Dear So and So

Dear Sharper Image Manager,

It is unfathomable that you would prefer to be right than get a sale! Yes, you are "certain" that the Rip-Stik was not marked down on Wednesday, when my son and I spent 30 minutes in your store looking it over and talking to the sales person who helped him learn how to make the demo model go. You're "certain" there was no little plastic price tag holder there on the counter that had the mark down price in red pen, the holder that I held in my hand to read because the type is so small.

If Black Friday was the last day this item was marked down, then why was the little plastic holder still there on Wednesday when we stood there considering the purchase?

Oh, I know--the little plastic holder was GONE today because you finally found it there, left over from Black Friday, and you realized your mistake--otherwise I wouldn't have had to stop you and ask you in the first place what the price of the Rip-Stick was!

I am "certain" I'm not paying any part of your xmas bonus this year, as you most certainly must have noticed as you saw my fine behind walking out your door!

Signed,
The Customer, who is always right

Dear tube/tire gods-

WTF is up with all the flats the past few days? 5 on the Saturday group ride?!?!?! Two at the guerillacross race yesterday?! Two for me today? I'm sitting here waiting for the LBS to open at 10:00 so I can get my ride in for the day. It's NOT FUNNY. STOP DOING IT. :mad:

Andrea

Dear Mama's Boy in the office,
Why are you whining about it raining this morning and the possibility that you'll get your shoes wet this afternoon? It's 8 am, and you're not leaving the office for 8 more hours! You're "dress" tennis shoes will survive. Quit ur belly achen! Now we'll get to listen to your heavy sighs all freaking day as you stress about the weather and that you just know your feet will get wet, then you'll catch a cold, and be miserable. You're going to mama, she'll take care of you. Or maybe she'll finally tell you to get a spine, quit whining, and grow up.

Dear Work Gods and Goddesses,

Thank you for the wonderful job! Not only is it fabulous in so many ways, but we employees get two holiday lunches and $100 gift cards (which will really help my xmas shopping)

I know that this will be a wee bit selfish on my part but . . . it's been a few too many years since I've had a date, much less a new year's eve date. Do you think that, with all the men in the world, you could direct one -- just one man to my doorstep?

And since I'm asking, it should be a man who is happy, content in his life's role, an equal partner in many ways, has an adventureous spirit, is loving and caring and of course, he needs to be tall and handsome . . .

I'll be waiting ;)

In the meantime, vmax, I give you this. George specifically asked me to pass it on. He only has MY email address ;)

Dear Work Goddesses and Gods,

You Suck

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lph

In the meantime, vmax, I give you this. George specifically asked me to pass it on. He only has MY email address ;)

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that's what he told me too.

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Originally Posted by zencentury

that's what he told me too.

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Yeah, me too, but c'mon, who cares? :p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by vmax

I know that this will be a wee bit selfish on my part but . . . it's been a few too many years since I've had a date, much less a new year's eve date. Do you think that, with all the men in the world, you could direct one -- just one man to my doorstep?

And since I'm asking, it should be a man who is happy, content in his life's role, an equal partner in many ways, has an adventureous spirit, is loving and caring and of course, he needs to be tall and handsome . . .

I'll be waiting ;)

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You and me both! I would love to NEED to buy a nice dress for a New Year's date.

So, my one and only request is:

Will George be under my Christmas tree come Dec 25th? That is, wrapped in a big bow -- and nothing else?

Oh girl, you've given me something to dream about now!
:D

Dear Boss---I don't know why you tried to bully me into attending the Office holiday party. You know I'm trying to study for an incredibly difficult certification exam that I likely won't pass (along with every one else taking it). I'm not sure why you told me that my career panel would hold my non-attendance at this and other social events against me when doing my yearly evaluation. Ddon't you realize I could file a grievance for trying to force me into this and other social activites that COST money and are supposedly voluntary? Diversity means respecting ALL differences, iincluding those of us who are introverts who come to work to do a job, not get into the office social scene? Why don't you listen when I told you that I want to make a good professional reputation based on hard work/expertise/dedication to mission rather than "managing up?" I'm on a rotation, after all, and now, I definitely will either find another assignment or return to my "home" office.

Stop bullying. I have a lot more mgt and supervisory experience than you, and believe me, listening & respecting differences is the way to motivate your team.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by zencentury

that's what he told me too.

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Oh dear, I see I'll have to have The Talk with George again this evening.

