That was a great article, Oak! Many things on that list I have used or could have used myself when I'm in my low swings. I'm keeping it for future reference.
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That was a great article, Oak! Many things on that list I have used or could have used myself when I'm in my low swings. I'm keeping it for future reference.
((((VBC)))Quote:
Originally Posted by VeganBikeChick
I just wanted to give you a hug.
I feel your pain.Quote:
Originally Posted by VeganBikeChick
I am in a similar situation (single, all friends married, etc). Last year I had a medical issue and had to drive myself to the ER, found out i needed surgery, and really had no one to call to come be with me. I spent the first night in the hospital alone until my parents arrived from out of state the next day. After 6 days in the hospital, I went home. It took me forever to recover, and that's when a huge bout of depression hit me. I think i had always been mildly depressed and lonely, but this episode was like a giant exclamation point on that fact. Afterwards, i was bursting into tears all the time and was physically fatigued well after the surgery. Finally went to a psych (tried a counselor first and she suggested also seeing a psych). I've been on an anti depressant for almost a year, and it has helped me. The depression is still there, but I'm more stable...more likely to get out a bit more and try to socialize, no more uncontrollable crying.
We all need companionship....it's just so hard to find it. I don't have answers for you, but just wanted to tell you that you aren't alone.
Thanks again to everyone for your wise and kind words. I ended my relationship last night with my boyfriend, and as expected am a huge mess right now. It was the right thing to do but feels so wrong and the loneliness, emptiness is painful. I have decided to return to Seattle as soon as I can get my job back. I appreciate everyone listening to me.
(((((((VBC))))))) Good for you for taking that difficult step forward. Take care.
Hoping the best for you VeganBikeChic.
I think you're making really good decisions. I'm sorry this is so hard. We're all routing for you.
And I'm really impressed by your strength. You are taking action. Good for you!
And in the meantime go on & meet those people you've been put in touch with. Maybe they'll make your last days in Colorado more enjoyable!
No great advice to offer but just wanted to send a virtual hug. Please don't think that those of us who are married don't sometimes feel very alone. Marriage is not the answer -- being comfortable in your own skin, no matter what your circumstances, is much more important.
I hope you can find happier times ahead back in Seattle. Take care of yourself.
Thanks so much, emily! I just don't want to spend the rest of my life by myself, just see that my friends who are coupled seem to have it so much better. I do realize the grass isn't always greener - as has been true with my multiple moves. Need to be comfortable with myself for sure! Glad you're back in the States. I appreciate your wise words.
I'd echo what Emily said. Relationships can be lonely places, too. I'd encourage you to keep working on yourself with the hope that you'll either find a happier place as a single woman or that you'll be in a healthier spot by the time you do meet someone. You'll also be much more likely to pick a happy, healthy and functional person as a partner. Remember, the goal isn't to be in just any relationship, but to be in a successful one.
I never really wanted to hear this when I was single--at least until I was ready to--but don't wish your life away. Marriage can be great, but so too can being on your own. I hope you can get to a place where you can believe that.
Awww, thanks so much. Don't know how wise my words are, but as a long-married person who loves my husband but still sometimes feels very alone (the old "women are from venus, men are from mars" can be very true at times), I wanted to express the thought that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Even in a happy marriage, we're all still individuals, and sometimes I crave girlfriend time or alone time more than anything! Just wanted to express that...Quote:
Originally Posted by VeganBikeChick
I wish you all the best and feel sure you will find things improving in the future. As the old cliche goes "it's always darkest before the dawn".
Hugs,
Emily
I wish you the very best. I went through multiple moves and it sounds like had the same feelings as you. I hope you can find happiness. Do you know when you are going to move? We should still try to hook up some evening after work. I could always use/have another friend.
{HUG}
a great resource for many across the nation is Recovery International I can't begin to explain the impact of attending recovery meetings on my DH and because of that how it has improved our marriage and our family. We are all huge fans See if there is a mtg close by
Quote:
Originally Posted by solobiker
Thanks so much Solo. I had an interview on Wed for my old job, will know if I got it this coming Wed- sounds very promising. I should be packing right now but can't motivate myself to do anything. I'd love to grab some coffee before I go. I'll PM you.
Sounds good. Good luck and I will keep my fingers crossed for you.
Just wanted to update and let everyone know I got my old job in Seattle back! I start in 2 weeks. Now the packing begins...who wants to pack for me?:rolleyes:
Great news! Hope the move goes smoothly.
I hope that you are able to find balance and that hope, joy and motivation soon return to you!
There is some great input and advice here. I'd like to share my personal experience if that's alright. I have suffered from depression since the onset of puberty, at times it has been very severe and totally debilitating. I thought it was because of so many things--home life, friends, relationships, situational, etc. And then I thought it might be chemical. I was finally put on a prescription anti-depressant in my early 20's. That really helped. Although I wasn't thrilled with the knowledge I would have to be on antidepressants the rest of my life. Eventually I started going to a naturapathic doctor. And she suggested my depression was from hormonal imbalance. Through changing my diet and supplementing occasionally with vitamins and minerals, we have been able to manage my depression in a natural way that has far better results than the prescription drug. It's truly amazing.
There are times when I have debilitating anxiety--you mentioned having fear of being alone and that's why I'm bringing this up. There was a day where I had overwhelming anxiety and fear of being in an accident, it was so great that I pulled over to the side of the road and I had to have someone come pick me up. A coworker of mine, mother of two kids about my children's age, was killed the week before in a terribly accident. Being unable to manage and rationalize fear and anxiety is a symptom of the adrenal system under duress.
What I've learned is that depression and anxiety are not things that we have to live with on a constant basis. There is help out there. We all experience sadness and anxiety/worry because of changes in our lives or circumstance. But when those feelings become so big they overtake our lives--that's a symptom of an imbalance in our bodies. A doctor is invaluable in diagnosis and resolving these imbalances.
Hugs to you!
Thanks so much for your insight, limewave. It's so appreciated.
I'd much rather go a natural route than using medications, and naturopaths are much more available to me after I move back. For now I am on a low-dose antidepressant that I just started a week and a half ago. I don't feel like my depression is any better yet, but realize that meds take time to work.
I think being around my friends, who are my support network, will be an invaluable resource to me as I heal from this difficult time in my life. And my mother is helping me move back to Seattle, so having her for support will also be helpful. On the plus side, I've been getting lots of compliments at work on my weight loss - I call it the "heartbreak hotel" diet.
Once again, I can't thank the ladies of TE enough for all the support and encouragement you've given me. You've really helped me navigate these rough waters.
Thanks for sharing your experience, Limewave (and so good to see you; we've missed you).
Interestingly, I have an appointment with a nurse practitioner in mid-June to see where I am hormonally. While my primary intention is to talk to her about the hormonal changes I've noted over the last few years that are likely a combination of autoimmune thyroid disease and perimenopause, I have a feeling that we'll touch on mood in general. Ever since Jiffer started posting about it a couple of years ago, I've been curious about what role, if any, my adrenal glands might be playing in my thyroid disease. I'll keep your comments in mind, too.
VBC, I'm glad you're taking some really good steps toward wellness. We're always here for you if and when you want to "chat" about any of this.
Hi Ladies,
Wanted to share that I'm back in Seattle. Still going through a really rough transition. I miss the ex-boyfriend with all my heart and am having serious doubts about having moved back, but it is what it is. On the bright side, it's awesome to be back at my old job and have so many people welcome me back with open arms. I have things to do with my girlfriends.
Nights and mornings are the hardest - going to bed and waking up alone. In some respects I suppose I am grieving a death - the death of a relationship that meant the world to me. Everyone keeps saying it'll get better, but it really hasn't yet. I just want to be back to my old independent self.
It does feel good to be back on the bike again : )
((((((VBC)))))) Hang in there. You've made a big transition and it's natural to have regrets and second thoughts. It *will* get better, I have no doubt. Glad you're riding - that makes everything better. :)
What OakLeaf said. Hang in there. You've got a lot going for you now -- a group of friends, your old job back, a familiar environment. Yes, you have to grieve the loss of your relationship, and you still have feelings there. But you're in a better place overall than before, with a better support system in place.
It will get easier.
Stay close to your friends. They can be lifesavers. Things DO get better.
Thanks Emily & dogmama. Kind words go a long way.
Hang in there!! It sounds like you have a great group of people out there to support you. It will get better and please try not to second guess yourself.
Thanks so much solo. Your encouragement helps a lot.
Try looking at this site. sparkpeople.com I also suffer from sever depression and the forum, "Dealing with Depression" is so helpful. Plus you get to "brag" about your biking! (or not biking)
Zaki:
You stole Crankin's comment from several months ago. Why would you do that and pose yourself as a counsellor??? Imposter.
"
Crankin is online now
Registered User
Join Date:Feb 2005Location:Concord, MAPosts:10,063
You are right, Shooting Star, culturally sensitive counseling is a necessity in a lot of cases. It doesn't always have to be that you have a counselor of the same culture, but the counselor needs to be aware of what cultural factors may be influencing how a person thinks and how culture may have contributed to the issue. My training was very focused on dealing with these issues, but I still feel like there are some cases that would be best served by working with someone from their own culture. I just had to close a case with a Cambodian teenager. I won't go into the details, but her issues were the same issues I deal with with other girls her age. The difference was the way her family (mom) totally denied/dismissed this girl's symptoms and behavior, which were very risky. There was a huge cultural component there and I couldn't bridge it, even though I am well aware of the issues. Her school is going to refer her family to a different program. There is a large Cambodian community in one of the cities I work in, but there are very few counselors in this community. A few parole officers and DCF workers, but I have only known one young man who was training to be a clinician. So while I feel totally comfortable working with my Hispanic clients and continue to learn from them, I admit I couldn't make much difference for this one girl and her family. I hope they find someone who can help them. "
Zaki is a spammer…. she's (or perhaps he…) is just copying out parts of people's posts to have something to fill in above the tag line advertising multivitamins…
And Zaki is gone. :D
Thanks for dealing with this!
... but anyway ... how are you doing, VBC? Hoping the spammer didn't exacerbate your troubles.
Quote:
Originally Posted by OakLeaf
Oak,
Thanks so much for asking. I'm doing much better, and that being said...I'm moving back to Colorado. It really was my happy place and I'm really looking forward to being back. Moving back to Seattle brought me closure as well as reflecting on what I really want out of life and it was a necessary step in my healing. Time definitely helped me.
I'm so glad to hear you're doing better, and that you have a handle on what each place has brought you. Hope the move goes smoothly!
Happy to hear you are doing better. Are you moving back to the same area in CO? When will you be back in town? Once things get settled and you want to meet up send me a PM.
Yes! Moving back to Denver. I'll be there next week and will be sure to PM you when I'm settled. Thanks so much for reaching out to me!Quote:
Originally Posted by solobiker
Good luck with your move! Hope to hear from you soon.