Shaking My Confidence

Tonight I went on a short 15 miler by myself. I generally don't like to be on our county roads alone, but DH had to run a friend to pick up his truck and I wanted to ride. I was stoked to manuever my way across a busy highway (my biggest fear) and get into a groove.

About 4 miles into the ride I crossed the river and saw three teenagers trying to cross the road. They said something but I didn't really understand and kept trucking along. About five minutes later I heard a yell and felt something hit me. They threw a can at me!! Unfortunately, they were speeding and I didn't get a plate number. I was also mad that I lost my cool and gave them the finger. :o

I did get a decent description of the truck and called the local sheriff to make a general threat report. The whole back 10 miles I was looking over my shoulder everytime I heard a car. After I got home as I was telling DH about it I started to bawl. It made me feel so vunerable and angry. I pretty much cry if I get upset so it was a given this would start it. Up to that point I felt confident riding alone, now I feel slightly defeated.

Thanks for letting me have a little pity party. I know this is part of cycling, still doesn't mean it doesn't upset me.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Amanda}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I'm so sorry those hooligans have taken something so precious from you! You can claim it again, and you will. We'll try to help.

You might notice that I send butterflies often (and of course, I'm sending some to you right now). I do it because a few years back I was quite afraid riding a certain section of highway, and I didn't want to freak out, so I pictured myself surrounded by butterflies, protecting me from everything and helping me go faster. Well, it really worked for me. Give it a try, maybe it will help you feel more comfortable and confident, or at least they might make you smile,

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

Oh Amanda Im sorry to hear you had a run in with such jerks.
What planet do these people come from??
I hope your rides in future are free from such idiots.:mad:

Hugs for Amanda!

Losers...

You did good by reporting it to the cops. Don't let it get to you too much...

Karma happens. If they keep up this behaviour they're bound to slip up so one day they'll be forced to ride their bikes, they won't be doing it for fun like you! It's either that or they'll be catching the bus. You'll be able to kick up the dust in their face as you go speeding by! :D

Ah... AA... most alarming
But you will draw on the pleasure and confidene you have had prior to this
You will come to believe it was a one-off with idiots who will probably never drive that piece of road again

You will get out there and it will make you stronger

Its understandable that you broke down when you got home, its a natural reaction in a "shock" situation.

Awhi-awhi from Middle Earth
Look at my sig below...
Arohanui, na Rave

That kind of thing is not fun. It's also *really* dangerous. You reacted better than I would have.

When I've had a scary ride, the best thing for getting my confidence back is to get back on the bike. If it was really bad, I try to pay attention to all the drivers who follow the rules of the road. There's a lot of 'em! Then I tend to feel better.

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Originally Posted by Aggie_Ama

I was also mad that I lost my cool and gave them the finger...I started to bawl. It made me feel so vunerable and angry. I pretty much cry if I get upset..

Thanks for letting me have a little pity party.

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Amanda - letting us have our own pity parties is why this thread exists! (That, and spreading the word about idiot drivers out there.) I know EXACTLY how you felt - see my "too close for comfort" thread in this forum. I did the finger thing on Sunday; I also had a meltdown just afterward - before I even got home.

It will be ok. YOU will be ok. {{{{HUG}}}}

((((((((Amanda))))))))

Thank you all!! I am tearing up thinking about it and how wonderful you all are.

I was hoping they would turn into a house along the way so I could go introduce myself to their mother!! I know those boys we raised better. Isn't it sad that once we put on our helmets people stopping seeing us as people with families who want us home safe and unharmed and humans with feelings? :(

My calm, polite husband went back to the river looking for "the punks". Glad he didn't find them, it takes a lot to push him to the level of anger he was at.

I plan to ride the next couple days with DH and Friday alone since he doesn't have the day off. Those little punks can't keep me down!!

Man, that really stinks. I'm sorry that happened to you.

When I feel a little beaten down by the 4-wheeled haters, I try to remember this woman's story.

See Commuting forum, Thread title:
Crashed, survived, recovered, riding again!

Her courage and good attitude inspire me.

http://forums.teamestrogen.com/showthread.php?t=18233

Amanda,
I'm sorry you had such a rotten thing happen and I'm glad you're OK.

