And I forgot to mention that when they are older you might have a new training partner! Lots of folks show up for club rides with a kid on the back f a tandem, and I've had friends that toured with kids and double tandems.
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And I forgot to mention that when they are older you might have a new training partner! Lots of folks show up for club rides with a kid on the back f a tandem, and I've had friends that toured with kids and double tandems.
This speaks volumes.Quote:
Originally Posted by eheckscher
I am not one of those people who likes other people's babies either. But mine were mine. And I Knew that they were my responsibility from day one, and until they were able to do for themselves, I made many sacrifices for them. It was a no brainer. You can't do kids justice if you're not there for them.
I had daycare, I had to go back to work when they were 3 months old, both of them. And I didn't brag about their bowel movements, you're missing the point on that. You should fall in love with your children, and then their achievements will become very important.
If you're feeling resentments you're not ready. When we had kids, i too was clueless. TOTALLY clueless, but just like a mamma cat, i figured it out quick.
We got high once when my first son was about a year old. What a disaster that was. you just can't be a good mom and be half-conscious. That was a learning experience, and I never did it again.
Your children are only small for a very short time. Then they grow up. How do you want to raise them? Do you remember how it was for you? (I sure did, and I planned on not repeating history). I have spoken to some who have regretted the lack of attention they gave to their children. No one has ever regretted (to me) the real-time they gave to their children, when their children were children.
I don't think still riding necesarrily means you give your children a lack of attention. I know for me the hour a day I got to go spinning was a life saver, a little time for myself, after all I was on call 23hrs of the day and it meant that I was a whole lot happier about those 23 hrs.
Forgot to mention before, lots of people use those trailer things but I HATE going uphill with them, they kind of pull back on you in a chuggy way. Really irritated me, but maybe it was just the one we borrowed. Now bought a Britax Jockey seat and am very happy with it. Works once the baby reaches 9 kilos, she's got her little helmet and away we go. More than about 2 hrs is out of the question, but it's better than nothing.
Hiking is great particularly when they're tiny. The back packs only work once they can sit alone (around 6 months) but try a sling like one of these http://www.hoppediz.de/EN/index.htm
get one anyway, keeps babies much happier than pushchairs!
You can manage to exercise and have kids but you just need to plan a little and be flexible (take each day as it comes). I did not cycle when my children were super little but I did swim. The pool near our house opened at five so I would get up and be at the pool when it opened and swim for an hour. This way I was back before my husband left for work.
I love being a Mum but before I had kids you would not have said I was a kid person. People I knew were shocked when I said I was pregnant they told me hey I didnt even know you liked kids, but here I am three kids later and loving it. You learn to be adaptable and if you get to ride thats great and if somedays you cant well you learn not to knock yourself up about it.
I have been cursed and blessed in the husband department. Cursed because he goes away a lot and that makes getting out for a ride even harder and blessed because when he is here he volunteers to look after the boys so I can go to rides that are not always close to home.
Children change your life that is sure but for me it was a change to a fuller richer and sometimes a tad crazier life.:D
Main advice about children: It is *biology*; so make sure the other half is going to maximise your genetic potential. Every sentient female biological entity on the planet goes for the male that looks the best of the herd, flock, bunch.
Don't get too far ahead of yourself. Wait and listen.
All the time we women are changing and developing new interests and deepening existing ones and adjusting the balances and prolortions.In pregnancy ditto but squared!
As you progress in the pregnancy and give birth (safely and in good time) and in the following years (till you die, basically); you will find your body and mind and heart will tell you what and how much you want to do with your child(ren). What choices, sacrifices and compromises you will make you will make in Real Time, hopefully in consultation with Baby's father.
You may find yourself surprised how it all turns out (I did). In a good way.
Health and happiness to you in this Adventure of adventures
I think it's a bit harsh to presume that just because someone fully grasps the gravity of what mothering entails that this means they are too selfish to be a parent. Plenty of other folks just launch right into it and only find out when it's too late that it has completely taken over their life.
