Dear So and So

Dear Goddess of Tenderly Administered Lessons,

Thank you for watching over me the last couple of rides and keeping unsavory events from becoming full blown emergencies. First was that ride out on 360. There I was, ripping downhill, looking at the computer, imploring "C'mon, 40!" (mph, that is). Then came that infernal, repetitive racket from the back end. What the!! Oh, must be that 2 inch galvanized spike stuck in my tire!!! In your infinite wisdom, you made sure the spike, amazingly, missed the tube. Then you sent that rider with the allen tool set, who extracted said spike from my tire. And you made sure the tire didn't blow on the way home. Muchas Gracias.

Then last week I underestimated the length of the ride, overestimated the amount of daylight left. With only one of two bar end flashers and the little reflective bits on the backs of my shoes for safety, you got me home without incident. Oh, and thanks for leaving that fleece jacket by the side of the road. Turns out I didn't need it, but it could have saved my life.

Ever grateful,
fixedgeargirl

Trek, your the best...and I also want to be SadieKate when I grow up...but
here is what is hissing me off today...

Dear Higher Being Whoever You May Be:

WHAT!!!! ARE YOU NOT LOOKING WHEN PERVERTS ABDUCT BEAUTIFUL 9
YEAR OLDS. Your lack of interception has turned me into an overly paranoid
mother of 2 who was reluctant to leave her son at school today with just one teacher for a Saturday detention...(had gum, gum against rules, Catholic school). WHY, in your name did you let that little baby be taken, and then made her poor family to suffer by the questioning they had to endure. I am very angry at you and hope you can shed some light on this for me.

karen

Dear MassBikeBabe,
Why me? I agree with you about the perverts but wonder about you wanting to be me. Makes me feel like the Loreal is wearing off.:p Thank you . . . . I think.

SK

Dear TE Girls,
Please tell me whatever it takes to get my b*** on the trainer and turn on the Evil Coach Troy. The rains are back, I probably won't get to ride Diablo tomorrow with V and Kim (and Jo?), and I'm in a bad mood. I know a shot of endorphins would help and that a turn on the trainer would provide them, but watching figureskating and eating chocolate sounds far more tempting right now.

sadiekate....watch the figure skating *while* you ride the trainer. when you're done you'll have burned enough calories you can enjoy a little chocolate guilt-free

:D

did that work?

Namaste,
~T~

Dear LBTC,

Maybe, but what do I do when I fall off the trainer laughing because they keep falling down and are exhausted after 4 mins of effort? Now, for those of you who might be offended, I do enjoy figureskating. I just don't understand how you can be exhausted after only 4 mins of effort -- unless you don't do any endurance training. And, this is the WORLD's for goodness sake. What would you think if the NYC or the Joffrey Ballet kept falling down? Wouldn't you think they'd change the choreography or something before the curtain goes up? Even the pairs who do far more risky manuevers don't fall down as much as the singles. Then, there's Nedly whose still competing in extreme endurance events and smoking the young'ns.

I wanna be like Ned! :rolleyes: OK, I guess that means I gotta get my b*** on the trainer. Thanks for any and all words of encouragement.

Thanks,
SK

I've wondered about that exhaustion thing too. They talk about it a lot with one of the Russian pairs teams. The guy looks so listless at the end. I've wondered if is a mental thing with all the choreography as much as a physical thing. You know kind of like riding rock gardens for hours at a time. Eventually you lose your focus and biff. :p

V.

hey, I look at them flying around on the ice and I can't believe that they can stay upright at all!! (this girl can NOT skate!) I can see that their whole routine would be anaerobic, especially those twirling jumps, and they don't really get to warm up. Like sprinting up the steepest hill for 4 minutes. I know I'd be winded!! :eek:

Namaste,
~T~

**but it is kinda good for a laugh, I must say :D

Picture this, you ride the same stretch of rock garden every 2 weeks 9 months a year. You don't get scored for riding it faster or slower than anyone else, you just have to get from point A to B in no less than 4 minutes and maybe, what, no more than 4 mins 15 secs. The rocks don't move between rides. The weather is always the same so the traction and bumps and mountains are always the same. You can memorize your everyone move. Wouldn't you train so that you can handle the physical and mental output? Sure, your style points may fluctuate, that's human nature, but wouldn't you be able to get from point A to point B without total exhaustion?

