Mental hurdles after a bike/car wreck

I would love to hear suggestions any of you might have for getting myself more ready for the commute. How to get over the mental aspect of it, and even making myself more visible in traffic...making a presence at the stoplights so that folks aren't cutting me off or honking crazily at me for being slow. I would appreciate anything you can offer.

For a little background to me as a rider:
Growing up, from the time I learned to ride I was always on or with my junky boys bike. I rode rugged and ballsy through the rollers in my neighborhood with no fear of injury from cars or concrete...and sadly that changed one beautiful August day in 2004.
I became quite aware that not all drivers are watching out for cyclists and that I grew up in a rural bedroom community, safe from cityslicker fastpaced mentality. On the day in question, I was out planning my new commute to work, when on my leisurly ride back home I was struck by a car pulling out from his street onto the main road I was on. I rolled up the hood of his little Honda Civic, remaining completely attached to my brand new hybrid bike. I probably would have been fine if I weren't clipped in...my ankle was impacted on both sides by bumper and pedal arm. I put up with a lot of pain and swelling, and finally 2 yrs later I was able to actually jog again.
I have since worked with a handful of people who have tried to encourage me to get back on the bike, and I will but only if I was riding with them. I have learned quite a bit from them about riding in traffic or with a group...but still cannot get out in traffic alone yet. I even traded in my hybrid for a used road bike...and replaced the old shifters on it by myself. I just cannot seem to get her out on the road.

Another perfect opportunity to ride to work has presented itself and I would be stupid to not take advantage of it. My office is moving and I will only be 6 miles from home...all down hill on the way in. I am really looking forward to this commute...it's far too perfect to not do, except for one thing...the best routes are the busiest streets in town. There are at least half a dozen major stop lights to negotiate...or on a different route about half a dozen traffic circles. Choosing the lesser of two evils I think I am going to go with the traffic lights. I would be doing this commute at 7 am and then home at 5 pm when everyone is on a mad rush!

Ugh, that was rotten luck, especially your first time out.

You might want to take a road riding safety / skills class from the League of American Bicyclists or other organization to gain more confidence and more specific information about road riding skills. Your friends might not know or haven't articulated a lot of road riding skills. Someone posted a very informative link on the 10 most common accidents and how to avoid them - hopefully they will post it again, I'd like to save it this time! For many of them (including cars entering a side street from the right) it helps to ride farther out into the lane - you are more visible this way. Plus if there are parked cars, you need to ride 2-3 feet away to avoid sudden door opening anyway. The other main theme is the ability to make sudden emergency turns - so that you can suddenly turn right, remaining on the left side of a car that pulls out from the right (or on the right side of a car making a left handed turn towards you).

The other thing is to find a safer route to work. Busy streets are usually not the answer. Check to see if your city has a map of bike routes, and also look at things like "map my ride" to see what streets the bicyclists in town are actually riding. Usually less busy streets that parallel the main streets are a better bet than the busy streets themselves. I think the traffic circles sound a lot better - I can understand being gun-shy because of traffic entering from the right, but traffic circles are traffic calming devices. You should be able to go as fast or nearly as fast as the cars, so you can take up the entire right lane, and will be much more visible. (Only about 1% of accident are being hit from behind.) Cars will also be looking more carefully to the left, since cars can enter the traffic circle at any time. On busy roads with lots of lights, there are often gaps in the traffic that you can (and will) end up in, and the cars will not be looking as carefully during the gaps. (The gaps are also what makes it easier to cross busy streets when taking side streets. It is frustrating to have to wait, but it is really no longer than waiting at a red light really). The other advantage of traffic circles is that typically people will drive more slowly between them; with speed bumps, cars actually accelerate and achieve the same mean speed. This is why my city is going to mini-traffic circles in neighborhoods rather than speed bumps.

Last, lighting can help, even during the day. I have a 400 lumen light on my helmet that I can flash at drivers if it looks like they will be doing something foolish... just like when driving, you get an intuition about what traffic will be doing. Mine is a white light, but a yellow light is even more visible during the day -- Di-Notte makes a 200 lumen yellow light for the day. For night, I have a generator light, the 400 lumen helmet light (turned down to 200 lumens), back 400 lumen red light, a red blinkie on the back, red blinkies at the end of my drop bars, reflective tire sidewalls (I'm going to add spoke lights too), and I have an amber downtube light that I will mount for the winter. Right now I have a white light on a wristband to indicate turns at night; I will be going to a solar-recharged amber wristband to replace this. I also have various reflective things such as a waistbelt and ankle bands (with RoadID info on them). About 28% of accidents occur after dark involving bikes that have no lights; and only about 13% of rides occur after dark (lights or no lights). Just putting a $20 light on the front and blinkie on the back greatly increase your safety.

I'm really sorry that happened to you.

I'm new to bicycling, but not new to traumatic experiences. I know how it is to set out to do something with the extreme fear that the bad thing is going to happen again.

One thing I've learned is that if you have a severe fear of something happening again, and you're visualizing it in your mind, there's a really good chance you're going to make it happen again. It's not until you can relax and visualize a positive experience that it's safe to try it again.

You have to learn to be as completely in the moment as you can be when you go to do it - paying attention only to what is going on right now. You have to discipline your mind and pay attention to all the signals your body's sending you and talk to yourself. Ask yourself "Am I in danger right now?" If not, just relax and enjoy the moment. Whenever you start to feel your body tensing up and that burning in your stomach, your heart pounding, or whatever things your body feels when you're anxious and afraid, don't ignore it - calmly look around again and see if there are any immediate dangers. You have to pay constant attention to the messages you're body's sending you and don't ignore them - each time, check it out and then you can say "Hey, body, it's OK."

Coping with an unreasonable fear is kind of like reassuring a child who's afraid there are monsters in her bedroom - it's much more reassuring for her if you look in the closets and under the bed before you give her a hug and tell her it's alright.

Thank you Yelsel and Stacy. You both are very encouraging.

I looked on MapMyRide and found a slightly different route for half of the ride (the other half is over a marsh and only the 2 roads cross it)...but there arn't any shoulders on the road and some huge rollers on this new half...so I am kind of weighing that out. I think it would be a great ride...but not in rushour...I drove it home last night in rushour traffice and even going the speed limit someone was on my tail! I am also playing with the idea of only doing half of the ride in the pm, then catching a ride home with my husband from his office (through the worst of the traffic)
I am definatly going to check out a road safety class...in a group setting I think I would be more likely to pick up more information...everyone has experiences they like sharing or more questions than will come to my mind.

Thank you for all the suggestions for reflectors and lights. I have a blinking talelight already...but it's not the greatest so I will definatly check out thier stuff.

I think having your husband pick you up at the busy part is a great idea. Do what you can do happily. If it stresses you out, what benefit are you really getting? None. Leave that section out. It's not worth it.

I only commute during DST. I work near a university, and I don't feel safe on some of the roads I ride on once it's dark, with rush hour student traffic. Still, I manage to ride just as much in the winter as I do in summer. I just ride more on my off days.

Thank you Red.
My thoughts were that I would be leaving the house early enough to get through the nasty part without much traffic, but in the evening it is a totally different story.

My husband can be very supportive and he's aware that I want to do a sprint length Tri next year...and I kind of think he will feel better seeing me thorugh that mess anyway. My accident shook him too.