Indeed, grace and tact are qualities we should all exhibit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Trekhawk
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Indeed, grace and tact are qualities we should all exhibit.Quote:
Originally Posted by Trekhawk
Ok, those are some REALLY WEIRD gifts!!! :eek: :eek:Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluetree
+1!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitsune06
What does "+1!" mean?
You have some good points. We should NEVER complain about a present that is inappropriate that we will never use. However as human beings we sometimes can't resist, and I suspect I am neither the first nor the last to complain about an odd holiday gift.Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitsune06
But if you're going to berate someone for their lack of respect, grace, and tact, then perhaps it would be more effective if you demonstrated those same qualities in your message. There were many ways to say the same thing in a more polite, kind, and friendly way, and doing that would have demonstrated the kind of holiday spirit I believe you were trying to convey.
Indeed I am not a child, I've been around the block a few times, my young friend. In general, I don't think of myself as a bitter complaining person, but rather I try hard every day of my life to be usually positive, considerate and thoughtful.
Many are the threads on this forum where we biking sisters can feel free to complain once and a while about things that irk us- an LBS or clueless bike salesman, our difficult family members, crazed drivers, snobbish roadies, partners or relationships that are frustrating us, crappy merchandise, lousy jobs and obnoxious bosses, cheap holiday bonuses, poor service. Mostly I see that this does not result in being compared to an unappreciative spoiled child and being told to "Get over it."
I thought long and hard before I wrote this, and I wrote it carefully because i didn't want to seem rude, but my feelings were hurt by your harse words and I felt I needed to express that in order to feel better.
Hoping all TE women have a holiday full of hope and joy....
Lisa
It's like saying "Me too" to a previous post. Basically, add one more vote to the pile. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa S.H.
It's about your relationship with your brother. He may be a boorish control freak, but you're never going to change that. He's probably always going to give you obnoxious gifts, and run over you in conversation. The only thing you can change is you, and how you react to him and his actions. It's something I'm working on, myself. It's not easy, but it is ultimately freeing. Best wishes.
Fixedgeargirl,Quote:
Originally Posted by fixedgeargirl
Indeed it definitely IS about my relationship with my brother! If someone who didn't know me at all sent it to me I'd laugh and not think twice about it. Like people who get ugly ties every year for Xmas. Instead it's another reminder that he is so unaware of who I am and doesn't listen when I try to express to him who I am, what I think, feel...
But don't get me wrong- I'm not like losing sleep over this dumb basket!! :rolleyes: I've had to deal with lots of weird gestures from him over the years. :o
DH also assures me that he'll never change, and I've learned the hard way over the years to simply skirt the issues with him and fake my way through the "family visits" so as to avoid new problems. It's sad, but he can't deal with close honest communication. My other brother is so different, by the way, so open, and he and I have no trouble at all getting along wonderfully. I feel very lucky about that.
Thanks for your good wishes and wise words. :)
Sounds more like a joke to me . . . or maybe he's hoping you'll get a brand new tiny puppy to put in your new Toto basket? ;)
Like this, maybe? :D :D :DQuote:
Originally Posted by kjay
Attachment 2412
I had a package waiting on my doorstap today from a place called "art of appreciation". I opened it and found your standard "gift for a client" type gift tower. It was shaped like a snowman. It was one of those box towers that has some stale food item in each box. I looked at the card expecting to see a clients name on it, and found that it was from my sister in law.
I was saddened by the lack of thought that went into the gift. To me the gift is all about the thought, and clearly she put none into it. I actually would have rather recieved nothing. The trans fat laden "goodies" will end up next to the coffee machine at work.
Yeah it's still a gift, but I have the feeling it was one given out of guilt or something. I looked at the invoice and noted that the gift was ordered the day that she rcvd my package from fed ex.
I don't want people to feel pressured to give me a gift. I give gifts because I care about the people I'm giving them to.
