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Dear Snow Plow Driver,
I know you're really busy and probably exhausted but could you PLEASE stop piling all the snow from the street into the parking space next to my truck...I can't even get to the door to move it out of the way. :(
Frozenly yours,
Queen
Dear staff of our employee services (human resources) department:
When I told you in June last year that my husband had quit his job and no longer had any benefits, I can understand that it was up to me to change my flex benefits plan online. I did that as soon as his coverage was over.
However, when I told you that he didn't have coverage anymore, you could have automatically made the change in my extended medical coverage so that when he went to pick up the first prescription he needed the coverage would have been in place.
And when it wasn't, several months ago, and I asked you to make that change which I thought you would have done automatically, did it not occur to you to check to see if you had changed my medical coverage?
Funny thing is, those medical guys send bills that are not allowed to be forwarded so that now, 8 months later, the bill is a warning that we'll be sent to a collection agency for monies that my employment contract say that you should be paying.
When I told you that he had quit his job and had no coverage, what did you think I meant?
No hugs or butterflies for you ladies, but I sure hope you can figure out a system so that nobody else has to deal with this!
~T~
Dear overweight fitness center attendant,
Perhaps, if you place a covered bike rack out side of your fitness center, I would not ask you to move some of the old wrestling mats and boxing bags that lie at every hallway exit blocking the doors, because you will not allow me to bring my bike inside because, it is unsecured personal property and oh a "fire hazard" in the corner, that all 6 people who are in the gym might run for the same door; then I would happily lock my bike up outside and I might use your facility more and you won't have to cut your hours for lack of use. Oh, Then you wouldn't suggest driving my car like you do" who is 50 lbs overweight". But, guess it is not worth argueing over.
Dear Biker Goddess/Powers That Be/God/Lucky Leprechan/Whoever can help the hopeless:
Pleaseeeeeeee don't let me flunk out of cycling class this weekend - please grant me the natural skills needed and confidence to know I have them so that I might pass the course with flying colors and get my learners permit and ultimately my mororcycle license so I don't have to ride b***h anymore and make my DH proud.
(I'll ask for guidance to a really cool bike once the above is obtained and I have proven to be a competent rider). :)
thank you.
Pic of a really cool bike below
oh, QUEEN, I AM JEALOUS!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Queen
Dear Cash Posting Unit:
I submit electronic payment files daily, and provide you with a complete report to reconcile these payments, again, daily. Why do you wait two months to inform me that you are missing something? Do you think I just pull these things out of my a$$?
Dear clients,
Please, just wait ONE day between when you're *going* to complain about not getting your 1099s and when you actually *do* complain. *I* do not send them out. My *manager* does not send them out. They are sent from Kansas. I am unbelievably sick of you people freaking out that you're not getting your damm 1099s only to call back the next day to inform me that oh, yes, you just got it, after I just went through a boatload of crap with our home office to get you a 2nd copy. IT MAKES ARYN GRR SMASHY. It makes her want to *backhand* you. ESPECIALLY when you KNOW you're the umpteenth person to call on it *that day* and then are totally half-@ssed about your appology. Either apologize or don't. If you don't, I don't care. Just a business transaction. When you do, it restores my faith in humanity. BUT when you do, insincerely, it makes me want to shred your documents, put them in a pretty envelope and send them to you that way. Jerks.
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Cheers,
~Aryn L. Fox
Primary Accounts Administrator
Blah Blah Youcaretoomuchaboutmoney Inc.
Dear Physical Therapy People:
Last week you told me I am going to need a new left hip in the very near future. Today my elderly mother comes to take me in for my PT, because she has a dream that one day I will no longer be handicapped. WELL, THE LEAST YOU COULD DO WOULD BE TO PUT DOWN SOME GD ROCK SALT ON THE ICE WE GOT. What do you want me to get my new hip sooner than later:mad:
AND, I feel like my complaint fell on deaf ears...I hope someone sues your pants off!!!!!!!
disgruntled handicapped person
Dear Women's Clothing Designers:
Please remember that the baby boomers don't have ultra flat stomachs and don't really like to have pants, short, skirts hit their tummies right at the largest part. I'm tired of wearing my panty hose up around my waist and then having my pants ride down below that. Grrrrrrrr.....
