Dear So and So

Dear Limewave:

+ a million
My own children used to chastise me for coming to their baseball games, sitting apart from the other parents, and grading papers. I had to explain to them that I did it because I didn't want to get into one of the discussions like you had. Every conversation started and ended about teachers. I always wondered, gee who is talking about me right now?
One of my esteemed bosses had a favorite saying: "the deadliest place for a teacher is the soccer field on Saturday morning."

And, this is why when I go to school meetings now, I always preface it with "I was a teacher for 30 years," so they don't think I'm one of those therapists who only sees the good side of a kid for 1-2 hours a week.

Actually, soccer games Saturday morning are deadly places for parents too... I couldn't believe the amount of mean gossip and eye-rolling going on about the parents who weren't there, and why they weren't there, and how could they possibly not support their children... (like, for example, they have three other kids, work on weekends, have better things to do or just don't feel that their child's wellbeing depends on them watching them run around on a football field four times a week?)

It's amazing how many people feel the need to judge others harshly based on very little information.

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Originally Posted by Crankin

Dear Limewave:

+ a million
My own children used to chastise me for coming to their baseball games, sitting apart from the other parents, and grading papers. I had to explain to them that I did it because I didn't want to get into one of the discussions like you had. Every conversation started and ended about teachers. I always wondered, gee who is talking about me right now?
One of my esteemed bosses had a favorite saying: "the deadliest place for a teacher is the soccer field on Saturday morning."

And, this is why when I go to school meetings now, I always preface it with "I was a teacher for 30 years," so they don't think I'm one of those therapists who only sees the good side of a kid for 1-2 hours a week.

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I've taken to walking laps around the soccer field during practice. If DS is with me, I play with him on the playground or take him on little walks until DD is done. I purposefully separate myself. I don't like getting drawn into gossip. Its very easy to slip into that kind of talk.

These same parents got all uppity with me when I mentioned I was trying to organize a U8 pick-up soccer night at our house and trying to arrange carpool for soccer camp this summer. I was told I was a pushy, over-reaching soccer mom. I was ticked. DD asks me to play soccer with her, literally, EVERY night! She begs me to play with her and to have friends over to play soccer. But none of her friends want to play. I'm just trying to create opportunities for her. Sheesh!

No, they're the crazy soccer moms, in the stereotypical sense of the word. They probably haven't seen the outside of a gym for exercise, well ever.

LPH, that too. I was one they talked about :). I went to as few games as possible, and only attended a lot because my DH traveled then. These people are just insecure and living through their kids. The only thing I feel bad about is not going to more of my son's bike races. I wasn't into cycling until near the end of his racing career, and before that, I saw it as an intrusion into my weekends. I think he still hates me for some of that.
I have had the same experience at health clubs, with people talking about instructors. As a former one, I don't indulge in that talk and I feel badly. If I don't like someone, I don't go to his/her class.

Shefly, I am sorry for your loss. I hope this does not come across as insensitive because it is not meant to be....I have seen it many times where I work that often when the time is "near" the loved one is usually "waiting to let go" until they see their family members or friends. It is hard to explain via this post...but it is often very comforting for the person nearing the end and as you posted she did know you were there which I am 100% sure she loved and comforted her. She will always be with you. {{Hugs}}

Dear Bike Shorts and Bib Shorts,

You fit perfectly last year. I am the same weight as last year. Why are you suddenly fitting a bit loose? Please get with it and do your job! I am already putting 260 pounds on the squat machine - I know my thighs aren't getting smaller and I've already spent my 2012 bike clothes budget...

Thankfully I DO still have the pair of bib shorts I bought last year that were a bit small...

Dear Bike Gods: Teach me well this summer, before I keel off my bike cycling in the hot sun.

Dear Body: Please note that from last week on out through the summer, I am going to cycle 30+ per week and you could damn sure help me out on the scale since I am seriously overweight. OKAY?

Dear Boyfriend: Please stop worrying that I am going to be that 100 lbs super wiry and energetic cyclist lady we saw at breakfast last week (who you have now dubbed "crazy bike lady").

It'll never happen because yes, I like a challenge and yes I'm into getting fit but 1) I'm too lazy to be energetic about a 30 mile ride at 8 a.m. on a Saturday 2) my body type is curvy, not petite so I will never be wiry, nor 100 lbs. Lastly, dear boyfriend please don't hate me if I do get a little crazy about cycling. I kinda do like it.:rolleyes:

Thank You Very Much:D

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Originally Posted by lovelygamer

...... that 100 lbs super wiry and energetic cyclist lady we saw at breakfast last week (who you have now dubbed "crazy bike lady").

