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Indy, my kids did have these people around during their formative years. My family is small, and now I see that my mom held it together, but she put up with a lot ; she moved far away and they never forgave her.
My kids will survive, and I've made my friends my family, but I wish it wasn't like this and that my brother lived near me!
After I thought more about what was said and now that I've had to process the implications of what was said, I have decided I don't want to be spending my holiday in the home of self riteous, racist people. I feel that going to this dinner would send the message to these family members that this kind of talk is ok and clearly it is not! I also think it would make J feel like I did not value him and that is clearly also not the case. He is a part of my immediate family and we all love him very much. I also am sick of the extended family making gay remarks and my brother is outwardly gay. No I'm not going to go celebrate anything with those people and be around their nasty hate filled lives. Done and done.
+1
My "friend," who I have spoken about here, once told my DH his sweater (a v neck argyle seater) was "gay." She seriously laughed about this comment and didn't get it when I got upset and said, "What if someone told you that your sweater looked like a 'Jew' sweater?"
And she wonders why I limit my contact with her.
I'm sorry that you're in this situation to begin with, but kudos for doing what you need to do to protect yourself and J. I hope you two have a really nice Christmas away from the hatefulness.