Quote:
Originally Posted by DebTX
That made me unexpectedly LOL :D
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DebTX
That made me unexpectedly LOL :D
Saying... "Come on!!! We need to HURRY UP, or we are going to be late!"...
is a way to guarantee you ARE going to be 15 minutes late regardless.
Bikini waxing should ONLY be done in a salon, vs at home.
Bonus... it stiffles crying as it can be a bit embarrassing to do so in front of a professional stranger.
Don't spend the "raise" you have coming, until it's in your hands.
Turns out the word for this year: "Wage Freeze". :eek: WHAT?
So much for that raise :(
I JUST did this! STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!! :mad:Quote:
Don't ever buy clothes that will "fit once I lose a few pounds"
Where were you two weeks ago!? ;)
Remove spare tampon from pocket of black corduroy jeans before putting in washing machine.
Not exactly something I've learned....(I never have and never intend to put wax anywhere near my bikini area...) but I read this story on another forum a few years ago... It's absolutely hilarious, but I sure hope its a work of fiction...Quote:
Originally Posted by Miranda
Body: All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors, razors, Nair and now...... the wax.
My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home, fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:
"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet."
So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No mess, no fuss. How hard can it be?
I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees.
("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my *****> and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek (it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half the strip. CRAP! Another deep breath and RIPP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out... must stay conscious .... must stay conscious. Do I hear crashing drums???
Breathe, breathe...OK, back to normal.
I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body hair.
I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it.
Where is the hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the strip...it's not!
I touch. I am touching wax.
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body, which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair. Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet?
I know I need to do something. So I put my foot down. *****! I hear the slamming of a cell door. My ***** is sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut. Sealed shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and think to myself, "Please don't let me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off, right???
WRONG!!!!!!!
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together and glued to the bottom of the tub... in scalding hot water..... Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!! God
bless the man who had convinced me a few months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!
I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter -
"So, my butt and who-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!"
There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or hoo-ha?"
She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of the box.
YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax off!!
By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.
My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace.... the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on and OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!
The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
"IT WORKS!! It works !!"
I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now. Nothing hurts.
I could have amputated my own leg at this point.
Next week I'm going to try hair color......
The things women do to their bodies! {{{cringe}}} How awful! :(
I rejoice in my nice natural 'animal fur areas'.
Jeepers, that hot wax thing. It was funny.
I no longer grab for free samples of razors, etc. I still have free samples, unopened from 4 years ago.
I have to accept my aging means....less hair grown in certain areas. :rolleyes: thanks to mom, who gave me this gene. (genie :))
Microwaved stir-fried leftover food ..never tastes the same as freshly stir-fried.
I think I'm jealous Shootingstar. I think.... to me, aging means hair growing FARTHER down on my legs, no naturally bare skin between eyebrows, eyelashes and sideburns, etc...
Hey Oak, I still have to (or should :o) pluck my eyebrows, etc. and do other stuff on my face.
But yes, I could wear a strapless dress ..right now and be hair free in the 'pits. Or pull on my cycling shorts ...and run around in the snow...unembarrassed but cold...:rolleyes:
I actually was oblivious to this hairless trend for first few months (a few yrs. ago) because I never shaved all the time anyway. Then I realized that I was being forgetful but after examining self...:)
The only saving grace...for someone with naturally black hair.
Do not put your jeans in the washer and dryer until you have removed your lip gloss from the pocket. Unless you want little grease spots on the rest of the load of laundry, as a sort of design element.
PS Remember that you learned this the hard way several years ago. And hope that today's re-learning lasts longer.
I love spicy hot food. Tex mex is just fine for me. And love Cajun/Creole food too.
But there is a limit. :(
If you feel like you might be coming down with the stomach flu, don't go ahead and have the spaghetti dinner.
Red crayons don't hold up well in a dryer full of whites.
That pile of dog poop might be dry enough to run over with the lawnmower, but it might be full of yellow jackets, too.
