new rider with training partner issues

I know I sound a little hard nosed. She is truly a good friend and this cycling has created a difficult dynamic between the three of us. I have tried to talk to her about this and have apologized to her for not being clear about my expectations. I guess I just wanted an apology from her, for expecting me to put her goals ahead of my own. I have let her know that she is my friend regardless of whether she cycles or not. Anyway, waiting for the weather to warm up a bit so I can get back out on my bike. I will go to a spin class tonight just to keep my legs moving.

Andie

You don't sound hardnosed to me - it's just difficult to cycle at someone else's pace. I can ride with people that are slightly faster than me or slightly slower than me without too much problem... But people that are way slower or way faster, I have a hard time riding with. The former because they're cutting into my biking/training time and it does affect my conditioning, and the latter because I feel horrible for slowing them down.

And I son't want to sound wholly unsympathetic to your situation. It wasn't entirely clear from your OP what understanding you had with your friend when you first decide to do the ride our how clear the expectations were. From the sound of it, you've tried to address the issue and offered some solutions. If she's not interested in trying and isn't even having fun, then this sounds like her problem, bot yours. While it would ideal I'd you could sort it out without much drama, that might not be possible. There's only so much you can do for someone who's seemingly more interested in complaining. Perhaps it's time to cut her loose (in terms of the ride)--with the proviso that if she decides to really get on board with training, then you're there for her. If she's not, then you'd like to spend time together in some other fashion.

Good luck and kudos for the progress you've made in getting back in shape.

It's the only thing I dislike about cycling other than that events start soooo early in the morning; all the *&^% sorting. "I ride 30-40 miles brisk pace, you like 50 - 60 miles dizzyingly fast pace on the flats, she's riding 20 miles slow but loooooves hills ...." Can we ride together? Mmmmaybe, maybe not.

Options could include but are not limited to :);
you bring beater/errand/fixed gear bikes she brings road bike.
do a spin class together.
cross train together.
do the same ride, she rides her pace you do hill repeats*
find a local club with tiers. Meet at start/finish/recovery meal

*there's a possibility of her feeling bad as you do the hill 5 times as she rides up it once but whatever. As long as she's training she will get there too. You encourage and inspire her and sip a recovery beverage as you wait at the top.

Thanks for brainstorming all those suggestions. I think I will try the hill repeats. Our LBS is just starting a woman's club ride, so I think that might suggest that we do that together.

Did a spin and strength training class today. It was an awesom workout.

Andie

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Originally Posted by Trek420

you bring beater/errand/fixed gear bikes she brings road bike.

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I love this idea. Here's some more:

You could adjust your brake so it's rubbing a little. I've done a few too many newbie miles with a rubbing brake. It definitely slows you down.

Wear a large windbreaker and let her draft.

Carry her gear. My bf makes me do this when we ride to the beach, and then drops me. He's a real prince. :rolleyes:

Put heavy tires on your bike, and make sure hers are pumped to the max.

Actually, are you sure her bike doesn't have an issue? Maybe it's not her. Sometimes, it's the bike.

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Originally Posted by Muirenn

... her comment that she hates every moment on the bike means she doesn't really want to be there.

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Originally Posted by redrhodie

Actually, are you sure her bike doesn't have an issue? Maybe it's not her. Sometimes, it's the bike.

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I felt the same way before I got my namesake bike fit; loved the sport and the idea of riding but hated being on the bike. Has she had the bike fit?

Invite her to TE :) .... after deleting this thread ;) :rolleyes:

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Originally Posted by redrhodie

I love this idea. Here's some more:

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Her fast training days become your recovery ride.

I'm stuck on the remark that she hates every moment of riding. We all know that when you do a century, by about mile 70 finishing is FAR more mental than physical at that point. If she's already mentally out of the game from the start, even if she can keep a fast pace, there's no way she'll finish if she's hating it. Mind over matter and all- and if you mind then it doesn't matter how fast you're moving- it's going to be a horrible experience.

I wonder if maybe the three of you could do an overnight tour. A S24O (sub 24 hour overnight bike trip). Touring is always a more relaxed pace anyway, and that way you guys could still do the cycling thing together, but it would be a different mindset. Heck- you could carry all the gear in a BOB trailer and she could ride gear-free and then your paces might match. :p Pack up the camping gear, ride to a state park and camp out overnight and make it a girls weekend, then ride home the next day. Or just throw some overnight things in a day pack and ride to another town and stay at a B&B and make a girls weekend out of it.

Just saying... she seems to not enjoy cycling, so maybe if you made it more casual/fun she'd still feel a part of the "cycling trio" without having to push the training like you need to do when training for a century. You two could still do your century, and leave the more relaxed pace for a weekend getaway every couple months.

The reality is that perhaps even with all the training in the world, your paces might never match. Putting that expectation before any of you got on bikes in the first place might be a great excuse to re-evaluate the entire ride.
To make her feel better, maybe tell her how amazing it would be if she was your personal support crew on the ride. That way she's involved, helping, there at the start and finish, and she's not hating every minute of the ride.