I had what turned out to be a very minor accident yesterday, but could have been much worse. I totally empathize with how this kind of experience can shake your confidence.

I was on my way home from classes, about 2-3 blocks from my house, on a very busy but residential street with no bike lane. Traffic was moving slowly, and I was feeling impatient, so instead of getting in line with traffic as probably would have been safer, I was riding along faster than traffic on the curbside. Note that there IS enough room to safely do this on said street. Well, as I was passing a mini-van, my front wheel ALMOST even with the front passenger door, the van decided to make a sharp turn into a driveway , apparently without consulting his rearview mirror first (when I passed the back of the van, there was no blinker on). I was able to turn my bike a little, but didn't have enough time to turn as sharply as it was turning, so I hit the door with my arm/shoulder. And SCREAMED. They heard me screaming and stopped. As it turns out, I'm find, just a bit bruised on my arm (though I didn't realize I'd hit that hard yesterday because of the adrenaline). My bike isn't even scratched. The van seemed to get a little scratch from something, I'm not sure if it was my brake hood or just the breakaway rearview mirror hitting the body, but it was like an inch long...

Anyway I got off my bike, took a deep breath, and turned around, ready to give the driver a lecture about looking before turning... And then I saw that it was an African immigrant couple, dressed traditionally -- there's a somewhat sizeable Sudanese immigrant community not too far from where I live. It's a community that has had documented difficulty integrating due to language and economic barriers. And suddenly, my desire to lecture is gone and I just feel... a little guilty. They look to be as stunned/surprised as I am. The husband, who was driving, gets out (the van is still half-blocking the street), walks around and asks me if I'm OK. I tell him, "I'm fine, thank you very much, and I think the car's ok too!". There's a mother and her 10-year old daughter on the sidewalk, who are quite concerned (the daughter screamed as loudly as I did when I hit). They ask if I'm ok, and when I tell them yes, the mother takes my shoulder and says, "are you SURE you're REALLY ok? bike riding is dangerous!" I mumble something and then I get on my bike and ride the two blocks home. As soon as I get off my bike, I feel totally weak and shaky. The thing that bothers me most, though, is that I feel guilty about this accident. I've gone over and over the events in my head, and I cannot find an angle from which it's my fault -- it was definitely their fault. An honest mistake, for sure, but their fault. Certainly under the circumstances it would have been safer for me to get in line with traffic, but what I did was legal and usual -- they should have looked, just as they should have looked for pedestrians in the sidewalk. Nonetheless, I continue to feel like I did something wrong and stupid and represented bikers badly to all of the people who witnessed the accident. And I feel badly that the car sustained more damage than my bike (there were no dents, just a small inch-long scratch, but it was a result of me hitting it). No matter that if I had been going faster, or they had been going faster, I could have been seriously injured. I still feel badly. I didn't apologize and I wonder if I should have. I didn't offer to help pay for the scratch on their car and I feel guilty about the damage (my boyfriend tells me that I had no obligation either to apologize or offer to help, since it was their fault, and I'm sure he's right, but I still feel guilty). It's strange because all the time I see drivers do dumb things that put me in danger, and I just get mad. I don't feel badly in the least. But when I actually get put into REAL danger, I feel guilty and embarassed to be riding my bike.

Anyway sorry this was so long. Just trying to explain my empathy :). Again I'm glad you're OK.

So sorry you had such a terrible experience. Thankfully, these types of jerks are few and far between. Hope you'll get back out there soon and resolve not to let the b@stards get the better of you.

Yes, the van driver should have looked more carefully (or more than once) and had his signal on. But also you were passing moving traffic on the right. You were in his blind spot when he checked his mirrors just before turning. Mini-vans have big blind spots, too.
Even though it was basically his fault, cars just WILL do the wrong thing, and you can bet they'll do it on a regular basis. It's up to us to try to keep ourselves out of dangerous traffic situations where they can get us.
I always get really nervous when I start going faster than traffic and am on their right near the curb- it's a situation I try to avoid because I know eventually someone will suddenly turn right into a driveway without signaling and without seeing me, or one of them will suddenly swing a passenger door open to let someone out or something. It's always something. At that point I start coasting and make a choice to either get IN the lane with the traffic or else I slow down to their speed so I can watch for the obstacle course to unfold. :eek: :rolleyes: Sometimes in that situation I'll even get on the sidewalk if there are clearly no pedestrians around anywhere. Whatever keeps me safe.