Jeez! Scary.Quote:
Originally Posted by OakLeaf
Ah, okay. First thing I learned the hard way is that if I search for this thread under the word "learned," I won't find it. ;)
What I meant to post:
1. When removing tape from a small object, do not hold it in your fingers and use a knife pointed directly at the palm of your hand.
2. A scab will too scratch a contact lens.
Oh Lord! That takes the cake!! :eek: :eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by OakLeaf
650 tires just don't go on 700 wheels. I've learned that the hard way. In the middle of nowhere... :cool:
Don't break your Good Friday fast with margaritas. Especially not if you have a 9 am choir practice the next day... OWWW
a memory from childhood and my very first stapler: Yes staples DO hurt when shot into your palm.
Wow, I haven't looked at this thread in a while. Good stuff! :cool:
You have animal fur? :eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by BleeckerSt_Girl
When you are cleaning and your gloves are dripping with bleach, do not rub your nose. And if you do, don't inhale... :D
Owning a cat and a goldfish is ok. But owning a cat and a goldfish and sitting the fish bowl on top of your new stereo is not ok.
You should first make sure that your thumb is off the power button of the electric kitchen mixer before you lick the beaters!!! It's not cool!
Well, a few tufts of 'kitty fur' here and there.... :DQuote:
Originally Posted by snapdragen
We're all mammals, right?
When slicing chili peppers, whatever you do, DO NOT scratch that itch at the corner of your eye . . . :eek:
About turning off the beaters before licking them...also:
Long hair and a hand held mixer do not...well, mix. Scissors are usually involved in the aftermath. If anyone else is present, snide remarks and video cameras too.
Fingers and beaters do not mix either.
You'd think I would learn.
Since we are talking about having to cut your hair.
:DBeing 8 yrs old, DO NOT I repeat DO NOT decide to eat a blow-pop sucker while riding in the back of your dad's pick-up truck, even if your dad says it's ok. Unless you enjoy having your dad cut the sucker out of your hair with a pocket knife!!!!:D
oldies but goodies;
Do not try to make a ' real cast' for your legs, even if you have read All things bright and beautiful, and are smart enough to figure out how.
Do not twirl round brush in two feet of hair, in a attempt to give it body under a blow dryer
Piercings should always be done by a professional, esp body piercings.
Later in life;
Even if you do interval training every day, lift weights and ride as far as you can go on weekends, you will collapse and die before you get thighs like guys who ride the Tour De France
When roasting marshmallows and you run out, do not use Peeps as a replacement. The sugar melts and turns into liquid fire that hardens instantly on your hand and gives you a serious second degree burn. :(
OMG, that sounds so horrible!
On the other hand, finally I've found a use for Peeps - TORCHES.
BURN, BABY, BURN
Don't tell a group of experienced mountain bikers that you've taken your road bike up a dirt fire road to the highest peak in the county. They'll assume you can handle more than you're letting on to...even when you tell them you have absolutely NO TECHNICAL DESCENDING SKILLS on a mountain bike. :eek:
Oh my...I did this when I was four. My poor, poor mother. She didn't want to cut my beautiful long locks, so she painstakingly removed it strand by strand. We don't have any round brushes in the house now!Quote:
Originally Posted by cylegoddess
Dad wasnt too pleased! He spent hours!
90° is NOT too hot to wear long pants while weedwacking. Not unless you like having poison ivy on your ankles.
A friend of mine-
After a hard ride, don't have a hot bath, especially if you are a hotel manager that lives on site without his family.
Calling the security manager to help you out of the bath is also very embarassing- for him and you.
don't put the cayenne pepper next to the cinnamon. It might make sense alphabetically, but even tho they look similar, they do NOT taste similar. When you're expecting a cinnamon roll and get a cayenne pepper roll you will not be pleased.
Self-acceptance is hard- even tho it shouldn't be. The size on my clothes or the number on the scale shouldn't define me.
It's okay to be happy. Really.
Tulip--I know! Why is that so hard to learn.
Ahem . . . . To keep bedroom items and medicine cabinet items completely separated! Thera-Gesic does NOT make a good replacement of Astroglide. DH had to retreat to a cold shower and I didn't see him again for at least an hour. :(