression is no more "nothing" than are Type 1 Diabetes, cancer, asthma, or any other disease/disorder requiring medication to combat/correct. Would you tell a diabetic to just stop thinking about their blood sugar...that their insulin levels will correct themselves?
Yesterday, I cut myself some slack. After a whole lifetime of pushing myself to do things I can't do or don't want to do simply for validation, I said "I'm too tired to race a 12 hour solo" and it was...ok. It was fine. For the first time in 24 years, I could put aside the thought that if I didn't race it, I would be worth nothing. I felt guilty about not training and just pushed it aside and enjoyed long, slack rides and runs. That feeling, its like coming up through the water and taking one deep breath.
And the irony? I'm actually a helluva stronger now after weeks and weeks of patchy training than when I was following a weekly schedule insanely. Go figure.
Hey, then you can get back onto the bike next time in a more relaxed frame of mind. Bike needs to be part of your therapy since you love it (like alot of other folks here), but not something to feel guilty about in terms of competency.Quote:
Originally Posted by alexis_the_tiny
Pardon me if I sound pompous, but yup, it takes strength to know when to be weak*, and accept it. Good for you.
*as if not riding a 12 hr solo has anything to do with being weak :eek:
Quote:
Originally Posted by lph
Yes. This. One of the best things that I learned in therapy this yea is when to give up. And "weakness" is not what I call it, but knowing when I need to take care of my OWN self as opposed to feeding the doubts in my head or doing too much for other people.
Colorisnt! I'm so glad to see you on the forum! I've been wondering how you've been. I hope better...
As for the point of your post: I;ve been in therapy for about seven or eight years now, and a large part of it has been focused on that simple premise--that I'm entitled to take care of my needs first and foremost. Once you truly believe that, it's a lot easier to make nearly every decision. I do care about other people, some quite a bit, but at the end of the day, I care about myself more. If I don't, who will? To some, that may seem selfish, but for me, it's what's freed me to have enough energy at the end of most days to actually do things for others.
You know, I've always, always subscribed to the way of thinking that Indy describes. If I wasn't doing OK, then how could my kids, my DH, or my students be OK? And I know that others along the way have thought that as being selfish. It's like the mothers (and fathers) who don't take time to go out alone, without the kids, because they "work all week," and it "wouldn't be fair." Fair to who? Sure, I had to get up at 5AM to do some of the stuff I did for myself, but my DH also was there to do all of the morning routine for the kids when I was busy taking care of myself at the gym.
One of the best things about the therapeutic relationship is when an adult realizes he or she doesn't have to please everyone else before pleasing his or herself.
Someone told me when I really started cycling a lot that if you don't get enough salt you can get depressed. I know this probably isn't the core of your problem, but doesn't hurt to use the shaker! :D
Well, no it is not. Depression can be extremely difficult to manage.Quote:
Originally Posted by maciwatt
A friend of mine once told me that she deals with her depression as if she were in an airplane when the oxygen masks drop--her priority is to put the mask on herself, first, and then put the masks on her kids. If she doesn't make sure that she's OK, then she hasn't the capacity to make sure that anyone else is having their needs met.Quote:
Originally Posted by Crankin