:D

Dear Riding Buddies: When I send an email out to see if anybody wants to ride, I would appreciate the courtesy of a response. I know that it's sometimes hard to commit, but then just say that you're just not sure. After all, I respond promptly to your emails asking me to ride, even if I'm unsure of my plans. As the newbie among you--and typically the only woman--I appreciate being included in the group, but come on. Don't be rude.

Thanks.

Dear Stretch-marks,

You are unsightly and unattractive. I would understand your existence if I were pregnant or in some other state of motherhood. Nay, I am not. Therefore, I respectfully request you disavow from creating a road-map on my skin. Where all these white lines are going to connect and direct someone to, I don't know. But, unless Rand McNally Maps wants to start paying me as a human orienteering map - I kindly ask for the immediate creation of road blocks and an end to any more stretch marks.

***

Dear Boobs,

In an effort to keep my chin up these days (figuratively, of course) - I would appreciate it if we could make this a communal event and have you join in (literally). Up ladies, UP!!!

***

Dear Gov. Pawlenty:

I hear rumor that you are the top Republican for getting the VP pick on the ballot. This scares the crap out of me because I know you will spin your countless f*$! ups in office into gloriously beautiful, planned successes. You have cut funding for every budget that assists social services, elderly, children's health care/foster care/adoption, health care (unless it was for the pharm companies or HMO's), and law enforcement. You fought hard to infringe upon the rights tribes have to their own casino earnings...as if the plundering of their land and genocide of their people by your ancestors wasn't enough. You cut the ENTIRE budget for WIC, the only program that enables a large amount of pregnant low-income women to get pre-natal care and healthy food. Even your right-ring croonies thought this was too much and joined in protesting. Thankfully, you un-did that boo-boo within a couple of days....but it still said loads about your character and priorities. You've done all this and more. The nation won't hear about these things if you get the nod for the vice presidential pick. So, I'm writing you here to tell you that I'm watching and I'll do what I can to get the truth out. Shame on you.

***

Dear Little Boy on the Plane 3 years ago:

It was a long flight to South America and during the flight, day went to night. Your mom was in the seat in front of me and you were standing on her lap and playing with the window blind. Your toddler curiosity was audible and darling - your mom doing her best to answer every question and allow your hands to test everything they desired to touch (I enjoyed that impromptu game of peek-a-boo). You flipped the window blind up and down, up and down. It was pitch black out there - nothing other than the blinking of the wing lights, when you asked - in all sincerity - "mommy, could you please make the sun come up".

I've never forgotten that moment and the beauty of it. The faith of a small child and how powerful they see their mother - so much so that the idea she could beckon the sun and begin a new day just with her very will. It was one of the most graceful moments I've witnessed. Thank you little boy...and thank you to the mom. If you weren't such an incredible woman, I doubt he would have carried such unquestioning belief in your magical capabilities.

***

Dear Spinsweb

take that letter you wrote to the politician and send 1 copy of it to your local paper and the other to HIM.

Your letter MIGHT do some good.

Thank you
Consummate letter writer Mimitabby

Dear Former Employers of Soon-to-be-DH,

Happy New Year to you, too. Could you have been a little more open with your communication regarding the elimination of Michael's position in your company? Would it have been ok to give him a little warning instead of meeting him as he arrived at the office this morning? Could you have shown just a teensy bit of appreciation that he brought you almost $1million in revenue in 2007? That he regularly worked 12 hour days and missed his weekday rides all year? Thanks for nothing.

Guess we'll have to scale down the wedding plans, huh?

Karma......please hurry!

Dear business owners who put the "ICHTHYS" logo in your advertising:

Doesn't Jesus have better things to do than celebrity endorsements?

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Originally Posted by OakLeaf

Dear business owners who put the "ICHTHYS" logo in your advertising:

Doesn't Jesus have better things to do than celebrity endorsements?

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Um... what does ICTHYS mean?

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Originally Posted by doc

Um... what does ICTHYS mean?

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It's the greek/latin word for fish. I guess it's come to mean the Christian fish symbol.

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Originally Posted by MDHillSlug

It's the greek/latin word for fish. I guess it's come to mean the Christian fish symbol.

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It stands for Iesos Christos Theou (h)Uios Soter, Jesus Christ Son of God, Savior. Early Christians used it as a secret symbol. Nowadays it's a bumper sticker or an advertising logo :rolleyes:

Dear bra manufacturers:

Why are there are now so many bras that are underwire with too much padding? Has it ever occurred to have so much padding, it's just frickin' hot and that underwire is a nusiance? And why are quality bras with support that don't use underwire, are expensive?