Dear Gods and Goddesses of Patience,
Please give me some.
Knot
ditto what knot said, and please give me the strength to do what needs to be done.Quote:
Originally Posted by KnottedYet
Dear dorky male rider by Murdoch uni this afternoon,
TAKE YOUR IPOD OFF...I shouldn't have to swear at people & yell "rider" 3 times before you hear me!!!!! If i wanted to bike 10km/hr I'd go behind you..
STAY TO THE LEFT...
FREAK.
Thank you & don't have a nice day :mad:
c
Dear Giant-Department-Store Clerk,
Please understand that the first time I said I didn't want a bag for my purchase (a single t-shirt), I meant that I did not want a bag.
Please understand that the second time I said I didn't want a bag... even though you laughed and said I would look silly walking across the parking lot without a bag... I meant that I did NOT want a bag.
Please understand that the reason I left the bag on the chair just inside the door, even though I knew you (and two other clerks) were staring at me in disbelief was that I DID NOT WANT A BAG!
Geesh.
Dear little sister-
I can't tell you, without sounding like a total sap, how proud I am that you're coming into your own and being a strong young woman, making good decisions and doing well in school.
Keep being who you are, and you'll find someone proper to spend SAABJ Day with someone who is deserving and will appreciate you for the kickazz, savvy mechanic chick you are.
I'll have to let the little things suffice, posting pics of us as kids- remember how hot those polyester softball uniforms were??!- and sending you notes now and again. As embarrassed as I was that you tackled me when I came off the plane in WI, I wouldn't trade that experience for anything in the world. The airport security all took a collective sh!t because of you. :D They needed it. I needed it, too.
Thank you for telling our parents that it was okay with you that I had a girlfriend when I first had a human companion to go along with my feelings. I think it made all the difference in their reaction.
You don't always need to be so dark, you have a pretty smile- You don't need to be so quiet, you always have interesting things to say. You don't need to laugh off your close connections to the past- you have been, in many ways, the closest tie I've ever had to memories that get folded under the turbulence of everyday life.
They say you can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses... ...no. no, that wasn't it. You can't pick your family? Something like that. Anyway, I'd pick you anyway. I would maybe even pick your nose.
Loveya, sis. Have fun laughing at the guys who weren't good enough to spend SAABJ day with you this year.
~Aryn
Dear Supermarket bagger of highschool age
I know it is really hard to understand, but the reason I arrived with my stuff in the brown paper bag was so that I didn't have to take a plastic bag.
When I then explained to you that I wanted it all in 1 bag, so you emptied my brown bag and one of the plastic bags and stuck it all in one plastic bag, except for my parsnips which did not make it into ANY bag. So when I was driving out and you stopped me, thanks for giving me the parsnips in the second plastic bag...
(pulling out hair now)
don't they get it??
Nope. And they don't get it when I say "paper, no plastic" either, and pull the paper bag out of the plast and put the plastic bag on the counter.Quote:
Originally Posted by mimitabby
Nor does anyone understand why I don't want one large item (a dozen toilet paper rolls, say) in one bag.
They DO seem to get it when you hand them a non-disposable bag (like the kind Whole Foods sells).
Then again, they're getting paid to work as fast as possible, and making a decision about number of bags for every customer would slow that down.
dear adopted little sister,Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitsune06
i agree with our other sister.
:)
Dear Bald Eagles,
You've been flying over my head since the morning, as I was coming back from the pool, and once of you even graced me with two passages right in front of my room's window as I getting ready this morning. You followed me on my way to the office, and when I was having lunch outside to enjoy the warm sun you were still high up there. It's funny to see the pigeons and blackbirds try to fly like you, but never attaining your high beauty and, I must say, efficiency. You were still there when I walked back to my office. I'm having a very poor day at school, because just when I need to be most productive at writing I have all sorts of people coming to share their problems with me. But you make my spirit soar. Please be there when I walk out of my office tonight, I'll go out just before dark so it should be pretty for you as for me. If you would like to drop by my office window you're welcome too but I know I'm on ground level and that's just not the sort of thing you do.
Thanks...
Dear Gods and Goddesses of Patience,
Maybe you didn't notice me the first time, cuz I was so brief and to the point? Please, send me a little? Actually, right now I could use a little perspective, too.
