Yeah.Quote:
Originally Posted by maillotpois
Dear Creator Who Made Nanci,
She makes us cry all the time. But she is a very good writer, so we tolerate this.
Us gals at TE.
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Yeah.Quote:
Originally Posted by maillotpois
Dear Creator Who Made Nanci,
She makes us cry all the time. But she is a very good writer, so we tolerate this.
Us gals at TE.
would you please choose this month to be late with the period? Please...really...I'm ridin' my bike a *really* long way...for a really good cause. I'd really like to not have to deal with tampons.
Thanks...really...after mid month...go to town!
Geesh Nanci.Quote:
Originally Posted by maillotpois
*fishdr says to coworkers*...yah yah - I just put eyedrops in to help my contacts... that's not tears.... really.
Go to the thread entitled Diva cup. Or search diva cup, moon cup and keeper. Then you won't have to use a tampon ever again. You also won't have to worry about that very unpleasant dryness when tampons and hormone changes are mixed together. G'luckQuote:
Originally Posted by shadon
This sure is one emotional roller-coaster of a thread--I'm laughing and crying and laughing again and ..... but it's all good venting!
Dear Potential Dates,
I'm looking for normal. By "normal" I mean emotionally healthy, has a job, loves mom but isn't looking to marry her, enjoys more than just sports on TV and perhaps even gets off the couch oh say, 3 times a week, doesn't think online porn is "cool", and realizes that belching and farting are NOT charming. Bonus points if you own a bike or like to garden or know how to dance.
Regards,
Women of the World
Dear Powers That Be;
I thank you from the bottom of my heart for stepping in earlier today. See, I was at work, popped into TE to read a couple threads at lunch and came across this one. Your timely intervention prevented me from braying laughter that for certain would have not just startled the people in the cubes next to me, but most likely the whole mapping department on the fourth floor! How I managed to have tears leak out the sides of my eyes, but not squeak, snort or guffaw as I read about Snap and her Corgi, and Nuthatch and her dog fur blankets, is beyond me.
Thanks again,
The Silent Snicker
Dear Calendar,
Could you please happen to have an extra week this month? And next month? And so on? And maybe a few extra days per week and hours per day? I need to be out on my bike, and working at the computer, and running errands, and knitting a baby shower gift, and keep up with TE and and and ... oh, and sleep. I'm running out of time here!
Slowpoke
And please know that I can be a strong, capable, feminist woman and like the door held for me and my chair pulled out.Quote:
Originally Posted by bikerchick68
Dear Dove chocolate makers,
Please stop making your chocolate taste so good. And why do you have to package them so conveniently??? As I sit here typing this, there are 8 of your eggs sitting on the desk calling to me. Resissssttttt.... I know I can do it...... :D oh well .... yummmmmmm.
Guess I'll ride an extra mile tomorrow. ;)
Dear fishdr,
Resistance is futile.
Signed,
Dove Chocolate Makers
Oh crud.... I think I've been assimilated. They're still calling to me... 6 left...
Dear Dove Chocolate Makers,
We will assimilate you, too.
Signed, the Borg
Oh darn! Now I hear the ice cream calling from my freezer. Must plug my ears! Where's my noise-blocking headset?
It serves them right for making these things sooooo good.
They really shouldn't have called attention to themselves when the Borg were in the neighborhood. Alas.Quote:
Originally Posted by fishdr
Dear bikeless in WI,
Resistance is futile. Join us and go get the ice cream!
Signed,
The collective
They were mocking me. Sitting on the desk and looking so pretty in their shiny little wrappers.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lise
Ah ye of little faith. I ate a tangerine instead. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by fishdr
You are stronger than I - I must admit. 2 eggs left. :eek: I will NOT head to the pantry to get more. I will NOT!
Dear Whoever Metes out "What Doesn't Kill You Only Makes You Stronger",
Enough already!!