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Originally Posted by shootingstar

Dear bra manufacturers:

Why are there are now so many bras that are underwire with too much padding? Has it ever occurred to have so much padding, it's just frickin' hot and that underwire is a nusiance? And why are quality bras with support that don't use underwire, are expensive?

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shootingstar - these are not cheap, but I have found them to be absolutely the most comfortable for every-day wear. Wouldn't try to work out in them, but they are great for work and so on:

http://www.titlenine.com/shopping/pr...ProductID=2162

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Originally Posted by IFjane

shootingstar - these are not cheap, but I have found them to be absolutely the most comfortable for every-day wear. Wouldn't try to work out in them, but they are great for work and so on:

http://www.titlenine.com/shopping/pr...ProductID=2162

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And Pooh! :( They're out of my size. Price is comparable to what I've paid at Victoria's Secret.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by shootingstar

Dear bra manufacturers:

Why are there are now so many bras that are underwire with too much padding? Has it ever occurred to have so much padding, it's just frickin' hot and that underwire is a nusiance? And why are quality bras with support that don't use underwire, are expensive?

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Ain't that the truth?? I happen to need underwires, but SHO' don't need no padding!

I've been in search of a bra to wear with a halter dress on our cruise in a few weeks. I must wear a bra, or have the dress altered to keep 'em above the band--all the bras for that purpose are padded. Can't wear the strap around my neck because it's not long enough! (Can you see me walking around with my chin on my chest? Those babies are really sagging. lol.) One good thing they did was put grippers on the strapless bras! I think I'll be able to keep it up without the strap that way.

Karen

Dear Dad,
Would you please QUIT forwarding me junk?! I don't share your politics, and the file size often crashes my email program. I realize you think you're being amusing. But really you and the junk you send is(are?) a royal pain in the a$$. Instead of forwarding me crap, with all the forwards attached, why don't you write me a note instead? :mad::mad::mad:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bmccasland

And Pooh! :( They're out of my size. Price is comparable to what I've paid at Victoria's Secret.

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Beth - They are Champion bras - you might be able to find them at http://www.championcatalog.com (google it if that doesn't work). I have found them on sale from champion for about $15 each.....but not very often.

Good luck! I find them really comfy.

Dear some of my coworkers: Please know that when at work it truely is not about you but it is about the geriatric population that we work with. If you are cold, please don't open the window...roll your sleaves up or where a short sleave shirt. It is less then 20 out. Also I really don't think they want to hear what you want to hear on the radio. Please stop turning the channel or brining in your own CDs that are not appropriate. Thanks

Dear residents of Santa Maria,

Please learn how to properly drive in the roundabouts. The left lane is for actually entering the roundabout, and the right lane is for turning right - NOT cutting off the person in the left lane. Oh, and while it is important to yield to the cars that are already circling in the roundabout, it is equally important to pay attention to the cars in front of you that are also waiting to enter the roundabout. I did not enjoy being rear-ended while patiently waiting my turn. :mad:

Oh, and while you're at it, please yield to pedestrians at crosswalks instead of blasting past them in your huge gas-guzzling excessively lifted redneck beast of a truck. Even though I may actually be able to stand under your ridiculous-looking truck without hitting my head on the bottom, that is an experiment I'd rather not participate in. :mad::mad:

One more thing - your big scary dog should not spend every evening roaming freely around the neighborhood. If it charges me again I'm going to pepper spray it. :mad::mad::mad:

Thanks TE, I feel better now.

Dear Clavicle,

Do you mind :mad: I expected you to stay put and heal properly. I'm really rather annoyed that you've moved yet again. I'd like to be able to walk down the street & be able to move both arms without the bone scraping against my neck. I want to swim :mad: I also want to get back into discovering hunka hunka burnin love again.

Grrr...you're testing the little patience I have :mad: YOu do realize you're messing with the wrong chickie :mad: I'm not impressed.

That goes for you too MCL ligament...

Anyone have any glue?

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I also want to get back into discovering hunka hunka burnin love again.

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Good excuse to just lay there. ;) :o

Karen

Dear BF's ex,

When you download my profile pictures from myspace and use Microsoft paint to draw mustaches on me, don't send the doctored photos back to my BF (your ex). I will see them, laugh at you for acting like you're 12 years old, and promptly post them back onto myspace for my friends to see.

