When people say something that upsets you...

Last night I was at an event (a contra dance) and I was asked to announce an upcoming event (my birthday party, a musical event in a public venue, to collect food for the community food bank). The party will take place on the same night at as the next dance, about 2 blocks away.

I could have, and probably should have, mentioned it would no doubt be going on after the dance, and people were welcome to come by afterwards, but in the moment, I didn't make that point. I'm actually very excited that I might be able to really collect a lot of food donations and do something very positive for the community instead of doing something more selfish....

After the dance one of the other musicians turned to me, put his hand on my shoulder and criticized me very directly for announcing an event in conflict with the dance. Then having made his point, he turned away and packed up his fiddle and that was that.

I might add that many of the other contra dance musicians will be at the party.

I was tired, and he had a point, but his patronizing attitude and tone left me seething and irritated as I came home, and even this morning still.

My defensive self toyed with sending him a note about it to follow up and say yes, you had a good point, but people can certainly come by after the dance. But I suppose the best thing is to just let it go.... isn't it??

Ugh; I hate situations like this, i.e., where someone's tone is so stinging. How well do you know this other musician, and out of curiosity, who asked you to make the announcement? It sounds like you didn't just take it upon yourself to announce the party, so it seems unfair that he directed his comment just to you. If that's worth emphasizing to him, then send him an email to that effect. Otherwise, just try to blow it off.

Some people are just wrapped up in their own goals. It sounded like he was more concerned iwth people showing up at the dance. So what if the times conflict? People are not so stupid that if they want to hit up both, they won't figure out how to do it. I wouldn't think about his comments too much. I doubt he was thinking at all when he said that to you.

The caller asked at the pre-break announcement. It was an "open-band" for all comers - I'm not currently in a contra dance band though I was until last year.

I've known the other musician for a while. He does seem to have strong opinions and has gotten prickly about things before. I think it was his attitude and tone of voice that really irritated me- and then just turning away after having made his point.

Thanks for letting me vent!

He sounds like a bit of a jerk and a bully. Try not to him bother you.

Have a great time at your party, and happy birthday!!!!

The putting his hand on your shoulder sounds really condescending. I'd have been really offended!