When I thought about what to get her for christmas I remembered that she took pictures of the eggplant she grew last summer, so I decided to get her some heirloom seeds for her garden. I went online and found the seed company that martha stewart uses and bought from them. I browsed for a good while making sure that I was buying something that would grow in her zone in Oregon. I also got her some nice nursery grade plant stakes/markers and a cool gardening book. It wasn't a very extravagant gift by any means, but it was something I thought she could use. I even put a note inside explaining the thought behind the gift, because I thought she might find it silly that I sent her seeds.
To me receiving that mass produced bought in a moment of "oh sheat I guess I need to send her a gift now too" panic mean't I'm really not worth her time or effort. I guess it hurt my feelings to know that I'm not worth her time.
And for the record- Yes I appreciate gifts- when people put thought into them. But like others have said, if you can't think of something meaningful to give then maybe you shouldn't give at all. We all have enough useless clutter!
To me the best gifts are handmade, and if not handmade then anything that I know someone truely put thought into. My friends mom once knitted me this silly pink beanie to wear while I run. It even has ear flaps. Some would call it hideous, but I love it because I know when she was knitting it she had me in mind. Thats what counts. I have tons of those silly gifts that I cherish because there is love behind them.
sigh...
Anyway, I hope you all get meaningful gifts this holiday season! Stay safe out there!!
Merry Merry and HO HO HO!
Denise:)
and to those who think I'm ungrateful, I don't even want to hear it.... If you only knew me.
Lisa, I couldn't have wished for a better image. Very cute and exactly what I was thinking. :D
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa S.H.
Whoa, is that a doggie or a furry dragon?:D
I think we can all agree that we’ve all received gifts that made us go “huh?” For instance, I have friends and family members who give me guardian angel junk and twinkly jewelry every year, which someone may treasure but I sure don’t. I just say thank you and move on, but where I can I try to get these people to agree to exchange no gifts or, better yet, donate. DONATE! Items, money or time. It doesn’t matter, but none of those things need me to dust it and the recipient sure won’t be complaining about it.
Our family owns a farm in Illinois which is managed by a farm management company and operated by a tenant. Finally this year, after what seems an interminable time, we got the management firm to donate in our name to Heifer International rather than send us another mug or stale food item. We all feel good. None of us need anything but there are many others who do. Matter of fact, we exchange material gifts with very few now as we instead try to exchange the gift of each others’ friendship and love.
So, if you are not counting on a gift due to need (hey, a set of new car tires when you’re a starving college student is welcome!), encourage your family and friends to donate to particular charities. Bring joy to others and it will return to you.
Ah, nicely said.Quote:
Originally Posted by SadieKate
And actually I think you found the perfect use for the basket. Mr. Monster looks right at home in there. You could hang it on your front door to greet us all and give us a laugh.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lisa S.H.
S'okay, you guys. We all struggle to understand such stuff. People for the most part are doing the best they can---however limited it may be/seem.
It could have been worse. He could have gotten you these...
http://cgi.ebay.com/Castelli-Gold-La...QQcmdZViewItem
Would these be considered safety/reflective? ;)
Stylin' ! :cool:
I guess MAYBE... just maybe... Julia Roberts could get away with wearing those, in Pretty Woman.
And then again, maybe not :D
Interesting thread though, touches on a whole lot of the angst around gift-giving and -receiving, which as somebody astutely pointed out, is not about the gift, but about the relationship to the giftgiver.
My mother has lived abroad in winter for many years, and has in general displayed an enormous lack of interest in the family. Several Christmases running she got a friend of hers here to buy me a Christmas present - a huge box of chocolates of the most generic brand available. Sure, she meant well, sure, the chocolates tasted good, but still - I was sad and pissed off every year by the complete lack of thought that went into it. It's the kind of gift you buy the postman.
I finally piped up about it, and now we just exchange e-cards. Which is so much better, as we actually exchange some good wishes and real thoughts...
Now I feel guilty because I think I'm the one you're referring to when you say you receive gifts that have little or no meaning. I'm the crappy gift giver...:( but I try, I really do.
