(((((Pax)))))
Dear universe,
Lay off Pax and PaxHoney, if you don't mind.
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(((((Pax)))))
Dear universe,
Lay off Pax and PaxHoney, if you don't mind.
Oh Pax, so sorry to hear about all your troubles; and also Pax's honey and Mom. Sometimes, I wish all of us were a bit closer so we could react like real friends. It is hard to be separated by space.
Pax,
If, as the others already suggested, you have the option to take FMLA, I can tell you that it can be just what you need in these kinds of situations. I knew nothing about FMLA in 1997-8 but my employer at the time offered it to me after learning about my struggles at home. Back then I was constantly trying to stay one step ahead of my father's deteriorating health. My employer and I worked out a plan to work from home where I could keep my eye on my dad. I took no pay cut all the while on leave. Consider discussing options with your employer if your work is something you can do remotely from home. Today it's a lot easier and more accepted to work remotely. Perhaps you can ask for even part-time work from home, to alleviate your crisis.
If I can offer any advice at all, I urge you to please force yourself to dedicate some time daily solely for yourself. Even if that's just 10 minutes a day - this type of stress caring for a parent can be debilitating mentally and/or physically. If I didn't have my passion for distance running back then, I would have fallen deeply into depression (as it was, I was not in good shape emotionally). You need to give yourself some time to decompress from that kind of stress or it will take a toll on you. It's vital. If I can offer any advice at all, let me know. PM me.
Thank you everyone, I'm feeling a bit battered by life at the moment, your support and caring is a big help.
Thankfully my employer is very understanding and FMLA was offered immediately. I have no option to work from home but my honey and I are the sort who live far far below our means, so we can absorb the financial shock pretty well. I've been having to firm heart-to-heart conversations with my mom and that is painful, but it's helping. I don't want her to feel badly, but I also won't be treated like "the help" when I'm busting my butt to help her.
(((Pax)))) Hang in there, it has to get better.
Blueberry: Ick. Alternative, SCHMALTERNATIVE!
Pax, I would bring you guys the warmest most comforting casserole dinner if only I could. I am really sorry. You will get through to the other side of this.
Dear mother,
Yes, I know my knee hurts. I do have some idea what caused it, and it should be relatively easily rectified. (By a new bike--seriously, this is the cost-effective solution. Full 105 would cost me around $1300. New drivetrain and shifters would constitute a significant fraction of that. Owing to where I work, I can get a very significant discount on a full-carbon frame with Ultegra for around $1500.)
Telling me to just stop riding is not helpful. I'll just stick with new pedals and shoes right now, as the fitter suggested.
Owlie, ignore your mother. We can be annoying.
Seriously, I can't count how many medical professionals have told me this in the past 12 years, even ones who are cyclists. People can't see beyond their own solutions.
Dear Husband,
You really want to throw away our 9 year relationship (on our anniversary/my birthday!) and you don't even have a reason why? You couldn't even wait until my son whom you raised finished his senior year of High School? I gave you the best years of my life, and now I am middle aged and you are still a young man who can start over and have a new family. This is so painful and I have no one to lean on here and you know it. My heart is breaking. :(
Scrappy
{{{{Scrappy}}}} I wish I were closer to you. I am so sorry this has happened.
Thank you Catrin.. I need all the hugs I can get right now.. {{Sobs}}
(((((((Scrappy))))))) That just s*cks. I'm so sorry. If it doesn't make it hurt worse my saying so ... what an a-hole.
SO sorry, Scrappy. I can't believe anyone would do something so cruel to someone they supposedly love(d), on such a day in particular! Wish I were there to be a friend to you -- I could use one right now myself!
Virtual hugs to you...
(((Scrappy))). That's just awful. I'm truly sorry. Please know that your TE sisters are here for you.
(((Scrappy)))
What the--who does that?! That's terrible!
(((Scrappy))) again, because I can't think of anything else to say that doesn't contain interesting language.
{{{Scrappy}}}
this is probably the wrong thing to say, but, I hope you move on to anger soon, because just being mad at the jerk, and not sad, is what he deserves.
Thank You So MUCH ladies of TE. I am so sad right now. I can feel your collective hugs and I am just very grateful. My family is 1/2 a country away in WA state and all I want to do is hug someone and cry.. {sob}
(((((Scrappy))))) That just sucks, hope you find some peace soon.
Oh, how horrible! Horrible! (need more !'s) !!!!!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by Scrappy
That's probably the reason. His biological clock may have just gone off - and he now wants biologically related offspring. I've heard multiple such stories passed along in my circle of friends. There are guys who've been happy as a clam in child free long term relationships - who suddenly broke it off, and six months later are married and the new wife is already expecting.Quote:
Originally Posted by Scrappy
I am sorry, Scrappy.
He probably has a reason. It's just too awful to tell you.
What an ****ole.