SadieKate:

I want to be like you because of your recent expert bike handling, (I think I may have panicked). I also want to be like you because you are grabbin the bull by the horns and challenging your MS. I wish I had yours and my friends hutzpah!!

karen

Dear MassBikeBabe,

Aw, shucks. Thanks. But, see, I look up to you because you can stick a needle into someone. Don't know that I'll ever be able to do it myself, so I weekly thank the powers that be for my nurse friends. If I ever have to be on the east coast when I need it, can I call you? Veronica pointed out that what I call my S&M night (shot and movie) is just the opposite of MS. So, we can call it my fight motto. As far as hutzpah? You get more of it when you have friends who you can talk with openly and just treat it as another ailment of the group - like someone having a chronic bad knee. You do what it takes to accomodate and keep going. We could rename this forum the Ladies' Mutual Admiration and Support Society.

SK

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SadieKate

Dear MassBikeBabe,

We could rename this forum the Ladies' Mutual Admiration and Support Society.

SK

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or LaMASS for short?

(sorry, couldn't resist)

Sadie:

You can call me anytime and I will call the shot!!! :) Corsair...love the name, it reminds of the other New Englanders, (the Red ones), who call us m*******s...makes me giggle.

karen

Dear Friendly Strangers,

Thank you first to the woman who pulled over to see if I was okay out there on Barton Springs Road. I was just sitting on the ground changing my lenses, but you pulled over in front of me, backed up, then looked through your rear window giving me a thumbs up to ask if I was okay. I was. I'm still glad you stopped.

And thanks to the two cars and the runner who stopped to check on me while I fumbled around fixing my flat tire (why is it always on the rear?). I haven't had many flats in my life, and I've usually had an eager guy around to change the ones I have had, so I'm not too quick with the procedure. I could have gotten help from the runner guy, but knew I needed to figure out how to get the bead seated for my ownself. Thanks to all of you.

However...now for the four cyclists who rode on by while I fixed the flat, I'm frankly a little disappointed. A simple "Got everything you need?" would have been nice. Oh well, just makes me resolved to make sure I extend that kindness to every flatted-out, mechanical-experiencing cyclist I encounter. Especially the cute ones ;).

Dear Giant Kamikazi Squirrel,

Thank you for stopping when you turned around and tried to run in front of my wheel a 2nd time. I already knew you were fast when I missed you the first time. Was it my screech of fear that made you stop or the wheel a quarter inch from your face?

Tell you what, I'll tell everybody how fast you are if you'll agree not to try that manuever again. That shot of adrenaline lasted me quite a while today.

SK

Sadie:

Sorry 'bout that squirrel, but the story you told has me ROFLMAO! Been there, know the feeling, cept mine was with a bunny on a night ride. I never knew that bunnies hiss... :eek:

karen

Dear Karen,

Bunnies hissing? OK, that one goes right up there with the butterfly I saw chasing a swallow last year.

SK

Dear God,

Please let me pass the NCLEX-PN, the ACT, AND get into RN school in January. I promise that I will NEVER complain about being puked on by a patient again.

Kik

Dear Jerk Who Dumped Random Car Stuff in the BLM -

Thank you, for thoughtlessly dumping on public lands. You, unlike your household trash dumping peers have risen above with this effort. Unfortunately the trash fairies haven't come along yet, to clean up after you, so my bike, and almost my knees, paid for your laziness.

How was I supposed to know that while I was focusing on my line through that rock garden that my rear wheel would hit your metallic trash, spin forward and wedge it unceremoniously into my beloved bike. Thankfully I caught my fall, or you'd be in big trouble, mister!

So as I took off my back wheel to unstick this metal mess, I counted bent spokes, mourning that it wedge between two cogs on my cassette, and thanked gawd it didn't hurt my derailluer. Next time you need $16 for the dump fee, ask me, I'll give it to you, happily.