Futiley Yours :rolleyes: ,
fixedgeargirl
Dear Legs (and back, knees, neck....),
Would you please stop hurting? I know I am a 52 year old post menopausal woman, but enough, already. Did moving to a place where the end of every ride is a 15% grade climb do something to annoy you?
The season is just beginning. I would appreciate it if I could wake up one morning and nothing was sore.
Robyn
Dear Walt Disney World,
Could you please keep the stimulation and crowd level down next weekend? I would really like for the kids to be asleep by nine the night before my first tri....
Thank you...
JoyfullySo (who doesn't want to be extremely tired next Sunday morning)
BTW- I think my idea of doing a tri in Disney, and choosing to make it a family vacation has the potential to work against me....
Hey, Robyn, I hear ya! Got the post-menopausal thing going on myself. Though I do not have those 15% grades to deal with, here in flat ol' Florida.
Dear fishdr...
Big thanks for your mention of chocolate in your previous posts. I'm now obsessed with the thought of eating it and broke into my secret stash of Trader Joe's dark chocolate bars that were stealthily hidden in the freezer.
Dear small child...
Please go upstairs and read your book so I can eat aforementioned chocolate without sharing with you. :D
oh that is a funny one! Mine would be
Husband please go upstairs so i don't have to share with you. I have a small handful of cadbury eggs left from easter and tey are in a good hiding place where he can't find them.
See - resistance is futile ;) Bwaaaahaaahhaaaa... All part of my evil plan....Quote:
Originally Posted by Brandy
FWIW - my 2 yr old can detect the smell of chocolate on my breath and immediately says "want some" - insistantly. I totally understand.
Dear Dillbird,
Thanks for not causing a single problem on our trip to Chattanooga. Thanks for not having a cooing attack in the hotel room. Thanks for being perfectly housebroken! Thanks for not bursting out of your travel arrangements in the truck. Thanks for waiting patiently for me to do a nine and a half hour ride before you could have dinner.
Love, Nanci
Awwwwwwwwwwwww..........:DQuote:
Originally Posted by Nanci
I love his WWII sleeping bag. What's the story behind that? L.
Dear Rollerbladers on the Chicago Lakefront Path, North Branch:
It has come to our attention that most of you haven't got the sense God gave a goose. Therefore we wish to inform you that the following behaviors are bad ideas while rollerblading on the lakefront path:
- Talking on the phone
- Walking your dog
- Dancing
- Taking up the entire side of the path
- Listening to headphones, gesticulating wildly while singing (see above, dancing)
The civic-minded individual who brought these concerns to us has also suggested that we make the above behaviors illegal, and that she be allowed to use a tazer to enforce them. (No names, but she is very fond of dachshunds...we'll say no more...)
We suggested that she get off her high horse, remember that she is not the boss of us, and just avoid the darned path if it ticks her off so much.
Sincerely yours,
The Chicago City Council
Ok, IŽve got back from a ride, so here goes:
Dear Driver,
I am sure that you found it very amusing that I fell off my bike in front of you. I understand that it was pure incompetance on my part that left me getting closer to the road than I had intended. I donŽt suppose that it occurred to you to ask if I was ok, so IŽll let you know that I am.
Thanks for not asking, Bron
Dear Tennessee, Alabama and Georgia,
Thank you for being so beautiful and having such perfect weather on Saturday. Thank you for allowing me to ride all three difficult mountains with only a quarter mile of walking on a 22% grade. Thanks for not letting the squirrel I screamed at get hit by either bikes or cars. Thanks for the baby mule. Thanks for the gorgeous bridge over the Tennessee River, and the mountaintop view of it form Alabama!
Nanci
I bought it on eBay! It's from WWll, part of this whole two-pigeon carrier thing. The two sleeping bags go inside a bamboo cage that takes apart and turns into a pen with a net over it.
Nanci
That. Is. So. Cool. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Nanci
Was it for messenger (carrier) pigeons?
Dear Nice Bicyclists and Cute Guy in the Truck,
Thank you for asking me if I needed help, not insisting on helping when I declined and for not being psycho axe murderers.
