Here's one that will take a long time

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Originally Posted by KnottedYet

Call him and leave him a message just letting him know you're thinking of him. In all likelihood his cell phone is off right now and you will get voicemail. When my dad died, it was message like that which really helped me.

Nevermind the romantic stuff in the background, he's probably not thinking about it right now, just call the guy as a friend. Overcome your resistance to making phone calls, even if only this one time. Losing a parent is devastating and numbing and overwhelming. He may really need to just know someone is thinking of him right now.

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Your advice is right on, Knott (IMHO) and I think that the "never mind" comment is key, in that, if I wasn't already in a relationship when my Mom passed away, there's no way that anything other than a caring, friendly message would help. I'd recommend keeping his state of mind and feelings uppermost in your considerations. If he's dealing with this really hard hit ("Devastating and numbing and overwhelming", as Knot counsels - aren't anywhere near overstating it ), arrangements, family, longtime friends in the area, it may not be a good idea to be calling right now anyway. If there's a way to leave a caring 'back door' message, meaning that you can do it through cell phone voicemail and not have his phone ring at inconvenient or inappropriate times (especially if he's in another time zone and in the middle of a meal, sleeping, at a somber meeting, etc), that would be ideal. Leaving a note and friendly care package at his place sounds great, as he may not be up to answering his door and receiving even friendly visitors for a while.
It's hard, I know...best of luck to you...

Oh, I am much, much better at 'back door' things than direct contact ;) We would not be as close as we are if it weren't for e-mail, for sure. (But what do you say next?)

THanx bunches... I do remember what it's like to lose parents.

Welp, now that I'm back, it's raining 'cause I called in a few weather goddess favors. (We were supposed to get 2-3 inches of rain between last night and today; it's done little more than drizzle.) A cinnamon crunch scone and a tart cherry scone (because!) are ensconced in a coffee tin, and a bottle of that Australian wine he likes (that's on sale for $6/bottle, so this isn't a "big deal") is in a black bag with a purple card that I'm pretty sure won't blow away, next to that partial case of Sam Adams sitting on his back porch, "just in case you're coming home to a feeling-empty house" and a few odd tendernesses, as well as letting him know I'll prob'ly be by to pick up that Dahon tomorrow...

Niiiiiiiice.

Karen

Now for a glass of wine for me :)

NOw it's down to that bike shop to buy a little red bike. (No response about the care package but he does know he'll see me in person...)

Nice work on the care package!!

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Originally Posted by Geonz

NOw it's down to that bike shop to buy a little red bike.

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Boyohboy, you're really going all out to get next to this guy, aren't you ;)

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Originally Posted by Geonz

NOw it's down to that bike shop to buy a little red bike.

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Is that like the little red dress that every woman should have but in a different context?

I think she's going to the bike shop to get lemonaid :D

Hey, if it comes to naught, I"ll still have a sweet bike :)

PIctures at http://www.wetmores.net/dahon/dahon.html - and actually more pictures than it appears, I believe. If you click one of the thumbnails and then do "next" it goes through more pictures than there are thumbnails.

I wasn't particularly encouraged this evening, tho'. Score a few on the "welp, he's probably not interested" side. [snip Too Much Information on the other side] I honestly don't think I'm "reaching" when I say there have been lots of indications that there's chemistry... but I can't really tell.
And tonight whilst I was arranging bungee cords (he'd been helping me, and I was cursing being totally ensconced in layers ... see pics... but enjoying close proximity... but a customer needed something only he had authority to do) he took a phone call to the tone of "you coming tonight? ... bye bye..."
...which, last year, around this time, a biking buddy had asked me if he was dating somebody and I"d not hedged but just emailed and asked... and first he answered coyly so I explained that while I'd kept my romantic feelings at bay while he got over what's-her-name, and while I regularly reminded myself that he'd probably find somebody who 'needed' him more than I knew how to portray, that actually it made a difference to me. To which he assured me twice that my friend had seen me at his brother's house (and his brother's house happens to be on my friend's jogging route and yes, tha'ts where he was seen) and that there was no mystery.
So it might be time to remind him that he'd better tell me when he finds somebody so I can share his joy and get over my grief... but now isn't the time 'cause the Triduum is when I just sing and pray and do my own grieving for my folks.
And another part of this is that the last time I got my heart sprained, I was asking the ceiling "why do we do this? Why do we try to make freindships into something else?" and ... the danged ceiling answered. "Because it's human to be seeking the Perfect Love" (which is something I'd heard at a retreat but forgotten)... "and ... you already have it." And I got all filled with it and the sadness flat out disappeared. No, really. LIke what they try to do in Touched By an Angel, which I'd seen the day before so maybe it was being created by my own consciousness...but even now... that is still there. It was there when I was riding the trainer next to this guy and saying to the ceiling fan, "do you really want to go there?" and the ceiling fan calmly informed me that in fact, I should just keep loving because at the end of the day, I would go home and be loved. I don't know what "day" and what "home" the ceiling fan was referring to... but when ceiling fans talk, I listen... )

(But he did thank me for the 'homecoming gift,' saying he'd had a little too much of the wine... we had a good chat... and he has a habit of platonically going out... I've been there...)

Time for bed here ;)

I am sorry. It sounds not so promising.

You're probably a nicer person than I am but the way I figure it is if someone isn't interested in me in *that* way, they're not really worth my energy. I'm pretty blunt and outspoken and trust me, I've intimidated males but I always knew it wouldn't intimidate the right one.

I'd say to be good to yourself and maybe let him know that you'll be there if he needs you but also keep in mind that you are the most important person in this equation.

Just my 2 cents tho. Relationships are funny things.

Thanx :) He *is* an awful lot like my brother ;)

Well, maybe not *this* one, but maybe the *next* one!

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Originally Posted by KnottedYet

Well, maybe not *this* one, but maybe the *next* one!

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Exactly. Life likes to throw us challenges to make sure that we truly appreciate It when it happens.