-HillBill

Dear Wimfull Wind Gods,

Please limit your activities to the hours in which I am not trying to bicycle. I would not mind so much except that when I start out, I am always facing a strong headwind, and by the time I turn around, the wind has reversed. If that is not possible, I would be more apreciative if you could simply alter this trend to give me tail winds in both directions instead.

Yours Windedly,
Roughingit

Dear Weather Gods,
attn: Rain Gods:

Was it something I said?

Now, while I remember saying that I'm not a cold-weather wimp, I don't remember saying that I enjoy/love/prefer to ride in the rain. Did I?

The band of really wet, windy weather that you parked over the route of my first bike tour was not at all nice of you. Now was that necessary?

I could almost accept that, but the sudden drenching rainstorm two days ago, complete with thunder and lightning really was over the top, don't you think? I've had less water come down on my head in a small waterfall. My helmet is still dripping, the bike seat is still soggy, and I'm just tired of it. I did not buy my nice aluminum bike to be a foul-weather bike. Really.

Please, whatever I did, I didn't mean it, and I'll never do it again. Just turn off the taps.

Soggily yours,
MomOnBike

Dear Nashbar website people,

It would be nice if you included a little more information with your sizing charts. Having a waist measurement only may be useful for men. But for me, a pear-shaped woman with a relatively small waist and huge hips, it tells me squat about if your shorts will fit me or not. I'm really glad I found the TE website, which does not have this problem.

Will be buying bike clothing elsewhere,
weathergal

Dear Gods of higher education

Dear Gods of higher education

Please let the next ten weeks they call the summer semester pass quickly and painlessly. Please let me pass with good grace, and keep me from being so sick of school that I have hope of making it through the last two semesters and graduating in May......

(I had to resurrect this based on my lovely evening...)

Dear Interior Designers of the 70s,

WHAT WERE YOU THINKING when you installed "popcorn" ceilings throughout my house?

(And what was I thinking when I thought I could paint it???).

Love,
Paint covered whiney moany home repair gal.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by MomOnBike

Dear Weather Gods,
attn: Rain Gods:

Was it something I said?

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Oh MoB...I so feel your pain. May you pass through this tough time with dignity and grace. :p

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Technotart

Dear Gods of higher education

Please let the next ten weeks they call the summer semester pass quickly and painlessly. Please let me pass with good grace, and keep me from being so sick of school that I have hope of making it through the last two semesters and graduating in May......

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I'm right there with ya! Who ever told me microbiology was a science class lied. Micro is a closet foreign language! My husband hears over and over, "I'm so sick of studying I could puke."

(I'm bumping this as I'm having a particularly difficult time with dog and cat hair, polar fleece, and the demands of my new job.)

Dear Polartech People (Malden Mills),

Can you please make some polar fleece that sheds rather than attracts and holds for its lifetime the yellow dog hair and white cat hair that pervades my home? I am tired of looking like the abominable fur woman and having to carry around one of the masking tape roller things.

I know I'm a JuJu-come-lately on this thread, but wanna play anyway.

Dear Left Knee--
We're in this together. I've given you lots of R.I.C.E. and other TLC, tweaked my saddle position, foot position on the pedals, and let you have plenty of rest between rides. Now will you please stop b**ching and just enjoy the great outdoors with me and your buddy, Right Knee? She's perfectly happy spinning away--come on, be a teammate!

Dear So and So,

Thanks for having such funny girls on the TE forum.

SK

This is pretty cool! Taking up from Ju-Ju's talking to body parts theme....

Dear Lungs:

I know you guys think I am expecting too much, but why do you have to be filled with gunk and make me sound like I have the SARS all the time? Some dude actually felt that he had to move his family away from me in the theater when we saw Ice Age 2. I feel like Typhoid Mary. How do you explain that you're not "sick" but your lungs are just rebelling? I guess you don't, you just let Mr. Howard Huges of Marin fear that he may have contracted avian flu.

Seriously, I know I've neglected you and really expected a lot out of you, and I've probably had asthma for a while and haven't done anything about it, but I'm working on it - inhalers, nose squirters, whatever you want I'll get it. I'll work with you here. We'll go to that weirdly named allergist doctor dude - you'll love him. Just let me get to the top of a climb without wheezing.

Dear Bike Manufacturers,

Could you please have mercy on or girly bits and put quality stock saddles on your bikes with cushioning in all the right places? Happy girly bits make happy girls and happy SOs and happy people tend to spend more money.

Gratefully,
Fishdr

Quote:

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Originally Posted by yellow

(I'm bumping this as I'm having a particularly difficult time with dog and cat hair, polar fleece, and the demands of my new job.)

Dear Polartech People (Malden Mills),

Can you please make some polar fleece that sheds rather than attracts and holds for its lifetime the yellow dog hair and white cat hair that pervades my home? I am tired of looking like the abominable fur woman and having to carry around one of the masking tape roller things.

---

Hear, hear!!! I've got so many coats and blankets that are half dog.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by nuthatch

Hear, hear!!! I've got so many coats and blankets that are half dog.

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If I drive with the windows down in my car, I have corgi fur swirling about my head......:rolleyes:

To My 47-Year-Old Mind and Body:

Would the two of you PLEASE try to agree on what we can and cannot do?

KB

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SadieKate

Dear So and So,

Thanks for having such funny girls on the TE forum.

SK

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Yeah that!!!!!

I love this thread! It makes me laugh!

This is still my favorite, though I really like fixedgeargirl's Publishers Clearinghouse one alot, too.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dogmama

Dear Person Spinning next to me:

Ever heard of Beano?

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Dear Dh,
Even though you are a really great man and I will love you with all my heart to the day I die, COULD YOU PLEASE PICK UP YOUR SH*% AROUND THE HOUSE! Thanks!
Your loving and wonderful wife!

Dear T-Ball Parent:

We know your little angel is the next Derek Jeter and we know that it's essential that the major league scouts have access to his entire baseball record all the way back to when he first wrestled three teammates for the ball in right field. But, would you PLEASE give us 24 hours after your last game before you begin emailing about updating the team standings on the website?

We also know that his grandmother will be absolutely mortified if she happens to see a grass stain on the knee of his uniform in his team pictures. But we just don't care.

Signed,
Youth Baseball Volunteer

Dear Eagles,

I know you are just birds and it would be anthropomorphic to assign human emotions to your instinctual behaviour. That being said, I woud like to thank you for sharing your lives with the world for the past several weeks. Imagine that, two birds, more popular than anything, anyone, ever, in history, except for the Pope. Everything you did, every action you took, was so caring and touching and loving and I was proud to be one of the millions of people who came to think of you as family. I had such high hopes for your potential offspring. I looked forward to watching the tiny babies grow into beautiful young birds- to seeing them fledge and leave the nest, perhaps to get a glimpse of them when they returned. I wish it had worked out that way.I spent hours upon hour participating vicariously in your private lives- neglecting work, missing sleep, rushing to check in first thing in the morning for any bit of news, staying awake far too late, just because I couldn't say goodnight.

I have two birds that live with me, two tiny pigeons, hardly what you would call distant relatives of yours, but so similar that every single thing you did was already familiar to me because of my own birds. As much as you are different, you are more the same. It comforts me to know that you don't feel emotion like we humans. It would break my heart if you did. If only we could all experience such a calm, loyal, caring relationship...I don't know what happens to older birds, those whose reproductive days are over. Pigeons- hey, in the wild, they are lucky to make it to two years of age. As a beloved pet, they may live to 25. Who's to say which life is more desireable? Is it better to live free, but exposed to the cruel whims of Mother Nature, "red of tooth and claw," or to live ten times as long as a pampered, but never free, pet? You're at the top of the food chain, so I guess I know how you'd vote. My little guys- I think they're happy- I hope they are. When I hug my birds tonight, please know, if I could, I'd be giving you a hug, too.

Love,

Nanci

Aaargh, Nanci. No fair makin' me cry.