And as long as we're at it, why do I feel like I'm having a midlife crisis? Haven't I been having these since I was 13? And what's with the hot flashes AND acne AND gray hair AND raging adolescent-style hormones? And lets not forget the incipient moustache and Andy Rooney eyebrows. If this combination weren't so darn funny, I think I'd be crying right now.
If I can't have patience and perspective and a peaceful mid-life crisis, can I at least have another bottle of wine?
Sincerely yours,
Knot
Dear Gods and Goddesses of Patience,
Please support Knot
Dear Gods and Goddesses of Perspective
Please support Knot
Dear PNW vinyards,
Please support Knot
Dear Knot
*hug*
~aryn
Dear Police Sergeant F...,
Yes, I did give that 16 year old sex offender a chilly reception at the high school kiosk, but I did not refuse to sell him a sandwich, nor did I call him a sex maniac or a pervert as he cited in the complaint he laid against me. He arrived with a provocative expression on his face and smugly said that he did not want to buy anything and what had he done to deserve such a cool reception? To which I replied "Ask all those little girls"
Did it not strike you as a little bit upside down as you opened a brand new one page file in my name and slipped a copy of his complaint against me into an already bulging carton of documentation?
Did you go home that night and say to your wife "Funny old world we live in, isn't it?"
Dear great frame maker in the sky
Is there a frame for me? Am I wasting precious time and money worrying about it? and while I'm at it, will the (insert expletive here) on the east coast refund my money today?
Part of me wants to forget the whole thing; give the parts I already bought to DH and just keep on riding my perfectly lovable Bianchi.
I realize that so many people have much bigger problems, heck this doesn't even qualify as a problem! But it has vexed me.
To my credit, when I woke up last night and started worrying (and couldn't go back to sleep) It was my son that I was worrying about, not whether or not
I was ever going to find THE bike. But hey, this is a bike forum, right?
Mimi
Dear weatherman, When can I expect a perfect weekend? All I ask for are two consecutive days with blue skies, sunshine, and mid 70 degree weather. Hey, I have an event coming up in less than 4 weeks and I don't know if I will be ready to do the long leg of it because you have been so uncooperative.
and Dear Trainer, thanks for pushing me when I say, "I just can't do another squat!" and you reply, "You're stronger than you think." And I discover I AM!!!!!! Then you say, "Ok I want at least 30 minutes on the treadmill after our weight session!" Groan . . . :(
Dear Toddler Son,Quote:
Originally Posted by KnottedYet
Stop playing with Mommy's "beard." Mommy has a chin. Daddy has a beard. She hasn't had time to wax this week because she's been cleaning her bike, reading board books, playing with playdough and cleaning the house.
Dear Knotted,
Do you think they give group electrolysis discounts? ;)
(And don't tell anyone, but the Australian box wines aren't that bad and you get four bottles for the price of one.)
They don't get it when I don't put my produce in those little clear plastic baggies. I'm perfectly fine with gathering all my tomatoes and apples in my hand and ringing them separately (not snap beans, though, that would be ridiculous). It's also why I use the self-check, so no one has to be inconvenienced (and I can bag my groceries according to where they go in the kitchen). Is that anal?Quote:
Nope. And they don't get it when I say "paper, no plastic" either, and pull the paper bag out of the plast and put the plastic bag on the counter.
Karen
Karen
all I can say is ME TOO!
You are not alone, and I am comforted by the fact that I am not the only person that does this!
Mimi
Dear flubug,
Why do you have to come and infect me? What did I do to deserve this horrible bug and why during spring break and when the weather is absolutely perfect? I can't go to work, go to the beach, focus on my homework, and worst of all, ride my bike!
Please leave me alone, or at least let me hold down some liquid and crackers and let me sleep at least for 4 hours. Please doctor, help me try to hold some liquid down or at least stop throwing up. It's been 3 days and I just want to go back to normal.
Dear Australia Post & US Postal Service,Australian Customs & quarantine service
Have you seen the package RM sent me??? I know she didn't put the honey stingers :eek: in so i'm not in trouble for that :)
People don't send packages just to have thier respective country's postal service lose the item!:mad:
Curious in Australia (& Arizona)
C
Dear one department doesn't have an idea of what the other is doing, has done or should be doing!