Wow, I am so impressed by all of your creativity and thoughtfulness.

A large part of it is the bike. She is riding a very upright comfort type bike, whereas we are both riding road bikes. I have offered to let her use one of my bikes but she has not taken me up on that offer. I spoke to her yesterday and she said that she is buying a bike this weekend and is committed to training on her own. I question the wisdom of buying a bike when she hates cycling, but . . .

I spoke with my other training partner today. As we are doing a metric century in 5 weeks (my reluctant riding friend is not doing this ride), we need to build up our distance. Before each ride we will let rr(reluctant rider) know if it is a training ride (what our speed and distance will be) or if it is a recovery ride. She can decide if she wants to join in. The problem is that we are doing a lot of indoor training as she weather is cold and the nights are dark, so we often just do one or two rides on the road each week. Sometimes not even that if the ground is covered with snow or if it is pouring rain (we live in the Pacific Nw).

I like the idea of a weekend ride that is more relaxed. Unfortunately, as we are all mothers of young kids, the century ride in July is really our only chance to get away without our kids.

She told me yesterday, that her husband (who is an avid cyclist) is furious with me and our other cycling friend. He said that we are not following cycling etiquette and we that we must never drop the slowest rider. We do get far ahead of her, but we usually stop every 10-15 minutes to let her catch up. When she catches up she often says something like "slow and steady wins the race". She almost never appears out of breath or as though she is pushing herself.

Anyway, our friendship was not founded on cycling. Our husbands all ride together and they have been urging us for years to take it up. I really just want to go out and enjoy my rides.

Andie

Maybe for longer rides that she can't complete yet, you two start early and then meet her for the last third or so? Hopefully then your being more tired combined with her being fresh would help keep you guys together.

I think her husband needs to understand that if she insists on riding the comfort bike and not training during the week she is somewhat resigning herself to not keeping up. She may never be as fast or strong as you guys, but she's not even meeting you halfway.

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Originally Posted by Muirenn

Furious, huh?

Tell her husband to help her train if he is such an avid cyclist.

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Ha! +1 :D

Wow, I just read this thread for the first time and it's been a while since the last post. I'm really curious how this saga is playing out!

I can feel for both you and your reluctant friend ... but mostly for you. I'm wondering if she got the new bike and if she likes it and if it maybe motivated her to train more. Before you said she was getting a new bike, I agreed with the post that said she'd never finish the century. If she's only riding once a week on a comfort bike ... and not already strong from any other form of exercise, that would be a large feat to accomplish even for someone who really WANTED to do it.

If time is an issue, she can get some good training in in a short period of time. She can do a 30 minute ride with some intervals, for one.

As for you, you have already gotten a lot of advice on how to do your weekly ride with her and still challenge yourself. The century itself is what I'm thinking more about. After all these months of training, you're going to want to do your best century possible, which you won't be able to do at her pace. Here's what I'm thinking. First of all, there's still a lot of time between now and July, so things could change drastically. She could get her act together and actually get close to your level, things could stay pretty much the same and she could ride much slower than you ... or she could just give up and decide not to do it. (I'm thinking the longer the "long rides" get ... the more likely she may decide this is not for her.) At any rate, if I were in your shoes, I would be prepared that she is going to do the century and she is going to do it slow. I would ride with her for the sake of the friendship. BUT ... I would SO plan another century shortly after it, and THAT can be you and your other friend's big goal to do at your pace. The century you do with your reluctant friend can be a training ride for your "real century". ;)

And then once this century with the reluctant rider is over, you have no more obligation, other than if you choose to ride with her once a week and employ one of the many training tactics you can do when riding with a slower rider. My husband usually rides his mountain bike when he rides with me (and a lot of other people, actually, cause he's just way too strong!). Other things he does, especially if on his road bike, is he will ride in a slower cadence, get out of the saddle and stand for long periods of time, burst up the hills and wait at the top, and, of course, he does all the pulling. However, there are days when he is tired from a hard effort the day before ... or several days in a row, and especially if he's on his mountain bike, I can actually ride a little stronger than him ... particularly if he's in recovery mode and I'm in fast paced mode.

Maybe you can switch bikes with your friend when you ride together! You ride the heavier "comfy" bike and she can ride your road bike! Haha!

Another thought I had about your friend, if her husband seriously wants to support her riding, they might consider a tandem. Then she'd be right there with him and anyone else that can go the pace the two of them together can go (at least your pace, if not faster, I would imagine ... depending on how strong he is). That's how my husband got me into cycling. We got a road tandem and eventually I was ready for my own bike. We no longer have the tandem, but just tonight he was bringing up the idea of getting one again, cause he misses riding together more.

Well, I'm really curious how this thing plays out, so do keep us posted. We can call your soap opera "As the Wheel Spins"! :D

I think it's time to splurge on a babysit for all your kids and go on a group ride with all the husbands - RR's husband can be sweeper and never drop her.

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Originally Posted by Muirenn

Furious, huh?

Tell her husband to help her train if he is such an avid cyclist.

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no kidding!