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My mother continued the separate room fiction while I was in college, when we had been living together (and supporting ourselves) for 3 years. :roll eyes: I wasn't even allowed to have a boy over to watch a movie, much less sleep over. For many reasons, we still don't have a great relationship.
I think you have received some great advice here - advice I would try to implement if I were a parent. I definitely believe that having early and open communication is key (and was something lacking in my interactions with my mother across the board).
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lph, you asked about legal issues. It comes down to statutory rape laws, which can be applied even if sex is consensual.
If only.... all parents had a model like Wahine's to follow.
Unfortunately, not all parents follow that, as in allowing/not allowing sleepovers without modeling or discussion; sometimes allowing it out of pure parental neglect or self absorption. As in, not paying attention to what is really going on their lives. My parents were like this, so absorbed in their own crap that I was given no boundaries. They were pretty oblivious to the fact that I was 15 and hanging out with guys in their 20s. Or, if they noticed they were too deep into their own problems to deal with it.. You'd think that might have gotten their attention? Hah.
I had the bizarre experiences of twice being told I couldn't sleep over with SO at gay homes because we were straight - one was where my mother lived, another was a friend of SOs. And then SO's ultra conservative parents wouldn't let us sleep over because we weren't married. Granted this was years ago but I've never forgotten the feeling of "just can't win" one.
I feel fortunate in that with my nerdy boys, now 24 & 27 it never came up until oldest son had a long term live so it was a non-issue for us.
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I'm not a parent but my partner is.
I remember being amazed when his then 17 yr. old son shared his bedroom with his girlfriend (same age) several times.
The discussion on birth control needs to come up sooner, not later, no matter what is decided by parent on sleepovers.
Though hormones are raging then, at the same time, some of these kids hang out in big crowds (at least his 2 kids each did) and have many friends that do lots of (harmless) stuff together. The advantage of 2 near adult teens at home with parents around...is that you know they aren't getting drunk (which can lead to weird/terrible stuff when no parents are around).
I'm sorry to bring in alcohol into this but there have been some highly publicized just awful stuff in the cities where I've lived involving teens.