Calling childrearing a burden is calling a spade a spade. The key point is that the burden should be worth it to the people who are carrying it. Also, it should be shared between both parents in a way that is acceptable to both parties.
One of my sisters is a SAHM with 6 chilluns and a husband who travels a lot and brings home lots of bacon. She is quite content with shouldering 95% of the childrearing load. For my personality, I know that being in a situation like hers would cause me to feel resentful and depressed. I'd probably gnaw my own arm off to escape a situation like hers! :rolleyes:
Until I get to a stage in life with a partner that is willing to divvy up this burden in a way that works well for both of us, I won't consider intentionally conceiving and bearing children.
Wow, there have been some splendid replies to your post already.
I do understand your humour, yet do sense uncertainty. There is nothing wrong with being uncertain. it is best to question just how badly do you and your DH want a child. To examine whether or not you both are prepared to change/adjust to accomodate a new baby.
I was not a biker when I became pregnant with my first child, however I did enjoy many other activities. I was not permitted to exercise during my pregnancies, sometimes things just do not work out as planned. That being said, I was more concerned about my growing child than I was about my previous activities. 2nd pregnancy I spent in hospital the entire time. My only concerns were my 1 year old and keeping my twins alive inside me. Once my children were born, there was not a lot of "me" time, but looking back, I did not think a thing of it. My baby (then babies) came first and foremost. There is a bond that is very difficult to put into words. When my twins were born I had two premature babies and a 2 year old. I spent all my time in hospital. When they were able to come home we were not allowed to expose them to too my germs. Very long story shortened, the first 4 years as a mother, I focused mainly on that, being the best mum I could be. My children are now young teens and I am out cycling, running, swimming, yet I still cannot just take off on an all day ride unless the boys come along.
I plan to run some marathons and participate in some centuries this coming summer, the boys will need to be there. I cannot/will not travel and leave them home to their own devices, they are not old enough.
Having children does impact life. For the worse? Absolutely not! Having children just changes priorities and availability.
Many cycle/spin/run through their pregnancy. I am not qualified to give advice on this, though I do know there are several threads on exercising throughout pregnancy.
Please give each response careful thought. Children are wonderful indeed, but your life will change.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bikingmomof3
Boy, you said it in a nutshell. For me, it was a total transformation from "all about me" to becoming a mother bear..
:D
Yeah, although I would say *AND* (not but) your life will change.Quote:
Originally Posted by Bikingmomof3
All sorts of things "change your life" (partner(s), jobs, money or lack of, health or illness.
And a lot of those things we don't (or can't) examine all the pro's, con's and implications beforehand.
But we go through them and move (limp, stagger,blunder,meander) on to a New Normal in an equally Meaningful Life.
I have found myself drinking myself senseless a few times a year with being a mother; but I would be finding myself drinking myself senseless a few times a year whatever. (Substitute your own poison/self destructive activity).
I totally understood your humor. I have been a mother for 22 years and still talk like that sometimes--and my well adjusted grown son smiles when I refer to him as "that PITA" - he knows he has always been the center of my world.
As someone else said, even if you are clueless at the onset, like a mother cat, you figure it out. Having a child was the best and most important thing I ever did. If I was the regretting type, I would only regret not having more.
That said, it is a huge adjustment. I was a 23 year old nationally ranked equestrian when I had my son, and it took many sacrifices of my career to raise him. I would do it all over again in spades.
As far as finding time for myself (I was a stay at home mom.) I found another rider with a child the same age, and traded riding time. She watched mine and I watched hers while the other rode. Also important is finding time to be alone and letting dad spend time alone with the kiddo. I had a standing date with a girlfriend to ride every wednesday evening in the summer, and dad fed, bathed and put to bed. It was a good time for all.