Here's why
I admit one thing: I HATE buying people gifts. Not because I'm poor or because I don't like giving to others, or because I don't truly know and love the people I buy for, but because I never feel like the gift I give will be good enough. Even when buying gifts from the Salvation Army Christmas tree for needy children that I'll never meet- I have the hardest time picking things out that I think people will like (and these are people I've never met- it's even harder to "please" the people I know and love). And you can say, "I'm sure they'll love it because it's the thought that counts", but from these discussions, sometimes they don't and they hate it.
I've never been the person who says "I know the perfect gift for so and so" or been in a store and said "so and so would love that." It's so hard for me to think of meaningful gifts for people, so often I'm the one who sends the crappy box tower or buys the cheesy gift that somewhat goes with things someone likes (like the basket- seriously- that basket could've been from me). Shopping is torture for me. Instead of getting the fuzzy "I'm doing something good" feeling, I'm stressed trying to find something, anything, that they'll remotely like. I wish I could be like RM and remember the time her SIL took pictures of the eggplant she grew and got her vintage seeds. That's awesome! I sooooo wish I could be like that. I've tried to jot things down about the people I love, but I can just never find things that are "perfect" or sentimental or meaningful. I truly try... really...
So, when you get a crappy gift from someone you love, please be kind. Perhaps they're a terrible shopper with no clue what to buy you (like me). I try, I really do. I spend 2 months thinking of gifts for Christmas and always wind up with something "cruddy" for people.
Lately I've started painting for people. They're not paintings worth anything, but at least I try to pick scenes they might like. But even then, art is truly in the eye of the beholder, and I might love it, but they might think "where am I going to hang this crap?"
I'd rather just never exchange gifts....it's too stressful, and has truly taken the fun out of Christmas for me as an adult.
Ok- I'm ready for everyone to pounce on me. I can take it...
by the way- those shorts are HIDEOUS! I wonder if I can get them for my cycling friend... just kidding.
It's Toto's evil twin, Moto. And it bit Glinda on the ankle.Quote:
Originally Posted by snapdragen
Oh my GOD. Noyt sure about the "safety shorts" idea- seems to me they might cause a few accidents on the road...Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluetree
(((((Tri Girl))))) It truly is, IMO, the thought that counts. If you saw my house you would see how eclectic it is. Mainly due to many gifts from friends I treasure and who thought enough of me to send me a gift. :) Ask X and Kit about my Santa riding a crow. I love it. A friend made it with her hands and it has a special place in my heart. For what it is worth, I love homemade gifts and I imagine your paintings will be well received. :)
I know what you mean. I made my 2 youngest s-i-l's scarves about 2 xmas's ago(chenille too-in the color of their choice)and While I know they liked them, I haven't seen them wear them yet. and yes it gets cold in Ga to wear them. My m-i-l bought some mohair yarn to make another s-i-l(married to b-i-l) a scarf and I made it and she sent it and she did cartwheels over it b/c someone made it for her. So I guess it's the difference in person or some folks just don't realize how much effort goes into making things. I love my sil, I'll just make things for those that appreciate the time I put to make them and give them something else they may like. JenniferQuote:
Originally Posted by Running Mommy
Oh Tri Girl, you're nothing like what I meant! I don't mind "crappy" (i.e. inappropriate, useless, not-my-type-of-thing) presents, if they come from someone who truly doesn't know me that well, or who obviously means well but just has different taste. I get presents like that all the time, from neighbours, or my mother-in-law or whatever, and they just make me smile. In fact gifts like these are sometimes the ones that make most happy, because they turn up out of the blue from someone unexpected :-)Quote:
Originally Posted by Tri Girl
Honest - if my mother had made me anything, ever, by hand, I would treasure it even if it were pink earwarmers with little gold piglets on...
And fwiw, I was brought up (by her...) to never, ever criticize a gift, so it took me years to pipe up that I would in fact just prefer a nice card.
