Dealing with a workplace bully!!! Long post.

Funny part is he use to be a fairly nice guy. One rare occasions he should signs of passive aggessive behavior, which most of us brushed off.

My husband knew him several years before I did and he said he never really like the guy, but couldn't really put his finger down right where it was that he didn't like about him. But, me being the person I am, I liked him, I considered him and great friend. I've worked with him for 7 years and in the last 2 years he has turned into a bully.

Unfortunately, 90% of his workforce is women, and we tend to be his target most of the time. He ended up in a position as a lead for Sendouts and Popus at work (this a names of departments), which means if we have a problem we see him first and vice versa. The problem is he loved to dole it out, but hated hearing it back. He has sent many of us home crying to our husbands, me included, which is a very hard thing to do, I'm pretty hard stuff. Ask my mother! Each time he does we all have to talk our husbands out of going down there and kicking the sh!t out of this guy.

5 of us have very angry husbands. we have addressed the issue several times with management above his head and all they do is talk to him about the situation. I am past the point of talking. Here is why:

On December 20th his very young wife of two years walked out on him and there three babies. She cheated on him 2 weeks earlier and walked out after he could put it to rest. So, I became the shoulder and friend who he cried one. He started divorce proceedings and then proceeded to got out and find a replacemnet for his wife to help him raise his girls, because he didn't want to do it alone. I advised him against that! He found someone just as weak as he and promised to love her forever. Long story short he has taken his wife back and dumped this poor women who he promise to love. Now, he put all the fault on this women and not taking any of his own. In the mean time his work has suffered and he is now bring in his personal problems to work. Then when he blows up at a few of us at work he has a buttload of excuses as to why he does it.

He yelled and verbally attacked one co-worker less than 3 weeks ago. When he was pulled in the office to speck about the issue he got up and walked out of the meeting. He told me that they were just taking her side anyways, because she's in there crying and giving them a big sob story. He was spoken to at that time after they pulled him back into the office after he walked out.

The whole time this is happening he takes several personal phone calls that last 30-45 minutes long, he calls in because he's to tired from taking care of the babies, he falls asleep at his computer, and he does his banking and car shopping at work!! Plus, he calls me at 3:00 a.m. to let me know that due to the fact that he is still awake that he won't be at work in the morning. My husband is pretty ready to put the hammer down on him. Wakes me up because he is up. Nice, huh?

This weekend he targeted my mother who works with me. He gave her a hard time and when she would argue or listen to he she simple said, "Don't worry about it, I will handle it." She then hung up the phone and less then 5 second later he came flying into the front office and in front of several customers he pointed at my mother and told her, "Don't you ever hang up on me again!"
She went and got a manager to go speak with him at this point and he continued to be a full blown jacKa$$ to her infront of the manager.

I am very upset about this because to is a continued behavior from him that the company I work for has let him do this! My mother has asked me to stay out of it. I am unsure that I can do this. I know way to much of what he has done and remained silent. I am at a serious cross-road. Do I take the high road and hope that it gets handled or do what I know I do best and put him in his place, which the knowledge that I will more than likely lose my job as well.

I really need help on this, because I am feeling very ugly. This is but a fraction of what he has done and it's getting worse.

Need help remaining calm- Jen-Jen

Yikes! :eek:

Sorry, I don't have any advice for you, I think someone experienced in a similar situation or solving problems like this is needed, but I can't help thinking - this guy needs help before he wrecks his entire life and that of his kids too.

The problem is that the people who are trained to fix this type of situation aren't doing it. I guess I know I should take the high road, but I wonder if I should go above even them to Human resources?

The only problem there is our management has told us that they (HR) won't do anything about it accept kick it back to my managers.

I guess there is no clear way to proceed on this and I am very confused about it. He is no longer a friend, that I have decided and I no longer think that I can follow him as a lead anymore, either.

i'd say going above them IS taking the high road.

Best to extricate yourself from this boss-guy who had confided his personal problems to you.

Distance yourself from him.

Can you find another job?

can you find another job... and/or does he make the recommendations?

Does he care what anybody thinks? How miserable is he? Or not?

Does he have any vacation time accrued so he could take time off and think about who he is and who he wants to be?

There are lots of people in this situation taking the path of least resistance. Can you think creatively and perhaps brainstorm a way to make the path of least resistance less desirable?

I don't know if it applies in this situation but in my jobs one part of these kinds of situations has been "document, document, document." So, letters of concern might be more effective than mere words? Letters that are completely fact-based and objective... but make it clear that Somebody Has Noticed a Problem, so if it Blows Up In Your Face You Will Look Irresponsible...?

This has got to be painful for you and all concerned :*(

Google Hostile Work Environment.

Document EVERYTHING on paper. And especially document when you go to your superiors about issues with this man. Do not leave complaints to verbal or even e-mail. Write them all down and turn them into your supervisor or your supervisor's supervisor.

This man sounds out of control and your employer has an obligation to do something about the situation. In fact, it sounds like it's probably gotten to the point where your workplace is NEGLIGENT with regards to the situation, potentially making them liable for lots of $$$$$$$$ in damages. Especially if they let this man walk out of a meeting where he was being reprimanded and then face zero consequences.

If you just want him gone, you can probably show the company that they are being hideously foolish in keeping this man employed, potentially making themselves complicit in sexual harassment.

If you are really pissed at the company, talk to a lawyer.