I'm sure glad you didn't get more badly hurt! Good thing you weren't going really fast. :o

Lisa, you're exactly right. I think that's why I'm still feeling badly about it. Even though the accident was technically the car's fault, nonetheless it was a situation I could have avoided.

Anyhoo. Sorry for the drift!

Be safe out there!

I'm sorry that this happened to you. Never accept that "I know this is part of cycling". It shouldn't be a part of cycling and people acting that way shouldn't be a part of life. It's unacceptable behavior! Good on you for reporting it!

Well dealing with jerks is part of life, sadly. But MD you are right, it shouldn't be and that is why I felt like I should file a report even with very little information.

We went for a ride tonight. I found myself very apprehensive of every car that passed. :( I felt like a newbie all over again but at least I was back out there.

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Originally Posted by Aggie_Ama

Well dealing with jerks is part of life, sadly. But MD you are right, it shouldn't be and that is why I felt like I should file a report even with very little information.

We went for a ride tonight. I found myself very apprehensive of every car that passed. :( I felt like a newbie all over again but at least I was back out there.

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Good for you Amanda. And good that you filed a report. If 3 cyclists file reports then they might get a description and put out some patrols looking for those jerks. Also, if someone else does get their license #, then the police will see the other reports filed and it will add proof of their guilt. A third reason is that if they continue to get away with this kind of thing, they might eventually cause a cyclist to get seriously hurt or killed.

The more you get out there now, the quicker you will feel stronger again.
Hugs to you. :o

Amanda,

I'm so sorry that you were treated that way by the teens. I'm also glad that you filed that report. Hope it never happens to you again. I would offer to ride with you this week so that you wouldn't have to go alone, but I moved and now live in North Carolina.

On another note, glad to hear that you found some good weather to ride. I hear that it is still raining quite frequently. I just left in late August...what a wet summer.


Liza- glad that you are ok. Stop beating yourself up. It sounds like you learned something from the experience that may help you if you ever find yourself in that same situation.

Be safe...one and all!

Amanda,

So sorry that this happened to you but I am VERY glad that you reported the information that you had to the police. I have had a few similar situations and know what you mean about feeling vulnerable and angry; a guy ran me off the road (intentionally) a few weeks back and I totally lost it on the phone with the police outside of my office. I was embarrassed & felt I should have been stronger but I think it is natural to react that way.

Teenagers especially can be so nasty to those they perceive as 'weaker'; they're probably the same sort that torture animals because they can't fight back. I hope that they get a taste of their own medicine someday and survive to learn from it.

I hope that you quickly recover your confidence; don't let the jerks take away your freedom.

Anne

Liza, I'm glad you're ok, I'm glad everyone is ok.....but this is precisely why I don't ride on the sidewalk. There are parts of my commute/errands that I know I'd feel safer there but I stay on the road or find an alternate route.

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Originally Posted by liza

-- they should have looked, just as they should have looked for pedestrians in the sidewalk.

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But you're not a pedestrian, your traffic.....on the sidewalk.

So maybe they did look. And seeing a sidewalk visually they are expecting pedestrians, walking at human speed. They are not expecting something traveling faster them so even if they see you you're just not timed the way they expect/assume.

Sometimes we see what we expect to see; objects on the sidewalk are pedestrians and go ___ fast, objects in the road are traffic and go ____ fast. If I'm on the sidewalk with my bike I've just made a decision to be a pedestrian, I get off and walk or get on the road and ride.

I can understand your not apologizing, must have been frightening, I would have been scared too.

Trek,
I think you misread my post. I wasn't riding on the sidewalk, I was riding on the road, to the right of and moving somewhat faster than traffic. I was right beside the van when it turned, and probably at that moment I was in his blind spot, but if I were a car he cut off because I was in his blind spot, that would not be an excuse sufficient to justify it.