You kidding?!? Leebob's and my families have declared a moratorium on Christmas gifts, for which I am eternally grateful. We don't do Christmas gifts for adults, plain and simple. And our Christmas is blissfully stress-free.Quote:
Originally Posted by Tri Girl
that sounds PERFECT! Presents for kids, and really that's what Christmas presents started out as in the first place.Quote:
Originally Posted by jobob
when did it turn into big screen TV's and XBoxes and "bigger and better" expensive shtuff like that?
Oh, and food. gotta have the food. Food is good. And parties. With food.
Oh, but of course !Quote:
Originally Posted by KnottedYet
GOsh, if they weren't wanting 60 bucks for a starting bidQuote:
Originally Posted by Bluetree
I would love to bid on them.. like 5 or 10 bucks, they'd be a hoot!
I love that idea. Actually, it's what our families decided to do this year. We figure that as adults when we want something, we get it. It's not like when you were a kid and you didn't earn money and actually had to "depend" on the kindness of others to get you what you wanted. When we want something, we buy it- so it seems silly to get gifts anyway.Quote:
Originally Posted by jobob
Plus, I like what you said about the kids getting gifts. That's all the fun of Christmas anyway- the excitement on their faces, and the thrill when they get something they really, really wanted.
All my friends think I'm scroog-y this time of year, and it's not that (I like to think I'm a giving, caring person), but shopping for friends/family just stresses me out...:)
and Mimitabby- I'm with you. I'd bid on them if they weren't so crazy expensive. Really, who's going to give up $60+ for THOSE shorts. I'd wear them as a prank on our annual Christmas light ride if they were cheap- it would make everyone laugh so hard they'd be crashing left and right.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluetree
Those are fantastic! Wish they were my size! Oh, and a lot cheaper :rolleyes: .
I really like how some of my friends who have a large, extended family Christmas thing draw names and only buy one cousin/auntie/grandad/whoever a present. It's a nice way of keeping the gift-giving goodness, but cutting down the needless expense/acumulation of junk/etc. :)
Oh, and if somebody bought me those shorts, I'd use them as a tourniquet. (Around their neck! :p)
Even "does the contrast stitching on these shorts make me look fat" me would wear those shorts if it guaranteed a gold medal at the Olympics. Paulo Pezzo looked darned good in them with her matching "jewelry."
This thread really depressed me. With my immediate family, we always had a pretty low-key approach to Christmas ... we all tried hard to to buy something the others would like, but if they didn't like it, you'd never really know ... because my mother thought that returning a gift (unless to exchange a size) or regifting was rude and thoughtless, so everybody was just happy and gracious. And they still are that way, so buying and receiving is a pleasure even when they get the gift completely wrong. (I will never know why my mom thought I would love a sweater with a giant parrot on it, but I am pretty sure that this sentence I just typed is the first time I've ever expressed anything negative about that sweater ... which went to the Good Willl over ten years ago.)
But I have another bunch of family members with whom I now exchange gifts, and the attitude is completely different. Everything is always wrong, Christmas is a time of disappointment and resentment, and buying the wrong gift is an opportunity to revisit every real or imagined flaw in the relationship. It is a miserable situation, and a holiday that I used to love is now something that I dread. And the dread starts in early November, because we try so hard to get it right, but we never do.
I have pretty much gotten to the point where I don't even care. I will buy any stupid thing because they aren't going to like it anyway. Which of course makes me the grinch who is ruining Christmas.
Xeney,Quote:
Originally Posted by xeney
You apparently have two completely opposite ends of the spectrum divided into two different family halves. I'm sure it's wonderful to have the first group you describe that is always gracious, just as I'm sure it's awful to deal with and exchange gifts with the second half who find everything to be wrong and are full of resentment towards each other.
For most people it's a combination of varying degrees of compatibility, effort, appreciation, and thoughtfulness. It's not usually all black or white.
