Thread Drift

Good luck Murieen, how exciting!

Pax,.so glad to read you are happily ensconced on the beach :)

Crankin, I doubt that I will ever be able to afford to retire. That is just the way it is. That being said, I've not had good experiences with volunteer work myself so I totally get what you are saying. I would like to do some volunteer work if I can find a good fit with my skills and interests, but that remains to be seen. I will likely just have a change of career at some point and cut my working hours.

Thank you, Catrin. I know I should keep my volunteer efforts bike related. And I also know that I am lucky to be able to work part time now. The thing is, if I wasn't married, I would have probably kept teaching and would have retired at 55, with a decent pension. It scares me to think how lost I might have been! Right now, I don't need to do more than I am doing, but if I cut down work more, I will. And frankly, to hear so many of you say you won't be able to retire makes me sad, because I know how hard everyone works. While it may not be a popular thing to say, money is power and freedom, too. It doesn't mean that people with more money are better, just that it gives one choices in life.

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Originally Posted by Muirenn

So true, and as a single person, I have even less freedom. Society is weighted towards families with kids. Whatever tax breaks and other incentives exist, they are not for single people with one income. Unfair, considering a married couple has far greater earning potential than I have, but they have only one set of living costs. (Unless you count number of bikes! ;)). I pay so much in taxes, and have zero help from anyone.

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Sometimes I wish there was a child-free tax incentive ;)

I don't disagree with you on this. The tax code was written for a different time!

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Originally Posted by Crankin

I guess what I am saying is that my career is heavily weighed toward peace/justice work, working with LBGT populations, trauma victims. So, I don't feel the need to volunteer in this area, as I would want to volunteer in doing something different. It's hard enough to to engage in good self care for my job, so I can be "there" for my clients; I've always been good at separating the different spheres of my life and I really don't want to add in volunteer work in this area. Perhaps you get treated better as a volunteer for a non profit social service agency than religious orgs or public schools. I seriously wish we could somehow just spend more money on these services so more professionals could work in these fields and they (especially public schools) would not have to depend so much on volunteers. I suspect people who work more in the corporate world would enjoy volunteering in this sector, because it's so different from their daily life.
This is my give back career. I chose to work in a community mental health clinic and not open a private practice, where I could easily make 5X what I make now. But, I have to admit, sometimes it pisses me off that my work is not valued. Most of my classmates who graduated with me in 2011 have opened their own practices, at least on a part time basis.
My experience has been that women volunteers are often taken advantage of. There's a huge pool of educated women around here, who don't work. They volunteer and a lot of it just ends up in judgmental in fighting. The paid workers directing them know they have a captive audience.
It comes down to the fact that I like being busy and my non-work life needs to be different from my work life. That's why I like leading rides. It's totally different from my work, but I can use skills I have. I don't feel put out by even the mundane parts of it and i can laugh about unprepared riders, etc. It doesn't feel like work. And any volunteer job I have needs to not feel like work. I haven't found anything else that meets that requirement.
I'm being honest. I am not perfect. I want to be happy when I work less, and so far, that has eluded me. I've spent my whole life in careers that focused on helping and I don't need to prove myself.

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There are definitely volunteer positions that suck and others that don't, for all sorts of reasons. Probably one of the biggest reasons is the people you interact with while you're volunteering.

Right now the only volunteering that I do is for the bike club, which is much more of a fun thing than a "contribute to society" thing. I'm also involved with one of the committees that support the condo association where I live. I did help out at a fundraising bike ride last September and will probably help them again this year. It's a big 2-day event to raise money for the cancer treatment centers at several local hospitals. Last year I helped with the breakdown of the ride finish location, doing things like folding and stacking chairs and tables, taking down tents and signs, stuff like that.

I agree that many volunteer positions are important enough that they should be paid jobs.

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Originally Posted by emily_in_nc

Pax: Congratulations! I know you've waited for this for a long time. I wish you much happiness in your new life in Florida.

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Originally Posted by Catrin

Pax,.so glad to read you are happily ensconced on the beach :)

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Thanks! We're still pretty excited, yesterday was housekeeping chores like drivers license, car insurance, banking, voter registration, applying for our Homestead Exemption, and plates for the car... busy day but now we're official residents!

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Originally Posted by Muirenn

Exactly.

And if I were married and my spouse worked and made a little less than me, my tax-rate would be much lower, can't remember the numbers, exactly, but I think I'm at 35% federal, and it would be half or less? Can't remember so don't hold it against me, but I looked it up a couple of years ago and was sickened by it. I'd love someone to help me pay bills AND get a tax break. And really. The population growth rate is dependable, we don't need to reward it. (Yeah, yeah, it costs a lot to raise kids. But why should I have to raise yours?!!!!).

