12 Things Happy People Do Differently

Someone on another of my cycling forums posted this.

I see some of myself on that list, both good and bad. When I was at my most consciously "happy" a few years ago, I think I was hitting almost all of the points on the list thanks to the convergency of various things in my life: years of therapy, a wonderful set of friends, almost daily physical activity, yoga, a new found spirituality, a strong sense of gratitude, and volunteerism. My mindset changed dramatically in 2006-2007. I felt empowered in ways that I hadn't before. I realized rather dramatically that one I tell myself about my life is often far more important than what is actually going on in my life.

I've struggled with a few of the things on the list more recently. As I've discussed in various thread, I've found it harder to maintain my friendships since moving to a new town and I've struggled to make new friends. Moving was also a serious disruption to my workout routine and physical goals. If I'm being honest with myself, marriage--while wonderful--has encouraged a certain passivity in me. By that I mean that when I was single, I intentionally worked very hard at making my life fulfilling and full. I've gotten a bit lazy since getting married. Certainly, my relationship with my husband is very fulfilling in and of itself and worthy of my focus, but at least for me, I cannot not thrive on it alone. I need other outlets and other close relationships. I think as I enter year two of my marriage, I'm finally starting to make the time and space necessary for that, but it's not always easy.

The things I see in my practice that stand in the way of happiness and emotional well-being are: 1) being pessimistic 2) over thinking, which leads to serious cognitive distortions 3) being unforgiving/hateful/judgmental, and 4)not having or using any coping/calming strategies.
Good mental health is just as hard work as achieving good physical health or fitness.

I was nodding my head at everything until the last one, #12. I think it's very dangerous to suggest that people who are clinically depressed can just exercise and *poof* they're cured! The people I've known who are clinically depressed could barely function, much less find it in themselves to exercise. I think exercise is AWESOME to pull most of us out of minor, temporary funks and to keep them at bay...but for people who are suffering with serious chemical imbalances in their brains it's pretty insulting to go all Pollyanna on them and suggest that all they need to do is run a few miles or take a bike ride to be cured and feel right with the world and themselves. I get pretty irritated with those who perpetuate myths and misunderstanding about mental disfunction like that. I've had close friends and family really destroyed by clinical depression. I've seen friends deal with suicide of a child or other loved-one when that individual battled severe depression. :(

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Originally Posted by zoom-zoom

I was nodding my head at everything until the last one, #12. I think it's very dangerous to suggest that people who are clinically depressed can just exercise and *poof* they're cured! The people I've known who are clinically depressed could barely function, much less find it in themselves to exercise. I think exercise is AWESOME to pull most of us out of minor, temporary funks and to keep them at bay...but for people who are suffering with serious chemical imbalances in their brains it's pretty insulting to go all Pollyanna on them and suggest that all they need to do is run a few miles or take a bike ride to be cured and feel right with the world and themselves. I get pretty irritated with those who perpetuate myths and misunderstanding about mental disfunction like that. I've had close friends and family really destroyed by clinical depression. I've seen friends deal with suicide of a child or other loved-one when that individual battled severe depression. :(

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As someone who has suffered from depression . . . ^ yes. In fact, when I down-spiraled into very serious depression, I was working out every day. And eating what most would consider a healthy diet. And so many people would suggest I "snap" out of it or "Decide" to be happy or even "get over myself." It was incredibly isolating and made me feel like more of a failure b/c I couldn't snap out of it. Anywho . . . . .

For those that aren't clinical, I think it is a great list! I would put "practice acts of kindness" at or near the top. Helping others is incredibly therapeutic and rewarding. When someone tells me they've been feeling down or blue, the first thing I suggest is that they look into mentoring or participating in a Big Brother/Big Sister program. When you start putting others first, you stop focusing so much on yourself--and that is a good thing.

You're absolutely right, but personally I think the statistics highlight the well-known fact that antidepressant pills are effective for a minority of people who take them, and convey only modest benefits to most of those who benefit at all. It wouldn't take much for exercise to be more beneficial.

I have a lot of days when I can't drag myself out. I have days when I want to cry every single step of a run, and days that I do cry. I have days when I just can't push myself to a real workout, and all I can muster are junk miles. But I usually feel better if I can make myself do it. Same with journaling, or going to therapy, or whatever you want to name.

Yes, it IS often difficult for someone with depression to do ANYTHING. That doesn't mean that doing whatever they're able to, won't help. Nothing can "cure" depression, and some people have a really vicious attitude toward people with depression (and obesity, and diabetes, and, and, and...) - but some things can help.

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Originally Posted by OakLeaf

You're absolutely right, but personally I think the statistics highlight the well-known fact that antidepressant pills are effective for a minority of people who take them, and convey only modest benefits to most of those who benefit at all. It wouldn't take much for exercise to be more beneficial.

I have a lot of days when I can't drag myself out. I have days when I want to cry every single step of a run, and days that I do cry. I have days when I just can't push myself to a real workout, and all I can muster are junk miles. But I usually feel better if I can make myself do it. Same with journaling, or going to therapy, or whatever you want to name.

Yes, it IS often difficult for someone with depression to do ANYTHING. That doesn't mean that doing whatever they're able to, won't help. Nothing can "cure" depression, and some people have a really vicious attitude toward people with depression (and obesity, and diabetes, and, and, and...) - but some things can help.

