Living a good enough life: being more comfortable with achievements

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Originally Posted by emily_in_nc

It's really sad that so many jobs that can make a significant difference in people's lives (like therapist, social worker, and the like) are so poorly paid compared to many jobs that don't mean diddly (sports professional, stock broker...) in the larger scheme of things. You should be very proud of what you are doing. You are blessed to not have to sell your soul doing something just for the money...you can afford to do something that is truly important. Brava! :)

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My partner and I are looking in hindsight at the choices we made for occupations and are coming to the realization that while what we did was important (she worked with disabled children and I worked with mentally ill homeless adults), we will have minimal retirement funds. When our friends who went into more lucrative careers were making $40,000 a year we were making $15,000 and $18,000. When their companies were giving them large bonuses for the holidays, we were getting $5 gift cards for Wal Mart (only bonus I've ever gotten).

I don't regret choosing to spend most of my work life helping people. As I mentioned above, we enjoy time off and may consider working part time in the future, it should be okay barring any catastrophe.

This is true, Emily. If I was 20 years younger, I might be able to build up a private practice after putting in my two years of slave labor to get my license, and earn a lot more. But, even though I plan on continuing working part time after I do get my license, I don't think I want the responsibility of the business aspect of a practice and will be happy to put in a few hours a week in a clinic or holistic health center. And, it does suck that human service professionals make so little, at least in the beginning. I know that in a lot of cases teachers don't make that much either, but I had a lot of post master's credits, which along with experience, really shoot you up on the pay scale, as well as my bonus from the state for being a national board certified teacher. That extra $ paid for my older son's college. In AZ we had merit pay, and that also was something that came at a time when my young family needed the $.
This is truly my "giving back" job, although after 31 years of teaching, I feel like I have already "given" plenty. But, it was so sad to see at graduation that there were about 5 men in my program, and it is most definitely because of the money aspect. We need good male therapists, as well as teachers, but there were a lot more guys getting their master's in education.

.LOL...That is a bigger bonus then I have ever received. ( we also no longer get holidays off and do not get paid any extra when woking on a holiday.)

I have worked with the geriatric population for over 18 years in a nursing home environment which at times can get quite challenging. I do have hope of going part-time in about 6-8 years...fingers crossed. As I mentioned before I was in management for a while but it just was not worth it. Too much "pointing of the finger" or not taking accountability for issues.

I certainly never planned on being where I am at 51, I will likely be one of those who are not able to retire...but that isn't a bad thing. I spent much of the first half of my adult life "off the grid", and then wound up in college and then graduate school in my late 30s and early 40's. Student loans became the bane of my existence and still are :o

My debt level is far higher than I would like at this stage of life, but it is what it is. I've a job I like that serves a basic need for everyone in the community, an apartment I love, and plenty of time to ride my bike(s) and some good friends. We don't get bonuses or cost of living raises, but I don't complain for there are many who have much less to live on than I do. In this economy I am not about to move to the private sector...though I might rethink that in a few more years. I've never been good at financial matters, but when I die that won't matter. I do wish that I had been taught how to manage money as a child though, it would have likely prevented some pretty big mistakes as an adult. At least I can stop from adding more debt and work on what I can. Certainly no more bike debt :o

So I keep putting one foot in front of the other and focus on today rather than what happened 10 or 20 or 30 years ago. I can't do anything about choices made then, only on the challenges that are given to me today - and hopefully never forget again to pay attention to the roses and zinnias around me. My bikes help a great deal with that!

I wish I could live outside of the county though, that would allow me to seriously cut my cost of living... I would seriously love to return to living off the grid, but I have to get out of debt to do that.

Being able to support myself has always been a very motivating factor in my life. My mother, who is one of the smartest people I know and who graduated at the top of her class from a renowned art school, has never really worked outside of the home. Her dependency on my father has always upset me, especially since she has made it very clear that she hasn't lived the life she wanted.

I never wanted to put myself or anyone else in that position, so I followed the route of my father and grandfather and became a lawyer. I love the law, but the practice of it is very challenging. After a few years in private practice at a large firm, I jumped ship and took a job with the federal government. It pays well, but far less than what I could have earned at the firm. Sometimes I don't feel like a real lawyer, but I do my job well and am respected by my boss and my peers. The only downside is that my boss plans to retire in about three years, and my job will not be secure when he does. I'm not sure what will happen to me.

I do feel like I have a good work life balance, and that is very important to me. I also have ably supported myself. By the time I got married, I'd already been a homeowner and was otherwise living debt free and well within my means. Having a second income, however, is nice. I'm pretty content with where I am professionally and financially.

That said, I really wish I wasn't so risk adverse. DH is pretty cautious, too, but I really would like to make a move to a different locale before long. I think we'll both need a big kick in the pants to do that though. I truly envy those of you who have made big moves. It seems so alien to me to take that kind of a chance. Here's hoping!