I want to thank you all again for the outpouring of support. {{{{RECEIVING HUGS}}}}} So much time spent crying today, I didn't know that much emotion could be inside one human being. Muirenn, I'm so sorry that it happened like this to you too. It wouldn't surprise me if it was his biological clock. He is 7 yrs younger than I am and we met when he barely turned 22. I was turning 29 and by then I had already had a 8 year old and a hysterectomy. He swore that he never wanted kids, but I've seen him around little ones and they love him. He's 31 now and I'm 38.. he's in the prime of his life and Me, all I can do is bring home more fur babies, and that's just not the same.
Scrappy, take care. You are in your prime too.
Dear Awesome Son,
I hope the call from the helicopter school yesterday encouraging you to apply was the boost to your self confidence you have been needing. Hello, you are an awesome pilot, they want to hire you, get your application in today and prepare for the new chapter in your life. Your Mom
Quote:
Originally Posted by Scrappy
Scrappy, woman, you are still in your prime, even if technically, you're not able to 'bring home babies.' I have to say, if for no other reason than timing, it was a pretty Sh!tty way to tell you, though. Hold your head high and carry on (easy to say, hard to do, I know). Sending cyber hugs and support.
I'm so sorry. :(Quote:
Originally Posted by Scrappy
Dh here = dirtbag husband.
Yes! You are just reaching the best years!Quote:
Originally Posted by goldfinch
Scrappy, so sorry to hear about your troubles.
I know you are hurting, but I just want to provide a little bit of caution: please remember that anything that you put on the internet can be used in an eventual divorce.
Take care of yourself and your son. Best wishes to you both.
(((((Scrappy)))))
Hang in there lady. Unfortunately all I can offer are zen hugs.
And after reading Scrappy's post, my troubles that I was going to post don't seem quite so bothersome now.
Scrappy - wish we could join up, go for a nice fall walk, then enjoy a cuppa something together. Somestimes fresh air and sunshine with a friend helps ease things, even if just for a little bit.
{{{{{{Scrappy}}}}}} More hugs for you!
Dear Knee,
You've been really, really good all summer. Ok, so I went a full 7 days without a rest day...I am sorry. Please don't interfere with my going to the Hope Ride Saturday, I've been looking forward to this all year :cool:
Knees are silly.Quote:
Originally Posted by Catrin
((((((((Scrappy))))))))))
As someone who as gone through a divorce, I can understand to some degree though my circumstances were much different. But I want to tell you to feel what you need to feel, give into it fully and let it wash through. But always hold on to the truth that you will come out fine. It just takes time.
To all the different entities that make a sh!t ton of money off of Real Estate transactions...
What the h3ll!? I can't believe you feel entitled to the fees that you demand for filing paperwork. I know how hard my Real Estate agent is working to make things work out for me and she's earning her commission. But what about the leaches in the system?!! And it shouldn't take 2 hours to fill out my loan application!! I'm a perfect applicant for crying out loud! I've never defaulted on a loan, in fact I think I've only been late on 3 credit card payments in my entire life and those were for pretty good reasons. Yet I only have a good, not excellent credit rating? How is that possible?
And, I shouldn't have to sign a million pieces of paper to make things happen. Do I really have to sign a declaration that my loan officer explained the declarations to me?
The world has gone insane.
Scrappy,
I met the love of my life when i was 35 and he was 45. That was 15 years ago and I'm happier than I ever could have imagined. Keep looking forward. There is hope ahead.
I'm sorry to hear of this Scrappy and wonder what his reasons were for divorcing. There will be an advantage...when you are single and have ..older children. It's just easier...from a dating perspective.
Dear friends of the guy who used to put cigarettes out in my sister's legs and beat the cr*p out of me with belts,
If I'm crying, it's not from grief at losing him. If I'm shaking, it's not from suppressed sadness. It's not out of respect for him that I'll be at the funeral. And if I'm not interested in talking to you or knowing about your relationship with him - even if you never saw him abuse a child, think about all the times you heard him verbally abuse a work subordinate, a service person, or his wife - anyone in a position of inferior power to him, all the way through the last weeks of his life - and ask yourself why you thought that was acceptable.
((Oak)) It's powerful to see what you see and know what you know and then go ahead and feel what you feel.
((Scrappy)) Hang in there sweetie. I never believed it when I was younger, but my 40s and 50s (so far) just keep getting better and better.
I am sorry you have to go through this, Oak. Most people just don't get it on this particular topic. And most people don't do or say anything, either. My own MIL told me my DH must "have a psychological problem" because of the stuff he told me about his childhood. OK, and you watched your husband abuse 4 kids...
One thing I know for sure, is that kids don't lie about this stuff and from my perspective in the field, abuse/neglect of any kind is the root of about 75% of all mental health issues.
((((Oak)))). How awful. I so feel for you and your sister. We have a white elephant of child abuse in my own family. I'm sorry you've had to endure this.
Oakleaf, I am so sorry that you were faced with this. As Indy put it so well, my family also has that same white elephant (part of the reason I am so far from my family and rarely go home)...continuing to send many hugs and warm thoughts your way during this very hard time.
Yes, and this was part of the reason we moved 2800 miles away from DH's family.
And some people think we were cold about the fact that my FIL died a horrible death from Lewy Body Disease.