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I understand about the tax breaks which do exist in Canada for people with children. But it requires a parents to save money for child's (university or college) education (RESP) or spend money (for some limited sports activities). The tax-savings for family with children aren't that huge in Canada. In the end, the parent(s) have to spend that saved money (hopefully) for clothing, school supplies, computer, etc. I actually think nowadays, it costs more money to raise a child. Just technology requirements alone is an expense /tool that never existed when I grew up.

However, I'm glad to have parents raise their children...to become future taxpayers. We have to remember this.. The cost of raising children is very real. (It continues to floor me parent(s) who foot a huge bill for university education which was not the trend a few decades ago...at least not among my middle-class friends.) Of course it depends how a parent will place financial independence on adult child after they leave home...

Meh, I'd rather see tax rates made fairer between wealthy vs working people, than set people against each other based on their differing family situations.

When DH and I first got together, his income was literally ten times mine, and I was paying a higher overall tax rate. Things haven't changed substantially since then. When people with children can afford to pay for their day care without taking a third job, then *maybe* I'll worry about what they pay in taxes.

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Originally Posted by Muirenn

Actually, married couples without kids get a substantial tax break.

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We learned this when we got to file as married for the first time this year, we got an extra $800 back over what we would have gotten filing as single.

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Originally Posted by Pax

.....when we got to file as married for the first time this year.....

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Pax, :) :) :).

I am only 51 but seriously want to retire! I have been working in health care since I was 19. Just tired of work. I want to play. And play before I get too old to enjoy. Tired of healthcare politics, cut backs, hierarchy in hospitals, etc. Planning to see a financial planner soon and look at what is possible between me and my SO (soon to be "wife"--another topic!). So since I have a variable schedule now, I am off during the week when it's my weekend to work. So today I am bit bored. Why? Well I need to clean the house and I don't' want to. So I procrastinate. I think if I was "retired" I would have plenty of things to do, not just house chores but then I could plan activities and with people off during the week. I am pretty sure I"ll go part-time or retire before my SO, even if I am younger. But every now and then I think how important it is to have a semi-schedule and activities to keep one busy and active. I'm not sure work is what I need to give me a long life.
So if I didn't feel guilty that I SHOULD be cleaning house or doing something productive on my day off, I would probabablly not be "bored" or procrastinating or wasting time surfing on the computer!
As for volunteer work, I am not sure about that either. I have a friend who retired and she now works as a volunteer at our hospital. Sure she rounds with the play cart and give toys, etc to the kids. But I think if I quit the hospital I would not volunteer there. I have another couple of RN friends who now do a volunteer program specifically for nurses who have retired. They do some of the hands on care, shaving, ambulating, feeding of patients. Things nurses no longer have time to do. Although worthwhile, I too, feel like that is free-labor. And volunteering at an animal shelter is way to dangerous for me!!;)

K

Back to a previous topic.
It appears that there is likely going to be a "celebration of life" gathering for the ex-bf who committed suicide last month. It's being put together by the same woman who worked with him on our "60th birthday year celebration/not reunion," in 2013. I didn't know her as a kid, but she seems lovely. She lives out of state, but is up for planning this with the other person who helped before, someone I do know.
It's going to be the day after I get back from France, which will be tough. However, my question is, should I bring DH? It's not a reunion, although it will feel like one. DH has been to 3 other reunions with me and fits in quite well with this crowd. DH met him several times and welcomed him into our home. It just feels a bit weird to me. And, depending on who is there, it might get weirder.

A couple of weeks ago I went to a Death Café (highly recommended, AFAIC there's just a crying need for such denial-free zones in our culture) - but anyway, one of the participants, who works at a funeral home, mentioned a statistic that 65% of attendees at funerals didn't know the deceased. They go to support the bereaved. I don't see any reason why your DH shouldn't go. If it does get weird, you'll probably be glad for his presence, no?

I think you are right, Oak. After a few FB messages last night, it is still up in the air if this thing will happen.
But, the best thing is, that my close friend, who lives in Richmond, VA is coming up the same weekend. I have not seen her since January, 1972. We will go together, if it happens, so it might be a moot point, about DH. He probably would not think it strange if I went with her, and our other good friend, who lives not so far from me.
I guess I am just afraid that if I am asked to speak, I might get emotional, and while I know DH would not take it the wrong way, I guess I like to keep the different parts of my life separate. In the end, it doesn't really matter. If anything, all of this has given me a chance to reconnect more with my roots, something I never could have predicted, even 15 years ago. I denied this part of my life for so long, when, in reality, this was the part of my life that had the most influence on me.

Congratulations!!

Good luck with the funding search.