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hmmmm I resemble that remark..... interesting to know that make me a candidate for crazy

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Originally Posted by Eden

hmmmm I resemble that remark..... interesting to know that make me a candidate for crazy

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I didn't mean harm, that's just HIS opinion as a non-cyclist. I don't think anyone with a passion is crazy. Serious cyclist inspire me, even as a non-competitive person.

Crazy isn't necessarily bad, and to me anyway, it isn't a synonym for 'mentally ill.'

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Originally Posted by Eden

hmmmm I resemble that remark..... interesting to know that make me a candidate for crazy

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oh didn't you know that we are all in here for insanity not stupidty.

Eh, any one of us could be labeled "crazy" by non-cyclists. ;)

Also, boys are weird. I've heard a number of friends say that their boyfriends freaked out when they started exercising. "Noooo! I don't want you to be all muscley!" I don't know where it comes from, but it's silly.

My "regular" friends think I am "crazy." I just laugh. They could tolerate me going to the gym and even working there, but cycling? It was OK for my son and DH. When I started cycling, they thought I was nuts and putting myself at risk. Too hard and dangerous.
What guys think muscles are weird? Is this a younger generation thing? The old guys in my riding group like women with muscles....

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Originally Posted by Crankin

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What guys think muscles are weird? Is this a younger generation thing? The old guys in my riding group like women with muscles....

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Wasn't this also value in the late 19th- early 20th century? Once my grandmother got mechanized cooking, cleaning and laundry technology, she barely had to move anymore, and society saw that as a good thing.

So for the younger generation to flirt with it--I guess it is about time.

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Originally Posted by Owlie

Eh, any one of us could be labeled "crazy" by non-cyclists. ;)

Also, boys are weird. I've heard a number of friends say that their boyfriends freaked out when they started exercising. "Noooo! I don't want you to be all muscley!" I don't know where it comes from, but it's silly.

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Yep, my boy is one of those too. He likes girls that are curvy and soft. To each his own, as they say.

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Originally Posted by Crankin

My "regular" friends think I am "crazy." I just laugh. They could tolerate me going to the gym and even working there, but cycling? It was OK for my son and DH. When I started cycling, they thought I was nuts and putting myself at risk. Too hard and dangerous.
What guys think muscles are weird? Is this a younger generation thing? The old guys in my riding group like women with muscles....

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I don't see it as a generational thing or as something with historical roots (although maybe that explains it in some cultures). Rather, I think a lot of men, and people in general, are resistant to change, especially change that stands to highlight their own issues. How many people out there would prefer their partner remain overweight and out-of-shape because that enables them to stay the same way? I can also imagine that many men are threatened when their wives start getting in shape, for fear that they might leave or attract added attention from other men. I'm generalizing this to men, but I'm sure there are women who fear the same things.

I also think there are plenty of men--and women--who perceive muscular women to be less feminine. We at TE may realize the stupidity in such notions, but they persist regardless.

Even within healthy and evolved body attitudes, I think there's room for respectful differences of opinion. I prefer to look toned and lean, rather than really muscular. Not that I could achieve the latter, but I'm not after a bodybuilder's body for myself...but I respect the right of others to pursue the body they desire for themselves.

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Originally Posted by lovelygamer

Yep, my boy is one of those too. He likes girls that are curvy and soft. To each his own, as they say.

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DH likes me curvy and soft. Which is awesome. Part of me feels really "fat" when I line up next to the sinewy, lithe women at races. But DH is constantly affirming my physique . . .

Dear egomaniacal middle-aged man:

Thank you for reminding me of the importance of kindness and humility by being totally lacking in both in your role as “shepherd” on a training ride yesterday.

First you made fun of a lady who fell after getting tangled up in her clips, then you mocked my voice after I yelled out a safety call, then you rode behind me while talking loudly about “riding inefficiently, for example, THAT girl, who for some reason is in the SMALLEST front gear and pedaling too hard”, so that I had to turn around and say “excuse me, but are you talking about me? And why aren’t you offering to help me instead of talking about me to someone else?”.

You then refused to describe how to better utilize the gears, even after I explained that it was my 3rd time ever on a road bike and while I hadn’t mastered the terminology, we both knew I was referring to the left gear shift and how to better use it and I’d appreciate any advice you could give me, but you instead said things like, “LEFT and RIGHT are not terms that mean anything when talking about a bike – there are no LEFT and RIGHT gears – the aim is to ride EFFICIENTLY”.

Your role was to offer encouragement and support and you instead chose to humiliate and belittle. Next time at least wear a shirt that fits so no one has to look at your sweaty exposed lower back for 2 hours.

Hang in there, L-Bell! Thankfully, NOT all group rides are like that....

(and there are very good, knee protecting reasons that you might should be in your little front ring and upper range of the back cogs - most beginners ride in too hard a gear from the little bit I've observed) :)

Thank you, Blueberry... I don't know what's worse, his behavior or the fact that I let it get to me! I was actually having fun for the first 20 mi, relaxing and keeping the pace, not falling (my main goal), chatting with friendly strangers - then had to do the last 7 while trying not to cry. Oh well. Phooey on him.

