wow, a bunch of cycling jokes!
A tandem rider is stopped by a police car.
"What've I done, officer?" asks the rider.
"Perhaps you didn't notice sir, but your wife fell off your bike half a mile back . . ."
"Oh, thank God for that," says the rider - "I thought I'd gone deaf!"
Jack and Jill have just climbed Le Alp de Huez, one of the steepest peaks in the Alps on their tandem.
"Phew, that was a tough climb" said Jill, leaning over, breathing hard. "That climb was so hard, and we were going so slow, I thought we were never going to make it."
"Yeah, good thing I kept the brakes on," said Jack, "or we'd have slid all the way back down!"
"I've really had it with my dog," said the first guy to his neighbor. "He'll chase anyone on a bicycle"
"Hmmm, that is a problem," said the neighbor. "What are you thinking of doing about it?"
"Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!"
A very devout cyclist dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter meets him at the gate. First thing the cyclist askes is if there are bicycles in heaven.
"Sure," says St. Peter, "let me show you," and he leads the guy into the finest Velodrome you can imagine.
"This is great," the cyclist says.
"It certainly is," says St. Peter. "You will have a custom bike and the best cycling clothes you've ever seen, and your personal masseuse will always available."
As they speak a blur streaks by them on the boards riding a gold plated bike.
"Wow!" the cyclist exclaims. "That guy was so fast that can only be Lance Armstrong!"
"No," says St. Peter, "that was God on the bike, he only thinks he's Lance".
"Learn to ride a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live."
Mark Twain