By mentioning looking for pedestrians, I was trying, perhaps clumsily and at any rate probably unnecessarily, to draw an analogy between the driver's obligation to make sure there was no one on the sidewalk before turning to cross it, and their obligation to make sure there wasn't a bike on the road beside them before turning.

I'm sorry, you're right, I miss read, you're right, you're always right, I'm wrong :) :cool: :rolleyes: ;) oh heck, do I go back and delete the whole thing...then your post doesn't make sense....

Look TE, an example of an apology, there, now it's on topic ;-)

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Originally Posted by Trek420

you're always right

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eek: :eek: I hope not!! I don't want to be that person.

On the other hand...
Can you tell my bf that :D ???

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Originally Posted by liza

Can you tell my bf that :D ???

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Sure, be right over. :) All part of the service we provide on TE.

Do you want that as a phone call, in writing, or just show up at the door wearing the armadillo costume and the propeller beanie and tell him?

I was enjoying a perfect ride yesterday and then the van full of brats appeared. The van got close and I heard young men screaming at me. I looked to my left and saw that they had opened the sliding door and were leaning toward me so they could make sure I heard them scream. I hate to admit it but my anger flared and I did an "F and F" (gesture and one syllable curse word). Images of Jill Behrman flashed through my mind. (She was a cyclist from Bloomington IN who was thrown into a van during a bike ride several years ago.)
Then one mile down the road THEY DID IT AGAIN! This time I got the license. I rode to the police station and talked to an officer who was polite but hardly seemed that concerned.
I wasn't bothering anyone. I rarely have problems like this. I have had a can of beer thrown at me. (Good thing it was empty.)
I am feeling disappointed with myself due to my response. I think that a police car could have been following me or that children may have seen and heard my performance.
I do plan to control my reaction in the future, but how do you deal with the anger when you are used as a target for juvenile entertainment?
Maybe these punks need to go for a ride with me sometime . . . I'll show them some real exercise and recreation.
Barb

I've been involved in situations where:

• I've let the "F" fly:o
• I've let the "Finger" wave:o
• I've gotten really mad:o

I get mad at myself when I let someone push me to the brink:mad:

But, following all that, I've decided in advance what I will do the next time something really stupid/unsafe happens.:cool:

My goal: I'm trying to not be mad or surprised, but rather go into auto-pilot by immediately focusing on License # and Vehicle Description...THIS TAKES PRACTICE to get good at it - particularly in a stressful situation.

THEN, I'm resolved that IF something bad happens, I am fully prepared to go straight to the police and FILE a complaint...no discussion...just file a complaint.

I believe confidence comes from preparation.

I would go back to the police station and demand to talk to someone else if the same person seems unconcerned.
What those teens did is DANGEROUS and under some circumstances it could cause the death of a cyclist. They will continue doing it if they are getting away with it.
Demand action.

Thanks for the encouragement. I just called the police dept. to request an update regarding the punks who screamed at me and leaned toward me from the van. I'm feeling blown off. The officer is supposed to call me, but I'm getting very strong vibes that I'm just supposed to shut up and start riding my bike in the safety of my back yard. Yes . . . this is the frustration of being a victim. I can just let this go if I have to, but I didn't do anything wrong, so why do I have to fight my way through this?
I'm a nurse. Wonder if I would have stopped to help if one of the punks had fallen out of the van . . . ???
Barb

In Colorado cyclists are encouraged to use the standard road rage/dangerous driver hotline (*CSP). If an officer is available in the area, they will attempt to find the driver.

At a minimum, the information is kept in a dangerous driver database and the driver is contacted after 3 reported offenses and faces penalties for any beyond that. Of course I wish that they'd just go lock the guys up :) but it does please me that cars and bicycles are treated with equality in the system. This is due to the advocacy work of Bicycle Colorado.

I agree that making sure that the police take these things seriously is important. Equally important IMO is advocacy to ensure that cyclists are respected by the system beyond the individual officer/department.

Mr. Silver is right that you have to train yourself to react by looking for the plate. I do this every time a car scares me or turns in front of me even if they have a safe distance, a game more than anything but a good habit to develop. More useful long-term than the finger anyhow. :) It's important to have a means of remembering/recording the plate # too.