Take the time to be alone with your husband also. By all means, hire a sitter and get out biking together. You may have to hike more at certain stages of development--the front packs are great for awhile, then switch to the backpack, then the bike trailer, then a good stroller, then put on your roller skates and try to keep up!!
I hauled my child all over with me--he went to his first endurance ride (camping and all day outside in the woods) when he was three weeks old. I handed my horse off to the sitter and nursed him at the vet checks! He teethed on a stethoscope while laying in a blanket in a wheelbarrow while I did chores, and still he grew up knowing how to entertain himself, self confident and socially adept.
If you are considering a child, by all means, do it, and cherish it--there is no love deeper- it is an interesting twist to life when it happens. I am only 46, but looking forward to grandbabies someday.
Laura
Wow! Babies do stir up a lot of emotion. I hope i haven't offended anyone and thank EVERYONE for sharing their thoughts.
I am in my early thirties and do feel the clock ticking and i can't bear the thought of growing old without offspring around me. Funnily enough I look forward to the 9 months of pregnancy because I'm fascinated by the magic of creating a new life (boy, am i in for a shock!)
Being tied to the house with screaming babies does scare me, but i do appreciate that the first nine months will only serve to create the bond that will help me get through those sleepless nights.
i do worry about the resentment at hubbie and others going out without me, but I think now I can see that it's only a temporary situation - a change like all changes in life (as one of you so brilliantly put it). We will just have to find new ways of having adventures. I look forward to introducing one or more new humans to the pleasures of an active life...
Meanwhile, we are planning Scotland, Alps and Pyrenees next year - all before I get pregnant!!! I should be sick of biking by then ;)
Also, I guess it may simply never happen - shouldn't complain about my chicks before they've even hatched.
Em
You won't be tied to the house! There are all kinds of contraptions for hauling your kid around...I know, I've used them all! I took my kid EVERYWHERE with me (kinda had to, I've always been a single mom) and I wouldn't change a thing. Exposing him to so many different experiences from a young age really fostered his sense of adventure!
I got your humor too.
Regarding the whole interest in peas thing, I think its like dogs. (Yes, I'm one of those annoying non-mothers who can always draw a comparison between children and dogs). I have friends, maybe two, that don't really care for dogs. I know this, and I know that they are bored if I start talking about my dogs, so I don't it. I save my dog talk for all of my other friends who have dogs and/or love dogs and they get excited when I tell them about a cute new habit one of my girls developed, or they are genuinely concerned if one of my pooches is sick. The point is to share the things that are important to you with other people who find the same things important.
DH and I are in the planning stages for getting pregnant next year. Before we seriously started talking about it, I already began planning for centuries and long rides next year. Now I realize that if all goes well on the conceiving front, I won't be able to do those things next year. But I will likely get to do them the following year, its a small price to pay for starting a family. As far as rides when we have a baby, DH and I plan to take turns babysitting while the other one rides (I'm not going to be the one always left behind holding the baby, I need play time too). I imagine we can find a friend or neighbor to watch the little one for a few hours if we both want to go out. And what about sitting swaps? I know when I was little my mom belonged to a sitting exchange group with other moms where they traded hours of babysitting, I'm assuming this sort of thing still goes on. I've already been scoping out mommy groups and hope to form a new social and support network as a mother. Once you become a mother, you'll meet other mothers with similar issues and they may have more solutions you haven't thought of yet. If riding is really important to you, you'll find a way to make it work. Good luck in trying, and I'm so sorry to hear about your mc.
I don't think you offended anyone. I am glad to know that you were being humorous, but even if you weren't, everyone is entitled to their own feelings and opinions.
I bet you won't be as tied down to the house as you think you might. It's amazing the things they have now days to be able to accomdate everyone's hobbies and still have children. Who knows what neat new thing they might have by the time you have a child.
I do get your humor now that I know you were being that way. I call mine a brat all the time and he knows I say it with all the love in my heart. I never say it except in humor. Guess that makes the difference. Hope I haven't scarred him for life. :eek: