... or have a friend like me who will buy it from you if it doesn't work -- most saddles are fine for me (and I can tell right away if a saddle's one that Won't Work)... I've about worn out the Selle that my friend didn't care for and am shopping.
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also, are you using chamois butter? I find slathering up my "lady parts" helps a lot too. Keeps them moving.
Time to revisit the fit test and tricks thread :)
http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showthread.php?t=25954
I needed a whole combo thing going before I eliminated that issue completely. No one thing did it. My now pefect "system":
-Brooks B17 saddle broken in. Wallbike has a 6-month return policy if you're interested.
-The chamois in Rapha shorts. Stupid expensive, but I got them 50% off and having two pair I love cost less than all the buying/trying I was doing before.
-Lady Anti Monkey Butt anti-friction powder. I prefer it to chamois cream. Just get in all the nooks and crannies and it's a big help, at least for me.
-I had my...er...undercarriage lasered off years ago, but keeping the rest nicely trimmed is key to be irritation free.
-Serious core work. When I started cycling a few months ago, I was in horrible shape though I hadn't really thought so. I've since learned that having a strong core makes a huge difference. If it's weak, I start drooping, putting too much pressure on hands, lady parts, throwing off my pedal stroke, etc. I also hate doing core work, but the results are worth it.
I hope you find a saddle that works or you. That's definitely the best place to start, but other things also help. Good luck!
I haven't read through all the replies, but I would certainly start trying different saddles. What works for one often doesn't work for another. Some people think they are not a cutout person, and then find a cutout saddle that magically works for them, and visa versa. There are so many variations to cutout saddles. My first one had a very thin cut out and I was definitely "squished" all the time. I tried another with a much wider cutout that I thought I liked at first, but DH and I decided that the edge of the cut out was so sharp that it caused different issues than my first.
We both ended up liking the San Marco Mantra. (Very odd, indeed, to have the same saddle as your husband!) It has a very large cutout and the edge of the cutout is softened more than the previous one that was similar.
Just know that while there are some saddles labeled women specific, the fact that they have a pink flower and a feminine name does not necessarily mean they only work for women, or more importantly that a "men's" saddle doesn't work for women. According to my LBS, saddles are saddles and work for both men and women. The one my husband and I use is not a men's saddle and it is not a women's saddle. It is just a saddle. Some maker make women's versions of their regular saddles, but there is nothing different about them other than the name and color. Sometimes they are a bit shorter in length, but that doesn't really change how it feels to sit on compared to the regular version.