Anne

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bacarver

Thanks for the encouragement. I just called the police dept. to request an update regarding the punks who screamed at me and leaned toward me from the van. I'm feeling blown off. The officer is supposed to call me, but I'm getting very strong vibes that I'm just supposed to shut up and start riding my bike in the safety of my back yard. Yes . . . this is the frustration of being a victim. I can just let this go if I have to, but I didn't do anything wrong, so why do I have to fight my way through this?
I'm a nurse. Wonder if I would have stopped to help if one of the punks had fallen out of the van . . . ???
Barb

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Maybe it'll help you get action if you tell the police that if nothing is done about this you will write a letter to the newspaper. That'll probably get some action going. These kids NEED to be contacted by the police and made to realize they will get into trouble if they do it again.

Went for 32.27 miles alone this morning. Only incident I had was the standard bozo who wanted to lay on his (her?) horn. I smiled and waved with enthusiam. I still prefer riding with DH and am still nervous about every car that passes. One day I will be confident to ride alone more often.

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Originally Posted by Lisa S.H.

Maybe it'll help you get action if you tell the police that if nothing is done about this you will write a letter to the newspaper. That'll probably get some action going. These kids NEED to be contacted by the police and made to realize they will get into trouble if they do it again.

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Sure. A letter to the Chief of Police or Sheriff, with copies to the Mayor, City Council members, all county newspapers, any local cycling shops/clubs, you name it. If you have a TV news organization anywhere near, find out of they have a tipline for news story ideas. I know we are 3+ hours from the nearest city with TV news, but they come out here for stories, etc.

Make sure you get the badge number of any officer who is blowing you off.

And, there are ways to get the information of registered owners if you have a plate number. My brothers have paid friendly visits to people who have threatened me (albeit not while I was on the bike) to talk with them. PM me if you want...I'm not sure my info is totally accurate.

To my surprise, the officer did call me back this morning. He said that he located the owners of the van and THEY have spoken with their 15 year old son. The officer said that he is still going to meet with the 15 year old to have a talk with him. I am satisfied with this plan.
I will train myself to check license plates. This is a good habit to practice. I will also put a pencil and notepad in my under-seat pouch.
Thank you for the encouragement and the suggestions!
Barb

Quote:

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Originally Posted by liza

Trek,
I think you misread my post. I wasn't riding on the sidewalk, I was riding on the road, to the right of and moving somewhat faster than traffic. I was right beside the van when it turned, and probably at that moment I was in his blind spot, but if I were a car he cut off because I was in his blind spot, that would not be an excuse sufficient to justify it.

By mentioning looking for pedestrians, I was trying, perhaps clumsily and at any rate probably unnecessarily, to draw an analogy between the driver's obligation to make sure there was no one on the sidewalk before turning to cross it, and their obligation to make sure there wasn't a bike on the road beside them before turning.

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Liza:

You were the victim of the classic "Right Hook, version II" as described at "How Not to Get Hit by Cars" (An excellent site to bookmark and re-read from time to time on slow days.) The proximate cause was your "filtering" up the right hand side of the lane, and passing on the right. Motorists, especially those who already perceive themselves to be in the rightmost lane, don't look for cyclists or anyone else to be passing them there, and you put yourself in a perfect condition to be hit, or at least cut off and forced to do an emergency/quick turn to dodge them.

Rule #1: Don't pass on the right. This sort of collision is very easy to avoid... just don't pass any vehicle on the right. The traffic law in most states require overtaking vehicles, which includes cyclists, to pass on the left unless there are two or more marked lanes.

When there's a single, narrow lane, and it's not safe for cars to pass you without moving into the path of oncoming traffic, you should take the whole lane... e.g., riding farther to the left. Taking up the whole lane makes it harder for drivers to pass you to cut you off or turn into you. Don't feel bad about taking the lane: if motorists didn't threaten your life by turning in front of or into you or passing you too closely, then you wouldn't have to. If the lane you're in isn't wide enough for cars to pass you safely, then you should be taking the whole lane anyway.

If a car ahead of you is going only 10 mph, then you slow down, too, behind it. It will eventually start moving faster. If it doesn't, pass on the left when it's safe to do so.

