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Saying this out loud, in public, could begin building that bridge.Quote:
While I don't have to agree with what she did or how she feels, to attack this woman would be wrong and contrary to #5. She has issues, but so do we. As you read the comments posted on the newspaper's forum, this has become a polarized issue and it's time for bridges. I don't know what it takes to build a bridge right now, but I do know that attacks won't accomplish anything.
Karen
Perhaps by offering a charity ride with proceeds going to a children's hospital, or any institution of the family's choice, would help bring closure. I cannot help but think that this would bring healing to the families and the riders who were affected by this tragic accident.
Silver, maybe you can design a beautiful pendant commemorating fallen cyclists and devote the sales to setting up cycling clinics for children. With parents and children involved, they will learn both vehicle and bicycle safety.
It sounds like everyone is experiencing a great degree of pain. I"m sure the mother of the boy who killed the cyclist is feeling helpless and angry too. I copied the following from a website.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve. All your feelings are normal. It is helpful, however, to know
that human grief is a process that often follows a healing pattern.
Shock is the first stage. It is accompanied by disbelief and numbness.
Denial follows quickly, crying "I don't believe it," or "It can't be."
Bargaining is your promise that "I'll be so very good that maybe I can wake up and find that it isn't so.
I'll do all the right things if only...."
Guilt is painful and hard to deal with. This is when one says over and over, "If only I had..." or "If only
I had not..." This is a normal feeling and ultimately it may be solved by stating, "I'm a human being and
I gave the best and worst of me to my friend (child, husband, etc...) and what he or she does with that is
his or her responsibility.
Anger is another big factor which seems to be necessary in order to face the reality of life and then to
get beyond it. We must all heal in our own ways. Anger is a natural stage through which we must pass.
Your anger at your deceased loved one may even make you feel guilty, or it may be because your own
life continues whereas your friend's life is over.
Depression is a stage of grief that comes and goes. Knowing this, be prepared to give yourself time to
heal. Resignation is a late stage. It comes when finally you accept the truth.
Acceptance and hope! Understand that you will never be the same but your life can go on to find
meaning and purpose.
Mr. Silver,
I think writing a letter is a great idea. However, I would not send it to the newspaper or mail it to the Mother, I would mail it back to myself. I know that sounds odd, but it will help. After Mrs. Silver pours out her heart, get the letter out of the house so she won't continue to read it over and over. When it arrives in the mail then she will reread it with refreshed thoughts. If she still wants to send it to the Mother or Editor then she should. Unless I miss my guess, she will probably be glad she didn't send it due to the intensity of the emotions but she will still feel better for the emotional release. Just MHO.
Hugs to you and yours during this difficult time.
Hi all, thank you all so much for your input and support.
As the week has gone by, the anger and frustration have passed. I do not believe that I need to write any letters. I really feel that for me, I need to just focus on the Share the Road signs and move forward. I will continue to honor Sam's memory in that way. The debate continues to rage on in the papers comments. The "club rider" is hated in this area. I only ride with them on the rare occasion.
I'll continue to obey the laws and be courteous. Hopefully we can build bridges.
If the case goes to trial, I'll be called to testify and because of that, It's probably best that I not let myself get pulled into any discussions about the issues and really it's easier that way.
I did want to say something on the issue of forgiveness. I do forgive this young man. I don't wish things to go poorly for him. I truely wish him the best. I'm sure that this is devastating. However, even with forgiveness there are consequences to our actions.
with my apologies to Invisible Woman, I wanted to make an analogy (Mr. is that the right description). She was hit by an 80 year old man who ran a red light. She's contacted a lawyer. I don't have any problem with that and would have encouraged her to do so. This situation is very similar.
Mr. & Mrs. Silver,
Just wanted to say that I have a tremendous amount of respect for the two of you, and the way that you've dealt with this tragic situation, and Silver's own crash, from last year to this. The two of you are a class act.
Blueskies
Wow! Thanks for the kind words...they're undeserved though. I still wish we didn't feel this anger and uncertainty about what to do. But, I guess we continue to be our own biggest critic:(Quote:
Originally Posted by blueskies
Blueskies, can I echoe you please and say
"Class Act indeed they sure are - with capital letters and underlined!"
Silver, in my thoughts I have made the same analogy between Dawn and the incident last year that resulted in the death of your friend and your own injury... there should be accountability - relevant and meaningful accountability on the part of the negligent driver. How we measure that accountability is problematic.
Can I please ask everyone in this thread to consider not using the term "accident" in relation to an incident like this. Call it a crash, an incident, an event... but it is not an accident.
This boy did not cause an accident. An accident is preventable... this was preventable but it happened. This was not an accident, just as Dawn/Invsblwmn's injuries were not caused by an accident... just as my three fellow-club members were not involved in an accident.
Please note I am not the first to say this is not an accident... perhaps respect Silver's opinion (previous page). She was there and she knows it was not an accident....
I don't know about us being a class act, but we appreciate the kind words.
Flybye and Tuckervill both reminded me of a spiritual perspective on this.
Scripture calls on me to be full of "truth and grace"...and, if you're full of both, they're in balance.
Truth = telling her that I feel what she did was inappropriate
Grace = forgiving her for what she's done
To maintain them in balance means that I can tell her the truth as long as it is not in a destructive, self-servicing, way. Scripture also says: "In your anger, don't sin".
I think I'll let time pass...and then write her a brief note that is direct, polite and forgiving.
Sorry to preach, but I think this perspective forms the basis for resolving my dilemna...plus Silver is also feeling better...;)
I'm glad you're both getting some perspective that helps.
Karen
Hmmmm....... class act is so right! You are both great examples of mankind. You know what scripture says...... "Well done good and faithful servant(s)...." You both stand out because that's also what scripture refers to as being lights in the dark!Quote:
Originally Posted by Mr. Silver
Just so you know, your list:
* Honor God
* Cherish My Family
* To be a conscientious employee
* Constantly Seek to Improve my body and mind (this one is the challenge)
* To Love Others DESPITE CONFLICT
is a challenge to me as well. I so often have my own list until it get rearranged! The hardest for me is *To Love Others DESPITE CONFLICT especially my dear hubby! Man, how I hate conflict, and man, how I like to win if faced with conflict. :rolleyes: I don't want to win the battle to lose the war!
You both are a class act!