Veronica
Dear Front Derailleur,
I know you are infatuated with the chain rings. However it is not your place to be down amongst them. You have been repeatedly bolted into place and yet you insist on slipping down to romp with them. I have decided to resort to more drastic measures to ensure you stay where you belong. You will not be allowed to bring another ride to halt with your desperate need to be caressed by the chain rings. It's not good for you and it disrupts the normal course of the chain. You need to stop being so self centered and think of others.
Sincerely,
The Pedaler
No, it was from the actual Swiss Army, who, along with many other countries, most noteably the US, England and France, used homing pigeons to carry messages from where the soldiers were back to their bases.
Nanci
Dear Youths on the Garden State Parkway,
Please refrain from doing an exit to the right across three lanes of traffic at 70 miles an hour. It is not good for this middle aged mt bike chick just trying to get her sweaty butt home.
And if you do repeat this in my presence, please do not flip me the NJ state bird when I lay on the horn.....
Dear God of body parts,
While I am grateful for still having all of mine, I request a "stop work order" on the rebellious ones which are plotting to renovate themselves: I may have small boobies (despite hours of dedicated standing on my head in a futile attempt to enlarge them) but I would like very much to keep them intact vs mastectomy or lumpectomy.... (well, if you'd spring for Dolly Parton reconstruction surgery, I might quit whining, but scaring the crap outta me with hiden lumps in both is NOT nice!!) :mad:
And by the way, what's with this vaginal bleeding thing years after menopause? That's totally uncalled for - it has killed sex, biking, summer plans, and swimming, while waiting for the Gyn doc to rip my works out and leave me bedridden, at the mercy of DH and DS (who will have to wait on me hand and foot post hysterical-ectomy...and I know those two, they'll eat chocolate in front of me and laugh, while not sharing, just because they know I can't get up and beat the duwhanggy out of both of them....) :(
Then there's the back thingy.... can't I have just one week of night's painless sleep without having to get up and hunt for those good drugs to put me out of my misery for a few hour's sleep? Why did you inflict a MRI on me for that stuff? Do you realize that when they stuff fat ladies into that high tech radiology tunnel, their arms are mashed so tight against them they go to sleep?
Say, while I am talking to you, can I trade in this huge thing that is dragging along behind me (which makes my pants look like 300 pounds of beans stuffed into a five pound bag) -- can I trade it for a nice tight, small bootie? I am tired of getting it stuck in those tiny theatre seats!!
And hey, about those "stray eyebrows" I have to rip out of my neck and chin before going out in public - they are such a pain! Why don't you keep them on my real eyebrows which now have all of two hairs in them? And let''s talk about that third chin...was that nice to do to me? Two were enough, thank you!
Finally, let me tell you that farting is NOT funny when you are an old woman and you already have to deal with wet panties and gigantic Depends undergarments.... it's bad enough to smell "old" without knocking off those in close proximity with errant unexpected explosions, ....and would you please give me a warning ahead of time so I can at least yell, "fire in the hole!" :eek:
In fact, what about giving me a new body? I earned it, I have lived 62 years without killing anybody ...and raised three sons who are not jailbirds, and am nice to all kinds of wildlife... I don't flip anybody the finger, and I have tolerated other people's bratty kids and those dang politicians all my life...:D
Signed sincerely (and pleadingly), Mmelindas
P.S.
I'd take anything female that weighs in a 125 lbs and was healthy
Dear Grandma...
I really love you and I appreciate it so much when you watch my kids. Could you please stop feeding them doughnuts, allowing them unlimited visits to the cookie jar, walking them to the convenience store for candy and giving them soda after soda when they're in you're charge. They're freaking maniacs when I get them back. I know that you love them, but I'll tell you a secret that might help you from getting so exhausted when you watch them. They're a lot easier to deal with when they're not on a sugar high!
Sign me...
BRUSH YOUR TEETH...YOU'RE ALL GOING TO BED NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!