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Very true. And this is true for other mental/emotional disorders. My son suffers from ADHD. He is on meds for it. There are people who have said "oh, remove dyes from his food and processed foods and his ADHD will go away." Bullcrap. We'd love to let him move in with these "helpful" people for a week. I guarantee they'd be changing their tune. We don't eat garbage, as is. The kid's idea of a perfect snack is a giant bag of baby carrots and string cheese. And he doesn't lack for exercise...hello, he's getting a jr. cyclocross bike for Christmas. ADD/ADHD are just highly genetic in my family. And I have a nephew with Autism. Their brain scans are different than the brain scans of people without these issues. And there is some evidence that these conditions are actually caused by some abnormal genes.

DS's "therapy" is in the form of meds and a healthy diet, but also exercise. He'd be getting the exercise and healthy diet even if he weren't ADHD. His meds aren't a cure, they are a tool and treatment...just as meds are for a diabetic or asthmatic. They temporarily restore appropriate function for a specific organ.

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Originally Posted by zoom-zoom

I was nodding my head at everything until the last one, #12. I think it's very dangerous to suggest that people who are clinically depressed can just exercise and *poof* they're cured! The people I've known who are clinically depressed could barely function, much less find it in themselves to exercise. I think exercise is AWESOME to pull most of us out of minor, temporary funks and to keep them at bay...but for people who are suffering with serious chemical imbalances in their brains it's pretty insulting to go all Pollyanna on them and suggest that all they need to do is run a few miles or take a bike ride to be cured and feel right with the world and themselves. I get pretty irritated with those who perpetuate myths and misunderstanding about mental disfunction like that. I've had close friends and family really destroyed by clinical depression. I've seen friends deal with suicide of a child or other loved-one when that individual battled severe depression. :(

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I agree. Exercise has helped me, but only after I laid some serious groundwork in therapy. But, at worst, I had mild to moderate depression.

I do wish docs would do a better job of urging their clients on drug therapies to also get conventional talk therapy, too. It's not that I have anything against the anti-depressants per se, but the success rate of talk therapy can be just as high and with far fewer side effects.

Yup...I think every human disorder is treated better with multiple therapies, rather than just one. I have asthma. I am on 2x/daily inhaled steroids, but I also am careful to keep my allergies under control and exercise, as these all work together to keep my lungs strong and minimize my asthmatic flare-ups (my mom doesn't exercise at all and her asthma issues are relatively worse, even on higher doses of the same med that I'm on). People with certain types of arthritis usually do far better at controlling their symptoms with medication and appropriate exercise than with medication or exercise alone.

I'm super lucky in that I don't have depression myself or any history of it in my family. I consider myself a happy person and I do agree with that list for the most part. I find that I do most of it pretty regularly as part of who I am, actually.

I do have problems with comparing myself to others (mostly because I'm highly competitive), so that is something I've struggled with quite a bit over the years.

The funny thing is, I would say that I compare myself to others a lot less now precisely because I AM happy. I have a life that I have chosen for all it's craziness and even if it's not as prestigious, or travel-filled, or designer-label-covered, as some of my friends from college and high school, it's MY life and I'm glad that I have it. It's kind of self-fulfilling. Compare less so you can be happy or be happy and therefore compare less?

I think the same thing is true for exercise. Exercise more to feel better or feel better and therefore exercise more?

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Originally Posted by GLC1968

The funny thing is, I would say that I compare myself to others a lot less now precisely because I AM happy. I have a life that I have chosen for all it's craziness and even if it's not as prestigious, or travel-filled, or designer-label-covered, as some of my friends from college and high school, it's MY life and I'm glad that I have it. It's kind of self-fulfilling. Compare less so you can be happy or be happy and therefore compare less?

I think the same thing is true for exercise. Exercise more to feel better or feel better and therefore exercise more?

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This. :)

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Originally Posted by GLC1968

The funny thing is, I would say that I compare myself to others a lot less now precisely because I AM happy. I have a life that I have chosen for all it's craziness and even if it's not as prestigious, or travel-filled, or designer-label-covered, as some of my friends from college and high school, it's MY life and I'm glad that I have it.

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I'm glad you have your life, too. It sure makes for a far more interesting blog than one about shoppin' in the 'burb!

I hope no one thought I was implying that the list was a "cure" for depression. Frankly, everyone is different, so while one thing may help one person, it won't do anything for another. The 12 things are guides for good living, no matter what. Some of my clients absolutely love the holistic coping strategies I use, like controlled breathing and meditation, and others only want to talk and try medication. It is a very personal thing.
As far as the exercise goes, for people with mild levels of depression, it can work as well medication; this is well documented. However, when you get to a moderate depressive episode, other things need to be addressed first, and exercise can be used as an adjunctive treatment.
I chuckled at your comments, Zoom-Zoom. A big part of my current job entails convincing parents that ADHD is real. While it seems like common sense to us, to others, not so much.
When I was struggling with anxiety, I found that mild exercise helped me a lot. I did a lot of walking and yoga for about 3 months. My anxiety was worse when I was cycling, because I was upset that I couldn't ride at the level I was used to, because of illness. If I hadn't been able to go out and walk, I would have been a lot worse. It was very hard for me to let go of the need to continually get faster during that time; thankfully, it was fall, so I just let it go, and let my mind and body rest.

I didn't interpret your post in that way, Crankin. I read Zoom's criticism as being directed at number 12 of the blog post and its suggestion that exercise cures depression.

Yeah, I certainly didn't think you were insinuating that the list was a cure, either. I think at least 90% of that list is spot on, too.

Yeah, no, I didn't read your post that way either, Crankin. Although I would tend to classify "pessimism" as a symptom (aka hopelessness, in DSM terms), not a cause.