Again remember that when you're following a slow-moving vehicle, ride behind it, not in its blind spot immediately to the right of it. Even if you're not passing a car on the right, you could still run into it if it turns right while you're right next to it. Give yourself enough room to brake or do an emergency turn if the car turns in front of you.

Maybe I'm a little sensitive to this sort of stuff right now... I just retired a good and faithful helmet last night, my pert near new Livestrong one, when I had a little encounter with a UPS truck and loose gravel/trash on a wet shoulder last night. I was fortunate, and only nursing a little road rash on the right elbow rather than a concussion or worse.

Tom
(Always wear your helmet, but ride like you don't)

Barb,

That's great that they found the kid! Hopefully the kid will learn a valuable lesson early on & his parents will have his neck for it...but 15?!? Can he legally be driving a vehicle without his parents in the car?

Honestly, it scares me that kids that young are allowed to operate a motor vehicle on public roads.

Anne

I know that the van is owned by parents who have a 15 year old son. I'm sure the son was involved in the screaming drive-by. The plates have the wheel chair emblem indicating some type of handicap. There were at least three screaming idiots in the van. I don't know who was driving. Hmmm . . .
Several possibilities come to mind. This happened soon after school let out for the day.
I would think that the average parent would be FURIOUS with the 15 year old.
This kid still has a lecture coming from the police officer. (Yay)
Kids here have to be a few months past 16 to drive and this is with guidelines.
I can just hear the parents now. "YOU'RE GROUNDED!" "NO VAN FOR YOU FOR A MONTH!" "TELL YOUR FRIENDS YOU WON'T BE SEEING THEM FOR AWHILE!" "YOU WILL SHOW RESPECT TO ALL BIKIES!" "YOU COULD HAVE WRECKED THE VAN!" "YOU COULD HAVE KILLED HER!"

(This just gets better and better!):p

Barb

Amanda, how scary. Glad that you're ok and that you went for a long ride alone today! It IS hard to get back out there and feel confident, but you will before long. Do you have a rearview mirror so you can see upcoming cars behind you before they get close? I used to secretly make fun of those silly looking mirrors, but now I wouldn't be caught dead on the streets without it. I like that I can see what's coming up on me, and that I can be on the lookout for crazy hooligan drivers before they sneak up on me. I'm dorky on my bike now (especially when I commute). I have a neon green/yellow vest and my mirror. At least I know they can see me- problem is that sometimes they don't care if I'm there or not. Ex: the other day on a deserted stretch of road- three lanes wide- the car in my lane would NOT move over and buzzed me. There were THREE freakin' lanes for him to move around me. Grrrrr... He got the f word from me. I'm quick to anger sometimes, and now maybe I'll consider turning that anger into memorizing his/her plates.

Barb- I hope the officer puts the fear into that hoodlum-y boy. Hopefully he scares the crap out of him. And since I teach, I guess I know better than to think that the parents will be disappointed and punish him. There are so many parents who will defend their child to the death (even in the midst of alarming evidence), that I hope his parents are truly good and will come down hard on him.

OK, I'll come clean, I didn't follow my own advice.

Today someone came too close to us, I signaled to him to get over...he gave me a "signal back".

SOOOOOOOO......I chased him! I almost caught him too! I was simply going to inform him that I was within the law and he wasn't!

Don't worry, there wasn't ANY traffic and I wasn't being unsafe, but I do wish I had caught him.

Can you see where on the ride this happened?????

http://i202.photobucket.com/albums/a...3/roadrage.jpg

I got buzzed by a honking Suburban yesterday on a residential street with virtually NO traffic, and I was riding about three feet from the right curb. (They started laying on the horn about a block back, buzzed within two feet of me, then layed on the horn again and sped away.)

I think I am going to start playing a game with myself on the bike where I read plates of vehicles that pass me and chant/repeat them to myself for a block or so every once in a while. I was TOTALLY shaken up by what happened and now that I know MN has a website where you can submit reports of aggressive driving (and apparently they send the owner of the vehicle a letter) I want to be sure I can start feeding in the reports when needed.

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Originally Posted by northstar

and now that I know MN has a website where you can submit reports of aggressive driving (and apparently they send the owner of the vehicle a letter) I want to be sure I can start feeding in the reports when needed.

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Now, THAT'S cool!