What would you think/do?

I've been attending a barre class for over a year now. I haven't really gotten any smaller,but I'm much stronger than I was when I started, and have corrected many of the alignment issues that lead to back pain and referred pain in my hip. Generally, people are polite if not friendly, but there is a subtle cliquishness amongst some of the women who come regularly. I'm a bit of an introvert, so I don't really go out of my way to interact with these ladies.

This morning I arrived early and set up my props and water bottle at a space at the barre. I am a creature of habit, and tend to set up in the same few spots. I wandered around and returned in time to see one of the regulars who had just set herself up in the spot next to me. A few minutes later I heard her talking to her “group”, bemoaning the fact that she had set up next to me when she had gone out of her way to count spaces to avoid such a possibility! They were all yucking it up about this, so I'm assuming the ickiness of working out next to me has been a subject of conversation amongst them before. I very pointedly walked over and moved a space over; it's not such a treat working out next to that lady, so it was no skin off my nose if she's a fat biggot, or thinks I sweat too much (and, boy do I ever...). In theory, it was no skin off my nose; I started fuming as the class began and had worked up to a simmering rage by the time it was over. I was torn between conflicting desires to either march up to the front desk and cancel my membership, or, to appear tomorrow, unwashed and having breakfasted on onion slices and doritos, wearing my New Moon Farm “manure management” tee shirt and occupy as much of the center of the space those ladies like to set up in.
What would you do?

Ugh, that's awful. So sorry that happened to you.

I would definitely say something to the teacher (whether or not s/he is part of the clique) and probably to studio management if the teacher isn't the owner. IME, sometimes it's just one teacher's classes that are super cliquish, while others at the same gym/studio are more welcoming - are there other teachers whose classes might fit into your schedule? Is there another studio convenient to you?

That's terrible! What would I think? I would be angry and embarrassed. What would I do? Well, I hope I would have the courage and confidence to ignore them and get a great workout. If there are evaluations at the end of class, I would comment on the lack of welcoming atmosphere. But knowing me, it is equally likely that I would be discouraged and drop out of the class. If that is your choice, please let the management know why. And then find a better workout.

+1 with roo4

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Originally Posted by lauraelmore1033

or thinks I sweat too much (and, boy do I ever...).

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If I sweated a lot I’d be especially conscience of it in close exercise contact with others and try to minimize/eliminate it's effect on those next to me.

Now...If I heard someone talking to others about it in a clique-y demeaning way I’d ask them about it the first time we had a minute to talk. I like conversations about finding positive ways through a difficulty .…and sometimes there are people you just have to ignore after a few well meaning but failed attempts. If it couldn't be resolved quickly i'd talk to the instructor/owner about how that kind of behavior affects you, new comers and hence business. If they don't see the value in dealing with it then that should make it real easy to leave....

Now bullying is a good opportunity to talk to young girls about how building self-confidence helps in confronting negative pressures in life…......................and how martial arts can help assist both of those :).

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Originally Posted by Muirenn

I think you should walk up to the group next time you see them and tell them that they should all be ashamed of themselves for their uncouth behavior. Not, "may I speak with you?" Or any other little things to reduce the impact. Just tell them they were out of line.

(And yes. Use the word 'uncouth.' :D).

Also, the suggestions from others were my first thought. But I think you should confront the bullies. It will make them squirm. People like that don't know how to function with honesty.

I'm actually wondering what you meant about here being a bigot. Just curious.

When you say 'barre' class. Do you mean the ballet barre portion of a ballet class only? Or some type of fusion class. (Hence the props, not used in ballet). I understand the anger that built through the class. I've been in situations that made me angry, and that is what always happens.

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I use the word bigot because prejudice is prejudice, whether it's towards someone who is fat (and I experience this in many, more extreme ways) or towards someone of a different race,culture,or creed.
The class is a fusion of barre,Pilates and yoga.
I would hesitate to call this bullying because I don't think I was intended to hear the comments. It's just embarrassing that I have apparently been the subject of discussion by this group which has decided to actively avoid me.

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Originally Posted by OakLeaf

Ugh, that's awful. So sorry that happened to you.