Aw, that stinks, L-Bell. Try not to let it eat away at you. There are jerks everywhere. I let things like that bother me too, but I know intellectually they are NOT worth either of our life energies!

Good for you for getting out there and riding. You'll learn all the terminology in time. In the meantime, welcome to Team E, and the longer you hang out here, the more you'll learn. This is an incredibly supportive group of women, and we won't treat ya like that cycling snob, promise. :)

What a stupid, pretentious a$$hole, L-Bell! And probably not very much past newbiedom himself. The most expert people I know are usually the ones that are the best at gently rephrasing their advice, again and again, until they're understood.

I poke fun at my sailing friends who refuse to use the words right and left as soon as they step on board a boat (- I mean, what's best in an emergency, having your doofus non-sailing buddy swing the boat in the right direction, or keeping to the correct nautical terms and having a boom thwack you in the head?), and threaten to start using "drivetrainside" and "non-drivetrainside" on them :D

Goodness L-Bell, that sounds horrible. How is a person ever going to learn to group ride with someone teaching using that attitude? I would be so discouraged but try not to let him get to you. Your obviously willing to learn and be open. Hopefully he won't charge at you like that again.

Dear tidy bowl man,
Could you please design a toilet seat that automatically goes down on its own. Men find it far too difficult to do this small task on their own and we're sick of falling in the toilet.

http://adollablenursery.yolasite.com/
http://craftwhiz.blogspot.com/
http://trailerparksoap.blogspot.com/
http://scrawlbawl.blogspot.com/

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Originally Posted by L-Bell

Dear egomaniacal middle-aged man:

Thank you for reminding me of the importance of kindness and humility by being totally lacking in both in your role as “shepherd” on a training ride yesterday.

First you made fun of a lady who fell after getting tangled up in her clips, then you mocked my voice after I yelled out a safety call, then you rode behind me while talking loudly about “riding inefficiently, for example, THAT girl, who for some reason is in the SMALLEST front gear and pedaling too hard”, so that I had to turn around and say “excuse me, but are you talking about me? And why aren’t you offering to help me instead of talking about me to someone else?”.

You then refused to describe how to better utilize the gears, even after I explained that it was my 3rd time ever on a road bike and while I hadn’t mastered the terminology, we both knew I was referring to the left gear shift and how to better use it and I’d appreciate any advice you could give me, but you instead said things like, “LEFT and RIGHT are not terms that mean anything when talking about a bike – there are no LEFT and RIGHT gears – the aim is to ride EFFICIENTLY”.

Your role was to offer encouragement and support and you instead chose to humiliate and belittle. Next time at least wear a shirt that fits so no one has to look at your sweaty exposed lower back for 2 hours.

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What a tool!

A shirtless rider wouldn't have been allowed to ride with either of the 2 groups I ride with. That's just gross and dangerous, too (road rash, anyone?).

That guy sounds like every stereotype of a roadie that could be imagined. What an azzhole.

Ew! L-bell, you can find a better group ride.

Uuugh, what a ba$*@*d L-Bell, you can find a ride with a better leader than that... I would find that quite stressful myself and wouldn't be able to relax so I am glad you were able to enjoy part of the ride. His behavior was totally uncalled for. I've run across a couple of roadies like him, but only a couple.

Congratulations on your group ride and on getting out there with your lovely new bike!

Ugh L-Bell. What an a-hole.

Not only would I find another group ride, if this one is sponsored by a larger club, I'd report the leader. It's true there are a few clubs that are that way through and through, but most club leadership wouldn't find that kind of behavior acceptable.

Glad you were able to find some enjoyment in the ride anyway, and hope you find a better group to ride with soon.

Dear kooky companies that make massage chairs and equipment,

Secretly, I thank you for existing, especially after that lady in the massage place nearly punctured my skull and backbone with her fingers and elbows while trying to work out my muscle knots. Not only has your back massager cushion thingy has worked out all the knots in my back from my bike, it does not cost me 30 bucks a pop and I can have it rub out the knots as many times as I need to in a day so my back can relax. Also, you have been the reason for my insanely rapid recovery in these few weeks of training. If they don't sell your products overseas, I'm definitely buying a massage chair to bring with me when I migrate.

Dear student,

I am SO proud of the progress you've made in the last couple of weeks. Baby steps, but these are the steps you will take to fulfilling the amazing potential we all see in you.

Thanks so much for all of the encouraging words. Luckily, that was my last "mandatory" training ride for this upcoming 100-mile charity ride. (Being new, I had to complete 2). I'm doing the ride with a small team of GREAT people, so now I can relax and just ride with them on my own time to prepare. When I told my own team leader about it, she was horrified and said she had a similar experience on her 1st training ride with this group, and she was going to email the organizer ASAP to share my story.