I worked for a boss that was very much like yours. He was a Marine and tried to run our department like a drill sargeant. He was also a micro manager. He would stand in the parking lot right as we left for lunch so that he could time us. One time I was late getting back from lunch by 2 minutes and he marched me down to Human Resources and demanded I take 2 minutes off my vacation time. Never mind I was always at work 30 minutes early every morning. He locked us in meetings. In one meeting I, along with other department heads, took a vote. I happened to vote opposite of my boss and he growled at me, making me feel like a traitor. Another time I disagreed with him in a meeting and he went ballistic and demanded I meet him in his office. When I sat in his office, he got right in my face and screamed. I just sat there silent, waiting for him to pop a vessel, and that made him even angrier. He had eyes and ears in his department and they reported to him. I could not trust the Human Resource person either.

I left. That job was of no value to me, my career, and most importantly, my health.

My advice to you is to do some soul searching and ask yourself if working in a hostile environment is really doing you or your career any favors. It's only going to affect you, your health, and your marriage--and not in a positive way. Good luck and I wish you well. I know what you are going through.

I haven't had quite the same experience but a few less drastic ones but in the same vain and have found that sometimes simply standing up for yourself or others can be surprisingly successful.

I've also noticed that if you can speak to these people the same way they speak to you, you will NOT offend them. They don't recognize their behaviour as hurtful and so aren't hurt when you talk like them.

If you have the fortitude, next/each time this happens in your presence, immediately step up to this guy and say something like "Do not speak to me/us like this again". Also, move in one inch closer than you normally would. (If it's safe).

I think most people need to be trained like dogs. Simple communication "Do this", and repetition. He may not change but he will know that you are not going to take this anymore.

When I've had a problem at work, HR/management always want you to speak to the person first. Ugh.

Good Luck!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by greenme

I haven't had quite the same experience but a few less drastic ones but in the same vain and have found that sometimes simply standing up for yourself or others can be surprisingly successful.

I've also noticed that if you can speak to these people the same way they speak to you, you will NOT offend them. They don't recognize their behaviour as hurtful and so aren't hurt when you talk like them.

If you have the fortitude, next/each time this happens in your presence, immediately step up to this guy and say something like "Do not speak to me/us like this again". Also, move in one inch closer than you normally would. (If it's safe).

I think most people need to be trained like dogs. Simple communication "Do this", and repetition. He may not change but he will know that you are not going to take this anymore.

When I've had a problem at work, HR/management always want you to speak to the person first. Ugh.

Good Luck!

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I'm with Greenme

But, you probably would not do what I would do and that is confront him to his face that he is being bullying and childish and that he needs to stop. I've never been afraid to get fired, however. I will not be treated like a doorstop.

spoke

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ilima

Google Hostile Work Environment.

Document EVERYTHING on paper. And especially document when you go to your superiors about issues with this man. Do not leave complaints to verbal or even e-mail. Write them all down and turn them into your supervisor or your supervisor's supervisor.

This man sounds out of control and your employer has an obligation to do something about the situation. In fact, it sounds like it's probably gotten to the point where your workplace is NEGLIGENT with regards to the situation, potentially making them liable for lots of $$$$$$$$ in damages. Especially if they let this man walk out of a meeting where he was being reprimanded and then face zero consequences.

If you just want him gone, you can probably show the company that they are being hideously foolish in keeping this man employed, potentially making themselves complicit in sexual harassment.

If you are really pissed at the company, talk to a lawyer.

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If you are really pissed and some of the employees are minorities, call the EEOC, too.

Karen

He is creating a hostile work environment. The best thing you can do is to write down and organize what he is doing that is harassment. Calling you at 3 AM is, depending on your job function, harassment. (I am expected to take emergency calls from our group 24/7) Yelling and verbally harassing a worker is harassment. It doesn't have to be you that he is yelling at. Nodding off in front of his computer is something that can be witnessed. Document document document, but in an above-board way. Don't take a picture of him sleeping, we are having a big fight about this at my job right now.

Do you know your company's policies and tolerance re suspected drug use? Maybe a bug in the right person's ear could make this real easy. Mood changes and nodding off and a personality change are kinda fishy.

His making personal calls and shopping and conscience-free personal life are not your business and don't make them your business. If you base any of your complaint on these things you will be the one that gets burned, and he will accuse you of harassing him about his personal life.

Once you have organized your thoughts about his specific actions, go to HR or whoever is in charge of these things. Let them know what specific actions he is doing. Tell them your next step is to research the federal statues re hostile work environment.

Simple... take all of this to HR in writing, and state IN WRITING that if the environment does not change you will take this to the local labor board, or contact an attorney.

I was an HR girl for a bit back in the day. They HAVE to take you seriously. The financial consequences are dire if they don't- and they know that.

It almost sounded like he reported to you in that he called you at 3 a.m. to say he wasn't going to be in?

Or does he report to your mom? I'm confused.

There are many ways to handle this...and being a manager as well as having been bullied before, there is:

ignore

do something

leave


You can ignore him, and when he acts up, just repeat some phrase that you memorize. Mine was "knock it off" or "that's disrespectful". You just repeat it over and over and pretty soon they just wander off.

Then you could do something, which is either document everything like someone else said, for a little while and then march into HR with all of your achievements that you have brought to the company and lay the situation on the table. Either they need to deal with him or you will continue to bring it to someone's attention. Not sure how many heads are above the heads you are going over, but sometimes that works.

Then there is just leave. I haven't done that one yet. But I almost did. If you are prepared to do the 'something' be prepared to do the 'leaving' as well.

But most of the time I go to the 'ignore' function. I just give them the key phrase and wander off. I don't give them much more than that.