We just came from a friend's house this evening where we celebrated a little holiday cheer. We brought 4 perfect red pears and 5 tangerines, nestled in pretty colored tissue in a box as a gift for our friend and her young son. She gifted us with a lovely bag of granola that she made fresh in her kitchen. We sat and had cheese and a glass of local fresh ginger porter we had brought over, talking about life and watching her sew little wool and woodenpeg dolls for her son's xmas present. This is the kind of holiday celebrating and gifting my DH and I prefer to engage in with our close friends and family. But we realize that not everyone has the same ideas and preferences that we do. We don't "get" some people just as they don't "get" us. Sometimes we just have to try to tolerate them anyway.
I suppose it would be better for ALL of us to stop exchanging gifts altogether with people we have problems relating to in one way or another. If this issue is big enough in your life to cause you misery and turn a holiday you used to love into something you dread starting in November, maybe you should consider this option and put your foot down about participating in that debacle of gifting unpleasantness with that part of your family. I wish you luck with alleviating the problem, it's not easy.
That's what we do in my family (immediate family, not extended), with a price cap of $20.00. We buy for the children if we have the means to do so (some are better off than others) but none of my siblings (and to their credit, none of their children) have the expectation that we will buy for the children. The family decided years ago not to do extended family (financial constraints--tons of cousins and now their kids! Yikes!! :eek: ) It cuts down on a boatload of stress. I do token gifts for the sisters whose names I didn't draw (I usually make an ornament for their Christmas trees) but that is by choice and not expectation.Quote:
I really like how some of my friends who have a large, extended family Christmas thing draw names and only buy one cousin/auntie/grandad/whoever a present. It's a nice way of keeping the gift-giving goodness, but cutting down the needless expense/acumulation of junk/etc.
We have family "spies" who help keep others posted on the likes/interests of the others. Last year I gave the sister whose name I drew gift subscriptions to two cooking magazines that she just loves. I wouldn't have known about them (kitchen jus' ain't my area of expertise!) without the help of the "spies". :D (Said sister tends not to let on what she likes/doesn't like. :mad: )
Lisa S.H., that sounded like a fabulous get together!Quote:
We just came from a friend's house this evening where we celebrated a little holiday cheer. We brought 4 perfect red pears and 5 tangerines, nestled in pretty colored tissue in a box as a gift for our friend and her young son. She gifted us with a lovely bag of granola that she made fresh in her kitchen.
Well, today on Christmas day I did call my brother to wish him well. I thanked him for the bike basket, then let him talk because I wanted to find out if it was a joke gift or not before I said much. Turns out it was not a joke, he thought I might actually like it. However...he did admit that he ordered it online in a huge rush right after receiving the Smartwool glove liners I sent him. We hadn't exchanged gifts in a few years, but I impulsively picked out the glove liners and sent them to him this year. He told me when he got the gloves he thought "Oh Jeez!, now I have get her something FAST and have it sent directly to her!". :rolleyes:
I had to admit to him that the basket was not going to fit on my bike's handlebars, but that I appreciated his thoughtfulness. (I left out the part about no WAY would I ever put that Toto basket on my bike). So that seemed ok with him, he told me to do whatever I needed to do with it.
I think next year I'll just hint to him that I love chocolate. :cool:
He told me about a letter he just sent to his 16 year old son (my nephew) who hasn't spoken to him in a year. I thought it was a pretty good letter and told him so. Sadly, I don't think the letter will do much to undo that which has gone before. But a good letter is better than nothing.
Lisa, I have much unfortunate experience with a similar situation and my heartfelt advice to your brother is to KEEP WRITING and pursue the relationship. The boy will always remember that he did, and will never forgive if he doesn't. :(Quote:
He told me about a letter he just sent to his 16 year old son (my nephew) who hasn't spoken to him in a year. I thought it was a pretty good letter and told him so. Sadly, I don't think the letter will do much to undo that which has gone before. But a good letter is better than nothing.
Karen
I think we should all be glad that not one of our significant others (not limited to spouses/BFs/GFs--could by mums, dads, sisters, etc.) saw fit to send these:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll..._promot_widget
No need to ask the question--do these make my rear end look enormous?
East Hill
Those are just HIDEOUS (my apologies to anyone who finds them adorable)! Really? A starting bid of $45? Good luck on that one! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by East Hill