Geesh. You really don't expect to be a victim of what I can only call bullying as an adult woman!

"Drivetrain-side" has been cracking me up, lph, as have many of the other dear so-and-so stories. This is the 1st time I've ever participated in an online forum - I'm more of a post-reader than a post-er (which I've been jokingly told makes me a "stalker"?) - but what a great place to get started. Looking FW to reading all the info I can and probably asking a few questions soon too.

Dear woman trying to sell a used sleeping bag,

I know it's a high-falutin' expensive down bag, and I know that it costs twice as much new as you're asking for it now. But you haven't been able to sell it for 2500 for 6 weeks, and couldn't even answer my two simple questions about it. So when I say politely that my budget is only up to 2000 and ask if you're willing to sell it for that, you COULD just say "sorry, no".

Instead of a snotty "Everybody tries to haggle. And I think it's worth 2500." Well, I think your karma just bit you on the butt, because I'm sure not buying from you.

PS. I got such a kick out of finding out that you're a Feng Shui consultant. Hmm, now what was all that about "positive energy flow"? :D

I never vent, but I feel like I could cry.

Dear Passive-Aggressive co-worker in the next cube.

It could be tourettes.
But more likely, it is just your personality and ill health.
White noise helps some, but not enough. You are driving me crazy.
Burp. Excuse me. Burp. Excuse me. Sigh. Sigh. Burp. Excuse me.
All. Day. Long.

You talk out of one side of your mouth to anyone who asks that you love your *new* job, and then you ***** about it all day long. You hated your old boss and you *LOVE* your new bosses yet you compare your new bosses to your old bosses under your breath.

I can't get any work done. Your burping, sighing, hacking up guk, complaining, muttering to self, humming and hemming is just - I'm going insane. Insane, I tell ya. I get to the end of the day and I rush out to listen to traffic and sirens. Anything. And then, to make things worse, I find myself doing this at home:

{little cough} "oh, excuse me."

Arrrgerereererrrrrgh!!!!

I guess it's time for the noise cancelling headphones.

Sincerely,

Near tears since you moved next door... :confused::mad:

Oh my, indigoiss. That sounds just awful. I spent a weekend with a friend of a friend once who burped constantly, sang random songs just barely under his breath, and generally exhibited a lot of nervous tics and behaviors. I almost went off the deep end before the weekend was over. He's a nice guy; just pretty strange. I can't imagine putting up with it every work day. Ugh.

Dear 61% of the voters in my state:

You suck. You really suck. I've never been this ashamed of where I live. Blergh.

Dear BIL:

We are moving in 10 days. I know we're a convenient pit stop on your drive, and I'm trying to accommodate you. I'm sorry that I asked you to bring a blanket and pillow because all of the extras are packed. And I'm sorry that all I can offer you is a futon. However, it would be really nice if you could tell me at least a few hours ahead of time whether you're planning to come, or whether it's too much trouble to stay with us since your 2 passengers might not leave room for said items. We do have a life, and I don't have time for it to be on hold for you all day tomorrow. You're too old for this cr@p. You do it every.single.time.

((Blueberry)) - sorry to read of the additional stress from the family. BTDT, hang in there.

Yikes Indigoiis, that isn't fun at all. Noise canceling headphones are great...I've found I can't hear my phone ring when they are turned on though - they work that well. I solved that by moving the phone where I can see the blinking light when it rings.

As for me, I am more than a little depressed. It/I will be fine, I just need to get out for some serious riding time in the next few days - it's just related to a couple of hard choices. A combination of bike endorphins and vitamin D will help :)

Catrin, are you doing OK?
I've never heard you say you're depressed before...

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Originally Posted by Crankin

Catrin, are you doing OK?
I've never heard you say you're depressed before...

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Yes I am, just dealing with the consequences of some choices I made that have come to a head. I used to have major problems with depression but not for a long time - and I know myself well enough to know this is "just" situational. Bike endorphins and sunshine will help. The details don't matter, but it helps to have a place where I can acknowledge it and keep moving forward as I do what I need to do. Amazing what a difference that makes.

((((((Catrin)))))) Hang in there, hope you get some good bike time soon.

Catrin, I feel for ya. Bike time will definitely help. And thanks for the suggestions!

I started using simplynoise.com yesterday after I posted that... and man, as dubious as I was, it really helps. I also moved my monitor to a different part of my desk so now I am facing the cube wall where cubemate is on the other side. I put a mirror above my monitor so that I can see people enter my cube. I hope it works. It seems to be working a little so far.

She swears a lot too. Loudly. That, I still hear.

But I feel kind of badly because I think she really does have Tourette's.

I wish she would get a bike. :o It would probably help her.