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I met with an attorney, and am clarifying the course of action I need to take. Too bad it has to be so dad-blamed expensive :( . I can't really complain about his mom footing his legal bill anymore, as my folks are willing to help me. The difference is, I can guess with near-certainty that MIL made the offer to him. I had to swallow my pride and a lump in my throat to ask my dad :( .
I came out of the afternoon feeling pretty powerful and ready to move forward with this onerous process. Felt validated when I read an online horoscope which asked if I had gotten comfortable and complacent and needed to shake things up. It also talked about there having to be a forest fire to make way for the sapplings...so true, so true.
I still don't want to move out of this cute house in this great location and give up the shady yard and the paint colors I picked out and my junky little garden. But that's all neither here nor there when I feel I can't even fully be myself so as to avoid ridicule.
Stbx has good intentions, just a dysfunctional way of going about how to exercise them. He loves DS deeply, and truly wants to be a major part of his life. He was denied that gift in his own childhood, and he really has a lot of work to do to heal that. First he has to recognize it and want help. I did what I knew how to do in that regard.
MIL, for her part, has been an enabler to her grown sons for a very long time. She is forever catching them before they fall. I admit I skated on that, on her financial generosity, for a long time. I justified it by thinking, "Well, if he isn't going to suck it up and get a real job, at least his mom can help me keep good food in the fridge and spend these irreplaceable years with my child." I need a *kicking myself* smiley to insert here :o . Believe you me, I have analyzed stbx's behaviors and their origins 8 ways to Friday. He'll have to be willing to criticize some of the actions his mother has chosen over the years before he can move forward, IMO. I don't know that that will ever happen, and I can't waste my life and spirit waiting.
As for me, once I am away from this inability to communicate dynamic, I can start to work on my own issues in that regard. Me = meek and afraid to be vulnerable, the slightest criticism burns. Him = interrupts after you've said three words and starts talking about himself and how what you were trying to say affects him. I've gotten better about standing my ground, but I'm tired of having to shout to be heard.
Thanks for the words of encouragement, ladies. My prayers (to the power of my choice) are for a peaceful solution. Oh yeah, and that I win the lottery and can buy a second home in Colorado :p ;) !
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Fixed, I hope things work out. Peaceful solutions are definately better but remember you have to protect yourself too.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
Mel
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Hang in there! I went through a similar situation with my son. I live in PA but my family was in MO, and when we split up, I wanted to move closer to home. So he filed for custody. We wound up working it out in mediation and never had to go to court. (Although, he wouldn't settle anything until the mandatory psychologists report came back, I firmly believe that in the back of his mind he thought I was crazy because I didn't want to be with him) We've actually been able to develop a friendship over the past 7 years. He even admits now that custody was never his intended outcome, he just wanted to make sure I couldn't move that far away and take his son. It has worked out to be a very amicable situation and our son is the one who benefits the most from it! (And yes, his mother is unbearable, but at least she lives in another state)
Just make sure you keep a positive perspective. You can turn a bad situation into one that works for everyone, especially you! You will be surprised at how much strength lies within you! And being a strong, independent woman who isn't a pushover sets a good example for your son, trust me! And for the record, at the time of dispute I had moved with my son into a 2 room apt. and my ex made 4x what I did, but I still was granted primary custody. Your son is young, he needs to be with his mother. Period.
Feel free to PM me anytime.