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Originally Posted by indysteel

That said, I really wish I wasn't so risk adverse. DH is pretty cautious, too, but I really would like to make a move to a different locale before long. I think we'll both need a big kick in the pants to do that though. I truly envy those of you who have made big moves. It seems so alien to me to take that kind of a chance. Here's hoping!

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I'm in the same boat as you! I think law exacerbates any risk aversion one already has - and having to deal with license issues in another jurisdiction is certainly not a fun thought....

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Originally Posted by Reesha

I threw my friend's quote into my signature, but she just gave a great TED talk at TEDxTraverseCity on a very similar topic. T and I worked at boarding school together from 2006-2008 and we worked HARD. We always found time to sneak off together to blow off some stress by doing yoga, or spinning, or walking. We both loved the job, but it was a bit too high-stress and really took a lot of energy out of us. That spring, she tiptoed around the idea of buying a sailboat, moving onto it and simplifying her life down to raw essentials. Compared to my lifestyle, hers is incredibly simple, while I understand that others take it even further than she does. Still, she went all in on her boat and her new lifestyle and it has really worked out for her. Because of her blog, she was invited to give her TED talk. I think some women here would really enjoy it! Check it out:

http://tedxtraversecity.com/videos

Hers is "My American Dream" by Teresa Carey

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Too funny! Her blog is one that I read that motivated me through some very dark days at a former employer. I'm still in the "figuring out what's next" stage - but I'm thankfully not in that place anymore:) Just in case she wondered if anyone read her writing or cared, I did:)

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Originally Posted by indysteel

That said, I really wish I wasn't so risk adverse...

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This is an interesting discussion - I've always been the one to take large risks and have sometimes wondered what life would have been like if I had been a bit more adverse to taking them. That would have been a different person though, not "me" :)

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Originally Posted by indysteel

Being able to support myself has always been a very motivating factor in my life...........................I never wanted to put myself or anyone else in that position,.......................................................That said, I really wish I wasn't so risk adverse. DH is pretty cautious, too, but I really would like to make a move to a different locale before long. I think we'll both need a big kick in the pants to do that though. I truly envy those of you who have made big moves. It seems so alien to me to take that kind of a chance. Here's hoping!

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Yes, being able support self has been important also.

I wish I could retire now but no, that's not realistic financially. There is a benefit through my current employer to take a leave of absence for limited time period but without pay. I may consider it for 1-2 months in a few years..after I deal with this mortgage.

I do have an option to also work a 4 day work week on compressed hour arrangement and get 5th day off.

Or telework for 1 day per wk.

All of the above I don't quite see yet since I'm still a (52-yr.) baby for my employer. I'm new and have only been with this employer for 6 months. I still have yet to meet internal clients for some work/major project of mine.

But already I have to finalize my own job description as part of the typical HR (and for unionized position). I do have some leeway to specify what I don't want in my job...which I've never been offered that option.

The parts of a management role that I do like are in areas of planning, as well as mentoring staff. I don't care much for accountability issues though I have to say 85% of the time, I have been very lucky to have supervised staff who were self-managing, client-focused, desirous of learning new things and conscientous workers.

At this time in life, it feels strange to be part of a large organization where there are people around my age taking early retirement, while I have just joined the organization.

As for taking risks indysteel: it does mean being flexible to relocate. It hasn't been easy but it's easier if there is a job offer. Most definitely for myself personally, adjustment to a new city (I moved from Ontario to British Columbia, then later from B.C. to Alberta), where I choose to live is very important to me and my quality of life.

And yes, I've managed to live near cycling infrastructure (within 5 min. bike ride or less) for all 3 cities where I've lived and worked so far: Toronto, Vancouver and Calgary. This alone I am grateful for my own equilibrium. :) It is a real de-stressor and gets me exploring my home city.

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Originally Posted by Catrin

This is an interesting discussion - I've always been the one to take large risks and have sometimes wondered what life would have been like if I had been a bit more adverse to taking them. That would have been a different person though, not "me" :)

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When I was unemployed, I had a serious problem distillating all my different job experiences on my resume.
I think some of my jobs have changed me....has made me less shy. But what helped push that was some of my volunteer work prior to cycling where I saw people/dedicated volunteers passionate on issues speak out to the public.

Moving drastically from one province to another, has made me WAY MORE appreciative of the regional differences in Canada...geography, weather, politics and local culture. I feel more "Canadian", to know my own country in essence, better. Rather just an Ontario understanding/perspective where I was born and lived first 40+ yrs. of my life. It's not for every one and I wouldn't be saying this if not also living in major cities that were more multi-ethnic compared to a tiny town somewhere in Canada.

I don't consider myself a big risk taker....I don't go hiking/snowshoeing by myself, I have yet to go on a multi-day/weeks long bike trip solo, etc. Prior to dearie, I did take some vacation trips on my own. I don't think about "breaking free". It's more just taking opportunities or making big life decisions that looks risky to outsiders. It is possible to non-cyclists who see some of us cycling all over the place as an expression of "breaking free".

