How much time do you have?
Oh my Goodness. So many of my favorite issues and questions.
Let's tackle the hard one first: I will not, under any circumstances, ride as stoker with my husband in front. You have not met him, but I assure you he is a lunatic. Sure, he has never crashed his bike (whereas I have many times). He rides motorcycles and has excellent handling skills. He is probably a better bike handler than I am. Never tell him I said this..... I simply cannot relinquish control to him. Period. He wants us to do this race that we do separately every year on the tandem. No WAY. We'd probably win, but it's not happening.
He recently conned his (little) sister into riding with him on the tandem. She claims to have had fun, though she delcined to do our upcoming 200k with him on the tandem. Wise woman.
I'm sure a lot of folks enjoy being stoker - I am just WAY too type A control freak to do it - for now at least. Maybe after I go blind.
Now on to the happier topics....
I wanted the tandem so I could ride with the PetitePois (as SK has dubbed her) and do longer rides, in traffic without worrying about her swerving into cars, etc. It works great. You can switch back and forth from grown up to kid - but depending on how old your child is and if you need a "kid back" changing can be time consuming.
This is the place to start for tandems and kids ideas: http://sheldonbrown.com/tandkids.html
How old is your child?
Do you have a bike with trailer set up now? This is a good place to start, but the tandem is much more stable and easy to maneuver.
Riding with kids is emotionally more challenging than riding by yourself. You need a "destination" that kids will want to get to (read Ice Cream Store) and constant patience along the way. Emily and I did 50 miles of the Cinderella metric century 2 years ago and it was a pretty amazing experience. She's done 50 milers with her dad in front as well. We're planning a metric for the end of the summer (CindySue's ride).
Riding a tandem with a kid always has to be fun. I will ride in the rain and cold by myself because I want and need to. Unless it is sunny and warm and there are bluebirds lighting on her shoulders, I will not ride with Em (yet). I do not want this to ever be something she does because she feels I am making her do it. If it is not fun, we stop. Simple as that. And I don't stop easily.
Having her own bento box is helpful, so she can help herself to a snack. She has a camelback of her own so she doesn't have to try to reach for a bottle. Make it fun and simple.
I still have not gotten her out of her underwear in bike shorts. :mad:
I don't think any bar is more stable than any other bar. It depends on who is holding the bars. We have road drop bars in front and sort of flattish bars in back - we can angle them up so PP can reach them better.
About control issues and a tandem
Last summer I invested in a classic Schwinn Twinn tandem with the boyfriend
Now clearly this bike is just a pleasure cruiser but I think some of the same control issues come up--so I would be sure to test drive with all parties (husband, daughter) you may ride with. I am a very anal "the bike must stay in a straight line, right hand side, etc." rider. The boyfriend is what we will call a "free spirit"--that means he wants to go everywhere and poke in every dumpster w/o really telling you why he is stopping, slowing, turning, etc. So there I sit in the back a victim to his whims, BUT if I try to be captain he still manages to be fidgety enough and screw around enough to make my job very challenging. So...what I am saying is test drive your partners before a big $$$ commitment. All the whines aside, riding on the tandem can still actually be a lot of fun. We found our classic by posting an ad on Craigslist (less $$ than ebay auctions). I think w/ an inexpensive classic you can share the love of cycling with your daughter in the same amount of time as those longer distances you crave (ours is a bit of a beast, you won't go too far). Soon enough she will be old enough to bike on her own for the distances you crave. Plus, we think we look so cool on our antique...