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One more person piping in with a suggestion or two. I have been following the going clipless threads, and remember well what you are all going through. I went clipless just over a year ago.
Mimi and Suzie- you both talk about feeling off balance, or loosing balance when you "kick" your foot out while coming to a stop. I wonder if the balance problem is from the "kicking" motion. You shouldn't have to jerk or kick you heals to disengage the cleat from the clip (unless it is an emergency stop, and even then it will really just be a reflex). What I made sure to do, based on the suggestions from the board, was well before I got to the intersection I would just pivit my right foot out to disengage the clip. There was no kicking or real fast motion, but a nice smooth turning out of the heal as I was coasting and braking to a stop. Now when I got slow enough to stop my foot was already out and I was able to put my foot down without thinking about it.
Suzie- that you said you fall away from traffic when you are unclipping your fright oot makes me think that it is the jearking motion from kicking out your heal causing you to fall. Normally people fall towards the side that is still clipped in because they lean the bike that direction accedently and there is no foot to catch you (I did it 2 times, and had one amazing save). The way I no longer do this is as I am coming to a stop and putting my right foot down I turn my handle bars and wheel to the left (like I was going to make a slight left turn). This causes the bike to want to tip towards my unclipped foot. Some people do it the other way... a good way to figure out which way you want to turn your handle bars is to stand astride your bike, turn the handle bars a bit in each direction, let go, and see which way the bike wants to fall. Remember which way made the bike fall towards the side you unclip on generally and turn the handle bars that way as you stop.
I know this seems like a lot to think about all at once when you are learning, but trust me, before too long it will be second nature and you will wonder what you ever did without clipless pedals!
Good Luck!
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Don't give up!!!! It will come...I have had many embarrassing falls. Soon, you will not even have to think about it.
If hills are your worst fear practice going up half way and stopping, over and over.
I swear, it will become easier...
Good luck!!!!!!!!!!!!