On second thought, keep doing it. It's funny.

Andrea

P.S.

Log in to myspace if you have a profile & click this link

Dear fellow co-worker,

I know you are extremely excited about your pregnancy. I'm happy for you too, I really am. I know how long you have wanted this. But pregnancy does not mean you have the right to slack off. I'm tired of hearing you talk to everyone in the office for the first 3 hours of your shift every day about what is new with the baby, etc etc etc. Only to be followed by who knows how many personal calls of the same discussion. Now hang up the phone and get back to work. I'm sick of doing all your stuff. Argh!!

Dear Winter---Go away.

Dear Boss---Since I passed that incredibly difficult certification exam (without the benefit of the five-day preparation class), do you now understand why I decided to study instead of going to the holiday parties & getting "face" time?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Velobambina

Dear Boss---Since I passed that incredibly difficult certification exam (without the benefit of the five-day preparation class), do you now understand why I decided to study instead of going to the holiday parties & getting "face" time?

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Congrats:)

CA

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Originally Posted by Velobambina

Dear Winter---Go away.

Dear Boss---Since I passed that incredibly difficult certification exam (without the benefit of the five-day preparation class), do you now understand why I decided to study instead of going to the holiday parties & getting "face" time?

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What CA said!

{{{{HUGS}}}} to you, VB!!

Dear Water Department,
In case you didn't notice the garbage out on the curb, and the furnishings visible through the blinds, I haven't moved, and my house isn't vacant. Why didn't the tech notice this and knock on my door when he came to yank the meter on the "vacant" house. Fortunately I was home sick at the time. Looked like your tech saw a ghost when I walked out the door of a "vacant house", come on I didn't look that bad. At least the supervisor gave the OK for him to give me a new meter.

Now will you explain, once again why I had to pay another deposit for my account that I didn't close, and I didn't receive the refund check? If you put a stop payment on the check, why am I paying twice? And I'm supposed to trust you that it'll all work out in the end? Why couldn't I just pay my December bill? The one I didn't receive because I didn't move to Montana? What good southerner would move to Montana, IN THE WINTER???

Dear New Sports Editor at the weekly paper:

I know you're not from around here. I know you don't understand why we need to put our baseball registration form in the paper. I know you don't know the difference between "their" and "there". (Making the by-line "staff reports" and swiping most of the article from our FAQ does not absolve you.) But could you please just RESPOND when I email you important announcements?? Don't make me have to call you and hear that you read it already. What are you, 15?

Leaving out important announcements and then using two full column for your YOUR IGNORANT MUSINGS is just wrong. You won't help me, I'm not going to help you fill your space, either, when the only thing going on in July is baseball.

Sign ups are in less than 2 weeks. YOU ARE NOT HELPING. I'm not the only league official you're going to tick off--softball and soccer are coming up, too. You're not from around here. You actually could lose your job over this.

Signed,
Not Asking Too Much

Dear goddesses of menopause and menstruation,

I have to admit I wasn't too impressed this spring when I started bleeding like an 18-year-old in the middle of our Italian vacation, which was the first period I'd had in months.

So you can't blame me for being a little apprehensive last week when my body started acting like another period was 1-3 weeks away. With my first 5K coming up a week from Saturday and all.

But now it's here, it'll be gone before then, and I'll have had a nice healthy dose of youthful hormones to keep me going in the race.

Thanks. :o

Dear Friend: I'm very happy for you and your upcoming wedding and I'm honored to be a bridesmaid given our twenty-year friendship. But you're turning into Bridezilla. I think it's tacky to register for your honeymoon and I really didn't appreciate being given a list of "expectations" when you asked me to be in your wedding party. It doesn't help that one of your bridesmaids is rolling in money and thinks the rest of us are free to spend oodles and oodles of it on your bridal festivities. And why, at the age of 38, must we wear matching, unflattering bridesmaid dresses? In periwinkle? Oh, and telling your matron of honor that her hopes of getting pregnant this spring would complicate choosing a dress is, well, just wrong.

I'll admit that I don't have the bride gene. I dream of eloping, preferably on a bike. At this age, I can think of twenty other things I'd rather do with my time and money. I dare say (at the risk of offending anyone else) that it all seems sort of silly. That said, I can live with your desire to have a big wedding, but if you get all "it's my day" on me--and make that day last something more like a month--then we're going to have words.

Cheers.