Being social

I'm an INTJ married to an INTP and it has caused us to nearly come to blows practically from the minute we were married. He wanted the honeymoon to be a complete surprise so he reserved the first night in a nice local hotel, wouldn't tell me what the hotel was, but forgot to get directions to it. Fortunately a kind blabbermouth at the reception had let it slip so I was able to give directions. Then the rest of the honeymoon the only planning he had done was to book the hotel. He wouldn't tell me the destination until we were at the airport, but he hadn't planned ANYTHING for the week we were away--no guidebooks about what to see and do, no maps for getting around, no reviews for restaurants. Nothing. I was in a state of high anxiety the whole time.

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Originally Posted by sfa

I'm an INTJ married to an INTP and it has caused us to nearly come to blows practically from the minute we were married. He wanted the honeymoon to be a complete surprise so he reserved the first night in a nice local hotel, wouldn't tell me what the hotel was, but forgot to get directions to it. Fortunately a kind blabbermouth at the reception had let it slip so I was able to give directions. Then the rest of the honeymoon the only planning he had done was to book the hotel. He wouldn't tell me the destination until we were at the airport, but he hadn't planned ANYTHING for the week we were away--no guidebooks about what to see and do, no maps for getting around, no reviews for restaurants. Nothing. I was in a state of high anxiety the whole time.

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I hear ya. I suspect my DH is not a J, and our different approaches really come out when we travel. On one hand, his apparent refusal to plan puts me in the drivers's seat by default, which has its advantages. I make most of the big (and small) decisions so I get my way about a lot of things. I also like to plan our trips; it's part of the fun for me. He, however, sees at as exceedingly tedious.

But (and this is a big but) while I like the advance planning aspect of travel, I do get tired of handling the logistics of everything one we're there. He can sometime see rather oblivious to the fact that there are details to work out; you can't just fly by the seat of your pants all the time. I'm learning to anticipate as much as I can, but it also helps if we choose vacations that simply require less in the way of logistics. I try to keep it simple.

Plus, it does help to appreciate that these traits are largely innate. We're wired this way. I'm sure he gets sick of my incessant need to have a plan, too. And he is largely accommodating to what I want to do, so at least we don't argue about that aspect of things that much.

I'm so grateful that my DH is not only a J, but an INTJ at that. (Yep, I asked him to take the test this morning :D)

The longer that we're together, the more that I realize just how alike we are, and that's a good thing.

I am an INFJ, I think the most useful thing about the MB test is it really brings home that different people really DO think/feel differently.

Me = INFJ
DH = ISTJ

I'm glad we're both I and J, but the other two cause us friction at times -- we just see the world very differently at times. Still, we will have been married for 26 years this month, so it's obviously working more often than not! :p