I would definitely say something to the teacher (whether or not s/he is part of the clique) and probably to studio management if the teacher isn't the owner. IME, sometimes it's just one teacher's classes that are super cliquish, while others at the same gym/studio are more welcoming - are there other teachers whose classes might fit into your schedule? Is there another studio convenient to you?

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The teacher is actually the studio owner. I did have a conversation with her when the studio first opened. The classes were all free for the first week, and I called to cancel because I was feeling self conscious about my body. She reassured me that all body types were welcome. (I purchased the unlimited membership right there and then!) I don't think there's anything she can do about the "middle school" attitudes of some of the people. Just not model that behavior--and she doesn't.

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Originally Posted by lauraelmore1033

The teacher is actually the studio owner. I did have a conversation with her when the studio first opened. The classes were all free for the first week, and I called to cancel because I was feeling self conscious about my body. She reassured me that all body types were welcome. (I purchased the unlimited membership right there and then!) I don't think there's anything she can do about the "middle school" attitudes of some of the people. Just not model that behavior--and she doesn't.

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First of all, I'm so, so sorry this happened to you. I've had similar experiences, and they're - to put it mildly - miserable. I don't think there are great answers to how to deal with it - I have had people deny when confronted - which makes a bad situation worse.

I would encourage you to talk to the owner, though. I don't know what she might want to do - but if I owned the studio and some students were making others uncomfortable, I would *absolutely* want to know. It certainly can result in a loss of business - and she may well want to find a way to address it.

I've never been in such/any exercise studios. So I'm pretty ignorant of all this.

(I'm a cheapie..I've taken exercise classes through evening part-time courses for adults via local school board. :) I've had excellent instructors.)

Would be nice that a forward thinking studio owner would post a nice, not too big poster at back of classroom that espouses the studio's approach/expectations for student/participant behaviour. It can be expressed in an inspiring, brief way if she already teaches and runs her studio based on those values.

Laura, I think I would probably go back, take aside the woman who made the comments, and tell her that I'd overheard them and that...fill in this blank with whatever you think is really important to convey to her. I wouldn't talk to a whole group--the dynamic of that is way different. I'd talk to her alone. And I WOULD talk to her about it. And probably to the owner as well.

Muirenn is right; it's bullying.

By the way, Muirenn, a barre class bears almost no resemblance to the barre section of a ballet class. It's sort of like a superheated Pilates class. It's great, but the name "barre" is all PR and no saddle, so to speak. :)

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

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Originally Posted by lauraelmore1033

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

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Yep, totally understand that part. Do what works best for you. And then keep on keeping on. I wonder if that woman has done 6 STPs. Or is it more than 6?

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Originally Posted by lauraelmore1033

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

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I totally 100% understand this. I would follow through on letting her know why though. Mean people suck - your riding has been an inspiration. Keep being your awesome self!

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Originally Posted by lauraelmore1033

I dunno, I'm strongly leaning towards cancelling my membership and letting the owner know why. I'm not sure I can speak to the woman without crying, and I dontwannadoit.

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That's me, if I get really angry (which I would in this situation) I start crying. It's embarrassing.

I hate the back stabbing *&^%!! Don't let them get to you emotionally. They really can't do much to you anyway. Not physically, financially and not mentally if you don't let them. I would talk with the owner so she knows what is going on and that you are going to pull this one woman on the side and have a word with her.

Bullies usually back down if you confront them. they typically deny any of your claim. So just tell them that it doesn't matter what she thinks or claims, tell her that you don't appreciate the b*&y attitude and adolescent behavior.

Now, if the owner of the place thinks its more important to keep the clique, then cancel your membership because it just means that the clique is more important than you. I wouldn't bother giving money to a place that doesn't have any interest in my well being.

Easier said than done but don't think about the stupid comments or epithet thrown at you. Try to brush it off as a sign of their immaturity.

I am so sorry that you are going through this. I go to yoga at a studio that has a "young,blonde and bendy" clique, so I get it. Fortunately, they rarely get out of bed on weekends for a 7:30 class. It is just the AARP crowd!

Do you love the class? The silly women aside, do you love it? If you do, then don't give up something you love because women can be beechy. Switch classes, confront the other woman, talk to the owner, do whatever you have to do to stay if you love it.