Taking multiple risks does mean dealing with some aloneness for first while when one must readjust to a new environment all over again.

I'm sure Pax can understand this because she works with mentally ill people.

Because I deal with several mental illnesses, achievements can be distorted. When on a manic high, I think I can do anything and anything/anyone who gets in my way gets trampled.

Your personal needs are bypassed by the need to achieve. Coworkers hate you because you know/can do everything better, faster and more efficient. You aren't trying to make them look bad, you just see everything in a different light. Everything becomes clearer and you are able to see beyond what is there. It's an amazing feeling and most bipolar people refuse to take meds because reality sucks. At some point though, you get overwhelmed because you take on more than you can handle and everything crashes to pieces making you look inept.

When you hit depression, you don't want to get out of bed. It hurts too much. Everything is an extreme effort and your job suffers big time. You can't finish up a project at work, your just barely get things done at work and your boss/coworkers start thinking you are lazy and don't care. Now you no longer have a job which is why many people with mental illnesses are homeless. Even on medication, it's a delicate balance.

It's frustrating to have dreams and goals that you may never achieve or only get bits and pieces of. What's even harder is that you look "normal" so no one understands. I can get jobs, but holding one down for long periods of time can take more effort than I can possibly give.

The biggest achievement for me is being able to manage a mental illness. I'm stable and have been able to keep it that way. I have a wonderful family. I have a couple of hobbies that I haven't dropped out of frustration or boredom that keep me sane. Still not sure about cycling, but if I drop it, at least I had fun while it lasted. I take my meds even though reality sucks and I don't want to lose what I have gained.

Achievements are stepping stones to happiness when used right or stumbling blocks when it backfires. It's being able to conquer both to the best of your ability that allows you to build something beautiful that you can be proud of.

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Originally Posted by shootingstar

.... It's more just taking opportunities or making big life decisions that looks risky to outsiders. It is possible to non-cyclists who see some of us cycling all over the place as an expression of "breaking free".

Taking multiple risks does mean dealing with some aloneness for first while when one must readjust to a new environment all over again.

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This!

"I" have never considered myself to actually be a "risk-taker". There are many ways to do that, and I did deal with major depression for years which manifested in some...unique ways...thankfully I was finally able to deal with the major trauma and PTSD that caused it in the first place. No problems with the depression in close to a decade now :cool:

Over the years I've become quite good with distilling my resume to support job-seeking, and it has been relatively easy to pull up stakes to move across the country. My focus seems to be changing though, while I WOULD move across the country for the right job, it would take a lot more to make it worth my while to do so. If my debt level were lower then perhaps this would be different...but it is a part of it.

I've several good friends in my church who are amazed at the things I "dare" to do alone - in their minds I am an extreme risk-taker. I guess opposites attract - but I am no where near where I once was in this department. Yes I go hiking/riding by myself and I am learning mountain biking at 51 - but that is far from my definition of "risk-taking". Compared to my younger years my life is quite boring/sedentary these days. I am sometimes amazed that I actually survived those years :eek: :o ;) and am thankful for all that I have.

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Originally Posted by Blueberry

I'm in the same boat as you! I think law exacerbates any risk aversion one already has - and having to deal with license issues in another jurisdiction is certainly not a fun thought....

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So true. I could look into getting waived into another state, but I refuse to take the bar exam again.

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Originally Posted by indysteel

So true. I could look into getting waived into another state, but I refuse to take the bar exam again.

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Is it common to have to retake the bar exam when you change states? I would hope that a waive would be possible with a certain level of experience...

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Originally Posted by Catrin

Is it common to have to retake the bar exam when you change states? I would hope that a waive would be possible with a certain level of experience...

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It depends on the state, but my "experience" is somewhat different in that for the last 11 years, I've had a job with the Feds that doesn't constitute the "practice of law" in some jurisdictions. My first job out of law school with the state court of appeals was similar. So, I only have a few years of true practice under my belt, despite having been out of law school since 1996.

ETA: I'd add that one of things that makes me adverse to relocating--as much as I don't want to spend all my life in Indiana--is that I'm not all that excited about going back to private practice. The biggest reason I've stayed put all these years is that I'm perfectly suited for my current job. While my position exists all across the country, they don't come open all that often. When my boss leaves, I have every intention of trying to stay on with his replacement. If he/she doesn't keep me, then that could be a big cue for us to pick up and move. Assuming at least one of us is gainfully employed at the new locale, then we just need to accept the risk that it may take time for the other to find something.

That's one of the reasons that we're currently doing our best to live on just one salary and that smaller of the two at that. While many of our friends are "upgrading" to more expensive homes and cars, we're happy with what we have. Of course, once you're a home owner, it becomes harder to relocate, too--at least with the housing market as it is.