NCLB cycling version

although NCLB has brought about a few good things the over all plan still needs a lot of its own rehabilitation.

NO CHILD LEFT BEHIND ---The Cycling Version

1. All Cycling teams must make the final race heat and all MUST win the championship.

If a team does not win the championship, they will be on probation until they are the champions, and coaches will be held accountable. If after two years they have not won the championship their bikes and equipment will be taken away UNTIL they do win the championship.

2. All kids will be expected to have the same cycling skills at the same time even if they do not have the same conditions or opportunities to practice on their own. NO exceptions will be made for lack of interest in cycling, a desire to perform athletically, or genetic abilities or disabilities of themselves or their parents.

ALL KIDS WILL CYCLE AT A PROFICIENT LEVEL!

3. Talented players will be asked to workout on their own, without instruction. This is because the coaches will be using all their instructional time with the athletes who aren't interested in cycling, have limited athletic ability or whose parents don't like cycling.

4. Teams with only one bike will have to raise taxes or cut funding in other areas in order to buy enough bikes for everyone and all races will be organized and ran at team expense.

5. All coaches will be highly qualified. If they haven't taken extensive training specifically in cycling coaching and have only done something like completed the tour de France, they will be required to take a written test and pay $300 for a reviewal of their skills to see if they are qualified

5. Races will be held year round, but statistics will only be kept in the 4th, 8th, and 11th race.

It will create a New Age of Sports where every school is expected to have the same level of talent and all teams will reach the same minimum goals. If no child gets ahead, then no child gets left behind.

If parents do not like this new law, they are encouraged to vote for vouchers and support private schools that can screen out the non-cyclists and prevent their children from having to go to school with bad cyclists.

As a cyclist and gf of a middle school teacher, I find this hysterical....

if pn;y that had been on, when I was a child! Id be riding the tour de femme, as of now! damn!