Thank you for screwing around long enough that I've gone since Thanksgiving with a herniated disc, not being able to watch my grandchildren, ride my bike or have much of a freaking life. I haven't seen my two grandsons since Christmas
Thank you for not knowing when my PCP made the referral for Neurosurgery that I ALREADY HAD my MRI just days before! Thank you for not letting Neuro know that I'd had my MRI so they didn't even MAKE my appointment after much questioning until mid February for APRIL 11!! Thanks Neurosurgery department for NOT returning my phone calls for MONTHS!
Thanks to all of you MORONS I have gone from sciatic pain in one leg and lower back pain with a bit of slowing down to me having to dig out my cane to walk to now me having EXTREME difficulty walking some days due to the fact I now have near excruciating pain in BOTH legs now and after spending nearly 12 hours at the freaking hospital with both my husband's appointment as well as waiting 4 hours for MY OWN, that I was hurting so bad and having so much difficulty walking that you suggested the possibility of USING A WALKER to get around better!!!! Thanks for taking me from a 46 year old grandmother who was active, riding 3500+ road miles last year, having a blast with my grandsons and getting healthier every day I was on the bike to a 46 year old near invalid that you're suggesting a FREAKING WALKER to in just a matter of a few months!!!!!
When I get seen Monday, (after MUCH squawking when the second leg got bad) Please make a wise decision and if there is any chance I need surgery don't screw around until I'm PARALYZED!!!! I WANT MY LIFE BACK!!
I'm losing my mind, I'm losing what few friends I have and I've lost nearly all of the fitness I had.
Oh, poor Mary!!!!!!!!! :( :( :( :(
(((((((((((((((((((((HUGHUGHUG)))))))))))))))))))))
I'm so sorry to hear you are going through all this hassle. I deal with this sort of thing everyday and far too often people get shuffled around and fall through the cracks.
I'll be sending out good thoughts, hoping that the powers that be get off their azzes and take care of this.
thanks, I've been so frustrated that I've just wanted to take that bloody cane and beat some sense into some people. :mad: :(
Mary..I say take that cane to the hospital & threaten them with it..:mad: :eek: UGH...i sure hope you're taken care of soon.
Dear Self,
When giving someone my address, please give the right one..I now have a clue where my package went...:o Now all i have to do is figure out how to find it...:(
ARRHGHGHGHHGHGHGHGHGHGG...*sniff*..*sniff*...bwaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
C
CC, you are SO funny.
Quote:
Originally Posted by crazycanuck
Dear Committee in Charge of Life Stressors,
All of the seats in my StressMobile are FULL. Please do not send any more stressors because they will have to wait on the corner in the rain for the next StressMobile to come along. In fact, if you would please allow some of them to get off the bus soon, I'd appreciate it. Thank you so much.
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Mary}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
This will be resolved and you will get your fitness, your grandsons and your life back!
Salsa, that's a good one. I'm just going to visualize the next stressor that comes along, and put it on the bus to nowhere.....what a delightful way to deal with them!
Hugs and butterflies to you both!
~T~
Dear Cedar Park USPS,
Where is my mail? You say you have my forwarding order and the carrier "swears" it is being forwarded, but it has been over a month since I saw one of those yellow tags. That piece of mail I keep asking about? Don't worry, I am going to call again Monday and remind you yet again that it has been 6 weeks and it is still not here! I don't care if I got the sender to resend the information, I do my job and you need to do yours.
Thank you,
Frustrated with your post office
Mary,
My heart goes out to you. How unbearably frustrating.
Go get what you need!!! And then get better and get back on the bike and back into the world.
OK Mary,
Now we are all ticked off. Tell 'em we are coming out, all of us, en mass, to deal with them. We've got your back on this one.
Sounds like some medical people need a butt whooping, and I know just the girls to do it.
I am so sorry you are going through this. Hang in there.
I do so like this imagery. I understand when the StressMobile is SRO and they're bulging out the windows too. I'd like to take that bus and push it off a cliff!Quote:
Originally Posted by salsabike
Thanks again everyone
(((((((((Mary))))))))))))
I am so sorry this must be such a horrible time for you. We are here for you. My continueed prayers that they will help you SOON and you will be able to resume your usual activities. *hugs*