To be or not to be - gray

GLC, you look(ed) fantastic with grey hair, but I know just what you mean. I suspect I'd be almost that grey if I let it grow out completely, and I'm just not ready to "change my age" that fast. I'm 40. I certainly don't want to look 25 or 30, and I don't want to hide the grey, but I highlight my hair instead so that it's visibly both brown and grey, and feel that I look my real age that way.

It's strange, isn't it. It's probably a lot more common than we think to be that grey at that age, but most people don't know it, not even the ones carrying that hair!

I should also mention that part of my annoyance with the grey was that I had to keep it cut very short for it to look good.

As much as coloring my hair now is a pain, getting a good cut every 3 or 4 weeks was also a pain. At least I have the option of coloring my own...I can't cut it myself.

(and thanks for the compliments you guys :o)

GLC, you look fantastic either way! :)

I've definitely read that baldness is almost as common among women as men... probably LPH is right about premature greying. I had a friend in law school who was almost completely grey in her late 20s. It didn't help her that she had pretty dry and sensitive skin too, so she really did look much older.

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Originally Posted by lph

I'm 40. I certainly don't want to look 25 or 30, and I don't want to hide the grey, but I highlight my hair instead so that it's visibly both brown and grey, and feel that I look my real age that way.

It's strange, isn't it. It's probably a lot more common than we think to be that grey at that age, but most people don't know it, not even the ones carrying that hair!

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Having hair colouring that allows some natural integration of greying is blessing, lph.

Yes, the irony of how prevalent hair colouring among women has become that we no longer know what is "normal" in terms of aging and greying.

GLC you look great in either hair 'colour'. I appreciate the hassle of frequent haircuts for a very short styled cut.

I don't know ...maybe I'm warped..but from a cycling perspective, to see women who cycle lots and have visible grey hair..it looks impressive! I don't have grey hair yet, but yes I never worried much about helmet hair when I walked into workplace to change:

I secretly do want to challenge others to rethink that mid-life women can be consistently physically active and look more alive than their sedentary peers. So I put myself forward, slightly messy with my helmet removed. :)

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Originally Posted by BleeckerSt_Girl

I honestly can't tell you for certain why, but nobody ever treats me like I'm invisible, grey hair or not! :cool: LOL

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I am a graying baby-boomer who is a quiet unassuming person and a conservative dresser. I tend not to attract attention to myself. For this reason, I am invisible to 20-30 something sales associates in the retail world. Most of the time I don't mind because I like to be left alone when I shop. When I'm ready to pay though, they had better not ignore me. I got really loud once in Tiffany when I was passed over in favor of a couple looking at engagement rings.

That said, this is not a good enough reason to try and shave a few years off by coloring my hair. I don't have a lot of wrinkles, so I probably could pull it off. It's just not worth it to me. My work environment is filled with people of my generation, so I don't have the pressure of fitting in with younger co-workers. But I can understand your reasoning GLC, since you are much younger. I think your hair looked great gray and wondered if you'd kept it that way when you cut it short awhile back. It's a very flattering cut.

I resent that this is not an issue for men. Is anyone telling George Clooney he would look younger/better if he dyed his hair?

Oh, I think it is an issue for men. They just don't talk about it...

There's another factor here that perhaps has not been mentioned...

As women get older (starting in our 50's and then 60's, 70's), I personally think they begin to look really strange if they continue to dye their hair a darkish color with no grey at all. It can look oddly fake and harsh when paired with an older face. Some unusual women can pull off that look, but most cannot (myself included).

And what's up with the maroon thing anyway? :D LOL

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Originally Posted by BleeckerSt_Girl

There's another factor here that perhaps has not been mentioned...

As women get older (starting in our 50's and then 60's, 70's), I personally think they begin to look really strange if they continue to dye their hair a darkish color with no grey at all. It can look oddly fake and harsh when paired with an older face. Some unusual women can pull off that look, but most cannot (myself included).

And what's up with the maroon thing anyway? :D LOL

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Not to mention when their grey roots show - the white stripe down the part? "skunk stripe" :eek: Looks sadly silly IMHO

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Originally Posted by BleeckerSt_Girl

As women get older (starting in our 50's and then 60's, 70's), I personally think they begin to look really strange if they continue to dye their hair a darkish color with no grey at all. It can look oddly fake and harsh when paired with an older face. Some unusual women can pull off that look, but most cannot (myself included).

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Another reason why I'm not eager to keep my hair all-black into the decades ahead. Nor am I willing to turn it brown-auburn shades or whatever combos. My skin texture and tone has changed. So my hair over time must "blend" in with the times..

As for men not caring or really caring, the worried guys I've noticed tend to be ...those who are losing hair/balding in a wierd patchy way.

Nowadays the contemporary and temporary coverup INDOORS for some guys is a wool ski looking toque, jeans, ....kinda of hip like the young teens. :D But not healthy for the scalp at all. Any experienced hairdresser will tell you that.

I've seen Jason Alexander on TV a couple of times recently, and his hair seems dyed unreasonably black. Then I saw him with a toupe on because of a show he's in, and I think that's why it's dyed black. But it really looked strange on the Jenny Craig commercial.

Karen

37 here. Embraced the gray for a while, then got a bit sick of it. My next door neighbor happens to be a stylist/own a salon, and she recommended a semi permanent rinse. The nice thing about it is that it does not give me a line when it grows out -- it just fades after 6-8 weeks. So I just start going naturally gray again after a while if I forget/don't have time to go see her. Much better than a line. So far, so good. I am not disciplined enough to get in regularly enough to do a permanent color. I would be the dork with the skunk strip otherwise.

Lisa, I think you're right about the black hair thing. You and I have the same blonde/blue eye coloring. I think it will be easier for me to blend the light brown/blonde highlights with gray, when and if I do that.
The huge color contrast between black hair and silver is really stark, which is why it looks funky when growing out.

I let my gray grow out this year. It looks light/mouse brownish. I used to dye my hair a sort of marroony red which complemented my skin tone. I was born blonde and in my teen years went sun-in blonde and then in college kept up highlights til I tried my first maroon experiment. Now my hair is a bit drab and sometimes I have broken hair on top from pulling it back. But it really does look pretty after blow-drying. I have my good and bad days with it and have considered getting a perm to let it kind of be a messy look. My hair is straight and thick and just hits the shoulders. It's mostly in a ponytail these days...

I'm 48 and people are commenting on my gray hair, the silver that's mixed in with the brown, although it is mostly brown still. I think a person has to be exceptionally rude to comment on something like that, but I'm starting to think the people I must be associating with are of some low class trashy bunch. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but I personally would never comment on someone's appearance other than to compliment them! I like my silver actually, and it goes well with the silver and turquoise jewelry I like to wear. Besides, not coloring it means more money for beer! Good beer! Microbrew!

More money for beer!
Amen sister! (at BYU right now).

I just don't like gray hair. I have always had long brown hair. Because it is so long, I can't do anything with a box of color. I go to a hairstylist about every 3 months. She puts in this lovely semi-permanent color called "Wella Dark Irish Red". It does not turn my hair red. Instead, the brown stays brown, and where the gray would be, it turns auburn. I get more compliments on my hair now than I did before. The color slightly fades after awhile, so there is no definite line. I'm 57 and everyone thinks I am in my late 40's. My hair went from completely straight to quite wavy.

Most of my biking friends have short gray hair. They are only a few years older than me, but tell me I am doing so well (I've only been riding for a year) because I am so much younger than them. Then I tell them my age. I'm not into make-up or plastic surgery, but I do like nice hair. It doesn't take all that much effort, so I wonder why anyone would want to look 10 years older. I suppose when my color no longer works, and I am very old, I will let it go natural.

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My hair went from completely straight to quite wavy.

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I don't really want to hear that. Mine has become wavy only in a strip down the back. (I'm 48.) Before it was straight all over. I wonder if it has something to do with hormones. I recently had a Mirena IUD put in and it doesn't seem like I'm struggling with the waviness in the back like usual. it's been three months so all that hair back there is "new". It is also cut short but I haven't had a hair cut in at least 3 months, so it's grown out a bit. When it was long the waviness was definitely noticeable. Short...it just seems lumpy back there at the base of the skull. But not now. hmmmm.

Karen

I grew my hair out from being really short a few years ago, and now you can really see the gray. I figure I'll probably cut it short again when it goes completely gray because I think that's a cute look- like Jamie Lee Curtis. I can't really explain why I decided to grow out my hair, except that I decided not to cut it anymore after we got back from visiting Yellowstone and the Grand Tetons and something about that changed me.

I'm 51 and have long (heading toward waist length) thick curly hair. For the past 3 or 4 years I've resorted to Clairol Natural Medium Brown permanent colour in an effort to blend in an irritating top-notch of almost solid grey. I only do the regrowth line (have to do the whole head) each 4 - 5 weeks as I usually keep my hair up in a French roll and it's not all that noticeable until about week 4. I have very few greys at the sides and back, although just recently I notice a few dye resistant hairs beginning to appear in the fringe area.

I'd love to give up dyeing as I worry about what the chemicals are doing to my health, however, I hate that "skunk" look and it would take years and years to grow out the dye line. I refuse to cut my hair as short hair frizzes and is uncontrollable. Would going to a semi-permanent colour (as a transition to going natural) work for me do you think? I'm hoping that the greys will even out and look more presentable soon. I once saw a woman, with similar textured hair as mine, who was a lovely all-over silver grey and she looked wonderful.

Greetings Ladies ~

Lonnie Morse here - USA Champion Hairstylist - semi retired

Regarding your discussion of whether to hair color or not.

My forty years of being in the beauty industry has shown me that when a woman is uncomfortable with her looks - then do something about it. Professional/Retail Hair color is "safe" hair color. I've had my hands in it for years. Hair strands are dead keratin cells there fore hair color cannot seep into your blood stream - even if it did by skin staining, the FDA would not allow it to be sold on the retail shelf ;)

When to color - - you have the rest of your lives to wear gray hair later in life. Some women really never accept gray hair because it simply does not look good "to them". They are the ones that have to live with the look. Yes - sometimes they are the ones that sometimes use their own judgment and apply a color that is too dark - hence the black widow look "wink" Over compensating is a common error with home applied hair color. Professionals always suggest going lighter with color as you age. To put it nicely - it softens the ageing skin process :o


The topic of men came up a few threads back - - The reason many men wear skull caps is they get cold or chilled easily because they do not have sufficient hair for warmth. I have really never come across a guy that worried about going grey prematurely. This probably the reason men’s hair color still hasn't taken off like women’s hair color has. I find that most women compliment a guy about his "distinguish look" so men adjust much more easily than women do. Yup - another unfair mother nature move :mad:

Note: - The reason some women grey gracefully into salt and pepper is because of the contrast of silver grey in contrast to natural dark brown/black hair color. Those who have lighter dark blond/brown "especially red" hair will fight the yellowing tone value during the grey transition. Why :confused: Brown reddish hair that turns grey doesn't go totally silver most of the time - I know - it's not fair - blame mother nature again :eek:

So - for those of you that are not ready yet to go al-naturallel - hang in there a few more years with applying hair color. Do what you need to do to feel good about yourselves.

For those who are totally OK about turning grey - that’s OK too. My favorite client is prematurely Silver Grey - I wouldn't talk her into color at all - She is a Silver Fox - however - she is always in a smart classy haircut. This is an important factor - if you want to keep the sassy look while you age gracefully then keep up with a current trendy haircut that fits your lifestyle. Most on this forum are bicyclist - there are many short classy trendy styles to pick from. For those who wear long hair - ? ? ? Just expect more maintenance because there is more material "hair" to maintain. Longhair styles are generally simpler by reason of control. It is a choice that you are comfortable with, nothing wrong with that. Just know that long hair styles don't age well unless styled carefully. It is also important to accessorize appropriately for the event attended and be confident that you look - "not good enough" - - - - BUT GREAT.

Hope I have not infringed up on this forum that is for women - I will not enter anymore comments unless I'm invited. I felt I had something of benefit to offer.

Buy the way - I am an avid cyclist also:)

hairfixr ~

An opinion of an experienced hair stylist is appreciated for this topic.

Do join us more often on cycling stuff here too!

Nothing to do with gray, but I cut my hair back to the Jaime Lee Curtis style yesterday. I feel back to normal!

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Originally Posted by Crankin

Nothing to do with gray, but I cut my hair back to the Jaime Lee Curtis style yesterday. I feel back to normal!

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Picture? Please? Sounds so cute!

OK, it will have to wait until DH gets home...

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Originally Posted by Tuckervill

I don't really want to hear that. Mine has become wavy only in a strip down the back. (I'm 48.) Before it was straight all over. I wonder if it has something to do with hormones.

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My hair did this when I was pregnant 14 years ago and now it is wavy underneath and in the back but not in the front. I really wish it was all wavy or all straight but half and half is no fun and hard to deal with.

Thanks for your advice Hairfixr. Obviously you've had a lot of experience dealing with all styles and types of hair. Comforting to know your opinion on safety of the chemicals we douse our heads with in an effort to make ourselves feel good. :) I'm about due to do the tide-line yet again!!!!! :D

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Originally Posted by Laterider21958

Thanks for your advice Hairfixr. Obviously you've had a lot of experience dealing with all styles and types of hair. Comforting to know your opinion on safety of the chemicals we douse our heads with in an effort to make ourselves feel good. :) I'm about due to do the tide-line yet again!!!!! :D

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Indeed, thanks for your advice! I debated for the last 3 years about coloring, and finally took the plunge a few months back - and two days ago took another plunge by getting all of my long hair cut off and now have a sassy short style. I actually closed my eyes while my stylist applied the scissors! He did a fantastic job though, and it has been fun to see reactions to the "new me" :)

I'm 58 and have been coloring my skunk stripe for at least 30 years. I have had times where I get it done professionally and times when I do it myself. I have very dark brown hair and the gray definitely won't come in gracefully. It's a very ugly salt and pepper -- heavy on the salt :confused:(. I am blessed with good skin - very little wrinkling - and I'm just not ready to give in to the gray!

My hair is also very long -- I wear it up all the time, and in a ponytail that I can weave through the back of my helmet and ball caps. At work I wear it up.

Someday, when I'm tired of coloring my hair, I will go very short and maybe start using a rinse of some sort to color the roots until the dark part is all cut off and then go totally grey. I just don't think it's going to be anytime soon.

Yes - the hormones did it to you girl :rolleyes:

Females go through physical hair changes often in life.

1st event is the transition from baby hair to pre-adolescence. Remember the "wet doggy hair smell" kids frequently get :confused: It didn't matter what shampoo you used on them - you still couldn't get the smell out :mad: Blame the hormones.

2nd event comes with puberty. I have seen straight hair turn into very curly while going through puberty. It's not common - but never the less it does happen occasionally.

3rd - having babies will create scary hair loss with in a year after birth. Hair frequently recovers in a different state off straight/curl.

4th - menopause changes every thing from hair texture to hair loss.

5th - any illness along life's path. Chemo will cause significant texture changes in hair. Who cares - life is more precious - put a helmet on girl and lets go riding :p

It is common for a healthy woman of any age to have different patterns of wave mixed with straight hair. I deal with it routinely ;)

hair fixr ~

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Originally Posted by Hairfixr

5th - any illness along life's path. Chemo will cause significant texture changes in hair. Who cares - life is more precious - put a helmet on girl and lets go riding :p

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Very true. Spoke with a regular cyclist a few days ago who has had breast cancer within the last 2 years and is being treated. She said cycling keeps her going.

This is perhaps off-topic, but I have to tell a story.

A few years ago on Bike Idaho, I stopped at a rest stop and sat in the chairs with a whole bunch of people around. I ran my hands through my thick unruly, shoulder length hair and said "I've had it, does anybody have a flowbee?". Half the people laughed, half said "what's a flowbee?" and this guy (who I'd met but didn't know all that well) said - "when we get to camp find me after your shower and I'll cut your hair."
He used his mustache scissors and gave me the most incredible, flattering, easy to care for cut I've ever had. I'd always had somewhat long hair - now I try and keep it his way, but haven't been able to find anybody to cut it for me.
I didn't even see it for 24 hr, until I found a truck mirror I could look in.
So, hair fixr - can you cut my hair the weekend of PIR? I want you to do your magic again!

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Originally Posted by TsPoet

This is perhaps off-topic, but I have to tell a story.

A few years ago on Bike Idaho, I stopped at a rest stop and sat in the chairs with a whole bunch of people around. I ran my hands through my thick unruly, shoulder length hair and said "I've had it, does anybody have a flowbe?". Half the people laughed, half said "what's a flowb?" and this guy (who I'd met but didn't know all that well) said - "when we get to camp find me after your shower and I'll cut your hair."
He used his mustache scissors and gave me the most incredible, flattering, easy to care for cut I've ever had. I'd always had somewhat long hair - now I try and keep it his way, but haven't been able to find anybody to cut it for me.
I didn't even see it for 24 hr, until I found a truck mirror I could look in.
So, hair fixr - can you cut my hair the weekend of PIR? I want you to do your magic again!

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Wait - are you saying that HairFixr is the same guy who cut your hair at Bike Idaho??

If so, I think I need to make an appointment and then the drive into Portland. I'm having hair issues. ;)

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Originally Posted by GLC1968

Wait - are you saying that HairFixr is the same guy who cut your hair at Bike Idaho??

If so, I think I need to make an appointment and then the drive into Portland. I'm having hair issues. ;)

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Yep!
I honestly thought he was joking (didn't know he was a hairstylist when he made the offer). I was a little afraid when I found out he wasn't joking.
I can't tell you how wonderful the cut was! I have very very unruly hair, with a cowlick in the back and a ski slope on one side...and I sent my mom a picture of me after the next day's ride - even with sweaty helmet hair the improvement was amazing!
and it wasn't just that, it was the lifestyle/personality aspect - he got ME right.

and Lonnie is not only one of my favorite bike riding buddies, he also does my hair - has for years. He has totally spoiled me for going to anyone else.

Edna
PS to TSPoet: Yay!! you're coming to PIR this year - looking forward to seeing you there :-)

I'm 55 and color. I had my hair colored today and she used a new product that seems to have worked great. It's call Goldwell Triflective. It colors the gray but looks more natural than previous products she's used on me. It ends up where the gray hairs look like highlights. Also left my hair very shiny and soft.

If you're interested here's info about it: http://oneshan.com/?p=498

I've decided to NOT be gray. Now, I just need to find a decent stylist in Tucson who can color color-resistant gray hair. I've been to a couple of places for color (when I had only a few strands) and the gray wasn't covered. This gray is bright, silver, shiny & yells "look at me!"

Any advice is welcome.

I haven't had to make the decision on whether to have any gray or not....haven't seen any gray hair yet. I'm 48 and have very long dark blond/brown hair. It had red highlights when I was young but they became blond as I got older.
I've always worked outdoors and have always loved the blond highlights I get in the summer. But as jobs changed, I began always having to wear a hard hat or a company ball cap and on my own time I still am always wearing a cap, a motorcycle helmet or a bike helmet. So I began to not have so many natural highlights and also hated the mousy brown it would go in the winter.
So this winter for the first time, I got highlights at the hairdresser. I really like them but now of course I have to keep it up. They are natural looking enough that there isn't a huge root difference when it's growing out.

I really think the blond highlights brighten my face in the winter and they do make me look younger. People often mention I don't look my age.

My age is not something I personally spend a lot of time thinking about but I am realistic about how some people perceive age and how capable they think you are because of it.
I did NOT let anyone know my age at the utility company I work for until I had been there for over a year. Management knew of course as soon as I filled out the papers to sign on for the job but the men I work with didn't know at first. I was already a small sized woman starting in a "non traditional" position as a gasfitter where there had never been one before...they didn't need to know I was middle aged too!:D

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Originally Posted by Dogmama

I've decided to NOT be gray. Now, I just need to find a decent stylist in Tucson who can color color-resistant gray hair. I've been to a couple of places for color (when I had only a few strands) and the gray wasn't covered. This gray is bright, silver, shiny & yells "look at me!"

Any advice is welcome.

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Dogmama -- your silver sounds exactly the same as mine. It's white, sparkly and bright. :-) My stylist uses Goldwell color on mine and it covers the silver. Doesn't fade between appts, either, and she usually does only the roots because the color stays true (eventually, the pool chlorine necessitates her having to pull the color through to the ends for ~5-10 mins, but it's maybe every third appt). I have a single-process color, and the Goldwell must be good because I have red hair, which apparently is a hard keeper. Make sure you use a shampoo for color treated hair (I like the Frederick Fekkai color shampoo).

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Originally Posted by footloose

I did NOT let anyone know my age at the utility company I work for until I had been there for over a year. Management knew of course as soon as I filled out the papers to sign on for the job but the men I work with didn't know at first. I was already a small sized woman starting in a "non traditional" position as a gasfitter where there had never been one before...they didn't need to know I was middle aged too!:D

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I worked at for an engineering firm at a construction site for a few years. I noticed that in fact at least among the men I worked with and saw often, if a woman was small, but "mature" in age, or not too young/teenage looking, she would get more respect.

This assumes that the woman carries herself well, speaks firmly, etc.
Of course, a number of these women wore hardhats for safety reasons, so the whole coloured hair thing just was not as big of a deal. It becomes meaningless when wind blows around, sand flying around and then it rains. Everyone else is tired, ....who really notices?? Everyone tends to notice a tough worker slogging outdoors in terrible weather, not the hair colour.

Regarding : Dogmama request for advice ~

Finding a professional hair colorist.

There are two ways to address wearing hair color.

Corrective and or Creative:

1st - - - Corrective - is to cover grey to match wearers pre-grey shade and tone. This is the hardest part about hair color. Natural hair color is "also" a combination of many different minerals imbedded with in the hair :eek: Add lifestyle sun exposure - so - what is the clients natural shade? It is very hard to find a professional hair colorist these days that even do the "corrective" service any longer. Why - It's tedious as walking on thin ice as the client usually wants the shade/tone value to be that of years past. With that said - expect the color service to be close, not exact for the first few visits. Once the color formulas have been fine tuned and recorded in your client file, only then consistency can be expected. Note: - The professional demi-permanent color products are preferred for this service as they fade slower on tone than semi-permanent "semi's". The retail semi's rarely fade on tone hence the reason professional hair color "product cost" is usually three to four times more than a retail product. Note: the graying can add to the highlighting effect and depth of tone when done properly. So all is not in vain - the gray becomes an asset instead of a liability ;)

My hat is off to MickChick who has alighned herself with a Professional hair colorist - you go girl. Life becomes simpler when your hair colorist makes all the varible decisions of color formulations.

Lady's - just so you know - I don't have a problem with home do it yourself methods "DIY"- some of you do it quite well. However - if your fighting it - go to a Professional.

2nd - - - Creative hair color "weaving", color shade change, highlight, lowlight panels, etc." is what most color clients ask for today. "For most" they prefer not to have the same color/tone they used to have. It wouldn't look natural on them any way as even Asian hair lifts from blue black to brown black warm tone with age. Skin tones change hence the hair color tone should be adjusted accordingly. A true professional colorist knows this - it is a part of their advanced training. This should be "the clue" Ladies - use only season hair colorist (No room for Rookies) here - Ya hear :)



How to find a seasoned hair colorist - - check the paper yellow pages and or internet web sites that say they specialize in hair color. The best way is to simply asks some one who has "the look" your interested in. It is a complement to the wearer that she has been noticed. They will always be happy to refer their stylist. Be patient a few visits to get what your expectations are. From client to client, hair doesn't respond consistently. The hair colorist is dealing with the unknown when first dealing with your locks. You have brought a lot of unknown baggage with you that the colorist will have to do a CSI on. Example: - iron buildup in hair is the number one cause of a fresh highlight going too warm in tone. The chemical reaction causes the iron to turn to rust with in the hair. This is just one of the challenges a professional faces with a first time client. They have access to clarifiers that remove unwanted trace elements. Most Pros will do this clarifying treatment on their clients before every color service.

Hope this helps with "the hunt" for a professional hair colorist.

Hair Fixr ~